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Incidence Of Love: Demystified And Decoded

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By Santosh Jha

Copyright 2017 Santosh Jha

Shakespir Edition

A Big Thanks… You have already enjoyed 28 of my eBooks. They all, be it fiction or non-fiction, have been my humble endeavor to empower your consciousness for life-living wellness and personal excellence. This 29th eBook is also aimed at continuing to write on the core issues of 3Cs – Consciousness, Cognition and Causality, as I stick to my belief that holistic, integrative and assimilative knowledge of the 3Cs alone can open the doors of wellness and excellence in a world of chaos, conflict and confusion, we live in. There is nothing better than living a self-aware life with poise of purpose…

License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free eBook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. Thanks for your support.

Preface:

Acceptance, the wise say, is the genius within, an intellectualism and intelligence, core and critical for life-living wellness and excellence. However, acceptance is possible, only when there is this golden eligibility of ‘Higher Consciousness’ – the state of awareness of ‘self’ or ‘I’, which has the ability to see through all our acts and behaviors with objectivity, logicality and equanimity of neutrality. No other life-living realism, except ‘Love’ needs this art and science of ‘acceptance’ more as, true love is not visceral ‘auto-mode-availability’, as most see and accept, but an ‘evolved equity’ of higher consciousness…!

The wise have warned –

The sub-conscious mind is a stupid audience; applauding even the quirkiest of performances by our ‘conscious mind’, at the chaotic arena of life; especially in love. People, as ‘theatre’ of all joys and pains need to be wary of the ‘spectator-frenzy’, coaxing you to write ‘scandalous-scripts’ of life-dramas. Guard against passion, especially, when you are in love’s compassion…”

At The Very Outset!

The scientifically and logically inclined people have said it and most have gleefully admitted it that – Falling in love is a beautifully enticing trap set up by nature and human visceral wired behavioral choice is designed such a way that even this innate ‘fight and flight’ mode ingenuity does not help people in creating a ‘diversion’ from the ‘trap’…!

Means; there is a definitive Game Plan of nature, which it has wired in our body-mind mechanism and what we see and accept love as, is nature’s own machination, unveiling in mystically magical ways, making most of us fall in line with its diktat. Probably, this seems to be why, the popular expression about incidence of love is – ‘To Fall In Love…!’ It is like, finally falling in the ‘trap’ and meeting the inevitability of nature’s wired realism…!

Science confirms, human visceral wired behavioral choice is designed such a way that even this innate ‘Fight And Flight’ mode ingenuity does not help people in creating a ‘diversion’ from this ‘trap’ of nature. Science confirms, not only humans, but many species often compromise with their innate drive for ‘survival’, falling for the most powerful drive of love. It is simply because, nature means business and it is concerned only about business of procurement – incessant reproduction…!

This means, what we feel so great about and what we never fail to celebrate with all possessions of lifetime, is essentially a sort of wired or instinctive optionlessness for most humans – men or women. So, essentially, what most of us popularly accept love as is an optionless incidence of inevitability; yet we assign and align all our energies, not to ‘free’ ourselves from this ‘trap’, but enjoy and celebrate this nature’s trap!

The best way to free oneself from this nature’s trap is to understand the mechanism and process of love and its incidence. Most of us however, fall for the trap, well before our consciousnesses evolve to a stage, where this desirability of understanding love installs itself in our minds…

It is strange but seems very true – Love happens when body-mind dualism plays at its worst best and we are in most precarious positioning of righteous judgment. Still, humanity has evolved to ‘celebrate’ this confusion, chaos and conflict of life and living. This is populism playing at its worst best for humanity. And, this emanates from ‘erroneous’ understanding of process and mechanism of idea and reality called Love…

The core idea is – Love is a passive incidence and nobody can be sure about it because, it is the way our body-mind mechanism works for us. In some weird sense, this very sense of ‘I’ is a passive incidence for most of us; though we never admit it.

However, such a state of ‘I’, our consciousness, is a very calamitous proposition. This is the state, which makes us see and accept, how powerful and intense is the trap of nature, installed in us, deep inside our body and mind mechanisms. This is the situation, we need to be cautious of and recall all our conscious elements to stay warned and decisive…

Love, as most of us popularly see and accept is not a celebration idea and realism. It is a trap and a trap should never be celebrated but conscious ideas must be evolved to come out of it…

What humans, especially young men and women need is ‘compassion’ and not ‘passion’. What we all need for life-living wellness and excellence is not love but empathy of thoughts and equanimity of consciousness. This alone makes us endowed and empowered to rise above ‘drives’ and ‘visceral traps’, to consciously choose the path of righteous options. We have little choice – We all need poise and control, never indecisive optionlessness of body and mind…

As the wise say – ‘What we desire is what we ‘want’ but all we want, is not what we ‘need’. This is nature’s trap working within us. It has installed desires deep within us and this very potentially powerful trap is our ‘wants’. Love is some stupid ‘want’, most of us seldom ‘need’. What we need and what we should want is – compassion, equanimity, amicability and objective thoughtfulness of logical discretion…

