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Medical Monogamous Information

 

To download a free electronic pdf copy of this booklet or to find out how to

get more paper copies of this booklet go to www.WalkingWithWisdom.Com

Walking with Wisdom – A Christian Counseling Resource Ministry – providing free resources for churches, counseling and individuals.

 

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 International Bible Society, used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

Copyright by John Fichtner 2016

Table of Contents

1 – The Big Picture………………………………………………………………pg. 4

End Times – Are We There Yet?

Opening Appeals

The Direction of Your Life

2 – The Correct Direction………………………………………..…………..…pg. 6

Puberty – Am I a TAKER or a PROTECTOR?

When to Talk to a Young Person about Sex

The Three Biggest Words in the Universe

The Definition of Love

Love Produces Listening, Learning, and Discerning

Love Grows Boundaries

Love and Dating

Responsibility Before Reward

Boundaries and Marriage

It All Starts at 7 or 8 Years Old

Men as Takers Even in a CHRISTIAN Marriage

3 – The End Goal….…………………………………………………..…………pg. 18

Yada, Yada, Yada

Foreplay

Restoring a Man’s Soul

Wives Restoring Their Husbands’ Souls

Sexual Abuse

What Sex is Meant to be – Yada is Sweet

4 – Off Course………………………………………………….………………..pg. 28

Scientific and Empirical Information

Hormonal Information

5 – Moving Forward,……………………………………………………………pg. 40

Purity in Dating

Married Couples

I’ve Finished the Booklet – What Now?

1

The Big

Picture

End Times – Are We There Yet?

The Bible prophesies that when the end times come, there will be a massive rate of change in four areas. According to the Bible, you will know you are in the end times when you see more change in 70 years than in all of history combined in the areas of:

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p<>{color:#000;}. a massive increase in the speed of travel,

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p<>{color:#000;}. an exponential increase of knowledge,

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p<>{color:#000;}. the fracturing of the family unit, and

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p<>{color:#000;}. the worst avalanche of morals in history, especially sexually, across the entire planet.

When you see these four markers, you know you’re in the last generation. (Daniel 12:4, II Tim. 3:1-9, Mt. 10:21-23, Mt. 24:12, 21)

We live in the most sexually saturated, sexually obsessed, sexually dysfunctional society that has ever existed. Data on pornography proves this overview as a statistical point. Christians shouldn’t be shocked by this culture because it was prophesied centuries ago.

At the same time, there are great points of encouragement.

Because of the end times increase of knowledge, there is now so much medical, statistical, and social information available that Christians are able to explain biblically-based perspectives with gracious, well-reasoned, logical, scientific, empirical and medical proofs.

God loves sex. God created sex. In fact, according to the Bible, your attitude towards sex is the factor that determines your level of success or failure in every other area of your life. (1 Cor. 6:13-20, Titus1:15, Prov.5:15-19, Mal.2:13-16, Eph. 5:25-32)

Y

Your attitude toward sex exposes who you are at the deepest core of your being. our attitude toward sex exposes who you are at the deepest core of your being. That is why an end times society is determined to drown you in a tidal wave of media noise, chemical urges, and peer pressure in order to coerce you into blindly agreeing with the world’s perspective on sex.
p<>{color:#000;}. If you submit to the world’s perspective on sex, they have won your soul. You have unknowingly agreed that you are an animal, that morals are things of convenience, and that words like love, trust, and integrity have no place in your life.

2

The Correct

Direction

Puberty – Am I a TAKER or a PROTECTOR?

Medically, a man’s sex drive flows through his adrenal gland. When a young man first experiences that adrenal rush of puberty flowing over into his sex glands, it is like a volcanic explosion inside him. It is like 50 cups of highly caffeinated coffee being instantly injected into his body. This season, which can begin as early as 11 years old, is a critical turning point in the direction of his life.

If he has been warned and trained before he reaches this point, he can use this power surge to provide the strength needed to follow the path of becoming a powerful protector of a woman’s soul.

If there is a vacuum of leadership, the young man will believe the media’s constant message that he is an animal, a taker, and that these surges are solely for the purpose of using and abusing women. If this world can bend a young man’s perspective into becoming a taker, then he will succumb to a strategy that will corrupt his identity, and guide the direction of his life. He will walk through life believing: “I am an animal. I devour! I take, take, take!”

When to Talk to a Young Person about Sex

The key time is at 7 or 8 years old. By age 11, the average child has been told thousands of times by media that they are mindless creatures driven by urges and that sex has nothing to do with morals, trust, or integrity.

Later, when this power surge of puberty flows through his body, the world has already had their “Sex Talk” with him – thousands of times. Truth can be drowned out if you wait too long to present it.

Even without any godly guidance, men have a conscience that convicts them early in the process that it is wrong to use a woman for their own selfish pleasures. However, it is possible to resist, corrupt, or burn our conscience to a place where it is silenced. (I Tim. 4:2, Titus 1:15). Most men can remember a time when they felt bad about using women. If they resisted these convictions from their conscience, they became more predatory, moved farther along the path with an increasingly insatiable appetite believing that sex was all about taking from another person in order to give themselves pleasure.

Chapter 2 – THE CORRECT DIRECTION

The really sad part is that they enjoy sex less each decade. Over time, these perverted attitudes cause personal pleasure to diminish because taking and conquering simply grow the appetite for a more intense sexual experience.

II Peter 2:12 talks about men like this when it says, “These people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish.” Another frighteningly similar verse is II Cor. 3:14 “But their minds were made dull…

As these two verses point out, these men actually lose the ability to think.

These two verses reinforce the idea of presenting these concepts to your children earlier rather than later.

Any bright 7 year old would be fascinated by the dialogue of this chapter. These truths are the foundation of the training that can begin 3-5 years before puberty explodes and before their minds are made dull by addictions to pleasure.

The Three Biggest Words in the Universe

I was raised an American heathen. In college, I began to investigate world religions. I wanted to be anything but a Christian, but I was determined to remain intellectually neutral.

A

I was raised an American heathen. In college, I began to investigate world religions. I wanted to be anything but a Christian. s a college junior majoring in mathematics, I had completed all of my core studies and was taking graduate level math courses. This background guided my spiritual search.
p<>{color:#000;}. Having a nominal understanding of Christianity, I was convinced that the American culture had biased my perspective. For this reason, I was fascinated with other religions and preferred to commit to one of the three major world religions. I had no preference whether I became Hindu, Buddhist or Muslim. I investigated all three and simply wanting the one that had the truth.

In researching these religions, I looked for patterns. I found two.

The first pattern I saw was that all religions have two consistent core beliefs about their deity. They believe that this deity is love. They also believe that this deity is fully just and will correct all wrongs eventually. For the first time, I began to plumb the depths of the words love and justice.

Studying justice through the eyes of different world religions expanded my world view. As a mathematician, I had a natural bent toward statistics. The more I researched behavioral patterns, the more I was overwhelmed by the cruelty of our world. My hunger for justice increased.

As I examined injustice mathematically, I wanted to break it down to find its starting point. This quickly exposed me to the fact that all worldwide injustice can be traced back to the subject of individual selfishness, leading to strife.

This is where the second pattern became evident.

In strife, the pattern I found made me very uncomfortable. I titled it blind self-bias because no one seemed to be aware of it within themselves. When confronted about this bias, almost everyone denied it vehemently but it was obvious to everyone else around them.

This starting point of all injustice being blind self-bias seemed to be a worldwide pandemic. Any consistent results of my research totaling over 50% would have been astounding, yet I saw numbers constantly well over 90% in my two years of gathering data.

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p<>{color:#000;}. In almost every divorce, you see both parties believing that they were the victim.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Life interactions seemed like a constant recycling of strife situations where two people convinced themselves that the other person’s wrongs were much weightier and more horrible than their own wrongs. Everyone else saw both parties as equally foolish and selfish, but both parties saw themselves as the victim.

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p<>{color:#000;}. I once counted the number of people I heard complain in a day. The act of complaining is the ultimate blind self-bias. It is a person venting negatives with no desire to understand others’ perspectives or bring real resolution. Please don’t try this experiment of counting the number of people you hear complaining in a day. It will overwhelm you. By early evening I was deeply depressed and had to drop this experiment. Blind self-bias is truly a pandemic.

When I took this painful problem of blind self-bias to the three world religions, the responses I received were so illogical and weak that I recognized that they were intentionally avoiding the subject.

I was becoming more and more discouraged and regretted starting this spiritual search. The subject of justice was a well too deep for me. I had to either drop the spiritual search or face some painful possibilities.

I chose the easy way out. I dropped the spiritual search.

For six months I tried to run away and simply not think any more about it. I tried to return to a simple life of eat, drink, and be merry. However, it is hard to close your eyes once you have opened them. Even more, I hated an unfinished equation. I knew that I had intentionally avoided two clear questions because the answers might be painful.

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p<>{color:#000;}. How much blind self-bias do I have in my own life?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Does Christianity have the answers?

When I returned to my research, I started with the easier question about Christianity. My fears were confirmed when I discovered that Christianity confronts this subject of blind self-bias directly as a foundational tenet. Christianity calls it sin. Jer. 17:9 states, “The heart is deceitful above all things…”

Chapter 2 – THE CORRECT DIRECTION

In addition, Christianity offered a cure to blind self-bias at a depth that shocked me.

Now I was really miserable!

I now had to face my other point of research. How many times had I operated in blind self-bias?

