Loading...
Menu

Mind Verses

p>{color:#000;}.

Dedication

To my mother—

Maa,

You pull me up and inspire me every single time I falter

To my readers,

I am not writing anything that hasn’t been said or written before. But I’m writing them in my words. I write just how I feel or observe events and moments in life. Every poem I write is raw and honest; without any ornamental words.

My only wish from this collection is that my words resonate with you and that you feel like these words have helped. I hope you find what you need in time.

All my love,

Deena

May, 2017

‘Just let go. Drift. Drift like a cloud in the sky. Drifting, into that special state, that state of peace. Don’t hang on to thoughts, don’t hang on to anything. Your mind is getting quieter and quieter. Bliss is taking over you.’

—Marlon Brando

Contents

Life

This is for us

All of you in this layogenic world

This monologue is for us

We feel too much

We love too much and too soon

We worry too much

We give too much

Unknowingly to the least deserving candidate

For all of us who are too good for this often cruel

Tedious journey called life

That goes on in tandem

I hope these words glue us

To the feeling that we are normal

That we are a treasure

For all of us,

In love with boketto

You know, just gazing into space

Without a thought in the world

And not feeling silly about it

This is for all of us for whom

Just existing is exhausting

Living every day and

And going through each day

For us for whom

Dealing with life is difficult

It is to show you that

There are more of you

And there are more of us

And we’re in this together

Bullets

Barrels of guns aren’t

The only ones that

Fire bullets

Bullet shrapnel

That sear through

Our mind

Words can do that too

Thoughtless hurtful

Words create in

Our hearts permanent wounds

Harsh words pierce into our soul

It forms a gaping hole in our heart

Mean words scar us

Like bullets, they disfigure us

We don’t stay the same

Negative words defeat us

Insensitive words take

Something away from

You who says it

It makes you less of a human

Kind words

You know how powerful

Words are, right?

Words that light us up

The kind words

Said with a smile

The encouraging phrases

Someone says to you

Those words make our hearts

Dance with happiness

Just one word

That’s all it takes to

Break us or

Build us

Meaningless Words

Why do we say things we don’t mean?

Why do we do the things we say we’d do?

Is this what it means to be the most evolved creature?

Does it make us the most civilized being on the planet?

So, that we trick people and manipulate situations?

Does this make us feel clever?

Does this make us feel superior to the ones we make a fool of?

Does this make us happy?

Evil

You’re toxic

And you don’t even know it

There’s an evil twin

Inside of you

It comes out

When you least expect

In front of the person

You don’t really mean

To hurt

This meanness

That’s in your words

The hatred

That’s in your eyes

You have a black

Heart growing

In that chest of yours

Beating silently

Behind the bright red

Heart that we all have

You say words

That would upset you

If someone else said

Them to you

You know all this

But you still want

Your words to

Hurt this person

Who loves you

As unconditionally

As she can

You are sorry

When the rage isn’t

Blinding your senses

And judgements anymore

But you’ve already

Left a scar that

Unkind words

Leave on your soul

Your ‘sorry’

Doesn’t fully

Heal that wound

It just numbs the pain

Judgemental

Form opinions

Develop thoughts

Grow ideas

Be a judge of your

Own character

Not someone else

Don’t criticize and

Embarrass someone

Talk to them

And discuss

Understand their

Point of views and

Make them see yours too

You don’t know how

They are feeling

You can’t see what

Your words are

Doing to them

Who gave you the right?

Just because she is kind doesn’t

Give you a chance to exploit her

Just because she truly cares for you

Doesn’t give you the right to

Play with her feelings

Just because she’s quiet

Doesn’t mean your actions or

Your words aren’t hurtful

Just because she trusts people easily

Doesn’t allow you to deceive her

Just because she listens to you

Doesn’t make her answerable

To your needs

Just because making someone

Happy pleases her

Doesn’t mean she

Is a doormat

Just because she

Cries easily doesn’t

Make her weak

Just because she

Agrees readily to

The things you say

Doesn’t give you the

Right to bully her

Just because she’s not

Fighting you now

Doesn’t mean she

Never would.

Growing Up

Remember the time when you were little

And felt grownups were annoying

And you wanted to grow up quickly so you wouldn’t

Need their help for everything anymore

Now, when you’re old enough

Do you feel the same?

Have you changed?

Do you think being a grownup is hard?

And you want to go back in time.

A quarter of your life has passed

And you still don’t feel like you’ve grown up

You still don’t feel like you’re an adult

You still have so much to learn

And so much to unlearn

Black clouds

The darkness

It ebbs and flows

Full moon hidden

Behind stormy black

Clouds of listlessness

Bouts of endless sadness

Blinding her from reality

And imagination

Making her forget

That these moments

Will pass

She feels helpless

She wants out

But doesn’t know

When or how

She doesn’t remember

To not listen to

Every single thought

That grows its limbs

Inside her head

She can’t see all

Those people who

Care for her

The feeling of not

Being able to bear

It all looms on her

The only thought

That of simply vanishing

And not existing

Keeps bouncing back and forth

Just like a pendulum

Back and forth

Back and forth

Few minutes

The few minutes of euphoria

Feels like happiness

Is it really?

