Mad Man Tales

















By Rajkumar Andrew


Copyright 2017


Shakespir Edition














Shakespir Edition, License Notes



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This book does not belong to any genre. There are five tales in this book, inspired from various events of my life, some tales are pure fiction and some are true incidents. This book is to serve the purpose, not to fall under any genre. Each tale is different and does not relate to one another.

Tale 1 – I wonder

One day, the mad man was sitting in his chair, doing nothing but thinking. It was a sunny day. He wondered why the Sun is so hot. Though he knows that the burning of gases make the Sun hot, but he wondered why the burning of gases should actually be hot. He wonders for everything, why the blood is red why not a blue or green, though he knows hemoglobin makes it red, he wonders why hemoglobin is making it particularly red. Though he knows that when iron from hemoglobin and oxygen from air intersects, it reflects the last color in the spectrum, i.e. VIBGYOR – last one is red, that’s why blood is red, he wonders how does all colors when combined becomes white. He knows that each color we see is a reflection, for example grass reflects green and absorbs other colors, VIBYOR. And so does blood reflects red and absorbs VIBGYO. He wonders what black reflects, though he knows that black absorbs all colors and does not reflect anything and that’s why it is black. And white reflects all colors and that’s why it’s white or bright. He wondered and wondered and learned everything, which you may think made him mad.

No, there is only one thing in this world which can make a man mad. The mad man has a soul mate, not yet married, but a soul mate and she never wonders. The mad man wonders why she never wonder. If mad man explains something very interesting, she stops in the middle and asks whether he had his dinner. Mad man wonders is his dinner so important, she really has no interest in the thoughts of the mad man. Mad man had a language barrier with her, she was Chinese and he was Hindi, mad man’s country has several languages so he cannot be known after his country. Mad man learnt Chinese in a year after he met her, but she never wondered. This made the mad man quarter mad. Even he thought of possibilities to extend his eye brows like Chinese. He practiced eating with chopsticks, she never wondered which made him half mad. He started wearing Chinese apparels, but one can identify him easily as that he is not a Chinese. He watched Chinese movies and laughed for Chinese jokes, she never wondered, this is when people saw him as three quarters mad. At last he wondered what will make her wonder, as he did everything he could to make her wonder. He wondered and wondered and wondered and could not find an answer for this. He sat and thought, he wrote a book in Chinese language and it sold a million copies, he was given an award from the Chinese government for learning their language and achieving by writing a book in their language. The book was about ideas to make a Chinese woman wonder. Every one wondered and at last she too…wait she was not wondered yet. The mad man was promoted to full mad.

Then the mad man decided to ask her what will make her wonder, he asked her for a date and they met in a hotel. Meanwhile, mad man was in his late twenties and wanted to reproduce wondering heirs. And she was a year elder to him and she too wanted to reproduce non-wondering species. The mad man argued with her what will make her wonder and she asked why she should wonder. The fight went on for an hour, they finished their dinner and he dropped her at her home. Her father was a monk, he do not like the mad man, but he had no objection for her to marry the mad man. She got out of the mad man’s car thinking that this relationship is not going to work out after all. The mad man called her, she turned back and asked what. He too got down the car and knelt in front of her and asked her whether she will marry him. And she said,

“I was wondering when you will ask this to me.”

And the mad man thought, “MOTHER OF GOD”. He never wondered after that.

Tale 2 – Mad boy

It was a parent-teacher meeting.

“Did you show your English test paper to your mother?” Miss. Billy asked the boy angrily. He shook his head from left to right, twice.

“Show it to her now. Mrs. Pamela, you should really take a look at that.” The boy took the test paper out of his bag and gave it to his mother.

“For your information, this is a grammar test. There is an exercise for developing sentence formation. Students have to fill in the blanks with verbs. See what your son has done.” Miss. Billy said.

Mrs. Pamela looked at the test paper. There were six sentences. All six had blanks in it and the students are supposed to fill in the blanks with verbs. It read “My mother well.”, six times. The students should fill up with the blanks with six different verbs, like “My mother sings well”, “My mother cooks well”, “My mother dances well” etc. Mrs. Pamela was shocked to see what he wrote.

1. My mother took water from the well.

2. My mother stood near the well.

3. My mother looked into the well.

4. My mother threw a stone into the well.

5. My mother dug a well.

For the final one, Samuel was very much confused what to write, and at last he wrote

6. My mother jumped into the well.

Mrs. Pamela busted out in laughter reading that, even Miss. Billy was laughing. “Look Mrs. Pamela, I tried to make him understand that he should fill in verbs, but he is stubborn that what he wrote is correct. Of course, what he wrote is correct, but you get my point right?”