Christianity said that, if I refused to face this subject on earth, I would stand before a holy God who would expose every single instance of my blind self-bias and judge me for it. What was my number? Even in my young life, I knew I would face millions of times that selfishness had been my motive – just like everyone else. I was terribly sinful.

Christianity solved the puzzle of how a deity can be fully love and yet fully just and had offered a realistic and logical cure for blind self-bias, or sin, as they called it.

This is why it takes tremendous courage to become a Christian. Most people do not have the courage.

It doesn’t take any courage to point out others’ flaws. In fact, it is an act of cowardice.

It takes the highest level of courage to quit pointing the finger at others and to look at our own selfishness in light of a holy and perfect God who has proven his love for us.

The subject of blind self-bias leads to some questions for a person to ask themselves.

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p<>{color:#000;}. How humble am I?

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p<>{color:#000;}. When investigating a subject, am I aware of my own bias?

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p<>{color:#000;}. How stubborn am I?

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p<>{color:#000;}. How hard do I work to remove my own preconceived notions?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Do I evaluate subjects based only on the two factors of:

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p<>{color:#000;}. what 100 neutral people would see as logical and truthful

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p<>{color:#000;}. and what bears the fruit of a joyful, peaceful, giving life in the highest number of people?

Those 3 words – love, justice, and sin -- are profound words, and there is so much more to process through with each of them. For the purpose of this booklet, however, we are only going to unpack one of them thoroughly, and that is the word love.

The Definition of Love

The only true definition of love is Doing what is best for someone else at any cost to oneself.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Every single culture on earth agrees with this definition.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Every single person on earth, once they hear this definition, relinquishes all of their other definitions and agrees that this is the only definition of love.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Every single religion on earth agrees this is the only definition of love.

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p<>{color:#000;}. The entire Bible agrees that this is the only definition of love.

To repeat, the definition of love is Doing what is best for someone else at any cost to oneself.

Let’s break it down and give some applications of this so you can better understand how far reaching is this definition.

Love Produces Listening, Learning, and Discerning

Let’s begin with the obvious, simple application of this definition. If I am going to do what is best for someone else at any cost to me, I am going to be careful to listen, learn, and discern.

For instance, if one of your children had a quiet personality and needed more space and a low key approach, yet you, as a parent, were super sappy and loud, you would be willing to change your personality style to do what was best for that child and give them the space and quiet that their personality needed.

I was super sappy and loud, and my son needed calm and quiet. It cost me a lot, but I love my son. I struggled for multiple years to develop an entirely different personality style. I failed many times, but over a period of about 5 years, with a lot of effort, prayer, and seeking the counsel of both my wife and my son, I learned how to give him the space and quiet he needed. Today, my adult son and I are wonderful friends because love flows between us.

My wife was raised in a home where no one raised their voices, either in anger or in enthusiasm. My daughter was born as a person who craves affirmation and enthusiasm.

By the time my daughter was 2 years old, she would not even go to her mother because my wife never raised her voice enthusiastically. My daughter craved affirmation so she would come to me every time.

Once my wife realized that she was starving her daughter of what she needed, she worked harder to change than at any other time in her life. She went from being a 15 on the “0-100 Enthusiasm Scale” to being a 90. Today, my wife and adult daughter are dear friends because love flows between them.

If your child needs a style of interaction that is uncomfortable for you, you can say, “Well, that is not my personality. I’m not going to do that.” What you are really saying is, “I just don’t love you. You are simply not worth the effort to change. That would cost me too much!”

Chapter 2 – THE CORRECT DIRECTION

Love Grows Boundaries

Doing what is best for someone else at any cost to oneself goes deeper and gets more powerful when you look at it in terms of boundaries and consequences.

The best test to see how much you love your child is whether or not you ever repeat a command to your child. When you tell your child to do something and they don’t do it, if you repeat yourself you are communicating to them, “What I said the first time around was a lie, but now I am going to say it again and you can believe me this time.” This tells the child that your word as a parent has no value.

In their hearts, parents know this. They know that the best thing for their child is to give a directive once and to calmly and consistently bring consequences if it is not obeyed. They just feel that it is too much work to never repeat themselves. It is easier to wait until you are angry.

The interesting thing is that, if you bring consequences the first time, you’ll always be calm in your discipline because you don’t have the fuel of the anger that rises up after you have repeated yourself 15 times. You only have the strength of your love for that child.

The reason parents wait to bring consequences is because it is easier for them. If they wait, they have their frustration or anger empowering them to deal with their child. They aren’t willing to do what is best for the child at any cost to themselves. They love themselves much more than they love their child. The Bible says that parents who do not discipline their kids calmly and consistently actually hate their kids. (Proverbs 13:24, Col. 3:21)

A more painful version of this love in boundaries comes when dealing with a family member who is an addict. Bringing boundaries and consequences to a family member addicted to substance abuse is an excruciating life battle.

Many times the family realizes that facing consequences is the only hope an addict has of being willing to change. The family brings these consequences out of love, not out of anger.

The addict usually attacks them horribly and makes cruel accusations, yet, in great pain the family has recognized that the only hope for that loved one is for them to face the consequences of their lifestyle choices, even if this addicted family member hates them for it.

This is what true love looks like. The family does what is best for the addict at any cost to themselves.

Love and Dating

Doing what is best for someone else at any cost to oneself quickly exposes embarrassing perversions when men try to pressure women into giving up their bodies by using the word love. “If you really love me, show it by giving me sex outside of marriage.” This line is so sick it makes you want to throw up, yet it has been used by animals to manipulate foolish emotional women hundreds of thousands of times.

When someone says “I love you,” ask the hard question. “Who do you love more, me or your own pleasure?” The phrase “I love you” in a dating context means nothing unless it is tested. It is often one of the emptiest phrases in the dating world.

The Bible says in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

Love is not something you have or don’t have. Love is something that is measured by what you are willing to do for someone else compared to how much you love yourself or your own pleasure.

As a Christian, a young man’s stance for every woman he dates is that she is so precious and valuable to God that he would never take something from her that was meant only for her husband as a reward of their marriage covenant.

A non-Christian wouldn’t approach dating from the perspective of the covenant. However, if he loved her, he would do what is best for her at any cost to himself. As we will see in chapters 2-4, medically, scientifically, empirically, logically, statistically, and sociologically the best thing for a woman is to only have one sexual partner after marriage for the rest of her life. That is the kindest and best thing for her.

Love is not something you have or don’t have.

Love is something that is measured by what you are willing to do for someone else compared to how much you love yourself or your own pleasure.

What are the results of dating with this perspective?

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p<>{color:#000;}. The woman’s confidence, soul health, and self-worth in these instances would sky rocket. She would know that she is treasured.

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p<>{color:#000;}. The man with this level of integrity and purity of heart would be able to walk in great confidence himself.

This is not surprising. Every person knows in their heart that waiting until marriage is a better choice.

What they may not understand is that this “better choice” is the very basis on which all of society is built. Let’s examine one of the foundational values that provide stability in every lasting culture.

Chapter 2 – THE CORRECT DIRECTION

Responsibility Before Reward

What is the essence of life? Is it pleasure first? That is what every child believes. Every child comes into this world seeking only physical pleasure. This inbred selfishness is the essence of immaturity.

I Cor. 13:11 says “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

T

What is the essence of life? he job of society and all good parents is to teach these immature selfish children that living by a “Pleasure First” mentality is like walking into a tar pit of misery and emptiness. The more you live for pleasure, the harder and more painful your life will be. The further into this tar pit of “Pleasure First” you go, the more stuck you become and the harder it is to change habits of selfishness and blindness.
p<>{color:#000;}. Our prisons, substance abuse centers, and divorce courts are filled with the results of people who never learned the important and often repeated lesson that a “Pleasure First” mentality is a tar pit of misery and emptiness. The goal with every selfish child, whether that child is 8 years old or 38 years old, is that they learn the equation that is the basis of all stable society: “Responsibility Before Reward.”

As adults, we yearn for them to understand that rewards that FOLLOW responsibility are sweet and get sweeter, easier, and more rewarding the longer they walk the path of responsibility.

F

“Life is Responsibility Before Reward”

and have a life that is easier, sweeter

and richer every year.

or the 11 or 12 year old, their future breaks down to one of two paths. They will either follow:
p<>{color:#000;}. “Life is Pleasure First” and

have a life of increasing misery,

hardship and emptiness, or

W

Have a life that is easier, sweeter and richer every year. hen you embrace the adult equation that “Life is Responsibility Before Reward” amazing things happen:
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p<>{color:#000;}. You succeed in your job because you are the hardest worker.

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p<>{color:#000;}. You succeed in friendships because you listen first.

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p<>{color:#000;}. You succeed in your marriage because you are quick to humble yourself and learn.

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p<>{color:#000;}. You succeed spiritually because you take responsibility for your own sin.

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p<>{color:#000;}. You succeed with your children because you are someone they want to be like.

Every person in every culture knows, in their conscience, that sex outside of marriage is not love.

Sex outside of marriage is taking the reward before accepting the responsibility that goes along with that reward. It is the ultimate childish “Pleasure First” mentality.

To expand on this, let’s take a practical, everyday example and imagine an extremely silly perspective.

You need money so you apply for a job. You are so pleased when they offer you the job at the interview. The obvious reward for a job is money.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Now when you are offered a job, do you get the money right away?

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p<>{color:#000;}. No. There is something you must do after you are offered a job. You must make a serious commitment to this job.