Or is it just an illusion?

A happy perception

That fools you

And everyone else too

Anxious mind

Heart fluttering

Ice cold hands

Can’t breathe

There’s not enough

Air in the room

Take control immediately

Talk to yourself

Stop panicking

Command your brain to relax

Take deep breaths

Breathe in

Breathe out

And repeat

Bottled Up

Tears choke me

Sometimes without a reason

Frustration kills me

The knife of pain slices through

My entire body

Fizzes here and sparks there

Feelings I can’t describe engulfs me

Without any warning

A blanket of sadness smothers me

Unscrewing the bottle cap

Of rushing emotions

Crying myself to sleep

Losing count of the sleepless night

When my blue heart was

Confused and puzzled.

Switch it off

She just wants to

Stop her mind

From forming

Thoughts

All kinds of them

It’s too dangerous

Just for a while

To switch off thinking

Unknown

Not knowing what’s

Going to happen

Makes me sick

I react physically

My sensations heighten

My pulse quickens

My breath comes

In short gasps

I feel nauseous

Sometimes my

Head spins

My vision gets blurry

I have to sit down somewhere

Uncertainty scares the hell

Out of me

I want someone to

Tell me what to do

I want you to tell

Me if I’m making

The right choices

I want to stop feeling

Terrified of the unknown

Rat race

Don’t let your heart

Be blinded with desperation

Don’t let your desires

Eat you up alive

Don’t be so consumed by

The rat race that

You stop being human

Nothing’s worth

Being this foolish

Starry eyed

You come from different parts of the world

You have stars in your eyes

In hopes of a better standard of living

Searching for a more secure career

Looking to earn a six figure salary

Expecting a comfortable life for your children

But it’s not always a dream come true

Sometimes it’s even more difficult than making

A mark in your homeland

You could have stayed back too

In a settled life

Sometimes you want to challenge yourself

Sometimes you want to leap out of your comfort zone

Whatever your reasons, know this much

Always keep your

Priorities in life straight

Analyze your decision with care

Give yourself chances to afford

The mistakes you make

Is it too much to ask?

Is it too much for us to understand each other?

Is it too much for you to look beyond my gender?

Is it hard for you to accept me regardless of my race and ethnicity?

Does it make you raise an eyebrow when you

See me dressed traditionally?

Will it be an uphill struggle for you to know my religious

Faith is different than yours?

Does it make you cringe

When I want to speak in my poetic mother tongue?

Will it make you shudder in horror if I want to eat a deshi meal with my hand?

Is it too much if I ask you to appreciate my culture when I already adapted to yours?

Tell me, am I asking too much of you?

*deshi-traditional

Forced separation

The incessant cries of the new born

Doesn’t let me sleep

The pain I feel

In its mother’s cry

Is equally distressing

The infant who’s born as

A result of a mechanical rape

If born a female, it’s destiny

Is the same as its mother

And if it’s a male, he’s

In for a gruesome fate

A few years into life

And then he’s slaughtered for meat

The mother, she always suffers the most

After giving birth, her milk is

Robbed from its rightful owner

Her milk becomes the sole property

Large business empires

The mother goes through

Continuous cycles of forced

Violations of her female parts

Until she is exhausted from giving birth

And then the old mother is taken to

The slaughterhouse too

All through the holy month,

Unassuming herds of cattle are

Bought to be sacrificed

Before the festive day, the night air is filled

With their shrill fearful cries,

Guessing their imminent end

On the day itself,

I avoid looking at religious men

Running around with blood

Splattered swords

Pools of blood on roads

The smell of innards and

Raw flesh haunts me

Days after it all ends

When I eat plants and leaves,

Seeds and grains

I’m not uprooting the whole plant

I know I’m

Replenishing them again

When you kill an animal, you

Are taking that life

And it’s gone forever

All Alone

Alone in the summer rain,
Alone when I shed teardrops in vain
Alone when I see roses showered in morning dews.
Alone as I see the evening sky lit golden pink
Alone as I seek the inner me.

Always wrong

For someone who’s so attuned to her feelings,

She manages to put her trust in the wrong people

People who don’t appreciate her worth

People who don’t match up to her morals

Or she can’t live up to their expectations

To her, it feels like a Them versus Her situation

She doesn’t know why she keeps on repeating her mistakes

Instead of learning from them

It’s a mystery

To her and

To them

Why don’t we build each other up?

We all are different

Our lives are not the same

But we are the same species

Our stories are similar

The struggles we go through

The sorrow we experience

Then why do we fight

Against each other

Why do we compete viscously?

Why are we hell bent on pulling down one another?

Why are we so focussed on picking out the flaws?

Why can’t we see the kindness in someone?

Why can’t we make ourselves speak

A few good words about someone

Even if they are grey and not angels?

Why are we so scared of helping our people?

Why are we so sarcastic of someone

Owning their genuinity?