“I get your point Miss. Billy. This comes from his father, just like his father.” She laughed again.

And the mad boy, grew into the mad man, true story.

Tale 3 – The ghost of Bharadhiyar

Once upon a time, there lived a…no…there was a ghost.

It was a fresh ghost, so naïve and it hadn’t learned yet how to haunt the living. It was the ghost of mad man. Mad man always wanted to haunt people after his death, inspired by various horror movies. Especially he wanted to haunt his Chinese wife.

So the mad man’s ghost searched for a tutor which could teach how to haunt people. It flew over the world, country to country in search of the right tutor ghost. After what seemed to be an eternity, well actually after a search of 6 months, mad man’s ghost found a well experienced co-ghost which could teach the morbid skills of haunting, at Uganda. The master ghost claimed that various horror movies were made inspired by the doings of it and its disciple ghosts. So mad man’s ghost joined itself as a disciple ghost to the master ghost.

Lessons started from the next day. Basic lessons such as blowing air, witch-laugh therapy and touching things were taught. Day by day, the lessons became vigorous. Appearing in glimpses were taught in the 2nd week. Possessing the living bodies were taught in the 3rd week. It was a great learning experience. Mad man’s ghost experimented all its learnings on people. So, it’s been a month and mad man’s ghost became a master ghost itself, well we can call mad man’s ghost as mad master now onwards. So, mad master wanted to stage a perfect haunting, to its living Chinese wife. Mad master’s idea is to sneak into the Chinese wife’s bedroom while sleeping and pretend that mad man is not dead after all. Anyhow, the Chinese wife was in her eighties by then, but very healthy.

So, mad master started its travel from Uganda to China. On the way, mad master visited India and met with the ghost of Bharadhiyar. When mad master explained its plan to the ghost of Bharadhiyar, it became curious and expressed its interest to be an audience of the supposed haunt. So mad master and ghost of Bharadhiyar travelled to China together. They reached china after 2 days of flying and were very tired. So, it’s been around 9 months since mad man’s demise.

Both the ghosts stayed in a Chinese tallow tree and waited for midnight. The clock ticked to 12 and they both sneaked into the Chinese wife’s bedroom. And, she was not there. Only after that mad master noticed that the house had been locked. With great disappointment, mad master apologized to the ghost of bharadhiyar, so both decided to find where the Chinese wife is. Suddenly someone tapped mad master’s shoulder. It was the ghost of Chinese monk, who was a cop once and father of mad man’s wife or we can say precisely as mad man’s father in law.

From him mad master learned that his wife died after a month of mad man’s demise. Mad master screamed in grief and flew to her grave. There she was buried next to him. Mad master scolded itself for being such a fool, that it was not near her while she died, instead it roamed all over the world to learn how to haunt her.

“Where the hell have you been so long?”

Mad master turned and found the Chinese wife’s ghost floating. So it apologized to it and it accepted its apology. “Sorry my dear, I dint expect that you’ll die. You were so healthy.”

“You thought that I could survive without you?” it asked the mad master. Then both ghosts hugged and cried for a long time at the moon lit Chinese graveyard.

The ghost of bharadhiyar was very much moved by the scene and remembered one of his hymns and sang aloud.

Like a worm struck in the fishing hook,

Like a flickering lamp,

My heart beats for you.

Frustrated by the loneliness,

My heart hated all the things I ever loved so far.”

(A small excerpt from MahaKavi Bharadhiyar’s “Kannan pattu”)

Tale 4 – Hello Mr. Green

Somewhere in the future.

Humans were well advanced and abandoned earth long back. Humans have imposed genes for growing wings in their bodies and nowadays humans are born with wings, although they are technically advanced, they were still separated by color of their wings. Black wings and white wings.

Inter planetary travels has become common nowadays and intergalactic travels are under its final research stage. Mr. Green (of course white wings), the portfolio manager of this research has come up with a feasible model for the supposed travel and a first mission was planned accordingly. Mr. Green accompanied with ten of his attendants (9 white wings and 1 black wing), started the travel in their newly designed shuttle. Humans considered this as a great leap in technology.

The shuttle crossed the Milky Way and was struck in an unknown magnetic field and disappeared. All humans were shocked, disappointed and grieved for Mr. Green and team. Days passed, no clues where found about them, the research continued.

Actually, the shuttle was struck in a time loop and was thrown several years backwards to the home planet Earth. And the shuttle landed in the outskirts of Chennai, in the year 2018.

