Invisible Woman is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2014 by Jen Selinsky
All rights reserved by the author. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior permission of the copyright holder.
Cover Art Copyright © 2000, 2014 by Jen Selinsky and Travis Potts
Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied, and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Shakespir.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.
This is the journal of a woman—just a woman. All entries shall remain undated, and the reader shall know nothing about my age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, background, or beliefs. Nor will they know where I live and what language in which this was originally written in, for it shall be translated into several different languages. All you shall know is a little of what is going on around me and some of the thoughts inside my head. The rest will be left to your imagination to decipher.
The weather outside is crisp and cool, as I hear people going about their daily business. Several children are running and playing in the streets while parents and other loved ones monitor their activity. Oh, to be a child again and not have to bear the same burdens of most adults. I am sure that is what most people wish for themselves from time to time—especially on a day like today.
Today, I do nothing but look outside my window. The rain streaks down the glass of the windowpane and makes lines which remind me of prison bars. Even the birds in the sky may not feel free because of the precipitation falling on them and weighing them down.
At last, the rain has stopped, though there is a lot of moisture still left over. For now, I’ll refrain from going outside.
I take a good, long look at the world outside, and I do not understand how some people fail to acknowledge its beauty. It really astounds me how these people tend to ignore it or think of it as nothing but a burden— burying their noses in books and electronics, refusing to come out!
I need to get some food into my stomach today, as its infernal growling will not stop. It’s getting hard for me to concentrate, let alone not focus on sustenance only. The people across the hall are talking about what kind of meals they would like today. I wish that they, too, would shut up!
I’m outside, just enjoying the fresh air and am also noticing a multitude of people walking around in different directions. To see some of the other women makes me sad! I suppose being proud of your body is one thing, but to see these giant, silicone breasts makes me sick to my stomach. Why can’t women just be happy with their bodies as they are? Society!
Now there is the fog, which can’t help but make me think of old times. While fog has the ability to cloud things, there is also something mystical about it, as I’m sure many poets have tried to describe.
I am looking at a spider constructing a web, and I cannot help but marvel at its intricate design! It would be near impossible for a human to achieve such a thing (if not completely impossible).
The weather outside is absolutely yucky! I know that I sound like a child saying that, but it’s true. It has been overcast for the entire day, and it is driving me crazy! I was so hoping that I would get to go outside and just walk around, but I’m afraid that will not be a possibility today. Perhaps, I will look around here and see if there’s something I can read to occupy my mind.
It’s hard to fall asleep when your mind is full of thoughts. That is what people have told me, at least. Not more than fifteen minutes ago, I tried to fall asleep. My body was tired and willing, but my brain didn’t go out for the night. If I don’t fall asleep soon, I will have to get up and walk around, or make my mind become blank, or something!
It makes me so sad to think about life and how short it can be. There are those who are very privileged, but there are also those who do not want to live and can’t do what they want. Those kinds of thoughts make me depressed, which brings me to the people who have tried to kill themselves. (Many have succeeded, and many still live to tell the tale.) I just don’t know what could drive someone to such an act when they know that life on this planet is short enough! And, though, I can’t confess to having enjoyed every single minute of it, I am very glad to be alive!
It is so beautiful and refreshing to see something as simple as a flower blooming. It is pure poetry in more words than I can describe!
Love. You see it everywhere you go most days. People on the street say it to each other, whether it’s in person or on the phone. You see it in the movies and on television as well as hear people sing its praises in popular songs. Love is a universal language old as time itself, and people should never undermine its meaning, as it is the thing most essential to living a happy life. Today, I saw many people express their love for one another, whether they did so in person or they were talking on the phone. It made my heart smile to hear people talking such kind words to each other, as it made me realize that love really does conquer all!
Birds are flying everywhere today, enjoying the freedom which most have to buy.
Paranoia takes over my mind, and I have no idea what brought it on. Sometimes, being a human being is frightening because of our higher brains. Some of us are so domesticated that we forgot our natural ways, which can be seen as either a curse or a blessing. Today, I see it as a curse.
Today, I feel the heat outside, as it causes my pores to react in time to cool down my body. It’s amazing how the human body works, and I can’t help but be fascinated by its features—especially when thinking about something as minor as sweat from our pores.
So many people in the world; I wonder where they all come from and where they are going. There are so many different beliefs and walks of life, and it astounds me how so many have yet to find their way. Just looking at people on the street today helps me to jog my mind and pick up on how others are feeling and what they are doing on this journey which is life.
I hardly have any hateful thoughts toward people in this life, but it makes me so sad, and mad, when I hear about all the killings that happen all over the world. Even if one happens to live on the most primitive part of the planet, one cannot completely escape the news of such atrocities. I just want all this ridiculous and hateful behavior to stop, especially since everyone has the right to live a life free of intolerance and repression. If we, as a whole, cannot help create peace around the world, then there is no hope for the human race!