Though, this powerful and universally transcendental desire to fall in love is a sort of wired or instinctive optionlessness for most humans – men or women; love happens to be a cumulative mechanism of multiplicity of brain processes, which itself is a complex cooperative function of various brain parts. That is probably why science is yet to decipher the ‘singular code’ of incidence of love and bio-chemistry of love…

Yet, there are some good scientific revelations, tumbled down after some researches, which definitively land us in better preparedness and readiness of incidence of love. We all must know it and keep into account. To know is to journey the road to empowerment…

According to study conducted at Rutgers University, USA, there is a ‘factsheet’, which we all must know and factor in, in love –

The study reveals: “How our brain decides, we are in love” –

*
p<>{color:#000;}. 55% of the role is played by body language; this means a brain detects the activities of body movement and decides whether it has received the signals of love or not…

*
p<>{color:#000;}. 38% of the decision to be in love is contributed by the voice—its tone and change in frequency…

*
p<>{color:#000;}. 7% is the reaction to a lover’s statement or choice of words…

How beautifully mystical yet so given to confusion and chaos; as is common in love matters! We all may be very enthusiastic about saying and listening the pair of words – ‘I Love You’, but the study shows, and we all have little trouble accepting it, that words often fail or do not matter much in love matters of hearts…!

This acceptance about futility of words (Only 7% weight) also opens up the big door of confusion about love and its incidence. If 55% of love signals are wordless and only signs, there are bound to be ‘wrong-signaling’ and ‘misreading’. There is also this question as how good our brain is in ‘reading’ and ‘writing’ these wordless signs. Moreover, when even words can be used as ‘effective tools’ of deception and hypocrisy in love, how easy it can be for anyone, who wishes to fake love and master his or her craft of deception in love. Many do it, more people are mastering this ‘craft’ and we all are very careful about deception in love…

If whopping 93 percent of ‘love-signs’ are without words, only ‘sight and sound’, is it not very easy for ingenious men and women to masquerade this whole economics and chemistry of love…!

This however is not the end of trouble for lovers. Love is more mystical to discount any lesser troubles. According to the study by Arthur Arun, on an average, the mind of a person takes between 90 seconds to 4 minutes to determine whether it is struck by love or not.

Now, we all know, our brain takes 20 minutes to register that our stomach is full and that is why we often overeat; then how can one be very sure that what his or her brain has decided in less than five minutes about love, is right? This is stupidly mystical…

If we accept that 93 percent of signals that our brain depends on for judgment about ‘incidence of love’ is ‘sight & sound’ and not words, which we all are also not very good at, then we all are inclined to accept that this must be a tough task for our brains to test the validity of such ‘abstract signs’. Naturally, we imagine, such difficult judging business must take some good hours and days, if not weeks and months…!

We all know that science has proved that love emotions are handled by different parts of the brain as love involves three stages – Lust, Attraction & Attachment. All three stages involve different sets of hormones and therefore are handled by different parts of our brain. Naturally, this cooperative and symmetry business of ‘well-aligned’ decision-making should ideally be a long-process, assigned some good hours, if not days and weeks…!

However, what the scientific study suggests is that our brain decides this all-important ‘love question’ in less than five minutes! And, we have reasons to believe this study as we all know and accept that we all are huge ‘Mega Entrepreneurs’ in ‘judging business’. We take less than five seconds in judging people and most crucial aspects about our choices. We may not accept it but we do it very often…!

Let us also know a bit about how our brain decides and arrives at what choices we make in our lives. Let us have a peek-o-boo at how our brain decides –

Science says – Our brains appear wired in ways that enable us, often unconsciously, to make the best decisions possible with the information we’re given. In simplest terms, the process is organized like a Court Trial. Sights, sounds, and other sensory evidence are entered and registered in sensory circuits in the brain. Other brain cells act as the brain’s ‘jury,’ compiling and weighing each piece of evidence. When the accumulated evidence reaches a critical threshold, a judgment, a decision is made.

If we accept that decision-making by our brain is like a ‘court-trail’, we then must be aware how our courts work. The core hypothesis of all judging business is – Even if hundred culprits go scot-free, an innocent must never be sentenced for culpability. This then means – Judging and decision-making about culpability is a serious thing and therefore must be assigned good amount of judicious time and space…!

However, study shows, we are wired to make decisions about love matters only in less than five minutes and that too based on 93 percent such ‘evidences’, which are abstract, not tangible. This somehow points at as why ‘court-trail’ of mind decisions in love matters is not good and needs sound evidences…!

Now, you decide…! And, think about the ‘judicial process’, your brain must adopt and accept for ‘delivering judgments’. Let us all be ‘good judge’ and follow golden principles of judgeship. Success of love and in love is not only about individual choice. Rather, successes of love are crucial for social and all collective wellness. When love succeeds, life succeeds…!

Innocence: The Intellectualism Of Love

True love does not look for ends of life. It believes in the simple fact that life is one endless drive and on the way look for no signposts to reach anywhere…the joy and satisfaction of journey is more important than the nobility and utility of destination. There is no need to reach.