Madman was waiting for his Chinese girlfriend, in Meenambakkam Airport. For the first time, his girlfriend is visiting India, for their marriage. A flight full of traditionally dressed Chinese citizens, relatives of his girlfriend landed at Chennai, the airport looked like a Chinese dragon boat festival. Madman was not expecting such a crowd, as he came in an auto to pick up her and her daddy. It took 3 hours for him to greet all of her relatives in a Chinese traditional posture, “Nǐn hǎo, Xìnghuì”.

Somehow he managed to get them all out of the airport and lodged them in a decent hotel. Her daddy was staring at madman in a very strange manner throughout, for reasons unknown. Three more days left for their marriage and she has already adopted herself to Indian culture. There was a huge language barrier between the man and woman’s relatives, was an advantage in a way.

Their marriage was flashed as a news in the city, reporters from various channels covered the events as live. All the wedding noises settled down in a grand manner after a day, and the Chinese relatives returned home leaving back the bride and her father who stayed for a week and went off. The couple have not yet decided where to reside at. They temporarily rented a villa in the outskirts of Chennai, a peaceful area with no disturbances for the newly married couple.

The Chinese wife was in deep sleep, Madman was still awake although it has passed midnight, thinking why his father in law was staring at him throughout the wedding. Is it because he took an auto to receive his relatives? Might be, he thought. His thought was interrupted by a door knock. Mad man had a fear for ghosts by nature, and he was severely frightened, so he tried to wake up his wife who was a martial artist and a very brave woman. However, he decided to prove her that he is also brave and went down alone. He peeked through the lens and saw two persons with wings.

Fear struck in madman’s spine and he ran upstairs screaming, scolding himself for the absurd idea of proving himself to his wife. He work her wife up in a hurry and hugged her tightly, shivering in fear. He explained what he saw to her as she enquired. She calmed him down and ignoring his blabbering she went down to see the situation, with her father’s pistol (her father privately shipped that pistol for her safety).

She looked out of the window and found two winged men standing, of course her husband is not a Madman she thought, though technically he was a Madman. She enquired, who they are and what do they want. With utter politeness she received the reply that they are men from the future and very kindly requested her not to call the cops. She asked what they want. They said they are hungry and requested her to offer something to eat. She opened the door and invited them inside, not knowing whether she was doing the right thing.

She explained the happenings to madman and he fainted, woke up the next morning and noticed the winged creatures sleeping beside him. He rolled down the bed and rolled down the stairs and rolled over to the kitchen, sniffing the smell of his wife. They had no TV in their house, as they did not want any kind of disturbances, and they seldom read the news. She was watching the flash news, while cooking. The news said that Aliens have invaded planet Earth, and the army has captured 8 aliens and searching for 2 more. Photographs of aliens have went viral. It was flashed that the Aliens have claimed that they are the men from future. USA has requested ISRO to handover the Aliens to NASA for further research, for which India has denied. Churches declared that, Armageddon has commenced and those men are the angels sent from heaven.

Madman freaked out by the voice from behind, “Thank you, my kind madam for letting us in. And Sir, I am Green, and this is my associate Mr. Jay. We are harmless, please do understand.”

Madman calmed down after few hours, and became friends with them. Mr. Green explained their technologies, Madman listened with awe. His wife informed the happenings to her father, who started immediately and reached India the next day and kept staring at madman again. He explained him that all these happened only because of his daughter’s demand, though he never stopped staring. The next day, military officials arrived and arrested Mr. Green and his associate.

After so many researches and enquiries with the winged men, ISRO declared that they are men from future and several papers were published about future technologies and interplanetary travels. As a result, interplanetary travel became possible sooner than actually happened in the future. Meantime, scientists traced the other end of the time loop and made all the preparatory works to send the winged men back to the future, which took eight whole years. Mad man and his wife resided at China, with their five children and her father who was still staring at Madman.

A date was fixed for the wing men to leave. One week prior to departure, Mr. Green and his associates paid a visit to Madman’s residence at China and delivered gifts to the children. Chinese cuisine was specially prepared by Madman’s father in law and served to the winged men. Mad man was meeting the other eight associates for the first time, though he was familiar with their names, thanks to the News.

Mr. Green shared various secrets of future technologies to Madman which they have never shared with the ISRO. However, Madman was not even a bit interested about the sayings. While Mr. Green enquired about why he looks disturbed of something, Madman said him about his father in law’s staring at him since the wedding. Mr. Green promised him that he would investigate the reason behind this and let him know before his departure.

