Mom, I Will NEVER, NEVER Pick My Nose Again!
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This book may not be used for any purposes without the consent of the above named.
Hi, my name is Billy Boston and I’m twelve years old. When I was in fourth grade, my mom used to tell me the same thing, over and over, “Billy Boston! Stop picking your nose!”
Sometimes she told me more than ten times a day, and she wasn’t the only one. My stepdad Tony would say it. My dad said it whenever I was with him. My big sister Jamie said it too, and then she would pull my finger out of my nose so hard that it would hurt. I liked it when I had a gift for her. She would run away screaming for mom or Tony.
Both of my Grammies and Pappies said it when we visited at Christmas. Well, to be honest, everyone that knew me said it. I think my mom told them to. When I went to the grocery store, the cashier said it. When I was at school my teachers, the principal, and the lunch ladies all said it. Melvin, the janitor, is my stepdad’s best friend, and he said it when he saw me picking my nose.
Before school and after school, the bus driver said it. So did many of the older kids on the bus. When I got a haircut the barber would say and poke me my ear with the scissors. I heard it at church, at the library, at football practice, at restaurants, and everywhere else I went.
Mom was always so embarrassed, but if I didn’t pick them out, they would fly out when I sneezed. I sneezed a lot back then because my nose itched so much. At school I liked to flick the ‘you know whats’ at the metal trash can in class because I could hear them hit it.
My dad used to say that the boogie man was going to come and make me stop picking my nose because I was stealing all his treasure. I didn’t believe that because if it were true then I would be rich.
Mom said that my finger would get stuck in my nose one of these days. She called it boogie glue. I didn’t believe that either because real glue dries fast. But I should have listened to her about that.
People had been telling me to stop picking my nose for as long as I could remember. My first memory ever was of my mom pulling my finger out of my nose. I remember she said something, but I couldn’t talk back then so I didn’t know what she said.
I bet it was, “Billy Boston! Stop picking your nose!”
I’m talking about my past today because this is a story about the Halloween that I swore that I would never, never pick my nose again.
The other day at school in English we wrote a theme about the most memorable Halloween we ever had. This story I am telling you is the same story I wrote about. It grossed out my teacher and all the girls in class after I stood up to read it out loud.
I also want to tell everyone how they could save themselves a lot of trouble. Believe me boogies can be dangerous. Really, they are. Boogies do make boogie glue.
That Halloween, I spent all summer thinking of my costume. Finally at the beginning of the school year my sister said, “I hope you turn into a big yellow boogie.” I told her I would turn into one for Halloween and give her a big hug.
A couple of days before Halloween, Melvin the Janitor found a green trash bag at school. Melvin gave it to Tony when he came over to watch a football game. Tony brought it home from Melvin’s that night. He said I could start making my costume the next day. It was my bedtime.
After school the next day, I stuffed it full of crushed newspaper and then cut arm and leg holes into it. My mom taped the holes tight to my arms and legs so that they would not tear open bigger to allow the paper to fall out.
It was a successful test of my boogie costume. I was almost ready for Halloween, but my costume seemed to be missing something. Something that would make it even better. I couldn’t think of anything , but I knew something had to be done.
The next day I found just the thing to make my costume the best boogie costume ever. I found some green goo I made from my scientist kit that summer. It was still slimy, and I tested it on a small grocery bag full of crushed newspapers. It was perfect. I made a lot more that day.
My plan was to smear it all over the bag, my arms, my legs, and my face. I wasn’t going to put any on my feet. That way I wouldn’t slip every time I took a step.
That year, Halloween was on a school day, and I didn’t get to wear my costume to school. Mom said no, but I did take a jar of my slimy green gooey stuff to class to show it around and tell everyone what my costume would be.
My teacher, Mrs. Hardeman, said I was being gross and not acting like a gentleman. When I tried to show her my goo, she told me to sit back down and do my work. You would think that a person with kids would not be grossed out by my slime.
When I showed the lunch ladies they gave me double the Halloween green slime peas the other kids got- YUCK! The principal, Mrs. Franklin, took my goo away until the end of the day.
Janitor Melvin wore his costume he made to wear with Tony and me. It was a giant box of Kleenex. Awesome!
Finally the time came. Tony, my sister, Melvin in his Kleenex box, and a big walking boogie went out to trick-or-treat. We got lots of laughs from everybody we met, and bad looks from little old ladies. I chased a few girls that lived near me and tried to give my sister a hug. I got a big bruise on my shoulder from her.