Be on an endless journey and make it your destination where you tire. But always remember to travel with love and compassion in heart. Why…?

Because, when love and compassion are with you, the path and the journey becomes the theatre of infinite song and dance. When song and dance is with you, journeys are full of incessant joy and satisfaction. If you reach the stage; if ever there happens to be one, you will automatically lose the question of destination. The question of meaning of life and its purpose will be lost.

Love and compassion makes us understand the futility and redundance of the intellectual concerns of life’s larger purpose and the material desire of life’s acquisitions. Love and compassion makes us understand that the true wisdom is not in reaching but in travelling well – with peace and poise.

The simple and innocent realism is – There is no destination and reaching. There is only journey. Intelligence cannot accept this realism, only innocence can. Love and compassion and its accompanying Innocence Is The Greatest Intellectualism, it is the best acquisition, if one defines life’s purpose in terms of acquisition and possessions.

… Important however is – never look for and accept love as ‘bachelor’, in single status. Always insist on seeing and accepting with his wife, the Compassion. Love without Compassion is calamitous. Populist choice for passionate love among young men and women may install instant and gratifying joy but it surely dissipates soon. Populist cognitive confusion about love emanates out of this refusal to institute compassion to its rightful place in intimacies.

The universe has been created and has evolved in Couple-Causality. Love too has a beautifully magnificent partner of Compassion. The couple must remain together, forever…!

…For Finality Of Fruition

It is not that people await good times, the good times also await good people to come and hoist the potential seeded in the soil of future. Good words also wish for good readers, to be in reception of and be in linearity of the innocent intent, which ride on the shoulders of the words, for the finality of their fruition…

On Navigation And Expression Of Intent

There has to be a humble admittance – Any word, however well meant and well spelt, is a possible suspect of misinterpretation. There is a simple reason. People are in different consciousnesses and culturally as well as personally inclined to a specific value-summation of utilities. As a writer, it is a huge temptation to take liberties, with not only imaginations but also with the words, as against their common and popular use. Do kindly accept my latitude with language and personal coinages of words, as I understand, many times, they may not conform to popular usages. I share with you whatever is part of my consciousness. All wisdoms say, what stays with you is what sinks in. Wisdom is what we internalize. I share with you whatever I have internalized in my life. This may not be mainstream stuff; but may have utility in some meaningful way. I believe, as a reader, you shall enjoy this novelty and pleasant awkwardness of the writing.

Thanks For Your Magnanimity, The First Chapter Begins…

CHAPTER 1

How To Be Sure, When Love Happens or Hits You or What Does It

Feel To Be In Love? And Most Importantly, Is That ‘True Love’…!

A psychologist says, ‘Love hits you, when you expect it the least.’ May be, it is like the bird flying over you drops its poop on your dress, when you wear the costliest suit for the most crucial appointment of life’.

There sure is no dearth of sayings, when it comes to love. World over, there are more ‘offered knowledge’ about love than rocket science. The reality is – Everyone knows something about love but nobody knows absolutely or ‘enough’ about it! That is why, even when over-loads of wisdom about love are already there, fresh wisdom is always pouring in and surely, there are always the easy takers as probably, nobody is sure, how to be sure about what love is, how to be sure when it happens and how does it feel when love happens, to stand certain. And, as they all need answers, ‘wise words’ are in over supply…

There seems no global research or statistical data about what percentage of people want to know – ‘How to be sure, when love happens or hits you’ – This Incidence of Love; still from practical experiences, we all can say – ‘So many of them, or probably everybody…!’

Let us first list out why this confusion remains about ‘incidence’ of love and then very humbly attempt to look out, whether a probable answer can be eked out. First the confusion –

Psychologists say, ‘There are different types of love and usually, some shade of love happens and we get confused that ‘incidence’ of love has happened but it is not’. And then, we say, ‘I thought it was love, but it wasn’t’. Or we say, ‘I thought I loved him/her but I realized soon, it was something else, not love.’

That is probably why most often, people sort of ‘qualify’ love by asking – ‘What is True Love and how to ascertain true love has happened?’

Explaining the confusion, the psychologists also say, ‘No doubt, often, between a man and a woman, some mutual positive erotic transference happens but it is not love. It is just a shade of it; or a type of it’.

The wise of humanity, the philosophers and litterateurs have warned us – ‘There is a huge difference between acting in love, being in love and actually being the love itself…!’ This means, even love has hierarchy of incidence. One may hit the love but it may only be the base of the love pyramid. Means, the higher echelons of love need to be escalated and move to, to arrive at the finality of love…! Tough…! Very tough… this love…! We need to remember this crucial point.

From the perspective of science too, confusion about love is a reality as from brain point of view, there are complex mechanisms, which happen in brain, when we fall in love and it is surely very difficult to say, which part of love was just lust, passive transference, simple appreciation, recognition of commonality, etc.