Why do we rejoice when people suffer?

Why can’t our women stand up for each other?

Why can’t they stop being frenemies?

Why can’t we all be a little bit more human?

Or have we forgotten what being a human means?

To Hell with Patriarchy

My eyes are watching you

Watching me

Staring at me

Gawking at my body

Looking me up and down

Judging my clothes

Averting my eyes

Doesn’t help because

I still feel your

Greedy eyes on me

The colour on my lips,

The kohl over my eyes

And the rose on my cheeks

Aren’t for you

They are for me

The curves of my waist

The valleys of my hips are mine

Not yours to look at and comment

What are you so proud of?

Your male parts

Your physical strength

But nothing is more powerful

Than creating a life

Men can’t do it

You call us stupid

Cussing and abusing

Your heart out

Blaming us for any slight mistake

When you make bad

Decisions and gamble all

Your money away

Or you are out of work and are

Looked after by us

And you, the so-called

Open minded ‘New Age Men’

You with foreign degrees

And high-paying jobs

You who speak of

Female empowerment

You still want wives

To stay at home

And make babies

Because you are insecure

You want servants and

Not partners to cook

For you and clean

After you

Whatever you say is

Always to be accepted

Even if you’re wrong

You are still the chauvinist

Who believes the wife is

Less intelligent than you

Even if she has the same job as you

You won’t help her out after

Both of you return home from work

You still won’t share

Your parental duties

And it all comes on the mother

You’d still prefer a baby boy

Over a girl

Would you still not support her if she

Wants a career and not a child?

Would you encourage her

And your daughter to

Follow their heart?

Would you let them make

Their own choices

And respect them?

Would you put down your daughter?

Would you make fun of her in front of her brother?

Do you even realize what you and every men

Have been doing?

Men, would you ever learn?

An Open Letter to the father who left me

‘Do you miss me?’

This is the question I often wonder to myself.

Then I answer it with ‘Obviously not!’

If you did, you wouldn’t have abandoned me or my mother.

I was 8 when mum and you divorced and it was a decision that I entirely supported.

You had married someone from your workplace without my mother’s knowledge.

So, you basically cheated on her

And you don’t realize that you did something wrong.

Even when you two were married, I rarely had both of you together because you worked at two different places.

Whenever you came to stay, it’d be for two days or at most, a week.

When I look back now, I remember the woman you married.

You made me meet her.

I remember not liking her-perhaps it was a child’s instinct.

As I grew up, mum told me about lots of complications you two had in your relationship.

When I was 17, I had felt I needed to hear your side of the story.

By that time, mum had remarried.

You never actually financially sustained mum or me.

You never took any responsibilities before or after the marriage dissolved.

Sometimes, you’d come to visit me with a completely random gift and sometimes only your sweet talk.

You were a charmer, maybe you still are

But I won’t know

Because I haven’t seen you in almost ten years

And I don’t know if I even will again.

I imagine what I’ll say to you if we ever meet.

At times, I doubt if I’d recognize you if we’re out somewhere

Would you?

You can’t be (Part 1)

You need to deconstruct yourself

You need to look into yourself

You are giving birth to another human being

It’s a responsibility

It’s a commitment

You can’t just play

At being a parent

You can’t be a father

Just because you gave birth

To a child

Whenever you want to

Every unkind action

Breaks a piece of her heart

Your daughter’s heart

Someone who wanted to look up to you

You’d wish you knew her better

The time has passed

You lost her years ago

Realization

I am sorry that I hurt you

I understand now that I was wrong

I know that I let you down

I didn’t live up to your expectations

I didn’t take responsibilities

Won’t you forgive me?

Don’t

Just stop!

Stop saying you’re sorry.

I don’t need it now

Not after so many

Years have passed

When I haven’t seen

You for a decade

Don’t expect me to listen

To your explanations now

Don’t tell me you love me

I won’t believe you anymore

Don’t tell me to forgive you

It’s too late for that

Don’t ask me to start

This ‘father-daughter relationship’ again

It’s too much for you to ask of me

The scars you gave are here to stay.

Saviour

They were scarred forever.

Their bad memories hurt like burns and bruises.
The haunting nightmares came back every night
And made the girl scream in her sleep.
Her mother would rush to her 
And together they would cry and pray
For their miseries to end

And then he came like the 
Gentle breeze in blistering heat.
He came into their ruined home
Like a rain after a prolonged drought.
Like food to a hungry dog;
Like a blessing from God.

He came into their world of
Shattered dreams and broken hearts.
He helped dissolve their pent up grief.
He granted their unfulfilled wishes.

He became their reason to live
He gave them a ray of hope.
He brought a smile on their faces at the start of a new day.
He taught them to love again.

He healed the wounds given by the Satan.
Satan’s evil spell was broken after all.
He was their savior.
He was their Messiah in disguise.
Their safe haven

You can’t be (Part 2)

It’s a generous deed

You’re doing

Everyone knows it

You are living with

Someone else’s child

But have you looked beyond that fact?