My hands were so slimy that I couldn’t get the candy for myself so Tony or Melvin would get it for me. They got me a big hand-full each time, so I got lots of candy.
That night I ate so much candy while trick-or-treating that I got sick and went to bed early. I don’t know if the candy caused it, or if eating some of the slime from my hands made me sick, but I had the worst nightmare of my life that night. At least I think it was a nightmare.
During the night, I woke up with a big crusty boogie dripping down to my top lip. I don’t eat my boogies; that’s gross, but I could taste it even if I didn’t want to. It was salty like a potato chip.
I did what I always do, I picked it. The dry part on my lip broke off but the part in my nose was slimy like my costume’s goo. It stuck to my nose as I pulled it.
After picking for a minute my pointer finger was stuck. Really, I couldn’t pull it out. I called mom, but she didn’t come. I called Tony and he didn’t come either. I sure wasn’t going to call Jamie; she always pulled my finger out and with it stuck like it was… Ouch, it would hurt so bad I’d die.
I kept pulling softly and calling, to mom and Tony. Finally my finger came free, but it had the boogie stuck to it and the boogie was also stuck to my nose.
The boogie stretched every time my arm moved. I used my other pointer finger to pick it and it got stuck to the boogie too. I pulled and the boogie stretched, like when I chew gum and play with it.
Now I had two fingers stuck to two strings of boogie coming from one nose hole. I got a hard grip on one with both hands and began to pull it like a rope. The boogie kept stretching out of my nose and every time I brought my hands up they got more tangled in boogie.
I got tired after a while from pulling and calling for mom and Tony again. Still, nobody came to help me. I was in a real jam. I took a break and sat on my bed to rest my arms and think. I didn’t know what to do.
Finally, by the time my arms felt rested, I got an idea. I went to my desk to open the drawer to get my scissors. That was a bad move. I left a boogie string stuck to the drawer handle. I got the scissors out and tried to cut the boogie strings but the scissors got stuck in the strings so bad that I couldn’t use them.
Think of the time when you went to the zoo and fed a spider monkey a piece of gum. Remember how it got stretched all over its fur, face, and hands. That’s what I looked like. My hands hand several strings of boogies stretched between them and my face. I also had a string stretched to my desk and another with scissors hanging on it. That was when I panicked.
Everything I touched got boogie strings stuck: my bed, my desk again, the walls, the floor, the ceiling (I don’t know how that happened,) my door, the shelves, and my toy box. Eventually I was hanging upside down, tangled in a web of boogie strings with a few toys bouncing around every time I moved.
I wasn’t by myself, my dog Yo-Yo was with me and she was stuck too. Her howling was what got Jamie to come in yelling at me.
When she was awake enough to get a good look at me, she laughed so hard she was cried. She asked if I was bored from hanging around my room so much.
I was so mad at her that I woke myself up. I was a little confused at first and soon realized that I was hanging upside down in my bed sheets, off the side of my bed.
I was so relieved that it was only a dream. I got up and checked my nose and found it was clear. I went back to bed after getting a drink of chocolate milk.
I had another nightmare that night. The second nightmare started with my nose itching and as I rubbed it my hand felt a gooey boogie, so I picked it.
Even in my dreams I couldn’t help picking my boogies. My finger got stuck again and as I pulled my finger, I pulled out a string. Not again!
I ran to my desk before I got the other hand stuck and got my scissors to cut the string. I cut it and the string hit me like a rubber band on my nose. Ow, that hurt!
It worked, but my scissors were stuck to the string that was stuck to my finger. The scissors hung down and bounced when I let them go. I decided to go and get mom.
I ran into mom’s room to wake her and Tony up. I held up my hand to show them that my hand was stuck to a big boogie. They looked at my hand and laughed. Then they both said my name at the same time, “Billy Boston…” They looked at each other and Tony nodded his head at mom. Mom said, “How many times have I told you to stop picking your nose!”
Tony got some Kleenex and wrapped the string up to pull it from my hand. He threw it away with the scissors.
As they were laughing at me while I went back to my room I woke up. Confused again, I found myself actually in the hallway. I was sleepwalking.
Wow, what I crazy night I was having; hanging in my bed, sleep walking, having nightmares about boogie glue, what a night!