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p<>{color:#000;}. After you commit to the job, do you get the money?

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p<>{color:#000;}. No. One act of responsibility is not enough to get the reward.

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p<>{color:#000;}. After you commit, you must do more acts of responsibility. You have to work.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Do you get the money after you have worked for an hour?

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p<>{color:#000;}. No. You usually have to work for about two weeks before you get paid.

Now, suppose you didn’t like this system, and you decided to change the rules.

You would say, “I want pleasure first before having to make any commitments or showing responsibility. Now that you have offered me a job, I demand that you give me five years of pay.

AFTER you give me the five years of pay, I’ll let you know IF I commit to this job or not.”

We laugh at this analogy because we can imagine how quickly the prospective employer would have you thrown out of their office. They might even call the police believing that you are mentally imbalanced. They would be correct. You are mentally imbalanced. When you live for pleasure first, you become mentally imbalanced.

W

Life is Responsibility Before Reward hat is sad is that this example is not as extreme or absurd as someone saying: “I want you to give me the reward of your body, and then I will let you know whether I commit to the responsibility of marriage or not.”
p<>{color:#000;}. When you invert the basic premise of “Responsibility Before Reward,” not only do you rip your own soul apart, which we will see scientifically, you rip apart the fabric of society.

“Responsibility Before Reward” has some synonyms.

You already know them in your heart. They are integrity, character, trust, and friendship.

Chapter 2 – THE CORRECT DIRECTION

Boundaries and Marriage

When you have sex outside of marriage and then get married, you state clearly that morals are a point of convenience for you.

“It was not convenient to have morals before we got married, but now that we are married, I have decided to move the line and have morals now.”

This indicates that you might move the line again, because you simply moved it before to wherever it was convenient for you.

What happens to couples who have sex with each other before they get married is that they never trust each other after they get married. There is a seed of mistrust that grows up between them.

I

After all, morals are simply a line that we move when it is convenient. n their hearts they know that they have both chosen a moral code based on convenience. Both spouses know that, when this marriage becomes inconvenient for their mate, that mate will simply change his or her moral code. After all, morals are simply a line that we move when it is convenient.
p<>{color:#000;}. This seed of mistrust becomes infected, and it affects every other area of their lives. The root issue is that they have no integrity beyond their own pleasure, and they sought reward before responsibility. When a couple gets married having had sex with each other before marriage, that marriage didn’t cost them anything. Marriage is supposed to cost you a lot.

A Pirates baseball card of Honus Wagner has been sold for over 2 million dollars. It is the most famous baseball card in the world.

When I was a kid, baseball cards were very popular. I would go down to the local convenience store and buy a pack of bubblegum. It came in thin slices, and I got 10 slices for 5 cents. They also threw in three baseball cards for free. I didn’t care about the cards. I wanted the bubblegum. Whenever I could scrounge a nickel together, I would go buy a pack of bubblegum. I would take all ten sticks of bubble gum and stuff them in my mouth all at once and have a cheek full of bubble gum.

Now, because those baseball cards were free, how much do you think I protected them? I would throw them in a pile, and half of the time they ended up in the trash. I never even paid attention to them.

On the other hand, how much do you think the person who paid 2+ million for this Honus Wagner baseball card will be willing to spend to protect their investment? They will probably be more than willing to pay extra to have a security system and even more to have state of the art HVAC units so the card will be safe from theft and mold. When you pay a high price for something, you are glad to pay more to protect it.

W

When you have no boundaries before marriage, you have no boundaries after marriage. hen you have no boundaries before marriage, you have no boundaries after marriage.
p<>{color:#000;}. When your marriage doesn’t cost you anything, you are not willing to pay anything extra to protect it. It is a cause and effect equation.

In almost 40 years of marriage counseling, I have witnessed the horrific and overwhelming pain of counseling hundreds of couples where one was involved in an extramarital affair. Every single time, the open front door that allowed an affair like this to creep in came in the form of media and opposite sex friends.

Before they got married the couple decided to have no boundaries, and they had sex. They were defensive that it was no big deal. After they got married, they watched R-rated movies full of nudity and explicit sexual content. Again, it was no big deal.

The husband or wife would keep up with old girlfriends or boyfriends on Facebook and flirt with people in the office because it was no big deal.

When I counseled these couples about the dangers of media and that a married person can never have a close opposite sex friend, they were often offended.

Their marriage did not cost them anything to start with and they were not willing to pay anything to protect the marriage now. It costs you to have boundaries.

When I was 8 years old, if you had said to me, “John, I need you to pay $10 to protect each of those baseball cards,” I would have pitched the most royal tantrum you had ever seen. I would have angrily scoffed, “I am not paying $10 to protect those cards. Those cards were free. I refuse to pay for something I already got for free.”

For someone who values their marriage by setting boundaries before marriage, that person will be willing to pay any cost and set any boundaries needed after marriage to protect that investment. That person will be willing to have very careful media boundaries. They will never have opposite sex friends. That is a price they are glad to pay.

Not having sex until marriage will cost you. Marriage is supposed to cost you.

T

The more you pay for something, the more you treasure it. he more you pay for something, the more you treasure it. Because it cost you a lot, you will treasure your marriage. You will be willing to pay any price to protect it.
p<>{color:#000;}.

Chapter 2 – THE CORRECT DIRECTION

It All Starts at 7 or 8 Years Old

If a young man grasps these truths 3-5 years before the fire of puberty lights his body, then he is ready to aim that fire toward being a protector. He begins to seek God’s grace to be a giver who treasures women and walks in true love and integrity, earning trust by his actions.

Being a giver is a discipline that is hard at first and gets easier, richer, and more rewarding the longer it is exercised.

If no one aims him in the correct direction, then the world will convince him that he is an animal and his sexual goal in life is to use women for his own pleasure!

Men as Takers Even in a CHRISTIAN Marriage

In some ways the next chapter is the most important chapter in this booklet.

Many times, having become a Christian and been married for 10 years, men are still takers. The selfishness of their pre-Christian, pre-marriage life still dominates in the bedroom. The resulting tension overflows into every area of their relationship.

No one showed these men how to have sex with their wives in a way that fulfills both of them and completes a powerful Biblical picture.

In the next chapter, we will see a picture of sex within a marriage that is so rewarding and fun for both the husband and wife that it will heal many who did not realize that they were still operating in a selfish mentality in their married sex life.

Proverbs 29:18 (KJV) says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” When you have no goal, you have no hope of getting there.

Once most men and women have been shown the details of a beautiful married sex life they have a clear vision. They can see where they are going and are eager to get there.

3

The End

Goal

Yada, Yada, Yada

The Old Testament was written in the Hebrew language. We are going to dissect a funny sounding Hebrew word, “yada,” pronounced “yah-Dah.” The first mention of sex in the Bible has this rich word, which in Hebrew means “to know,” as in Adam “knew” Eve.

The second definition of “yada” expounds on the first and means “to learn to know.” “Yada” means to reveal oneself and to slowly know by experience.

In pre-marital counseling, I encourage couples, “You will keep getting to know each other more deeply for decades. Sex is going to be fun and wonderful. It will be decades of greater discovery, riches, and joy. “Yada” is something that grows.

In the world, sex in a marriage becomes boring. In a Christian perspective sex becomes more thrilling and fulfilling every year of your married life.

Each time “Yada” is used in connection with relational interaction, it has this powerful message of plumbing the depths of another person’s soul. This is the essence of the word “sex”. Sex means, “I know your heart and I yearn to understand the depths of your soul.”

“Yada” is also used many times in the Bible to refer to our relationship with God. It means, “I want to plumb the depths of the reality of God Himself. I want to know God.”

Foreplay

As a pastoral counselor with almost four decades of experience counseling married couples, I have seen the subject of foreplay almost completely disappear from most marriages. Talking to other counselors who specialize in sex counseling, I hear the same reports.

N

I can relax with you more than anyone else on the earth.” ow, let me be clear. Foreplay is not meant to be a sexual time. It is a decompressing, de-stressing time, especially for women. Women avoid foreplay because it is not relaxing or de-stressing to be groped and grabbed.
p<>{color:#000;}. If you were to poll one hundred couples that have been married over 10 years and ask how many of them still have foreplay, the answer might be two, maybe three. The reason for this is that neither person in the marriage has an understanding of the purpose of foreplay.

Chapter 3 – THE END GOAL

Emotionally, foreplay is where your actions say to your mate, “I can relax with you more than anyone else on the earth. Can we just de-stress from life for a while together?”

Because few people understand that foreplay is meant to be a sweet, relaxing time, men and women both end up hating it. Usually, within a year of getting married, foreplay has become so uncomfortable and forced that the couple just skips it and gets right to sex. In chapter 4, we will cover that oxytocin is the cuddle chemical. It is the most powerful hormone in women, and it is strong in men, as well. Oxytocin says, “I want you and only you, and I want to be with you.” Oxytocin is the foreplay hormone. When a couple skips foreplay, they are skipping over a very important hormonal release that their bodies need physiologically and that their souls need emotionally. Foreplay is a very important time of bonding.

Remembering that your attitude toward sex is the one thing that sets the tone for every other area of your life, I have some counsel that will make this foreplay very easy and extremely rewarding.

I

She will be ripping off her clothes before you finish your sentence.