Have you tried to understand this

Ready-made daughter that you’ve got?

She’s not just a trophy daughter

That you show off to people

Sometimes it feels like

This was part of the

Marriage deal:

A 2 in 1 offer

An intrusion to your

Daily routine and

Your life

You say that you can’t

Change your ways now

You’re too old for that

You’re too easily wounded

But that’s bound

To happen with

Your sense of self

You’re never wrong

She doesn’t know

How you’ll react

Which word would get

You angry

How to look or not to look

What to say and not to say

And when one of your mood swings happen

You roam around with hurt pride

In those spells

You become a different person

So unrecognizable from how

We know you

Your doses of

Silent treatment

Doesn’t scare her now

You can be however

You want to be

Your negatives don’t

Null out your positives

You don’t have to change

But then don’t impose your

Opinions on her also

Don’t force her to change too.

Every time

Every time I say anything

The first word you say is ‘No’

Each time you react negatively

Actually, you don’t know me at all

Don’t comment on my abilities

When you haven’t known

Me well enough

You always appreciate others

In front of me

And when I achieve or want

To do the same

You don’t ever have an

Encouraging nod for me

You always do what I’ve asked

You not to but

You expect me to act exactly

According to your

Stereotypical opinions of women

And age old notions of men

Love

Because I can

I write when my words want

To fight their way into the world

I write because I

Limit myself to silence

I write when my thoughts long for a

Portal of their own

I write because my pent up

Emotions need to be vented out

I write when I wish to

I write because I can

Euphoria

A feeling so beautiful that I

Wonder if I’ve experienced it before

My heart soared

It felt lighter

I thought I could fly

Away like a helium balloon

I was filled with a kind of

Happiness that needs

Its own special word

I sieved through the word

Bank at the back of my brain

Was it euphoria?

Close, but not only that

I was ecstatic, wasn’t I?

Yes, but something more

I was giddy with happiness

A brief moment

Of genuine pleasure

Hearing your childhood

Best friend’s voice after years

Nothing’s more precious than that.

Apple of my eye

It wasn’t love at first sight

I was anxious and she was apprehensive

We couldn’t stand each other at all.

We used to fight every time we came near each other.

But it all changed with time.

Now, when I look back,

I can’t decide when I fell truly, madly and deeply in love with her.

She reads my moods better than anyone I know.

She is beautiful.

She is soft like a massive fur ball.

Her eyes draw me towards her-like black magic.

Her voice is smooth as silk.

She is the love of my life

And I know she loves me too.

Her purr says it all.

Everything I like

Raindrops caressing my window pane

Stars that shine in my night sky

Full moon that brightens the dark

Roses showered in dew

Chocolates I devour,

That feels like heaven on Earth

Cuddling my cat

Talking to my grandparents

Hugging my mother whenever I feel like

Lying on my bed in my room

Swimming because I can float in water, it’s like flying

When there’s a power cut and classes stop at the University

When there is a strike and we get an extra day off

Shopping with mum

Eating out at my favourite food joint

Listening to a song I love on repeat

Reading a good book uninterrupted

Watching something interesting with all the time in the world

Loving the simplicity of life

Getting gifts

Surprise birthday plans

Travelling with the people I love

Going somewhere on an impulse

Eating cakes

Dressing up for Weddings

Wearing pretty clothes

Singing along my favourite song

Painting with colours

Writing my thoughts

Pretending to be happy

Princess

To him, I am his little girl.

To him, I am a doll.
To him, I am his lost princess.
To him, I am the most beautiful girl that ever lived.
To him, I am more priceless
than the most valuable thing he ever owned.

To him, I am special.

To him, I am the cleverest and the smartest.

To him, I am unique

To him, I am his funny girl.

To him, I am perfect.

To me, He is the simply the world’s best dad.

Goddess of the Sky

The day begins as dark and gloomy as the night sky
Thunders clapping and lightening flashing all around.
But life goes on like it does everyday
Roads become rivers in hours
Rivers overflowing with each passing day.
Oblivious to the woes of mankind,
the Goddess of the Clouds becomes feisty 
And runs a rampage on the waterworks.
She only sees the lovers’ escapades in the rains.
She sees them holding hands,
She sees them steal a kiss under the umbrella.
And she smiles
And she tells the clouds to roar a little louder

Monsoon

The howling wind that bangs the window panes
The first clap of thunder
The first drop of rain
The smell of earth soaking in the rain.
The little girl selling ‘Kadam phul’ on the streets
When the window glass mists, and you can draw smileys on it.
When mother cooks a ‘rainy day special’ at home
The incessant sound of rain on my roof top
As I curl on my bed with a good book, 
With a  steaming cup of tea, I drink in 
And watch the first downpour of Monsoon.

*‘Kadam phul’ is a special kind of flower that grows on large trees in my country (Bangladesh) especially in the rainy season.