I am feeling quite lazy today, so I do not know if I feel much like writing. My eyes are heavy with sleep, and the whole world seems to be slowing down. It won’t be long until…
Well, it appears as though I drifted off during my last entry, which is all right, because there was not much on my mind last night, nor is there today.
Writing is an amazing thing; I find it akin to cooking for hungry minds. And, anyone can create a feast-no matter the words. A banquet could be held in my head for the great amount of thoughts which are running around up here. And I know that others feel the same—that the entire planet is filled with thoughts which could feed all our hungry minds.
When I go outside, many people seem to not know who I am, but that is all right. And, even though I wonder what they think of me, I am not one who is constantly worried about other people’s impressions of me. The fact that I am my own individual is enough to make me happy and comfortable with who I am!
Music. There are so many different types around the world. It makes me wonder about what the oldest song is and how it came to be, but since there are so many different songs, it would be impossible to hear them all (and there are some that I might not even want to hear). Rhythm helps keep us alive as human beings.
Have you ever had any days where you were completely bored? (Listen to me, trying to address a piece of paper like an audience.) It’s not a feeling that I can easily explain, but it’s a feeling, nonetheless. I am not a fan of days like these, but I suppose that they exist a lot in different people’s lives.
Diversity is a wonderful thing. There are so many different kinds of people in this world. Most people look and act differently that it makes me think about the great ball of humanity and how it keeps on rolling. How boring it would be if everyone was the same! I like to look around when I am near others so that I can point out all the differences and see what makes everyone tick. I wonder if they sometimes look at me and form questions in their heads about my life and/or background. It would not surprise me, except on days when I think I am invisible, but there is no consistency about days like that, especially since I cannot plan who I would or wouldn’t run into on a day by day basis. Oh, listen to me driving off the point and seguing onto something that is almost completely off-topic! I love the fact that I am the only true one of me and that no one can tell me that they are exactly the same. It is a good thing that I think this way because it means everyone else is just as special because differences matter in defining the individual.
Why does my body want to sleep when all I want to do is stay up and think creative thoughts? Ah, so frustrating when this happens to me!
I’ve been thinking on the same lines as I did a while back. Not only are there different kinds of people, but there are two different genders. Men and women. Since the beginning of time, there has always been tension between the two—a “battle of the sexes,” if you will. There has been love, but there has also been hatred and discrimination on both ends. Speaking as a member of “the fairer sex,” I’ve seen many interactions between the two—both good and bad. I just sit there and observe as if I have nothing else to do. It makes me wonder what people can do together to work as a team and establish respect for living creatures all over the world. After all, lots of good things come in pairs!
I woke up with a splitting headache today for no reason. I knew that I did not feel good as soon as I opened my eyes. I also knew that the quicker I found something to eat, the quicker my pain would go away.
Moments later, as soon as I was able to remedy that, I felt the pain start to go away, and I was able to get a start on my day.
I can’t help but notice that my entries are getting longer, especially because I no longer fear that I have nothing to say. Each word that I write feels like a new baby wriggling in my arms, and it is such a joy to create! And, even if no one else ever reads these words, I still feel that I have found my place in this world (and for those who wish for me to stop “rambling” or “writing nonsense,” then I say that no such thing is going to happen. I am going to keep writing until my heart’s content!) But, I truly believe that there are others out there who know the same joys as I do. And, to them, I would like to say, “Good luck!”
OK. I suppose I should clarify a little what I meant when I said, “Good luck!” I meant that I wanted these other writers to feel the same joy as I do when it comes to pouring out words and expressing their thoughts. I also wish them financial success if that is what they are aiming for (not in my case.) But, above all, I wish for them to have the same happiness I feel day to day when I am explaining my thoughts to myself and the rest of the world. And, though I hear that paper is going to die out one day, written word is still important in preserving our history and moving us forward in society.
There are certain days and times when I am content to just sit anywhere and watch the world go by. I am very grateful for these days!
Well, I can’t literally watch the world rotate on its axis because that is a physical impossibility. What I mean is that I am quite content to just sit here and watch any event unfold before me.
I tried to pick out something to read today, but it was all to no avail because all I want for my brain to do is give me bursts of energy to write pieces, no matter how large or small, because that is what I am programmed to do! Not that I want to sound like a robot or anything. But, certain parts of my soul will not allow me to quit because of the love I feel for written word. It’s something to keep my heart warm and comfortable. It’s another thing which makes me realize that I cannot describe it with words which have already been said. I could attempt to make up some new ones, but that would defeat the purpose because no one would understand what I am trying to say! I suppose that I can make an attempt with the words which I already do know!