You will never hear “no” again. She will be the happiest wife in the world. n almost 40 years of counseling married couples concerning their sex lives, my first and strongest counsel is always for the husband to begin almost every sexual encounter by having his wife lie flat on her stomach with her head at the foot of the bed. They begin the sexual encounter with the husband spending 5-10 minutes giving his wife a wonderful, gentle massage that does not involve any groping or sexual action. He may want to start at 5 minutes and work up to 10. He starts by standing by her head, massaging her head and shoulders. Massaging the scalp is heavenly for most people!
p<>{color:#000;}. Men, don’t give your wife the lame excuse that, “I’m not good at it.” Don’t you even dare play that stupid, klutzy game! That would be the words of a very selfish, lazy man. I am very serious about learning good massage techniques. You may want to get some massage training. I have personally paid for a massage five different times so that I could learn the best techniques in serving my wife. I said to the masseur, “I am paying for a one hour massage, but I’m really here to learn how to take care of my wife.” After 30 years, my wife says that I am the best masseur on the planet, and that’s all I’m going to say about that! 

This single act of opening sex by the husband serving his wife with a massage causes many powerful things to happen between a husband and wife.

The basic act of sex involves more giving by the wife, yet Ephesians 5 says that we husbands are supposed to represent Jesus. The husband is acting like Jesus when he starts the process of intimacy by first giving to his wife before asking his wife to give back to him. This sets off amazing chain reactions in both the soul of the husband and the wife. When you finish this section you will be floating!

Husbands, this frees you from feeling as though you are harassing your wife. Now, you are giving a gift to her. You are giving first to her. The massage starts the process, and suddenly foreplay is no longer awkward and tiring. Now you know what to do, and it brings satisfaction to both of you.

The other awesome part is that, once you’ve done this a dozen times or so, approaching your wife to ask her to consider having sex that day becomes easy. She will be ripping off her clothes before you finish your sentence. You will never hear “no” again. She will be the happiest wife in the world.

Suddenly, you realize that 100% of her resistance has been because you have been acting like the Devil instead of acting like Jesus in the bedroom.

Women are wired completely different than men! They have up to ten times the amount of connectivity between the left and right sides of their brains, and the opposite amounts of white matter versus gray matter in their brains than do men. Very simply, this means that, if a husband and wife both have 17 points of pressure in their lives right then, the men can create 16 locked mental closets and deal with only one issue at a time. Women CAN’T! They are juggling all 17 issues at the same time. They carry all 17 things in their soul at once.

Being constantly aware of every issue in her life wears a woman down.

Can you imagine what it means for a woman to know that the first ten minutes of sex are set aside solely for her to relax and unwind? Her hero is going to help her de-stress and surpass her wildest dreams of what making love is all about. This reaches her in a way no man can fully comprehend and it causes oxytocin to be released when she realizes there will be no miserable time of half cuddling, half groping.

When the man attempts foreplay plus groping and grabbing, it makes the wife want to give up foreplay altogether. In most marriages I find it is the wife who has requested that they give up foreplay. It is simply too discouraging for her to try to explain to her husband why nothing he does works in relaxing her.

W

Knowing that we will never be rejected and always have an excited wife sexually does amazing things for our confidence as men. e men are all or nothing types. We like clear guidelines. We often think, “I need to know something that works every time.” That’s why we like sports. A field goal isn’t 3 points this week but 5 points next week. No, a field goal is always 3 points!
p<>{color:#000;}. With massage, we get to be the hero every time. We are guaranteed success and guaranteed that our wives will be extremely attracted to us. Although men may act tough on the outside, we can often hide fragile interiors. Knowing that we will never be rejected and always have an excited wife sexually does amazing things for our confidence as men.

Chapter 3 – THE END GOAL

The gentleness of the massage is the most stimulating and powerful way to stir a woman. Skin is the most powerful sex receptor in the body. As you massage her, you are releasing oxytocin, the cuddle chemical, in both of you. This hormone makes us want to connect physically with another person and, once connected, to stay connected. Women love the gentleness of massage.

When a wife is gently massaged by her covenant husband whose entire desire is to bring his wife pleasure, every ounce of her being responds. Every fiber of her being wants to open up and give that man pleasure. Yes, the wife is commanded in the Bible, other than if she’s on her period, to always say “yes” to her husband sexually, but you’ll never see a wife who has a problem with making love with her husband, if she is served by a Christ-like husband.

If the man is a taker, always demanding, and acts like the Devil himself, she might have a problem with that; however, if he’ll first be like Christ, she will have no problem being like the body of Christ because she is created by God to be a responder.

Restoring a Man’s soul

There is an epidemic of sex-less marriages. We are more obsessed with sex, yet having less of it in many marriages than at any other time in history!

Of the last 100 times I have had couples come to me saying, “We haven’t had sex in over six months,” at least 70% of the time, and probably closer to 80-90%, it was the husband who was avoiding sex. This was not true 20 years ago, and it was drastically different 30 years ago.

Society has undergone a major shift.

Again, in talking with multiple other counselors who specialize in sex counseling, I found the same statistics.

This seems so counter-intuitive, but there is a very logical reason as to why this happens. When you have the worldly mentality of being a taker during sex, compounded with the addictive, mindless activities of video games, porn (including staring at cleavage, nudity, and R-rated-action-packed movies), and other forms of mind-numbing media, sex with your wife loses excitement and satisfaction.

O

I’ve been married to the old hag for ten years.” ver time, the perverted attitude of taking causes personal pleasure in sex within marriage to diminish because the taking and conquering grows the appetite for a more intense experience.
p<>{color:#000;}. The husband’s begins to think, “I’ve been married to the old hag for ten years. Where is the fun? I had fifteen women before I conquered this old woman. I am an animal. I want a new conquest. I want to go chase something and capture it.”

If a man has had sex before marriage and has never repented of being a taker, he has never restored purity in his heart. He is distracted and dissatisfied, and he loses the energy to initiate sex.

Add to this the fact that men often come home agitated, uptight, and drained at the end of the day and sex becomes just one more thing to do. Daniel’s end time prophecy has been fulfilled. We live in a hyper-stressed society where we run to and fro. (Dan. 12:4) Everyone feels overwhelmed.

Society has sold us the bill of goods that the more stressed you are, the more you should unwind by watching media. Unfortunately, media leaves people with less time and feeling more stressed, than when they started watching or playing the media.

Even so, in the moment it is much easier for a man to disengage through media, thinking he is “unwinding,” when in reality he will end up more uptight. The tenser he becomes, the harder it is for him to initiate sex or even engage in warm, meaningful conversation. The thought of sex may cross his mind fleetingly, but he is just not sure if it’s even worth the effort to initiate. Thus, the epidemic cycle continues of men who just don’t want to bother with real, intimate sex in their marriage.

I’m not referring to couples in their eighties. I’m talking about couples in their fifties, forties, thirties, and even their twenties who haven’t had sex for 6 months, a year, or more!

O

He discovers the shocking truth that the gentler he is the more passion he feels. n the other hand, giving a massage with a heart to bring his wife pleasure restores a man’s soul. Repentance from being a taker is more than just praying a prayer. The word in the Bible for repent means to change the way you think. Each time a man gives his wife a massage he is rewiring his brain to think differently. He is walking out repentance and changing from the inside out.
p<>{color:#000;}. Giving his wife a massage causes a man to feel such passionate love for his wife that sexual desire stirs afresh within him. He discovers the Bible truth in Luke 6:38 (KJV),“Give, and it shall be given unto you.”

Up until this point, the man had believed a lie that sexual desire had to be expressed through physical aggression.

Through massage, he rewires his brain to understand new insights.

He discovers the shocking truth that the gentler he is, the more passion he feels. The 1st, 2nd, and 3rd time the husband massages his wife with gentleness and love, it will be like dumping a gallon of gas on his smoldering campfire of passion.

As he is gentle with her body, his perceptivity increases. If being gentle gives a man a gallon of more passion, beginning to “yada” his wife is like pouring 100 gallons of gas on the fire of his passion.

Chapter 3 – THE END GOAL

As the husband massages his wife, he begins to grow in understanding of who she is. He’s being gentle as he begins to work on her back. It is really sore, so he takes his time loosening her lower and upper back. He begins thinking, “Oh, you’ve been carrying our baby all day. What a great mama you are.”

Then he begins working down her legs, and he feels these knots in her calves. He’s thinking, “She’s been up and down those stairs. Oh my, what an amazing woman you are!”

Then he begins to massage her fingers and wrists. They hurt because she’s been typing. He massages these fingers, and he begins to think, “These are the most beautiful fingers I have ever seen in my life, and they work so hard all day. I love this woman so much!”

He also realizes over time that her body tells different stories. Her body tells one story when she is a 22 year old bride. The story changes as she matures into a young mom. As her kids grow into teenagers, her body tells him a different tale, one of a mom in love with her family and tired from driving teenagers to their various events. When they become empty nesters, he gets to know her body’s story in a whole new way again. A whole different story begins to be written as she becomes a Grandma and later when she is older and arthritic and getting ready to go home to be with Jesus. Her husband has carried every single story that her body has told, and he loves her.

I

The world says that sex is about the shape of your body.