Ripples in the Sun

Honey dappled leaves

Golden shimmering

Sunlight on rippling

Waves in the river

Sweet tinkling of the

Flowing river water

Bird on a tree branch

Red beak, white and black

Pebbles and stone river bank

Waves crashing on

The small rocks

Light breeze caressing

Your face

At times, a gust

Of wind blowing

Hair into your eyes

And long after

There’s still you,

Facing the river

Enjoying the bullfinch sky

Kinds of Love

‘Love’

The most used word for centuries

An emotion experienced by many,

By everyone, by humans, by animals

A universal feeling

The most misunderstood feeling

It’s everywhere

In life and in art

And there are so many kinds

Different people with their

Own different meanings

There’s a kind of love

That makes everything else blurry

You see the person you love

Through rose-tinted glass

You only see what you

Want so desperately to see

A kind of love that is biased

There’s devotional love

Where you just want to

Please your loved one

There’s melancholic love,

When you want to be sad in love

You enjoy the pain that comes

With being in love

There’s unrequited love,

That’s one-sided

When you love someone but

Fail to understand why your

‘Soul mate’ doesn’t love you back

There’s obsessive love, where

You can’t think of anyone

But the one you’re in love with

There’s young love, when

Both of you are neither old

Nor young enough to be in

Love but you can’t help it either

There’s old love—-

It’s quite mature and also

Passed the test of time

It needs a little of

Compromise, a little

Of adjustment and a

Whole load of care

And compassion

There’s stubborn love,

When none of the two

Want to conform or adapt

There’s platonic love

The kind we feel for

Our friends and acquaintance

There’s a kind of warm and fuzzy love

The kind we feel for someone

We’re extremely close to

Then there’s self-less love

A pure, Sufi love that

Transcends desire,

Need and expectations

And then there’s a love

That speaks of a bargain

Conditional love happens

Because you are in a barter

Some sort of a business deal

Of a relationship

You say, ‘I’ll love you

if you listen to me’

This is the 21st century

Kind of love

In Love with Love

I am in love with the feeling

Of being in love

Let me live in my happy

Bubble a little longer

Don’t come to me with

A bucketful of ‘love’

Love me with a big heart

I am in love with the

Notion of love

Don’t creep up

On me with your

Ideas of nihilistic love

I don’t want to fall

In love but in it, I

Want to rise and flourish

Don’t expect me to

Change to your

Extravagant opinions

Accept me with my ego

My judgements, my

Sensitivity and depth

Don’t expect me to

Put up with your frivolity

Choose me for all of me

And not your version of me

Trust

With you,

I am trusting

My heart, my love

Please keep it safe

You

Your twinkling eyes shine when they see me
Your soft lips caress me like velvet
Your fingertips touch me like feather
Your voice sends a shiver down my spine.
Your gaze bores a hole through me
I feel crazy and sane at the same time just thinking of you,
You are extra ordinary in your ordinary way.

For Her Love Is

When it’s raining, sit together with cups of steaming chai

That’s love for her

Read a book to her instead of going out everyday

That’s love for her

When you cook a meal together

That’s love for her

When you sing her a song even if you really can’t

That’s love for her

When you buy her a single rose

That’s love for her

When you quietly hold her while she’s breaking down

That’s love for her

When you hold her hand when crossing the road,

That’s love for her

When you ask if she’s feeling alright

Because she hasn’t said a word since morning,

She knows you care and

That’s enough love for her.

A piece of my broken heart

How did he know?

That I was damaged

I never said it

We never discussed it

‘Can you die of a broken heart?’

I had asked him once

‘Yes, you can,’ he said.

‘So, am I dying?’

I wondered aloud.

‘I won’t let you,’

He whispered into my ears

And his arms held me close.

Flying high

If you loved me

Truly

Deeply

Passionately

You wouldn’t

Want to bind me

You wouldn’t

Want to tie me up

With your sweet words

You’d let me shine

You’d let me fly

Higher than the

Birds in the sky

Loss

Void

An emptiness is gnawing at me
Like the bee sting that numbs the body
A hollow feeling at the pit of my stomach
Like the light-headedness after a punch in the face.

My life is as aimless as the algebra which nullifies itself
My life is as meaningless as someone trying to find a needle in the haystack
Sometimes I feel my life will be over
Just like a house of cards that topples over;
Like glass shards,
When it shatters, so silently that you cannot hear.
Like the oil lamp, that dims as it burns away.
I feel like the drowning man who’s struggling for his last breath.

I feel so helpless at times
Like the mother whose child is dying in front of her
Like the father who cannot earn enough to feed his children.
I feel so lonely at times
Like the lovebirds who are separated
Like the lone survivor in the vast desert.

I feel so sad at times
Like I have lost some one very dear to me.

I feel such an intense pain at times
Like I’m in a leg amputation operation without anesthesia
A searing pain like someone has ripped open my chest and taken out my heart.

I am a void,
Like the Universe.

I am nothing 
And I fade away…into nothingness.

Missing You

You know what I miss the most?

I miss your voice, nanubhai

The sweet voice you used to call me ‘nanu’.