It’s really mind-boggling to think about the world and how vast it really is! While there are so many people all over the place, I cannot quite fathom that the globe is filled with beings who are just like me. Of course, the view from space may be much smaller, but once a person comes onto this planet, then they cannot help but know the true size of it all—especially since many find themselves lost or wandering for days. If I were to travel the entire world, then I don’t know how long it would take and what I would do along the way. I guess it all depends on my frame of mind at the time and what I feel like doing.
Today is one of the brightest days I’ve seen in a long time. It’s such a great feeling to be able to enjoy the sunshine and all that it provides. I can’t imagine a more beautiful day!
I saw two children walking the street with their mother. She is carrying a bag in one hand and her cell phone in another. I couldn’t help but notice that she was trying to talk to someone while attempting to keep the children under control. I think it’s a little crazy and a lot to expect of people to constantly be multi-tasking! I suppose that most everyone does it nowadays, but I can’t help but think how unnecessary it is most of the time. I don’t want to preach, and I certainly don’t want to tell people how to live their lives, but I think that focusing on one thing at a time is better because it reaps many more rewards. Also, your mind is less confused because you don’t have to focus on as many tasks. Life is complicated enough as it is; why further enhance that by doing too many things at once?
Another thing that I like to witness is the changing colors on the earth. Not just from day to night, or night to day, this also includes the skies before, during, and after storms—rainbows, and also the color of clouds and their formations as they move across the sky. Clouds also block the sun then move out of its way so we can welcome the warming rays. It’s amazing, all the beauty of this earth!
Sleep has taken over my eyes and made my lids heavy. I’m afraid that I will not be awake much longer, as both my body and mind need to rest. They will be of no use to me in such a tired state.
Now that my batteries have been recharged, so to speak, I am happy to report that my mind is filled with lovely thoughts once again. Even though there is rain, I have been wandering outside, while trying to protect my little journal’s pages from being soaked. That way, they would be of no use to me, or anyone else, for that matter.
There is very little pedestrian activity out here today because most people do not want to be seen walking around in inclement weather. I’ve seen a few people walking in raincoats or being protected by parasols, and most of them, those who have seen me, shoot me questioning looks because I’m walking around out here “unprotected.” The truth is, a little rain never hurts anyone, especially on a warm day. And, if I didn’t have my little notebook with me, then I would run and frolic and play until it was time to go back inside.
I don’t know what it is, but I feel extremely hot right now, but it has nothing to do with the weather outside. Now, I am indoors, and that is a good thing because I have just removed my top! Luckily, no one is around to witness me looking like this, so that is a good thing. I wish there is some air in here which would help cool me down, but it looks like I will not be getting such relief. At least, not at the moment. I guess I can just keep on writing so that my mind will remain occupied. After all, it could be worse; I could be freezing to death!
Kind of feeling sick and tired because of not knowing how I got this way; it makes me feel worse. No one has been by to check on me today, but I should not worry. At last, I have found some cool water, so that is making me feel good for the moment. But, with the heat radiating from my body, I wish I had a whole ocean to drink in front of me! Perhaps that would begin to quench my thirst!
Today, I feel much better. The profuse sweating has stopped, and I don’t quite feel nearly as hot as I did yesterday or the day before, so that is progress! I still feel like I should take it easy today and not write too much until I get better. I am looking outside and am cheered up by seeing all the life forms coming out for a frolic after the rain. That will hold nice thoughts in my head for a while.
Woke up feeling much better than yesterday, which is a great thing in itself. Perhaps, I am still a little too ill to go out and enjoy the beautiful sunshine of the day, but I will not despair, because I know that there will be plenty more days like today that I can enjoy. The important thing is that I am on the mend, and I should be at 100% very soon!
Today, I feel great, so I think I will take a little stroll outside. I need to remember to be careful, though, because I do not want to put too much pressure on myself! Also, I need to remember that each day is a gift, and I should treat it accordingly. Instead of wasting my time in mental anguish, I need to realize how to live each moment to the fullest, being thankful for all that I have!
About the Author
Jen Selinsky was born in 1978 in Pittsburgh, PA. She was raised in Cranberry Township. In December 2004, Jen earned her MLS from Clarion University of Pennsylvania. She now lives in Sellersburg, IN with her husband.
Some of Jen’s short works have been published in several anthologies, including: The Raider Review, Tobeco, and Essence of a Dream, published by The National Library of Poetry—for which two of her poems, “Ode to the Forest” and “Realization,” won an editor’s choice award.
"Invisible Woman" is a fictional journal written from the perspective a woman whose identity is completely anonymous. Her observations, feelings, and thoughts are presented in this work, containing her introduction and forty-four entries.