a poetry collection
Copyright ©2017 Nada Ahmed
All rights reserved.
Cover photograph courtesy of Mostafa Magdy
E-book designed by Nada Ahmed
for the family I once had.
Song for the Heartless
In Regione Caecorum Rex Est Luscus
Black in Blue
I’ve Chosen the Darkness
Faces upon the Waters
ABOUT THE POET:
Depth of Blue
You speak as of heaven you are
yet to me, hell is raining immorality
amply making promises
when only with hatred you cram me
I let it be
I let you chop the smile off my face
to scatter my years onto seclusion
onto bizarre conclusions
you are no man of devotion
nor am I woman of heresy
but you have taken the wrong turn
to indulge a life of dismay and hypocrisy
I don’t let it be
I don’t let you reign over me
to wander my years impetuously
you’re not the one who keeps me alive
and you won’t be the one to kill me!
Swift as the autumn wind are your words
like poison, running through my veins
treacherous as the sea, keeping secrets
shadowing down my mind
I don’t call out for anything but mercy
upon this wildness
this lank insanity
my hands apart,
so spare your vicious mouthful to somebody else
unless God humbles and comes back to earth
under the name of mortality
as if it wasn’t enough what you’ve stolen
out of Mother and the spinningly token
my lands apart.
A spacious meadow, a rose grew in
ivory tower, eye is sole
one, what I see: a world to me
envy of the blind blinds me
the rose, by the wronging wind has withered
growing pale, yet preserved above ‘em all
ivory failing to be maintained
for they kill mammoths in the rose’s land
to the leas, toward defacement it led me
to the graves, I dared to carry my fascist dreams
to the bones, have I ached for the foretold end
end where to the blind’s kingdom and soul
unlikely seen, improbably said
I am king
I am no king
but of the fool.
Black in blue
life, a subtle denial
die over to live
suffer a constant defile
She’s got her senses bent down at her feet
she’s got her thoughts ensilenced
her words defined
and whispers into her mind unleashed
she’s got her lurk presence keeping company
she’s got her absence in pending stiffly
this slender wait
and wonders of her retorted agony
she’s got a sheen pale
the clouds afloat
over her said and thought
she’s got a fear in motion
the swindling ocean
her self pried
when self was all she sought.
Depth of blue
tonight she falls
amongst suns and moons
tears to scars
on face so gloom
skin so dry
craving dreary fires
heard at night
she, not screaming
it is the dark
for path untrodden
opting out of all wrong
all falls in darkness
I don’t hate you
I’ve chosen the darkness.
I threw my papers away,
shoved the pen in one eye
and with the other I watched you coming by,
doling my organs away
I only wanted to look pretty
with no make-up, no self-pity,
wanted the mild mask on
please, Mr. Surgeon,
easy on the cutting
for wounds are getting deep,
deep into my eyes
why can’t you make me look pretty?
like a fairy so sleek and witty?
why can’t you just make me die?
Fluted steps we are walking
pleaded in fear
by the palest sunshine
the moon is gone
beyond spaces of emptiness
the stars no longer shine
suicidal in their ever-nights
let us not cry over fate
and remorse our past cruelty
this calamitous game
of death and revival
could never release our hearts
I am bound to you
you are bound to me
universe’s unjust for such a doomed reality.
Face upon the waters
I eat no lotuses, no
I, the exiting race
beams of furring birds
flee…but never free
followed to no side
birds in a sly cage
time in a hurry
not fair nor yet fairly
to fear the times
divine by the night
gaze justly at life
limp, jump, haste
rebel, rebel, rebel
the sleeping gods
ladders upwards mind
ascend and walk
to the no-ones.
Bounced back to the bitter past, haven’t we?
spreading those sharp words so evenly
carefully we hold each other’s hands
not to recall what might have come of us
patience departs as we think
I hope you mean what you say.
Who said of paradise I did not daydream?
about fires and our loudest screams?
for the strength I show
in which I’ve hidden my humanity
my capability to feel,
so please, sir,
do not mistake my stubborn head
and eloquent tongue
with my idiotically chaotic heart.