I miss your smile nanubhai

That smile which would light up your whole face

The smile which I’d try so hard to be the reason for

I miss the life advice and stories

I miss how we would talk on the phone and how happy I felt

I miss sharing my daily events with you

I miss how you always had something to soothe me with.

I miss how you picked up on my mood the moment you talked to me.

I miss how you always had my back and supported me no matter what.

I miss how you gently pointed out if I’d done something wrong.

I miss how you taught me that even the smallest kindnesses matter in life.

I miss the fact that you were my one true friend that I no longer have.

I miss eating at restaurants with you.

I miss how we’d hug and cuddle into you

I miss the childhood memories of you reading bedtime stories to me, even when you had worked late into the night.

I miss the times you helped me with my homework even if you didn’t really know how to.

I miss the times you tried to make me watch sports with you and I’d watch just to make you happy (even though I never really understood cricket!)

I miss how you sometimes dropped me off to school or when I went to get you from work

I miss the times you helped me put on a tie because I didn’t know how to since I knew you would do it for me.

I miss that one time you cooked rice and fried eggs when I was little because I was hungry and there was no lunch prepared.

I miss all the everyday things we did together.

I miss having silly fights with you

I miss how you were the only one who kept worrying and thinking about our wellbeing.

I miss how we were together, like a team.

I miss your courage.

I miss your quiet strength

I miss the love you’ve given me.

I miss you very much, nanubhai

I miss you and your abundant love.

And I never knew I could feel this way.

And this feeling is hard to describe.

I feel like a bottomless pit, empty and hollow.

I feel like my tears would dry up but I could not stop crying.

I feel I’ve lost a father, although you were my grandfather.

I feel like I’ve lost someone who understood me more than anyone ever will.

I feel no one else would love me like you loved me, nanubhai.

I feel like I’ve lost my home-my safe haven.

I feel like I’ve lost something so precious I thought I could never live without

But most of all, nanubhai, I miss you-the wonderful human being that you are.

There can never be another ‘you’ ever again.

I never knew someone could love everyone equally and still make each person feel so special.

So, now you know nanubhai what I miss the most about you.

I feel I have a ‘nanubhai-shaped hole’ in my heart.

A hole that cannot be fixed

A hole no one can fill.

This is what losing you feels like

This is how it feels like now that I’m not with you.

This is how friendless life is without you, nanubhai.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. nanubhai-Bengali for maternal grandfather

*
p<>{color:#000;}. nanu-affectionate pet name for a grandchild (from the daughter’s side)

Death Is Inevitable

I know death is inevitable

I know we are but mere mortals

All of us living until our times are up.

But I didn’t know parting with

You would be this painful.

But you told me to be strong

And I am trying hard, Nanubhai

I am…I am trying my best.

I miss you like I’d miss a limb

A piece of me gone—lost forever

In the infinite universe

When I looked at myself in the mirror,

I saw a different ‘me’.

A constant sorrow within me lingers.

I never want it to go away

I never want your face to fade

I always want the memories of us

To be in my mind

Lessons I’ve learnt

In the worst of times

I’ve always learnt

Things about the great mystery called ‘Life’

The death of my favourite person

Taught me how meaningless life really is

I’ve learnt how easy it is from being alive to being lifeless

I’ve learnt how your world can shatter,

How brittle this hour glass of life actually is.

It showed me how grief becomes a competition

How you can feel lonely and on your own

Even though you are surrounded by a dozen people

How life seems to come to a standstill

How you feel your whole world is lost

Lessons

My dearest

Be you

Don’t change, darling

Be sweet

Don’t let their meanness make you bitter

Be soft, girl

Don’t allow the harsh realities

Of life make your heart hard

Be kind, my dearest girl

Let them learn how

To show kindness from you

Be gentle

Know it’s alright not to

Be a hardened cynic

Be caring

Don’t stop looking out for others’ emotions

Only because they don’t care how their

Words make you feel doesn’t

Mean you have to imitate them too

Be empathetic

At times, feeling other

People’s pain lessens yours

Be considerate

Remember to respect the

Needs of those close to you

Be compassionate

It’s important

Be loyal, my love

Even if it doesn’t get reciprocated

Stay true to yourself

Don’t be a fake,

Trying to fit in

Accept your inherent personality

Know that the nature’s guiding you

Glow, glow brighter, my dearest.

Be your own person

Love yourself the most

Fall in love with every

Inch of yourself

Accept your flaws

Understand your shortcomings

Admire your strength

Your perseverance

Your tenacity

Your resilience

Your soft core

Your kind soul

Your sweetness

Your beauty

Your imperfections

Your naivety

Your honesty

Your loyalty

Your truthfulness

Your idealisms

Your moral values

Everything about you

Makes you complete

You are perfect as you are

You are enough as you are

You are strong

You have to be tough

You have to be strong

The most common phrases people say to me

It annoys me because I am strong

Perhaps not how they know strength

And isn’t that how it should be?