God says that sex is about the shape of your soul. love my wife, and I know my wife’s ovaries better than she knows them . I share the pain of the curse of Eve that she carries. I have been able to reduce as much as 90% of the pain she has felt over the years during her menstrual cycle. I know exactly where the stress points are. I don’t have to have sex in order to give her a massage. When she is facing those painful times of the month, I will give her a massage many times in those few days. Her body and her soul are one to me, and she is the most beautiful human being that has ever walked the earth.
p<>{color:#000;}. When an 82 year old man looks at his 82 year old wife and says, “She is the most beautiful woman on the earth,” he is not exaggerating. Proverbs 5:18-19 says, “…may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always…” The word “always” is referring to still being sexually attracted to your wife when she is 70, 80, and 90 years old. No woman’s breasts are attractive at 80 years old, yet, they are beautiful to the man who has shared “yada” with her for decades.

The last part of that verse says, “…May you ever be intoxicated with her love.” That is referring to making love to her. A husband is in love and intoxicated by his wife, body and soul, because the real beauty of the body is the beauty of the soul.

Giving his wife massages helps a husband to grow in understanding of who his wife is. He learns that desire and love and gentleness can coexist and actually increase the fire of his passion.

As he is massaging her and loving her, he discovers that there is a part of his heart and soul that is 10 times bigger than those puny little 2 inch animalistic, selfish men who just take from everyone.

He is becoming a magnificent man of God. He is discovering the fiery passion of true “yada” love.

The world says that sex is about the shape of your body.

God says that sex is about the shape of your soul.

Wives Restoring Their Husbands’ Souls

Many times the husband has gone to such a deep, dark place of depression or discouragement that he does not know how to crawl out of this hole.

Massage gives the wife great freedom to exercise the authority that God’s word gives her without ever embarrassing her husband.

First, she recognizes that he is at a very fragile place and that it might not be easy to bring him out of this place. As a note of caution, there may be issues of negative or cutting words in their home that are killing their ability to be one. In this case, they need marriage counseling before they can be restored sexually.

However, if a home does not have cutting, harsh, or negative words spoken and there is sincere affection between the husband and wife, she can begin to gently exercise her Biblical authority to restore her husband.

First Corinthians 7:3-4 states, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

L

So, with charm, firmness, a smile, and seduction in your eye, you say to him… et me be clear ladies, the Bible says that you own him. So, with charm, firmness, a smile, and seduction in your eye, you say to him, “From this day forward, you will give me a massage once every five days. This is not a request. I will give you a two hour notice that I’ll be waiting for you naked…on my belly…on the bed. And you’ll give me a 10 minute massage.
p<>{color:#000;}. You make it clear that whatever may happen after the massage is completely up to him, but that you are not pressuring him for sex.

Each time you require this of your husband and shower him with praise for the massage, you are pulling his soul back to you. It won’t be hard. The praise will flow out of your mouth.

Chapter 3 – THE END GOAL

You will be gushing, “Oh, you are so wonderful! You are so great!” Moan loudly and often!

If he is massaging too strongly at some point you can usually communicate your discomfort by simply tensing or wincing.

Afterwards, you will praise him again. You may want to rub on him some, reminding him that whatever happens afterwards is completely up to him.

If it has been a long time, I strongly encourage wives to be gentle and patient. He may only make love one with you one out of three times at first, but within six months you both may be making love two out of every three times and maybe even every time.

Something amazing happens during this time that is nothing short of miraculous. I have seen this many times. After about six months the husband approaches me with a new spring in his step and lightheartedly says, “Hey, PJ! I just want you to know that we are doing great! I feel ten years younger! Do you know what I mean?” he says with a big grin on his face. He is literally bouncing as he tells me this. I grin from ear to ear because I do know what he is talking about.

I turn to the wife and say, “Woman of God – you did it. You called him back. You restored his soul!” She smiles and says, “He’s MINE again!”

Does this always work? No!

I have had many times that a wife brought her husband to me complaining that she tried to get him to give her a massage once every five days, but he refused.

As I said earlier, the most common problem is that there are cutting words flowing from one or both of them.

Even in cases where they have no cutting words, almost always the wife is missing one of these factors:

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p<>{color:#000;}. Charm, a smile, and a seduction in her message

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p<>{color:#000;}. Clarity that he can pick any time in the next two hours

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p<>{color:#000;}. High affirmation during the massage

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p<>{color:#000;}. Firmness and consistency

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p<>{color:#000;}. Or overall affection, positive words, and kindness in their marriage

It is worth fighting hard to restore a husband’s soul. What the wife gets in the end is heavenly.

Sometimes all it takes is both of them having an opportunity to sit down and graciously talk through the details. With this, they are able to work out a plan that makes them both comfortable.

Sexual Abuse

Approximately 75% of all new brides today have been sexually abused, and that may be a low figure. The definition of sexual abuse used to be “to be used physically in sexual ways by a man that was not your preference.” Using that definition, the figure probably rises to over 90% of all the women in our society today. For the numbers I am using here, I am focusing solely on serious sexual abuse, which refers to women who have been forced or coerced into sex either through persuasion or physical pressure.

Speaking as a veteran counselor, a husband needs to understand that he will probably not be aware of the abuse his wife has gone through for the first six months to two years of their marriage.

She will bury it for two reasons. The first is that she is eager to please her husband. The second is that she likes him. Somewhere around the six month to two year mark those factors have diminished quite a bit. She is now not so eager to please him, and she doesn’t like him nearly as much. At this point, all of the pain from all of the other men who have used her begins to rise up in her soul. As a result, all of this pain now gets aimed at her husband and piled on top of her other issues with him.

Before the husband begins to complain, he needs to realize that this judgment is deserved. The husband was given the chance and opportunity to be a giver and minister to his wife’s soul. Instead, he acted like a devil. He came into the bedroom as a taker.

If he had said from the first day of marriage, “I am going to act like Jesus. I am going to give to you first,” all of his wife’s pain from the past would have melted like an ice cube on a hot July sidewalk. She would have recognized from day one that her husband was different from all the other men who abused her. She would have recognized that those other men were animals. Most of these abused women would never have had to seek out counseling if their husbands had come into the marriage as givers; however, because he used her like everyone else did, all that pain was placed on top of him, and he deserves it.

God says he deserves it because he had a chance to bring healing and instead he added to the taking. He is her husband and God expected him to be different.

With the husband’s sincere repentance, healing can begin for both the wife and the husband.

Now, from this point forward I ask the wife who has been sexually abused to seek inner healing counseling as aggressively as she would seek healing for a sickness in her own child.

My words, however, mean nothing if the husband is acting like the Devil in the bedroom. If a husband is willing to act like Jesus, most women have no problem getting rid of the pain and junk that is holding back their souls. If their husbands are givers, wives want to please them because their husbands are different.

In the same way, for women who have a physical issue where sex is painful, they need to seek help aggressively. Get an appointment with an OB-GYN if sex is painful. There are very few medical issues that cannot be fairly quickly fixed or alternative methods found. The key is the motivation.

Chapter 3 – THE END GOAL

What Sex is Meant to be – “Yada” is Sweet!

My wife only went on one other date with one other guy before she started dating me. I married a very pure woman. We were both virgins when we got married five years later.

Her mother was a quadriplegic for 15 years before we got married. She could barely talk because of the paralysis in her lungs. She was a special woman. The night before our wedding, my wife’s mom said in her sweet whispering voice, “Beth, I want to talk to you about sex. Heeheehee. It’s so fun, heehee. You are just going to love it.” That was all she said. That is what “yada” is. It is meant to be sweetness from God. This sweetness flows from God and overflows into your relationship with God.

Ephesians 5:31-32 says that the sexual relationship between a husband and wife is the highest, purest picture of our relationship with Jesus. They are more intricately linked than people realize. There are many applications of this but the most powerful may come in the area of acceptance.

In true “yada,” you change how you view your body. Because “yada” means that your body is simply the glove that holds your soul, you are able to step away from this world’s cruel demand for physical perfection.

When sex is sweet, neither spouse will ever speak negatively about their own body or their spouse’s body. They love their bodies as the expression of their souls. As our bodies age, wrinkle, sag, and wear out they simply become more beautiful to our spouse.

T

When you quit looking for flaws in your body and receive your mate’s acceptance,

you will eventually quit looking for all the flaws in your soul and receive Jesus’ full acceptance. his overflows into your relationship with Jesus and it is so precious and beautiful that it may cause you to become emotional.
p<>{color:#000;}. When you quit looking for flaws in your body and receive your mate’s acceptance, you will eventually quit looking for all the flaws in your soul and receive Jesus’ full acceptance paid for by his shed blood, his death and resurrection and his gift of his righteousness given to you.

Just as an accepted mate still enjoys looking good to bring pleasure to their mate, you will enjoy growing in godliness to bring pleasure to your king, but you will stop walking in fear that Jesus is eager to criticize every flaw and expects perfection.

Are you weary of trying to have a perfect body and always failing? Are you weary of trying to be perfect for God and always failing? God gave us “yada” to set our hearts free.

4

Off

Course

In this chapter we will cover two main types of data.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Scientific and empirical studies giving information about sex outside of marriage

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p<>{color:#000;}. Hormonal information and medical studies concerning how sex affects our bodies

Some may find all of this medical, statistical, and scientific data fascinating.

For those who want the brief bottom line, larger headings of the summations are given at the beginning of each study.

Scientific and Empirical Information

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p<>{color:#000;}. Couples living together do NOT feel OBLIGATED LONG TERM.

L. J. Waite and M. Gallagher,

The Case for Marriage, 38.

Lack of commitment is a standard attitude in cohabiting relationships. Even when cohabiters have been together for long periods of time, they often do not feel obligated to remain with this partner forever.

Chapter 4 – OFF COURSE

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p<>{color:#000;}. Casual sex causes ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, and LOW SATISFACTION with LIFE.