After getting a drink from the bathroom sink, I went back to bed with Yo-Yo following. We both got in bed and went to sleep. I wish I could tell you that my next memory was me waking up and going to school. It wasn’t. I remember the third nightmare was the worst one of the night.
I dreamed that I woke up and my nose was burning. As I began to rub my nose and go get a Kleenex, my hand got stuck to my nose.
“Oh, not again!” I said out loud to Yo-Yo. I ran into mom’s room and to wake her and Tony up. After a minute she wakes up enough to see me standing in front of her with my hand stuck to my nose.
She began to laugh and Tony woke up to see what she was laughing at. He started to laugh too. Yo-Yo sat next to me looking at me like we were all weird.
Mom reached for my arm and pulled it free with a very hard tug. The look on her face when that big stretchy string of boogie came with it was rather funny now that I think about it. Tony burst out laughing so hard he fell out of bed.
I was feeling so embarrassed as they both started talking about boogie glue and me getting what I deserved. “We told you your finger would get stuck,” Tony said.
Before mom could stop him, Tony reached for the string and his hand got stuck to it and a new string stretched out like sticky gum when he pulled his hand back.
“Go get a scissors dear,” Tony said to mom. She went to get them and when she came back Tony and I had both our hands stuck to gummy boogie goo. She started to cut the strings but the scissors quickly got stuck with her hands joining the tangle.
Tony then came up with the idea of going to the kitchen to get a knife. When we got the kitchen strings of boogie were sticking to the doors and walls. The strings stretched all the way from their room to the kitchen. Jamie followed us, and before she was awake enough to see them, she walked into the strings and got tangled.
The more she moved and twisted around, the more she got stuck. Then she started to scream and ran back to her room before mom could get her to settle down. I can imagine that she ran to bed and got the boogie strings stuck all over her sheets and herself. Ha-Ha, I got her good.
As mom got her favorite cooking knife, the strings stuck to the cupboards and the dishes on the counter. The dishwasher popped open when a string stuck to it and pulled it open.
The cat started to paw at a string from the table top but we couldn’t stop him in time. His paw got stuck and he tugged it a few times not sure what was happening. I guess he didn’t like having his paw stuck, so he went crazy.
Dishes flew off the table and were caught on strings midair. The table cloth was flapping as it got caught by strings. The cat pulled a string behind him as he ran all over the kitchen, hissing and spitting like an out of control balloon. Boogie strings were getting stuck to the table, the chairs, the can opener (it got turned on) the blender, the microwave, the fridge, and of course the floor. Every step he took while running in a panic got more boogies stuck.
Soon the kitchen became a massive tangle, like a spider web of boogie strings with dishes and all sorts of stuff hanging and bobbing up and down, including the cat after he tried a kamikaze jump off of the fridge.
The knife got stuck too, even though it did slice a few strings. It got more tangled with every cut.
Yo-Yo had been lucky so far, but she got too curious when she saw the cat hanging in front of the fridge. She sniffed the cat and her nose got stuck. She started to tug, but that didn’t get her nose free. Pretty soon the dog went into a panic and attacked the strings.
She was growling and chewing the strings until she got stuck and her mouth was so full of boogie strings that she could only whimper. The cat mewed softly.
Boy, what a sight. Jamie (in her room), Mom, Tony, the dog, the cat, and me all stuck in a big tangled web of gooey strings of boogie goo.
Luck for us Tony had his cell phone in his pocket. He called 911.
He had to call a bunch of times because they kept saying he was prank calling them. They got mad and sent a police car to stop him from making the prank calls.
But when the policeman arrived and looked in the window after he heard us screaming, he believed us. He tried to pull the strings and got stuck too.
He reached for his radio to call for help and it got stuck. He had his chest radio on and was able to call for help. Soon a firetruck, more police cars, and an ambulance came. When they all came in and tried to free us they got stuck too. The firemen tried to use their axes to chop us out, that’s how they got stuck. When they used a fire hose to spray us free, it flushed the goo out a window and into the bushes.
When the ambulance workers helped, they got stuck. One of the EMT women was so grossed out, she ran to the ambulance and drove off. I don’t think she realized that she had a string trailing and getting stuck everywhere she drove. The string was now stuck to everything on the street, stretching to who knows where.
The police tried to shot the strings, but the bullets got stuck and pulled the strings off into the distance. They landed with the strings going into other yards.