Okay, difficult it may be to be sure what love is and how does it feel to be in love, when it finally happens, still, there must be some exclusive or a cumulative sign, which we may decipher as ‘Precipitative Positioning’ of love. Means, there may well be many shades and types of love but there must be some point, or some nodal space, where all such shades and types merge and ‘Compactively’ announce the ‘Incidence’ of True Love…!

Can this happen…? Is it a probability…? Even if it is possible probability, do we have this awareness mechanism in brain to decipher it decisively…?

Hmmm… Tough questions…! Looks like, there shall have to be a global conference of ‘true lovers’ to share their collective wisdom and then arrive at some probable answer…

However, from our experiences, from our history books, from our established folk lores and traditions, we all know that some people have always arrived at ‘true love’ and they must have experienced that it was their true love. This somehow opens the doors of the hope and probability that humans can decipher true love!

If humans can decipher what is the critical speed required for a rocket to move out of the orbit of earth, how they cannot decipher love…! Let us very humbly try a formula, or better to say a probable eventuality between a man and a woman, which both of them could decipher and say in unison – ‘Yes, we have arrived… yes, we announce the incidence of love… yes, we are love…!’

Before we do that, two things must be accepted as core hypotheses in any discovery of love –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Often, love is an evolutionary realism. Means – ideal it is that a man and a woman may not start at this mystical idea of ‘love at first sight’, share time and space as closely as possible and then very consciously evolve together under the ‘sun’ of mutuality, over the ‘soil’ of affection and compassion. If love evolves between the two, it is the best, which can happen to a man and a woman. This happens in most marriages, when they are settled with mutual consent of two sides, involving the man and woman. Strangers start with a ‘resolve’ for mutuality and usually end up with ‘best probability’ of love. Often, what love between two people needs is ‘commitment’ of the perseverance of the enterprise of mutuality; rest falls in place. Being young is good in many ways but what youth consciousness values precariously is ‘commitment’ as it is believed – ‘Commitment is something more valuable when procrastinated…!’

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Love is never an individual attainment. It is an absurdity to say, ‘I fell in love with him/her’. Love is always in the exclusive domain of ‘we’, the two – the woman and the man. Love’s incidence is true and real, when it arrives together, almost simultaneously. A man and a woman enter the domain of love’s mutuality either together or never. That is why, most confusions about love and its incidence happen because most people are concerned only about what ‘happened’ to him/her; never thinking as did it happen to ‘them’. Love is either ‘them’ or none…

Having listed the two primary and quintessential hypothesis of love; let us now settle down to list the primary enquiry – ‘How to be sure, when love happens or hits you’ or, ‘What Does It Feel To Be In Love?’ – The Core Question About Incidence of Love.

What I am saying about the signs and symptoms of incidence of love is based on contemporary human knowledge of body-mind mechanism, history of emotions of humanity, archives of literature and collection of experiences of those who have been in stable committed love. All these make me list the signs and symptoms of incidence of love, which may answer the question – ‘How To Be Sure, When Love Happens Or Hits You’ or ‘What Does It Feel To Be In Love?’

At the very outset, we all need to admit that our own body-mind mechanism is a huge mystery and that is why it is our instinctive inclination to accept love as a magical mysticism. This mysticism feel about love is there because of our own body-mind mechanism. We say and talk a lot about ‘I’, the personal self but science says, ‘Consciousness, this effervescent sense of I is a huge mystery’. Science has only very recently started to understand as how our brain works when we are in love or happen to be in deep intimacy. Science however is yet to solve the complete mystery of consciousness, that is, how our brain produces this ‘sense of I’.

This somehow is the core hypothesis about incidence of love. Globally, scientists as well as psychologists engaged in researches of love say it – ‘Love is always a passive incidence, a happening in subconscious mind, a causality of conundrum.’

This means –

… When you are in a state of complete unpreparedness, when you feel you are utterly confused as to what has hit you and what’s happening with you, if you realize that your sense of ‘I’ is beyond your conscious control, if you think your otherwise poised sense of proportion has gone awry, if you feel that your instinctive sense of usual fear and frailty are not stopping you from doing risky things, if you are affirming that your sense of ‘I’ and sense of personal wellness has left you and all you can summon to your senses is ‘him/her’, if you accept that it is tough to even breathe normally and still you sort of enjoying it, if you accept that uncoordinated and asymmetrically incongruous things/thoughts are happening to you but you feel so mystically happy about it, and most importantly – if this is the same scenario with whom you think you are in love with, if this overall conundrum is mutual, you may well be terribly blessed and luckiest person on earth to herald – ‘We Are In Love’…!

The core idea is – Love is a passive incidence and nobody can be sure about it because, it is the way our body-mind mechanism works for us. In some weird sense, this very sense of ‘I’ is a passive incidence for most of us; though we never admit it. If there is complete and perfect confusion and decisive dissolution of conscious and aware thought process as well as senses, it is perfect pitch for incidence of love.