In company, all is fair
but when sole
I am tripped
by my thoughts of you
Ever I grow restless of your rigid breaths?
ever you never cease?
and of hearts, of passion we shall not confess
are thoughts built not to please
stirred we fall as to tempt the animus
boiling soils, waters in hell
delusions tumbling like castles of sand
the reeling voids we ought to fill
after all, these vices shall wittily smolder
for my ego I cannot swallow
hunger do I for your frozen shoulder
care do you for a light in the morrow?
Consciousness could not go to sleep
when heart was the eyes, wide awake
observing your beauty that flickered
and as the sun set
I gazed into the horizon
only to find it gone!
If I let the lights take you
to the paths of deathly desires
the nothing left cannot make you
if I am to sleep for eternity
will wake in low heavens not to see
my debris onto the hells of Utopia
and if I subdue my fires and flames
I shall crave all credits and fames
that my name is carved upon your heart
but if I revive you to down here
for all my endings to draw near
the earth blossoms in red and black
and you turn me down
Of which cold doth the shiver linger along?
for a night, only a night sees its fairest song
on thy charms and thy nestles I bear no more
a hold so bitter, that it leaves me so sore
if trembling, the words you utter as to fear
words of mine, as to affections be way near—
farewell, alleged valor!
alas! here fall’th a tear.
Crawl into me and do fill
for void is my essence and I
the air, searing in your lungs
if you don’t exist,
then how can I?
But after all she slept on her own
though he was stalking her redly doors
looking through the holes
and hers was wide open
ready to comprise
with the devil and his rousing ties
he listened to the hands ticking
‘cause time did not fly by
while he hid under her bed
the boogeyman was what she thought
to scare herself this often
overlook these holes in the wall
though his hands, at last, could reach
and the ties would finally bind
but it was too late
for there were no more holes to find!
Once the infinite circle of doubt subsided in his heed,
once I broke my silence and threw my troubles aside
the anticipation shattered those chances I might fight
against his helping hands nearing in my time of need
now the liquids run soft and slow over my belly
and the curves of his waiting hands
fit around the curves of my delicate body
bringing me peace while they feed.
Skins of silver lines
my plain dress, you stripped
and if averse,
your roots reach out to mine.
Do fossils acclaim the joy in hand
when the sea merrier pleas his widows to hoard?
of merry dreams they art made
upon lousy laments he finds in love
lov’th do me, my navy appeal
lov’th do thee, thy whining queen
beneath castles of sand shall I confer my heart
and whistling birds in midst heavens…to heavens
liberty howling that we can hear
and in gayest dreams of mine
I beheld thine beloved ivory
through the nail, through the hair
such a passion crime!
If only it wasn’t for the fear of losing
I would have conquered your within
I would have extinguished this fire in your soul
with water flowing down my womb
I would have stolen the good in you
left you to nothing but ashes and bones
if only it wasn’t for the fear of falling
I would have come ease your pain
and mine, you would have done the same
but that you are close, but not here
I am content
or my heart only tells me so!
A night is
but a veil
hide our failure
but to collide
through our bodies
I don’t feel
the you above
the me inside.
Why do I always miss
those I never met?
upon my heart
yet I keep building walls
against the ones already exist!
I would like to thank the talented photographer Mostafa Magdy who generously contributed his work to the making of the book cover.
I would like to also thank my amazing husband Kaml Rajab who has long endured my ‘mad writer’ moments and partook in the editing of my poems.
And many thanks go to my courageous mother and sisters whose incredible strength and persistence to go on have been of much inspiration to me.
Nada Ahmed is an Egypt-based poetess, short-story writer and spoken-word performer. Born and lived in Cairo, her daily endeavors to resist social and political hindrances were always translated in classical poetry inspirations. Although her early writings leaned toward the traditional, Old English mode of literature, her current productions are inspired from modern American female writings. She took up English literature and linguistics as her collage major for five years, and has been active as an article writer for the past nine years.
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A book of poetry that is meant to both document and honor the author's childhood and teenage days. A reflection of self-growth, struggle with mental illness and a never-ending quest to find family and love. Lifting Dims is an intention to be heard. The first part of the book voices the poet's dark emotions toward a cruel father and a prejudiced society, and addresses the mental turmoil that accompanies her strife. The second part, on the other hand, attempts to reveal the false liberties and profound desires found in love. Poems in Lifting Dims are infused with imagery and melodies designed to make a statement rather than merely exist for a literary purpose. They will lead the way to manifest tenors of anguish, desire, hope and mystery that is life.