Mr. Green enquired with the Chinese monk, why he keeps staring at his son in-law, for which he replied that he stares simply for no reason. Mr. Green insisted to solve the problem and requested the monk to reveal the true reason behind his staring. The monk swore to Mr. Green that there was literally no reason his staring, he just simply stares. The monk advised the winged man that, everything that happens does not require a reason. The monk first stared at Madman when he proposed his daughter in front of him. Next time he stared when he awkwardly greeted his relatives in an awful Chinese traditional way thinking that he is pleasing the relatives. Then he stared at him for his intelligence for hiring an auto for a crowd of relatives, likewise Madman gave so many reasons for the monk to stare at him. The monk got habituated with the habit of staring and he continued staring at him for no reasons. Mr. Green was bewildered by the explanation and he conveyed it to the Madman for which Madman threw a look like “Seriously?”

The winged men bid goodbye to the family and departed China and after a week departed the Earth.

This time, the time loop has changed its pattern and the other end of the time loops was a different galaxy, a different planet and a different set of people, more advanced than Mr. Green and co. They were welcomed by the human beings, they somehow identified Mr. Green as the time traveler and Madman was depicted as the savior of the time traveler. Well okay, Madman’s wife was depicted as the savior of the time travelers.

Tale 5 – The legendary grandfather

Madman had a legendary grandfather, Mr. Dalton. Most people often misspelled his name and he is often addressed as “To Mr. Dalti, Mr. Dalda, Mr. Dalson”, likewise. He was a customs officer, extremely humorous and sarcastic as hell. He keep nicknames for everyone, for example he calls madman as “the crow”, will tell the reason later. He was one hell of a powerful man, had held very high ranks in his department and after his retirement he practiced as a lawyer in the tribunal court. He had very powerful clients. Madman acquired all his skills from his one and only legendary grandfather.

Dalton followed military rules in his house. He never allowed anyone to speak louder, everyone must sleep early and wake up even earlier. But no one in the house ever followed his rules. The reason was his wife, Mrs. Suriya Dalton. She was one hell of a woman. She makes master plans on how to break Dalton’s rules. Sometimes he used to be out of town, for a couple of days and the house will celebrate it like a festival, like no time limits and no rules. However the house gets bored without him within a day.

Dalton wanted Madman to become a cop or a lawyer as he believed that those professions give authority & power. However Madman ended up as an Engineer. He visited his grandparents often, whenever he got holidays in his college.

Every morning, Dalton used to peek inside Madman’s room and shout “Suriya, the crow is still inside the ark.” Then he will switch off the fan and walk away. Madman will get up in next five minutes with full of sweat and all. Madman then gets dressed up, breaks his fast and will leave the house. Then he returns for lunch, eat, leave and return for dinner.

“Suriya, the crow has returned to the arc. I don’t think the dinner is ready yet, we need to feed the crow. So hurry up.” Madman ignored these dialogues, not understanding the reason lying underneath.

That morning, Madman broke his fast and was about to leave the house when Dalton called out for him. He handed him a two rupees coin and asked him to buy a newspaper. It was past eleven in the morning.

“Newspapers would have been sold out by now.”

“Then go to the printing press and buy one. Or go to the library and wait till they archive today’s paper and bring it. I won’t accept No as an answer.”


“Where is my newspaper?”

“But you just now said me to buy newspaper, like five seconds back.”

“Don’t justify your laziness. You are slower than a dead snail.”

“All right.”

Madman returned for lunch, sneaked in slowly as he knew the timing when his grandfather would sleep and left before he woke up. He got caught in the evening, in the house’s terrace, when he was talking with his Chinese girlfriend. Dalton reprimanded him and asked “Where is the newspaper.”

“I have put it on your table, in the afternoon. You were sleeping, so I dint want to disturb.”

“Is it so? Come and show me.”

There it was lying nice and untouched. He gave him a loyal chap medal of honor and appraised his loyalty. “If you continue this behavior, I may promote you as a dove.”

“What dove?”

“A loyal dove that does not come home only to eat.” He said and walked away. “And I forgot to mention. One of your friends came to see you.”

“Which friend?”

“Don’t know his name, but he was a blind person.”

Some other day, madman was sitting in Dalton’s office room and reading a book. Dalton was working on an important case. He dint have a mobile phone, only the landline phone was there beside his working desk. The phone rang and disturbed his case study. With utter irritation, he picked the receiver.

“Dalton here.”


“He is not here.”


“He has left for college, couple of days back. He will return only for Christmas.”


“All right.”

He cut the call and placed the receiver on the desk so that no one could call him. Madman was listening to all this and asked, “Who was that on the phone?”

“Wrong number.”

“I don’t think so.”

Dalton turned and stared at madman. “Do you know what rank I held in my department?”

“Superintendent, I guess.”