Love may not always start with confusion as many people think they are so empowered that they can plan everything. That is why people go for dates and ‘pursue love’. However, when love hits, when love heralds its incidence, confusion, passive awareness and subconscious mind upstages everything, especially this sense of ‘I’…

Now, here comes this warning signal about love. Love may happen in passive and subconscious state of things, love may arrive with confusion but this is just the birth of love. Like all great attainments of life, love needs to grow and mature in time. This maturity and growth needs commitment of persevered practice of perpetuity of love…

Most good things in life happens in confusion and passive awareness but then, it is like the birth of a child, when the mother is in worst of her consciousness and her jumbled up body-mind bio-chemistry ensures that she is only in her passive awareness and subconscious conundrum at the time of delivery of baby. However, when the child is delivered, the mother has to stand up and take the most active, conscious and no-nonsense commitment to grow and mature the child into a worthy man or a woman.

Love is also born, nurtured and matured like that…!

CHAPTER 2

The Ubiquitous Question – He/She Loves Me Or Loves

Me Not! And The Elusive Finality Of Answer…

Growing up, being young and qualifying for eligibility of ‘attainments’ of life and living is full of multidimensional shades of conundrums and conflicts. ‘To be or not to be’ confusion apart, the equal, if not bigger conflation is – ‘It Is Or It Is Not…!’

Often, consciously or unconsciously, almost every young man and woman faces this conundrum of – He/She Loves Me Or Loves Me Not! The question is ubiquitous, so are answers but still, no answer has the merit and matter of finality. Why?

Simple fact is – If there was singular, logical and objective answer, this ubiquitous question would never have been in the domain of confusion, conflict and dualism, since the inception of humanity!

However, smart answers pervade the youth universe in full force and every such answer claims the finality. Still, there are as many answers as are people on earth…

Someone said – ‘It is so easy to know, if a man and woman are in love or not! If both of them are confused like stupid and at their hypocritical best to ascribe each other’s stupidities as decisive genius, they are certainly and typically in love…!’

Jokes apart, the thing at the core no doubt is the series of confusions. Let us unravel and decipher it, just for the sake of hypothesis building, to arrive at something ‘foolproof’…!

Somehow, the confusion starts with the very idea of love. If I ask, ‘she loves me or not’, then there has to be a supposition that she knows what is love and also is sure she has it for me or not! For example, if I ask you, ‘Do you have dhikchakdhoomchak with you?’, you can answer yes or no only when you know what is – dhikchakdhoomchak!

Therefore, the very first step branches into four confusing steps –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I know what love is and she also knows…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I do not know what is love but she knows…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I know what is love but she does not know…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Both I and she do not know what is love…

Anyway, let us move out of it and straightforward talk about what love is, as it is the primary step, before we ask, ‘He/She Loves Me Or Loves Me Not!’ As we enter this domain of defining love, we in fact enter the castle of confusion, which is even bigger than the open field of confusion we were in. That is because, even science has not yet fully deciphered the brain mechanism, which we can say creates all realisms for us…

Anyway, let us accept the most authentic definition of love, the wise humanity of contemporary times has evolved. This definition says –

“Love is an intangible, emergent and very subjective expression of emotions in terms of behavior-action to extend the domain of self’s homeostasis wellness in the ambient environment. When the self accepts and adopts something and someone as right and good for its homeostasis wellness, there is a neurochemical and neuroelectrical impulse to merge in as part of its larger ‘self’. This Process Is Body-Mind Consciousness Expressing In Terms Of The Emotion Of Love.

Love is essentially an extension of one’s ‘self’ and subjective consciousness to accept and accommodate a thing, idea or person in its fold. Therefore, love basically is a very selfish and self-indulged emotion, an expression of the self’s ever-present need to maintain its homeostasis. It is our higher consciousness, which assigns and aligns this ‘selfishness’ to lofty and noble values of life and living in societal space.

This means – Love is a subjective intangibility, orchestrated by objective tangible instincts but an expression of cultured consciousness. This in turn means – Love is a cocktail of both instincts as well as cultural elements of self. Now, another dimension of confusion and conflict is added…

Science says, there is nothing purely instinctive in modern human’s body-mind construct as dominant cultural elements have percolated in all instincts, either shaping them or at least shading them as per contemporary time and space realism. Therefore, it is impossible to say, what is there in a human instinct of love, which we can term as ‘instinctive’ as all instincts are already a mix of instincts and cultural elements. So, we cannot say what ‘nature’ constitutes love as all ‘nature’ now has elements of ‘nurture’…

Moreover, cultural consciousness is also never pure as all cultural sinews are fueled by instinctive urges. If we see so much culture of ‘attitude’ in love and relationship in modern times, it is very difficult to say, what shape and shade of attitude is instinctive and what cultural. Nature and nurture are so stupidly hugged to each other that a separate identity seems impossible…

So, more we attempt to make a logical, objective and singular definition of love to know it exactly, more confusion and conflict creeps in…

There is another very important point, which science now tells us about love. This somehow accentuates the idea that love is a stupidity of conundrum. Science says, when in deepest depths of love and intimacy, a person’s cortex part of brain is shut down and only the mid-brain parts like thalamus and hippocampus works overtime. We now know that cortex, the upper brain, is essentially the new brain and can be truly considered a human brain, as it deals with logic and higher cognitive functions. This shuts down when in abyss of love and intimacy. Means, love is so very much instinctively aligned to illogical and confused state of mind. This seems true as the mid-brain, which is essentially the archaic mammalian brain, given to simplistic ‘reward-rejection’ emotion-handling, becomes the key decision-maker when in deep love and intimacy. This somehow suggests, love is a stupid value-summation of asymmetrically asynchronous conflations…

Add to it the modern knowledge about how our brain works through its plexus of neurons. Science says – ‘Neurons that fire together, wire together’. This means, different people have different neuron firing mechanism, depending on their experiences and learnt perspectives. Therefore, different people shall have different takes on the definition of what they subjectively ‘perceive’ as love.