We’re all different

Our strengths are too

You get hurt by mean words

And you still try your best to be kind

That makes you strong

You feel pain at every step

And you still go and face this cruel world

Full of people who make fun of you for being hyper sensitive

That makes you strong

Many things make you cry

And that’s not a sign of weakness

It shows you’re not

Scared of your emotions

It’s your way of

Letting out the poison

It’s what makes you strong

You don’t fight with words

Maybe you’re unable to

It shows your tolerance

It makes you strong

You try not to say or

Do things that hurt people

It shows you’re polite

It shows you care

That you respect their feelings

It shows you’re strong

People say you’re too quiet

You don’t have friends

You know that’s not true

But then you’re too tired

To expend on your

Energy to explain yourself

You know you think

Before speaking because

Words matter very much

What you say are not

Just letters you utter

From your mouth

They change your life

It shows your wisdom

It’s not your weakness

It’s your strength

That’s why you are strong

Blossom

Like a flower that

Comes in full bloom in spring

Blossom into your full potential

Practical dreamer

Dream

Dream big

Dream the dreams that don’t

Let you sleep

Keep them alive.

Dream when you’re asleep

Keep them safe inside you

Hidden from the naysayers,

Who want to break you

And know, that it’s

Okay if your dreams

Change along the way

Just never stop dreaming

And believing

Don’t let your dreams fade

Plan and hope

But know the truths of life

Know that things you

Want won’t always happen just

How you long them to be

Know this and keep on moving ahead

Go on striving

Paradox

I am a free spirit shackled in chains

My happiness, laced with melancholy

I want to live dangerously but I want security

I wish to lead but I am a follower

I need to be independent but I want to be looked after.

I want to roar but I am snuffled out

I am a burning flame but I flicker in the darkness

I want to shine like a sparkling star but I only give out a faint light

I am white but I am hovering between black and grey

I am a cynic but I want to be a believer

I am the thin line between drowning and staying afloat

I have a raging storm inside me

I am but a book of contradictions

I am a paradox.

Life to Me

What is life, anyway?

I mean, what is the point of it all?

This is what I think…

Wait, just hear me out

It all seems insignificant when

We realize we are but mortals

There is no elixir of eternal youth

When you see a person taking his last breath,

The life going out of his body

How does it make you feel?

To me, it feels like being helpless

Life, at that point feels futile

Life is a process

An institute to learn

To gather memories

Collect experiences

Living in the moment

A journey with incessant

Destinations until the final exit

Insignificant

Sometimes, late at night,
When I can’t fall asleep,
Lying alone on the bed
Thoughts engulf me,
Lashing like giant waves,
Trying to drown me.

I think of the Universe,
Its vastness and its immensity.
I think of life and the people in it.

“Why are we here,” I think
What is the meaning of life?
Why are we born when we have to die some day?
But then, do we desire immortality
Would the power to live forever help us?

Sometimes, I think ‘No’
These are the bad times.
Times when life doesn’t treat me well;
Perhaps it’s me who isn’t alive.

In some other happy moment, I think,
Who am I to decide the eternity of life?

I’m just a tiny, replaceable part of the Universe.
And there’s so much more to see,
There’s so much to know and to do

But I haven’t seen anything;
I haven’t known anything;
I haven’t done anything yet..

Not just yet

To the Creator

Fill up my heart with kindness

Fill up my heart with compassion

Fill up my heart with empathy

Fill up my heart with contentment

You made me the way I am

You put me in circumstances

That shaped my mind

Let me look for the

Good in others

Let me see light in the darkness

Let me count blessings within hurdles

Let me climb mountains higher than me

Let me find happiness in kind gestures

Let me cherish precious memories

Memories made with people

I love and care for

Let me live in moments

Let me enrich life

With each experience

To my Creator,

Please help me

Live each day

With positive energy

And see silver linings

In every dark cloud

Let me be grateful

For the small joys

Let me be thankful

For the pain

Because You

Knew I needed it

Let me not complain

About the choices I made

I know it’s how You

Engineered my life path

Every decision I make

Is orchestrated by the life

Conduct Let me not have regrets

Let me not gripe

Over the have-nots

Let me never lose faith

In the Universe and in You

Silence

Being quiet doesn’t make you weak

You are not like many people around

You are special

You take time to process your thoughts

You can’t think and talk at the same time

This doesn’t make you stupid

It’s just the way you function

You need time to make decisions

And choose right in life

This only makes you smarter

You have to recharge by being on your own

Too many people drain you

Too much of everything overwhelms you

It doesn’t mean you’re slow

You choose your friends carefully

For you, a close circle of

Loved ones is much more

Significant than thousands of fake well-wishers

Your thoughts often spiral off tangents

And make you ill

And it’s only you

Who can take control of

Your mind then

You are never bored

You are not afraid of loneliness

Of being alone

Of solitude

You understand the beauty of

Silence in a world

That doesn’t know how

To stop talking

Because silence is a

Language you speak fluently

It’s okay (part 1)