“Risky Business:

Is There an Association Between Casual Sex

and Mental Health Among Emerging Adults?”

by Sacramento State University psychologist Melina Bersamin,

published in Journal of Sex Research

In a July 3, 2013 article in the N.Y. Daily News titled: “Casual sex, anxiety and depression in college students linked: study”

Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage — but so do casual sex and mental health issues, a new study finds.

Researchers have found that university students who recently had casual sex, which was defined as having intercourse with someone after knowing him or her for less than a week, also had higher levels of general anxiety, social anxiety and depression.

The investigators questioned 3,900 heterosexual college students between the ages of 18 and 25 from 30 different colleges across the U.S. about their sex lives and mental well-being.

Those who admitted they had recently engaged in casual sex tended to have lower levels of self-esteem, happiness and life-satisfaction than the respondents who hadn’t hooked-up with a relative stranger in the last 30 days, according to the study.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Couples living together experience more VIOLENT behavior.

C. T. Kenney, S. S. McLanahan,

“Why are cohabiting relationships more violent than marriages?”

Demography (Feb. 2006): 43(1):127–40.

Cohabiting couples experience violent behavior much more often than married couples. Cohabiting couples are also much more likely than married couples to say that arguments between them have become physical.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Most extensive study ever – Casual sex increases DRUG use – especially for WOMEN

The Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study

In an April 20th, 2013 article in Psychology Today titled “The Lingering Psychological Effects of Multiple Sex Partners”, Psychology Today references the most comprehensive long term study ever done on the long term effects of multiple sex partners. They stated:

An international team of mental health researchers headed by Dunedin School of Medicine’s Sandhya Ramrakha and colleagues (2013) were uniquely positioned to test the causal directions of the multiple sex partner-mental health connections. The Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study was begun in the mid-1970s on a cohort of over 1,000 children consisting of 90% of the children born between 1972 and 1973.  They were followed every 2 years until they were 15 and then again at ages 18, 21, 26, and 32.  An amazing large percentage (96%) remained available for testing over that 30-year period. 

For both men and women, taking into account prior psychological disorders, the ODDS of developing substance dependence INCREASED VIRTUALLY LINEARLY with the NUMBER of sex partners. The relationship was particularly pronounced, however, for women.

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p<>{color:#000;}. THREE separate studies that say that Couples who live together and then get married face a GREATER chance of DIVORCING than couples who never cohabited.

Lee A. Lillard, Michael J. Brien, and Linda J. Waite

,“Pre-Marital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Dissolution: Is It Self-Selection?” Demography 32 (1995): 437–458.

Elizabeth Thomson and Ugo Collela,

“Cohabitation and Marital Stability: Quality or Commitment?”

Journal of Marriage and the Family 54 (1992): 259–268.

G. K. Rhoades, S. M. Stanley, H. J. Markman,

“Pre-engagement cohabitation and gender asymmetry in marital commitment,” Journal of Family Psychology (Dec. 2006): 20(4):553–60.

 

Chapter 4 – OFF COURSE

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p<>{color:#000;}. One of the largest and longest running studies ever:

*
p<>{color:#000;}. The EARLIER you engage in sex outside of marriage,

*
p<>{color:#000;}. the LESS successful you will be as an adult.

M. R. Pergamit, L. Huang, and J. Lane,

“The Long-Term Impact

of Adolescent Risky Behaviors and Family Environment”

(Chicago: National Opinion Research Center (NORC),

Univ. of Chicago, August 2001).

This study uses data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth—1979 cohort (NLSY79). The NLSY79 is a large, nationally representative, omnibus survey sponsored by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Over 12,000 youths ages 14-22 were first interviewed in 1979. They have been re-interviewed annually through 1994 and biennially since. The sample has seen remarkably low attrition with over 84 percent having been interviewed in 1998 (the most recent year of data available at the time of this study).

The advantage of using the NLSY79 is the availability of measures of long-term adult outcomes in a continuous context. The youngest respondent in the NLSY79 turned 34 in 1998. There is a fairly consistent pattern that engaging in risky behaviors as a teenager is associated with less successful adult outcomes.

The most consistent predictor of a bad adult outcome is age of initiation into sexual activity.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Happiness is connected to the level of COMMITMENT in a relationship.

Laumann, Michael, and Kolata, Sex in America, 130.

Ultimately, the happiness in a relationship is directly related to its expectation of long-term stability and exclusivity.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Sexually active GIRLS

*
p<>{color:#000;}. nearly THREE times as likely to be Suicidal

*
p<>{color:#000;}. over THREE times as likely to be deeply Depressed

 

Sexually active BOYS

*
p<>{color:#000;}. over EIGHT times as likely to be Suicidal

*
p<>{color:#000;}. over TWICE as likely to be deeply Depressed

 

 

Rector RE, Johnson KA, Noyes LR. 2003

“Sexually Active Teenagers

Are More Likely to be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide.”

A Report of the Heritage Center for Data Analysis.

The Heritage Foundation; Washington, DC

Focusing only on the physical consequences of sexual behavior for adolescents, a mistake made by the AAP clinical report, can be harmful because it neglects serious negative social and emotional consequences. For example, an analysis of the National Longitudinal Survey on Adolescent Health (Add Health), the largest data set examining adolescent behaviors, reveals that sexually active adolescents, both boys and girls, are far more likely to be depressed and to attempt suicide than youth who are still virgins. A quarter (25.3 percent) of adolescent girls who are sexually active report being depressed all, most, or a lot of the time, compared to only 7.7 percent of girls who are not. Among boys, 8.3 percent who are sexually active say they are depressed all, most, or a lot of the time, while only 3.4 percent of adolescent boys who are not sexually active report the same.

The same data reveal that 14.3 percent of girls who are sexually active report having attempted suicide, compared to 5.1 percent of teenage girls who are not. Six percent of adolescent boys who are sexually active report having attempted suicide, compared to just 0.7 percent of boys who are not sexually active. Even when the researchers controlled for background variables, the differences remain. “When teens were compared to other teens who were identical in gender, race, age, and family income, those who were sexually active were significantly more likely to be depressed and to attempt suicide than were those who were not sexually active,” the researchers write.

Chapter 4 – OFF COURSE

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p<>{color:#000;}. Sexual Activity outside of Marriage = LOWER ACADEMIC Achievement!

Academic goals, achievement, and

age at first sexual intercourse: longitudinal, bidirectional influences.

Schvaneveldt PL, Miller BC, Berry EH, Lee TR

Adolescence. 2001 Winter; 36(144):767-87.

Sexual activity is related to lower subsequent academic achievement and goals. The change in academic achievement and goals for those who experienced sexual activity was statistically significant. Engaging in sexual intercourse appears to be associated with a decrease in subsequent educational goals and achievement.

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p<>{color:#000;}. WAITING until marriage produces BETTER MARRIAGES.

J Fam Psychol. 2010 Dec;24(6):766-74. doi: 10.1037/a0021690.

Compatibility or restraint? The effects of sexual timing on marriage relationships.

Busby DM1, Carroll JS, Willoughby BJ.

In another study, Dr. Dean Busby sought to find out the effect that sexual timing had on the health of a couple’s eventual marriage. He surveyed over 2,000 people who ranged in age from 19 to 71, had been married anywhere from 6 months to more than 20 years, and held a variety of religious beliefs (and no religious beliefs at all)..

What Busby found is that couples who delayed intimacy in a relationship enjoyed better long-term prospects and greater satisfaction in a variety of areas in their marriage. Those who waited until marriage to have sex reported the following benefits over those who had sex early on in the relationship:

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Relationship stability was rated 22 percent higher

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Relationship satisfaction was rated 20 percent higher

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Sexual quality of the relationship was rated 15 percent better

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Communication was rated 12 percent better

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p<>{color:#000;}. The human BRAIN – how we differ from animals in our

DECISIONS

Bush, Freda McKissic; McIlhaney Jr., Joe S.

Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children

(pp. 102-103). Moody Publishers

The major difference between humans and animals, from a purely physical perspective, is that human beings have the most highly developed prefrontal cortex of all creatures. We are not robots controlled by our brain hormones and sex hormones. Yes, the brain chemicals and their impact on our thoughts and desires are powerful. But we can control our actions. Indeed, to be fully human, we must. Therefore, in the early days of intense romance, we can forego sexual involvement and rationally think through the implications of the relationship with our prefrontal cortex. We can help our adolescents, college-age students, and unmarried young adults do this also. When individuals become involved in sex in ways that are casual, careless, or noncommittal, they are, consciously or unconsciously, attempting to separate sex from the rest of their personhood.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Sex outside of marriage TEARS down a SOUL.

P. Roger Hillerstrom and Karlyn Hillerstrom,

The Intimacy Cover-Up: Uncovering the Difference Between Love and Sex

(Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel, 2004), 29–31.

Allan Bloom, The Closing of the American Mind (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1987), 113.

Because sex is the most intimate connection we can have with another it requires the integration of all we are into that sexual involvement—our love, our commitment, our integrity, our bodies, our very lives—for all of our years. If sex is less than this, it is just an animal act, and in some ways we are performing like creatures because we are not practicing it as full human beings. Sex of this type can make a person “feel” close to their sexual partner when truly they are not close at all. Sex devoid of relationship focuses on the physical and can actually inhibit the best kind of growth in intimacy.