Subjectivity of perception is core to the mechanism of love, because, this is the core realism about how we see, perceive and accept – ‘Who I Am’. This ‘I’ itself is a subjective virtuality and that is why, love remains a subjective conundrum…

This is the trouble of love…! This love is an expression of ‘self’, the sense of ‘I’, the subjective consciousness and as consciousness itself is still not fully deciphered by science, we cannot with surety say– ‘What Is Love, As We Cannot Say, What/Who Is ‘I’, Which says, I Love You…!’

However, one thing is for sure – all possible expressions and acceptances of the idea and incidence of love shall always have singular unputdownable and overencompassing element of Confusion, Chaos and Conflict. This is how ‘I’ is defined to be in a state of perpetuity…!

In the next chapter, we try to delve deep into the mechanism of body and brain, which engenders this idea and incidence of love.

CHAPTER 3

As The Idea Of ‘Self’, In Objective Terms, Is Often Pitted Against

The ‘Self’ Itself; Love Too Has Similar Shade Of Conflation…

Love is ideally acceptable with its three elements of Mystery, Magic and Marvel. Most of us feel, if love is made to be understood with objective technicalities of science, the three ‘M’s’ of love withers away. The three ‘M’s’ land most of us in inexplicable troubles and pains of love, still, we do not wish to understand the mechanism in its objective and scientific terms, which can put us in good stead, vis-à-vis all the love troubles.

This mysticism of love is what most lovers get attracted to initially. This suits the consciousness of love. This marvel of love gives the young men and women huge kicks of life. Young minds get huge thrills in journeying amidst the mist of mysticism of love as precariousness of the enterprise always has its own joy. Similar is the human desire, when it comes to religion and spiritualism. Mysticism is preferred state here too. However, this mysticism further confuses those in love and faith and this confusion in turn leads to calamitous patterns of behaviors and actions in love. The resultant pain and chaos is cyclic.

Sciences may not be in a position right now to tell us in perfect details as why and how, what happens in love. However, there are huge research-backed substantiations explaining lot many aspects of the purely physical and bio-chemical mechanisms and processes of love, as human mind handles them. This surely takes away lots of mysticism, magic and marvel out of the age-old notion of love and archetypal imagery of love in society. However, it is hugely helpful in clearing the mist of confusion and chaos around the very core idea of love.

It is a humble suggestion that objective knowledge about something never ever takes away the subjective joys. It rather enhances them. We all know it very well that an actor on the movie screen is just portraying and professing a role or character still, we cry with them and get emotionally one with the fictitious character. The knowledge, that the actor is actually not dead and it is only the character he portrayed is dead in the movie, does not anyway reduce our emotional joy and satisfaction of movie viewing. The knowledge surely enhances our joys and nullifies the pain, as we know, at the end of day everything is back to real.

The dualism of love is actually the root cause of why such a beautifully powerful and beneficial facility called love becomes a cause of pain and trouble. When we do not understand the mechanism of something very clearly, mysticism is bound to creep in and it shall unleash the destructive energy of confusion. We need to understand the mechanism of love in scientifically explained terms to enhance the joy of love.

The mechanism of mind, explained in terms of detailed neurochemical and neuroelectrical processes in pure scientific traditions may not be suitable for all of us. Therefore, what we shall talk about here is just an outline and simplified description of the mechanism.

What we are attempting to bring out from our discussion is the ‘dualism’ inherent in the mechanism and processes of love, as human mind handles it. We also need to accept that it is not something which science is telling us now. Thousands of years back, great minds of spiritualism and philosophy have told similar facts about consciousness, the cardinal position of love in it and the dualism, which consciousness faces about the emotional positioning of love.

Human mind is where all mysticisms emanate and end. The multilayered mechanisms of mind is one huge mystery, humanity has been attempting to unravel since thousands of years. The spiritualism and philosophy have given its own interpretation. Science has taken over and presented great facts about mind mechanism, its structure and functions and this has led humanity to understand lot many things about consciousness.

Human brain is the central mechanism for ensuring the survival and excellence of human body and it has to be accepted that the conscious and subconscious mind accepts and expresses almost everything in terms of its primary and pivotal role of ensuring a mechanism for survival and excellence. This interpretation of human mind looks so demeaning as we all are inclined to accept ourselves as something big and a lofty and special creation of God. Accepting ourselves as an entity, with base idea of survival is revolting.