Sometimes, you need time to make decisions

Other people might need less time than you

You might not want to do things that are

Normally done by people your age

But it’s alright

People are going to talk

They’ll talk and make

You feel bad

But don’t listen to them

Don’t be afraid to try

New things in life

But if you’re debilitated

Your fear is too enormous

To overcome at this moment

It means now is not the time

It’s alright to stay in

Your comfort zone

You might not feel

Ready for it yet

Don’t fill yourself

Up with doubts

Opportunities will come

Your way all your life

But you need to

Choose your battles wisely

Make a choice that you

Won’t be disappointed with

Lots of people would say they

Don’t have regrets

But they don’t always tell the truth

So, before you make a choice,

Don’t rush into it

Take your time

And think carefully

Some people are prone to be

Full of misgivings

But if you think

That whatever didn’t

Happen wasn’t really

Worth fighting for,

You’ll be content

It’s okay (part 2)

You don’t have to be

Able to do everything

Your shoulders are for

Carrying your own burdens

Not the people of the world

If it feels too much at times

Just stop, okay?

It’s fine to stop for a while

It doesn’t make you weak.

Thank you

All my hurt has made me stronger

I parade with all the scars you’ve given me

Your bullet words

Your spear actions

They hit me into my core

I’ve fallen down

I’ve slowed down

I’ve gotten up

I am walking ahead

And I’ve you to thank

Still Go On

Be scared

But still do it

Be nervous

But still dive in

Be tired

But still go on

Be afraid of failing

But don’t give up

And don’t give in

Vending machine

You can’t use your

Compliment coins

Into my

Heart slots

Win me over

And expect me

To deliver whatever

You need from me

Then disappear until

You need

Something else

You can’t see through me

In the hallways

You can’t move away

And change seats

Because it’s next to me

You can’t and you shouldn’t

But I know you still will

So, I’m building a fortress

Around my heart

The vending machine-

It’ll be out of order

For repair the

Next time you visit

Distant hearts

It will hurt

When a once favourite

Heart is far away

From yours now

It will hurt when your favourite

Person spits venom

It will hurt when their words become sparse

It will hurt because it’s confounding

It will hurt because it’s toxic

It will hurt because it’s hard

For your heart to acknowledge

This fraying bond

That once was unbreakable

Get away

Cold.

Harsh.

Indifferent.

Rude.

Insensitive.

Materialistic.

Ruthless.

All of these traits

Hitting you right where

It hurts you the most

Get away then

When the pain becomes unbearable

If they can’t value your love

Don’t keep showering this

Valuable emotion on them

Build a fortress around

Your heart and

Love them from afar

Gems I don’t want

The amber sparks of anger

The ruby red of lust

The bright green emerald of jealousy

The purple amethyst of snobbery

The pink opal of neglect

The fiery tiger eye of viciousness

The off-white moonstone of hypocrisy

The grey pearl of unwanted advice

The sparkling blue sapphire of indifference

The startling orange topaz of unkindness

Prayers

Put your prayers out to the Universe

Your wishes will find their way home to you

 

Find the sparkle in you

You know it’s there

Don’t ever doubt its presence

It just needs a trigger

Thin-skinned

You were born with a layer missing

Feeling other people’s pain is a gift

Stop trying to grow a thick skin

Never let anyone make you feel ashamed for being your genuine self.

Remember that.

—— Shamelessly genuine

Think

Think thrice

Before you decide

——————- Think

You are the first person you’re going to live with for the rest of your life.

Please look after yourself.

——————- Self affirmation IV

Your heart is precious.

Take care of it

——-Self affirmation III

Screen your words

They become thoughts

——-Self affirmation II

Screen your thoughts they become reality

——Self affirmation I

[* Self -Therapy *]

You are not alone

Remember that!

You are your own saviour

You are your biggest ally

Never listen to the words that

Want to put you down

Don’t let them bully you

Ask yourself for advice

There’s no one better to trust than you

There’s no better guide than

Your gut instincts

Silence that voice inside

Telling you that

You’re not good enough

Because you are!

You are enough

Don’t pay heed to the world

Saying you don’t deserve

Everything you’ve worked hard for

Because you do deserve them

You can’t stop people from

Saying that you’ll fail

That you’re making a mistake

Well, you know what?

Screw them!

Take time to understand yourself

Give yourself time to realize

What you want in life

That’s when you

Know yourself better

Than anyone else

About the Author

Deena Mehjabeen is a recent graduate with a Masters degree in Microbiology from Dhaka University but her heart has always been in the creative world, writing and reading whenever she can. Her love for words began as she spent her childhood befriending books, or dabbling in painting and singing. Deena lives with her parents and her cats in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Find her on Twitter @_Mehjabeen_ and on Instagram: mythoughtsinpoems


Mind Verses

'Mind Verses' is a collection of poetry and prose that is born from the author's experiences, musings and in moments of joy, insecurity, grief and the feelings that are sometimes hard to voice. The four parts in the collection-Life, Love, Loss and Lessons are written with the hope to resonate with you, the reader.

  • ISBN: 9781370076062
  • Author: Deena Mehjabeen
  • Published: 2017-06-29 09:35:13
  • Words: 8065
Mind Verses Mind Verses