Chapter 4 – OFF COURSE

Hormonal Information

There are four primary hormones released during orgasm on which I will focus. For brevity, I will give very simple summations of these hormones.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Dopamine – The “whoohoo” hormone experienced in both men and women at orgasm

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Serotonin – The peace hormone experienced in both men and women after orgasm

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Oxytocin – The cuddle connectivity hormone

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Much stronger in women but also present in men.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Mostly released through gentle touch but also during orgasm

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Also, called the monogamy hormone because you want to stay

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Vasopressin – The protection hormone

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Only released in men during sex

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Chemically very similar to oxytocin

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Similar to oxytocin in the effect of wanting to stay and bond

The goal of this section is to connect the information in the first three and a half chapters to medical responses in your body. When you understand how your hormones respond, you will see that chemically, God made the human body to want and need one person sexually in a lifetime. This will explain the underlying medicine that produces much of the statistical results from earlier in this chapter.

With these four hormones we will cover three questions!

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p<>{color:#000;}. How often do women get orgasms in a sexual encounter?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What is the message and what are the effects of Oxytocin?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What is the message of Vasopressin?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. How often do women achieve orgasms during a sexual encounter?

The medical fact that a woman’s brain takes longer to decompress and destress the issues of life means that a male sexual partner needs a patient, servant’s heart to bring orgasm to his female sexual partner.

If the aim of a man’s life is as a taker, that direction will continue to dominate his life. Sex was free before marriage and it cost him nothing. He will become more impatient, selfish, and interested only in his own deviant pleasure the older he gets.

If he is expected to pay more or give more after marriage, he will refuse to pay for something that was free (i.e. baseball card analogy).

If a man starts off as a protector who deeply values this woman and pays a great price for her, then serving her through massages, which can lead to serving her through consistent female orgasms is a great joy for him.

General studies estimate that women receive orgasm about one third of the time in sexual encounters. However, these numbers go way down in casual sex relationships.

Sociologist Elizabeth Armstrong along with her colleagues analyzed quantitative data on the likelihood of orgasm among 15,000 heterosexual college students. Her data showed that in casual sex hookups, 10% or less is common for the amount of time a woman receives an orgasm from the original hookup. In a quote from her report:

Women know the difference. Said one: “When I… meet somebody and I’m gonna have a random hookup… from what I have seen, they’re not even trying to, you know, make it a mutual thing.”

Expecting an orgasm from a male hookup partner is even seen as demanding and rude. One woman explained how she felt like she didn’t have the “right” to ask for an orgasm: “I didn’t feel comfortable I guess. I don’t know. I think I felt kind of guilty almost, like I felt like I was kind of subjecting [guys] to something they didn’t want to do and I felt bad about it.”

Out of nerves, insecurity, or a lack of entitlement, women often prioritize men’s pleasure.

In a world where men are takers, women rarely get to experience dopamine or serotonin. Sex outside of marriage corrupts men to be takers.

Sadly, often the message does not change, even if the man commits to the woman in marriage. The wrong direction keeps you off course.

I wish that you could sit inside my head and see the over 7,000 couples whom I have counseled in almost 4 decades.

God made men to be one directional.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. If we are predators, takers, and animals, we are good at it.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. If we are servants, heroes, protectors, and knights in armor, we are good at it.

The direction set is everything.

I am not saying that women are helpless or innocent. Foolish women try to manipulate and think that feeding a taker will turn him into a giver.

Strong, healthy women learn that men are attracted to strength and that the more a woman is calm, clear, gracious, giving, consistent, and STRONG in her expectations, the more a man will change paths for her and seek to become a giver.

Chapter 4 – OFF COURSE

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What is the message and what are the effects of OXYTOCIN?

This powerful hormone is released in a woman’s body through tender cuddling. It causes the woman to want to give herself to the man and trust him. Sadly, many animalistic takers instinctively know this and use the woman’s hormones against her to break down her moral stance. As the cuddling increases through intercourse, the power of the oxytocin dosage increases and leaves the woman desiring a long-term bond with this man.

God gave this hormone to communicate the message to women that they were created to have sex with one man after the lifelong commitment of marriage.

When a woman is used and left repeatedly, it is easy to understand how oxytocin causes great emotional distress because of the broken bond. According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings, “When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now. Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship.”

In addition, there is a study that shows that childhood abuse can permanently lower a woman’s ability to produce oxytocin.

Molecular Psychiatry (2009) 14, 954–958; doi:10.1038/mp.2008.112;

Lower CSF oxytocin concentrations in women with a history of childhood abuse

C Heim1, L J Young1, D J Newport1, T Mletzko1, A H Miller1 and C B Nemeroff1

1Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Emory University School of Medicine, WMRB, Atlanta, GA, USA Received 30 October 2007; Revised 2 September 2008; Accepted 1 October 2008; Published online 28 October 2008.

There are many examples, and most of us have known women who have become extremely emotionally cold and incapable of forming healthy attachments after repeated traumatic relational breakups. Although more research needs to be done, this study is a frightening reminder of the damage that can be done by intentionally twisting relationships into taking, animalistic perversions where the goal is to use another person for your own pleasure.

There is a massive amount of public information available on oxytocin. If you enjoy research, you will find further study of this hormone fascinating.

In a marriage, oxytocin has numerous benefits and can be increased in both the wife and the husband.

Obviously the end goal for starting a time of making love with a massage would be to greatly increase the flow of oxytocin in the marriage.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What is the message of VASOPRESSIN?

Vasopressin is released in a man during orgasm. Its chemical composition is eerily similar to oxytocin, as are its effects.

Scientists became aware of vasopressin’s role in long-term relationships while studying prairie voles and mountain voles. 

Only three percent of mammals form “family” relationships like we do.

The prairie vole is one such animal who mates for life and prefers spending time with its mate over spending time with any other voles, even avoiding other voles of the opposite sex. They spend hours grooming each other and when they have offspring, the couple work together to care for them.

According to studies by Larry Young, a social attachment researcher at Emory University, when prairie voles mate, like humans, they release the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. They have the needed receptors in their brain for these hormones in the regions responsible for reward and reinforcement, and they form a bond with their mate. That bond is for that particular vole based on its smell – sort of like an imprint. As further reinforcement, dopamine is also released in their brain’s reward center when they have sex, making the experience enjoyable and ensuring that they will want to do it again. Because of the oxytocin and vasopressin, they want to have sex with the same vole, again and again.

The mountain voles however, who are almost entirely the same as the prairie voles, except the fact that they do not have receptors for oxytocin or vasopressin in their brain, continue with their one-night stands, as these bonding chemicals have no effect.

The scientists decided to give extra vasopressin (a hormone found in the prairie vole) receptors to the mountain voles, which have fewer vasopressin receptors.

The results were remarkable. After the ‘V1a receptor gene’ was introduced, the former playboys reformed their ways. Suddenly, they fixated on one female, choosing to mate with only her, even when other females tried to tempt them.

In another experiment, male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin. The bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors.

God clearly gave this hormone to communicate the message to men that they were created to have sex with one woman after the lifelong commitment of marriage, as men did for thousands of years.

Chapter 4 – OFF COURSE

That leads to the question of why men in this end times generation are so easily able to overcome the effects of vasopressin.

Renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher poses in her book Why We Love, that testosterone can[_ _]reduce the chemistry of male-female attachment:

Increased levels of testosterone can decrease levels of vasopressin and oxytocin –

the very chemicals responsible for male-female attachment”

She states that there is ample evidence that men in committed romantic relationships have lower levels of testosterone than single men.

As a man’s marriage becomes less stable, his levels of testosterone rise. With divorce, his testosterone levels rise even more.

According to Fisher, increased levels of testosterone can decrease levels of vasopressin and oxytocin – the very chemicals responsible for male-female attachment. When scientists surgically pumped testosterone into monogamous male sparrows, these faithful fathers abandoned their nests, their young, and their wives to court other females.

But the reverse also happens. As a man becomes more and more attached to his lover, levels of testosterone can decline. In fact, at the birth of a child, expectant fathers experience a significant decline in levels of testosterone. Even when a man holds a baby, levels of testosterone decrease.

In simple terms, by choosing to be an aggressive taker, men use their testosterone to overcome the effects of vasopressin!

5

Moving

Forward

Congratulations! By reading through this booklet you have revealed many things to yourself. You are a leader! You are not willing for your life to be swept aside in emptiness, just because others blindly follow that path. You think deeply, take initiative and work hard to have your best future.

In this last chapter you will find many of the rewards for your discipline and diligence. You are ready to move forward into the sweet, blessed life that God has planned for you.

Purity in Dating

There four truths that will make a single adult strong, lighthearted and successful in dating.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Physical guidelines in dating

I once knew a person who came up with 15 rules for Christians in the area of touch in a dating relationship. It sounded exhausting.

Matthew 11:30 says, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Jesus’ way is supposed to be easy. There is an easy way to have a pure dating life. It works for everyone! The simple effective guideline is:

Never be alone in a private place…EVER!

If you ever say to the person you are dating, “Let’s watch a movie back at my place,” you are a fool and intentionally inviting trouble. You intend to be immoral, and you know it in your heart.

Proverbs 22:3 says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” The Bible makes it clear that no one can resist temptation. In every Bible reference we are NOT told to resist temptation but to flee or avoid temptation. (2 Timothy 2:22, Mt. 6:13, Mt. 26:41, I Cor. 6:18, I Cor. 7:2, I Cor. 10:13, I Tim. 6:9)

If you put yourself in a situation where you are tempted, you will fall. You have disobeyed God by entering into the temptation and no one can resist temptation.