That is why, science says, “the idea of a self, in objective terms is often pitted against the ‘self’ itself, which we have been used to accepting subjectively since thousands of years.”

Just for knowing the mechanism, we need to accept that human mind ensures this survival and excellence through a continuous and complicated maintenance of a process called homeostasis – better understandable as ‘poise’. All wisdoms, old or new, since thousands of years, have talked about the importance of this idea called ‘poise’, explained in terms of philosophy and spiritualism. Science unravels its physiological, bio-chemical and psychosomatic aspects.

In lower organisms, the homeostasis or poise is only physiological and biological but as human mechanism is very complex, human mind has to perform a complex and multidimensional homeostasis. In humans, the poise also has to be bio-sociological, psychological, emotional, spiritual as well as volitional. We are talking about this all because, love has to do specifically with this homeostasis thing and the trouble it creates also emanates from this.

There are sufficient scientific researches to establish that when people are in true love and absolute intimacy, their overall homeostasis is in great shape and this reflects in their healthy state of mind and body as well as behavior-action. The reverse has also been established as researches show, when people are in instable and unsettled love elements, their body gets affected and they land in serious body-mind dysfunction and even death.

Science has also established that most of the behavior-action of humans is instinctive and intuitive. Even the learned behavior, the nurture part, in time becomes part of instinctive behavior and nature. The simple idea is, almost everything, which our conscious and subconscious mind accepts and expresses, has to be in consonance and conformity with the larger homeostasis, which is essential for survival and excellence.

The conscious as well as the subconscious minds operates in a way, which is mystical for most of us as most operations and processes are intangible and we are mostly oblivious of it. That is also why, love, which is a very potent, cardinal and critical element of behavioral and emotional expression of our consciousness, remains in the mist of mysticism, magic and marvel.

However, we all can now understand the mechanism of this mysticism of love consciousness and come out of the veil of mysticism, standing tall on the ground of practical and tangible realism. This we can do by understanding how essentially our larger consciousness is an intangible expression of homeostasis process and how love is the strongest and most authoritative voice of this consciousness; seeking perpetuity of ‘poise’ – the larger homeostasis.

The process of making of consciousness, which stays with us lifelong, starts even when we are in mother’s womb. The sense of ‘self’ or to say, the question as ‘who I am’, starts to take shape when in womb, a child gets the feel of sounds and vibrations around. The unconscious mind of child starts accepting these elements of his immediate milieu as part of its homeostasis requirements. Science admits; a newborn child is designed to be born as a genius. It readies itself for the environment outside the womb by imbibing the signals it receives inside the womb. That is why; modern couples start the education of their kids well in the womb itself.

From the day first, the human child is instinctively loaded with one facility, which helps him or her evolve his or her ‘self’ – the subjective consciousness. This facility is instinctive inquisitiveness – the insatiable inclination to know. This desire also seems to be a beautiful expression of the homeostasis mechanism of body-mind consciousness. The mind can maintain poise only when it incessantly updates information about the surrounding environment and makes prompt decisions about the utility of these information for maintaining homeostasis.

It is here the trouble seems to start for humanity. The need to know exposes the mind to loads of multiplicity of information in the larger environment. As subconscious mind of the child starts to accept and adopt most of them as ‘essential’ for his homeostasis, he or she becomes unconsciously predisposed to these information and they become part of his or her larger consciousness, which science refers to as love/belief system.

Even before a child grows up to become an adult, he or she already accepts thousands of beliefs. However, most of these beliefs are based on his or her personal and subjective interpretations of experiences, inferences, assumptions, probabilities, deductions, inductions, and loads of oversimplifications, which the subconscious mind is expert at making. Most of these beliefs are very much part of the subconscious mind and continue to present themselves as potent referrals for conscious mind even years after. We all have heard people saying, an adult’s love is very much a reflection of what he or she got in childhood. We all know, a love-deficit childhood engenders an adult with troubled love life.

All these beliefs, which a child acquires, form part of the ‘self’, the subjective consciousness, about which we always keep asking question as ‘who I am’. Our subconscious mind starts building an image of ‘self’ and this process expresses itself in mystically intangible ways. We unconsciously start extending the limits of our ‘self-image’ in things and beliefs around us. It starts with we identifying with our body first, then with our mind, our family, friends, neighbors, teachers, partners, the special someone and later with our career, assets, ethnicity, nationality, gender etc. As we grow in life, we identify more with ideas and issues. All these are expression of our ‘self’, the consciousness.

We adopt them in our minds and guard them very ferociously as if they were part of our ‘self’. We fight over our people and beliefs like we fight for our dear life and well-being. It is because, they are part of our self and anything against them threatens our homeostasis, making us react fiercely. This is mystical. We may think, we are fighting for the cause of our dear ones or dear beliefs but essentially, we are fighting for our own survival, which is expressed in terms of homeostasis.