A news truck came to the house to film the story and the neighbors were watching all the action. More news trucks came and more police and firefighters came. Even a news helicopter showed up.
The whole street was getting strings spread up and down it because of all the other vehicles driving around not knowing what they were getting into.
I heard a man on the first policeman’s radio talk about how the whole neighborhood was getting covered and they were setting up road blocks to stop people from driving into the goo.
Soon the Army came and tried to attack the strings with a tank. That just made it worse.
After that an army helicopter attacked the goo but it ended up getting a single string on it and it took off back to base with the string stuck to it and stretching across the city to the Army base.
The Airforce tried to attack with a bomb and that didn’t do any good. They got stuck in the helicopter’s string and they started to spread the goo too. Soon all the city and the surrounding forest were covered in strings of goo. Animals like bears, deer, and squirrels were getting stuck and spreading the goo strings everywhere in the forest. Farmers and their cows were getting stuck too.
Everywhere, there were cars, trucks, planes, and animals spreading the goo. It became a super humongous spider web of boogie goo.
I know all this because I could see the TV in the living room and could watch the news from where I was stuck. By three in the morning the story was all over CNN and FOX News.
The strings were spreading all over the United States and heading for other countries by airplanes, trains, and ships. The world would soon be stuck in my tangle of boogie glue. All because I picked my nose.
This was my fault. I felt so bad because the news showed a granny stuck in her front porch swing. It showed a family stuck at the airport because their plane couldn’t take off. It even showed a poor little birdie hanging from its nest at a zoo somewhere in New York City.
The next thing I saw on the news was the countdown for the new Moon rocket going to the moon for the first time since my mom was a kid.
I guess the rocket people didn’t see it until the rocket was already flying into space and the smoke cleared. There was a long green string of goo stretching up in the sky.
A few days passed and we were still stuck, but I could see on the news that the rocket had landed and they were putting a flag on the moon. We got to watch them film the flag and the boogie string that was stretching from the flag and astronauts to the spaceship. The spaceship had a string that the camera showed stretching back to the Earth. The whole universe was about to be covered in my boogie glue. Oh Man!
I woke up. It was morning and I heard my mom getting ready for work. Three times that night I had a bad dream about my finger getting stuck in my nose. I got up and went to the mirror in the bathroom.
I very carefully put my finger in my nose and pulled it back out. That was close. I was worried it would get stuck. It really was only a dream.
I walked around the house and it was clear of the web of boogie strings. The dog and cat were eating breakfast in the kitchen, and Tony was reading the newspaper while drinking his coffee. There were not any firemen, policemen, army men, or news people in the house.
Jamie came in and gave me a gross look. Mom looked down at me and saw I had bloodshot eyes. “Did you get any sleep last night, are you feeling sick?” she asked. I told her about the nightmares and she smiled. Then she brought me some bacon and eggs.
As I ate breakfast that morning I said to mom, “Mom, I will NEVER, NEVER pick my nose again!’
“That’s nice pumpkin, everyone will be glad to know it.” She kissed me on my forehead and went back to making breakfast.
Tony just smiled; he doesn’t like to talk much in the morning. Jamie gave me a you’re such a liar you dingbat face, and the dog and cat looked at me for a moment then went back to eating their food.
When I was finished getting ready for school I went to watch the morning cartoons while I waited for the bus. I went to a news channel and they showed the moon mission. That was real? They were talking about the flag that was just put on the moon by the astronauts.
Then I saw the flag. “OH NO!” I yelled out loud and mom came running in. She saw me pointing at the TV. On the screen was the flag, and it had a green string stretching from it back to the spaceship in the background.
Billy Boston has a bad habit and the whole town knows about it. He picks his boogies constantly and everybody has tried to tell him to stop, but Billy won't listen to them. Billy's mom gives him a warning of what might happen if he doesn't stop picking boogies, but he doesn't heed her prophetic warning. This is the story that Billy himself tells about the horrendous events one Halloween. The Halloween scare that might convince him to stop picking his boogies. Boogies may be gross, but the hidden danger lurking behind every finger pick is a threat to the safety of the entire planet. Let's hope he stops picking his nose before he destroys the whole planet. This is a kids book that is still in progress. It lacks cover art and illustrations. It will be updated when the art is professionally designed. Please enjoy a free story in the meantime.