Chapter 5 – MOVING FORWARD

When you are in a public place together, you are free from temptation. Public is any place where you are not alone. If you are sitting in a car talking in a deserted parking lot, you are alone. If you are sitting in a car talking in a busy parking lot where people are going in and out of the building, you are in a public place.

My wife and I had this guideline for the multiple years we dated before marriage. It never occurred to us to be sexually active because the temptation was gone. As a result, I was fascinated with her thoughts, her soul, and her life. We had the richest conversations and the deepest friendship.

Instead of finding your godly mate,

you may help give spiritual birth to them.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Attracting healthy souls

By having great boundaries, you might be surprised by how many other wonderful people are also looking for someone like you. There are more great, high quality dating possibilities available than many people have realized. The reason they did not find them in the past is because these top notch dating options were only looking for other high standard individuals. Healthy souls are attracted to other healthy souls. Now that your heart has been set free by truth, they will be looking for you and you will recognize them.

Even more, this booklet has the potential to be a magnet to create healthy souls. If you gave this booklet to 50 people who are living sexually immoral lives, you might be pleasantly startled by how many of them respond in a very positive manner.

Many people of all religious backgrounds are weary of this sexually saturated, sexually obsessed, sexually dysfunctional society. They have followed this world, simply because no one gave them a well-reasoned logical explanation of how to have a better life.

You might regularly find one-third of them responding with hunger and eagerness. You may find yourself helping change many lives and assisting in great spiritual growth.

This spiritual ministry may open up directions of romantic opportunities you never expected. Instead of finding your godly mate, you may help give spiritual birth to them.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Recognizing what is at stake

When dating, it is essential to understand what the Bible says about eternity related to intentional sexual immorality. Each person should ask, “Does the Bible say that any intentionally sexually immoral person will go to heaven?”

Before we answer that question, let’s gain some perspective. If at any time in the past 2000 years I had asked any Bible believing Christian, “Do you think I can have sex any time I want, with anyone I want, and still go to heaven,” they would have thought I was either joking or crazy.

Sex is God’s clearest picture of his covenant. When you have sex outside of marriage you are shouting as loud as can be shouted to all of the heaven, “I renounce Jesus Christ.” You could shout it with your mouth, and you would not have said it louder than when you had the act of sex outside of marriage.

Sex outside of marriage is the same thing as thinking you can get to heaven without Jesus. It is the ultimate stance of reward without responsibility.

Thus, before we answer this question Biblically, let’s get some historical perspective. Let’s realize that the question itself is extremely embarrassing. The fact that anyone today would even consider taking this question seriously is evidence of the level of deception in this end times society.

The bottom line, however comes down to what the Bible says. Thankfully, the Bible is very clear on this subject. There are 12 places in the New Testament that say if you intend to have sex outside of marriage, you are not going to heaven. (1 Cor. 5:11, 1 Cor. 6:9-10, I Cor. 10:8, Eph. 5:3-5, Col. 3:5-6, II Timothy 3:1-8, Heb. 12:16, Heb. 13:4, Jude 1:7, Rev. 2:19-23, Rev.21:8, Rev. 22:12-15)

Please understand that this has nothing to do with forgiveness of past sins.

The Bible is referring to those who intend to sin sexually in the FUTURE and have no problem with this habit. This INTENTIONAL sexual immorality is defined in scripture as a sin that definitely keeps you out of heaven.

Grace is not permission to do wrong, but the power to do right.

Theologians may argue for a lifetime over whether this person was never truly a Christian or whether they renounced Jesus. That is a confusing point.

W

Grace is not permission to do wrong, but the power to do right. hat is not confusing though, is what the Bible says about your ultimate destiny if you are intentionally sexually immoral.
p((<>{color:#000;}. Knowing this Biblical truth gives you strength and wisdom to stay pure in your dating life.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Repenting and receiving forgiveness

34 times in the New Testament the word for repent is the Greek word metanoeō. It comes from two words: meta “after” and metanoeō “understanding.” In other words, by reading through this booklet and sincerely understanding it, you have already repented. You have had your heart awakened. You are now changed. You are now in the phase of “after understanding.” True repentance is when you understand WHY the world’s way is death and the way of Jesus is life.

When you choose from this point forward to “never be alone in a private place” you are showing that your heart understands. You are bearing the fruit of repentance.

Chapter 5 – MOVING FORWARD

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Matthew 3:8 says, “Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.”

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Acts 26:20 says, “…I preached that they should repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds.”

It will bring you great relief to pray through to receive the Lord’s forgiveness if you have past sins that weigh heavily on your heart.

You may want to pray this prayer:

Lord Jesus, thank you for opening my eyes to understand and repent. By your shed blood, I ask for your forgiveness, receive your forgiveness and forgive myself.

I release over myself the power of I John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

And the power of Hebrews 9:14, “How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!”

I claim forgiveness, a clean conscience, and a new heart for you, in Jesus name. Amen!

You have bravely faced some deep issues through your study of this booklet. If you need more healing, consider seeing a counselor or pastor to allow the Lord to finish the process and move you forward with hope.

Married Couples

Here are three subjects that may reestablish married couples quickly.

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p<>{color:#000;}. What if you had sex before marriage?

It is so extremely important to quickly and briefly receive the Lord’s forgiveness and each other’s forgiveness. This is such a tender moment on an emotionally raw subject. If you have both read this booklet, please agree to not talk about the past. Above all, do not assign blame. Put the past under the blood of Jesus.

Your repentance will be walking out your new habits in your sex life. With understanding of the sensitivity of this moment, please simply join hands and one of you pray the words: “Lord Jesus, we receive your forgiveness, and we forgive each other.”

By keeping it short and sweet, you can protect each other’s heart and quickly turn the direction of your marriage toward the future.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Establishing new patterns in your sex life

As covered in chapter 3, it helps greatly to have an opportunity to talk through the details and work out a plan that makes you both feel comfortable before beginning your time of making love with a massage.

The massage is such a massive point of repentance that the positive effects grow every month for many years. As also stated in chapter 3, it greatly helps if the husband will get a professional massage and ask the masseur for lots of instruction on how to serve his wife.

To repeat again from chapter 3, if the wife will gently wince when the husband presses too hard and moan and praise him constantly when he does well, the husband will quickly grow in his skills of massage.

Lastly, as also mentioned previously, if your marriage has a habit of cutting words spoken you may need the help of a counselor.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Your children and grandchildren

By fighting for God’s best in your marriage, you are fighting for the souls of your children and grandchildren. By living a Christ-like life in your bedroom, you are going to cause an overflow of Christ-like living in your home and in every other area of your life. When you combine the testimony of your life with the truths in this booklet, your children and grandchildren will build a powerful testimony of life and victory and they will have you to thank for it!

I’ve Finished the Booklet – What Now?

Here are four possible directions for those who have finished the booklet.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Parents training their children

The beauty of this booklet is that you can go through different sections of the material at 5-10 various seasons with your children. The intentional brevity of the writing style gives a parent multiple options. Short bursts of information help with children’s shorter attention spans. It also encourages you to move beyond the material to discussions or to use other materials for further research.

You can also use the booklet to build community support through your children’s minister, youth minister, school bible groups, homeschool groups, or Christian schools. The more your children see other young people and families walking in great freedom, the more they will have confidence to walk in the truth in their own lives.

Chapter 5 – MOVING FORWARD

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p<>{color:#000;}. Those struggling or spiritually searching

We always recommend that everyone establish a spiritual base by finding a healthy Bible believing church and seeking counsel and support while serving faithfully in that church family.

In addition, Walking with Wisdom is a Christian counseling resource ministry, providing free resources for churches, counselors and individuals. The website www.WalkingwithWisdom.com provides many resources for hungry hearts. You may want to review some of the subjects covered and download any of the teachings that most may apply to your situation.

Most of all, we encourage you to seek help. Keep seeking resources, solid healthy Christian friends and strong Biblical churches that will encourage and guide you. The Lord Jesus is for you. He is so proud of you for coming this far and has great plans for you.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Those wanting to help others with this booklet

On the WalkingwithWisdom.com website, there is a question and answer section on the page related to this booklet. It provides many tips on how to minister to friends. It also offers many resources and directions of ministry. The most important idea is to create a prayer list. Please consider reading through that page and starting a prayer list.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Churches wanting to use this booklet as an outreach and a draw for visitors

We left the back cover blank intentionally. If a church wanted to become a distribution center for these booklets, they could place their own sticker on the back of the booklet advertising their church. They could then supply these booklets to the Christian: Schools, Homeschoolers, Colleges, and Counselors, as well as Abortion Alternative, Drug Rehab or Homeless ministries in their area. Those whose lives were dramatically changed by the booklet would be the most likely to visit the church with the sticker on the back.

The pdf and the eBook are free. In addition, if you want to print copies of this booklet, we can connect you with our printer who gives us great bulk rates. If you do not want to print copies we do sell bulk quantities at our cost. We only ship in set quantities of what is already in the box. We charge $125 for a box of 90 printed booklets and we pay for the shipping if you live in the continental United States.

It is a wonderful thing to see hearts restored to purity and freedom through God’s truth.

 


Medical Monogamous Information

  • Author: lcprojection
  • Published: 2016-10-30 22:35:26
  • Words: 16513
Medical Monogamous Information Medical Monogamous Information