“Do you know how high is that rank?”

“Pretty high, I guess.”

“You know how many calls a person of such a high rank is getting a day?”


“Hardly two calls a day. And what is your qualification?”

“Pursuing bachelor’s degree.”

“And you get a minimum twenty to twenty five calls, per hour. How is that even justifiable? Your mobile phone is overflowing with calls and your friends are calling to my personal number, asking for a useless fellow like you. You have been here for fifteen days and killed almost all the birds which visit this house every day.”

“What? When did I kill birds? I never did.”

“Yes, you did. Your mobile phone is emitting radiations in a very dangerous level because of the high number of calls you receive, and it kills the birds flying over this house. You are a threat to the ecosystem.”

Madman was dumbstruck by this answer. Dalton continued, “And your mobile phone’s ringtone is in such a high volume, causing noise pollution in this house. The cats roaming around the compound has gone deaf. Don’t you even have little humanity? What did those little creatures do to you?” he sighed with regret.

“I am very sorry. Maybe, I should leave.”

“Why are you getting angry now? I dint ask you to leave. I just said the facts. You have more one week holidays right? I will manage somehow.”

“Well, I meant I should leave for dinner, like leave to the dining hall.”

“You don’t have any shame. Do you?”

“No. Anyway, at least tell me who called.”

“It was your blind friend again.”

“I don’t have any blind friend.”

“Yes, you have. That guy, Ronkie. Sorry, Rinkie.”

“You mean, Roonie?”


“He is not blind, he just wear a spectacles.”

“Well, what kind of man do wear specs? A man with eye disorder. Anyone with an eye disorder is blind according to the military rules and will never be allowed to join the force, period. I am glad that you are not blind. Though you are a little bit retarded, you are not blind.”

“Whatever.” Madman ran away from the spot.

Finally Madman finished his degree, and got a job in the Middle East. Dalton looked very upset with the news and he never liked the idea of madman going out of the country. He tried to convince madman by asking him to attend the cop selection program, which Madman denied. The day that Madman has to leave arrived at last.

“Grandpa, I am leaving. You will get three phone calls from now on every day. And the ecosystem will be revived. I will send hearing machines for those cats.”

They both laughed.

“And the crow will not return home for food anymore.” Madman saw his grandpa’s eyes filled with tears, for the first time in his life. Madman got a bit emotional and finally asked,

“Why did you name me as the crow? I am not that much dark skinned.”

“Oh, you don’t know? Maybe, I will say some other time. You are getting late for your flight.”

“I have plenty of time, I am leaving a day advance.”

“Okay.” Dalton walked into his office and sat in his chair. Madman followed him and sat in a chair opposite to him.

Dalton cleared his throat and asked, “Do you know Noah?”

“The biblical Noah? Yeah I know him.”

“Do you know his story?”

“Yeah. God was angry on human beings and destroyed every living things, except Noah and his family. They escaped the flood with other living things, one pair of each type. Am I right?”

“Yeah. Do you know what happened next?”

“The flood decreased and everyone came out.”

“You are missing a middle story. A story with great meaning.”

“And what is that?”

“According to genesis, chapter eight, after forty days of flood Noah sent a crow outside to check whether the flood has drained. And the crow kept flying back and forth, until the floods have drained. Then he sent a dove after seven days. The dove plucked an olive leaf and returned to Noah. It was a signal that the flood has drained.”

“Okay. How do you relate that story to name me as the crow?”

“Well, there is an explanation for that. It means that, the crow did not find anything to eat outside. That’s why it kept flying back and forth to Noah, to get food. Just to get fed. Noah found the crow as useless. But, Noah found the dove as a loyal creature. As it was useful to his master and informed him that the flood has drained. You know, you come home only to eat. You are a useless fellow till now. That’s why I named you as the crow, I am Noah and this house is the ark. May the almighty give you proper wisdom, at least in the future and make you a dove.”

Madman was like, ‘Seriously? What a man he is?’ totally dumbstruck and all.

The crow never returned for food anymore.

Author’s Note:


Thank you for reading my book. If you enjoyed it, won’t you please take a moment to leave me a review at your favorite retailer and share it with your circle?


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Rajkumar Andrew

Mad Man Tales

This book does not belong to any genre. There are five tales in this book, inspired from various events of my life, some tales are pure fiction and some are true incidents. This book is to serve the purpose, not to fall under any genre. Each tale is different and does not relate to one another.

  • ISBN: 9781370047819
  • Author: Rajkumar Andrew
  • Published: 2017-06-13 22:20:11
  • Words: 4946
Mad Man Tales Mad Man Tales