We all know, how people feel so strongly about their family, loved ones, ethnicity and nationality. People go to the extent of sacrificing their lives for the dear cause of family and even nation. It is very simple to understand why people do not think twice, giving up their lives for lovers and even something as vague as loss of their favorite football club. People commit suicide even when their favorite pop star falls from stairs and hurts him or her seriously. This is no joke. These incidents somehow are very intense and as some people accept it as something seriously threatening their ‘self – their very homeostasis wellness, they feel, their very survival is threatened. The reaction can be very disproportionate and precarious. They often are in love!

We all need to understand and accept it with a non-judgmental and objective mind that usually, when we are in love; we are in the ‘mystical middle’ of a very intense and powerful dualism. True love is one beautiful and everlasting ‘poise’ of person and personality. However, in our pop culture, we all can see how love is one huge ‘psychosis’. The trouble is, both poise and psychosis can be simultaneously present and active in one single person, at any given time.

A person seeks to be in love to internalize this ‘poise’ to the core of his or her personality. However, the same person is battling against the psychosis on the periphery of his or her personality as the culture and society we live in, exposes him or her to loads of conflicts and competitiveness. This dualism often expresses itself in chaotic love emotions.

When we love someone, he or she becomes an essential and ingrained part of our ‘self-image’ and systemic wellness homeostasis. We start taking him or her for granted as part of ‘me’ and ‘mine’. That is why; when there is trouble in love, or a situation, where it seems the love-situation is unsettled, we feel hugely threatened. We unconsciously feel that our very survival and core wellness is threatened. In this unsettled situation, the very person, who was the ‘receiver’ of all our love- largesse, poses as the one, who is a threat to our wellness.

We all have experienced and witnessed this situation all around us when a lover kills his or her beloved and also kills himself or herself. Why? This dualism plays the villain. The dualism of the subconscious mind makes us do all unimaginable things. The simple reason is – when your love is threatened, your unconscious mind quickly attempts to identify the ‘enemy’, who threatened your survival instincts. As your beloved himself or herself is someone, who jolted your love-wellness, the unconscious mind identifies him or her as enemy. The war is then declared against this ‘enemy’.

The dualism is playing its mystical marvels to us. The special someone, the beloved, whom we love so much that we cannot think of living a moment without him or her, becomes our enemy number one. Depending on how we all have been culturally trained to treat our enemies, we start executing our battle-tactics against him or her. Those, who are well groomed, trained by parents and family to be accommodative and compassionate with even the enemies, shall never opt for violent and overtly physical battle-plans. However, they can be sadistic about them. Those, who have a culture of violence, can go to any limit as it is said, “Everything is fair in love and war”.

Global data shows that intimate partner violence is hugely on rise. Failed love and intimacy has become the chief pain-inflictor in our pop culture. The easiest expression of the desire to inflict pain on intimate partners is ‘promiscuity’ and ‘character assassination’. Sadism, aggression and behavioral hostility are sure signs of a troubled and unsettled wellness homeostasis of the person. This person shall be hugely intense and passionate in love. However, be sure, when things are on the low, such a person can be calamitous and extreme with expressions of his or her desire to secure his or her wellness.

As we said earlier, researches have confirmed that when a person’s dear ideas or people are in trouble, his or her bio-sociological, psychological, emotional and volitional homeostasis is disturbed and this leads him or her to dysfunctional health and even death. The perception of threat to their homeostasis is very subjective, varying hugely.

That is why, we all need to understand and accept; love needs huge preparedness. We all are given enough time for the preparations. When I am perfectly settled and in absolute ‘poise’ of my overall wellness homeostasis, then only I am ‘ready’ for assimilation and integration of love. Moreover, the special someone, I love, has to be in this ‘poise’ too. Then only the magic works!

A young father has his little daughter growing fast in a very big city of United States of America, where pop culture has taken the teenagers in perfect grip. The mother is very concerned and even tense. She worries for her teenage daughter and asks her husband, what to do to avoid any ‘accidents’. Nothing new! However, what the father of this teenage girl said to his wife is interesting. He said, “I am trying to figure out, what my daughter can do, which I cannot forgive. I love her and I think, the sky of my affection and compassion for her shall always remain much larger than her arms can stretch for possible wrongs.”

True love has to be like that. Love, in all its manifestations and expressions has to be like that. Love liberates, never suffocates. The ‘compassion’ of forgiveness shall always remain larger than the ‘accidents’ of ‘passion’, when you are in true love and absolute intimacy.

The father, in the above story, is in perfect ‘poise’ of his wellness homeostasis. His wellness is not threatened by his subjective ‘self-image’ of right and wrong. It is his poise, which is so beautifully and magnanimously reflected in his behavior and action. It is only natural that this father is a sure hero for the girl and this girl shall grow to be one ‘poised’ person.

From the day we are born, we are muffled by love, in one form or other. Our preparedness starts from that day. Initially, it is the responsibility of parents and family but later, we ourselves have to learn and unlearn our ways towards this ‘poise’ of our larger wellness homeostasis. If we have this poise, love shall be one huge theatre of song and dance within. And, when we choose to extend this wellness poise to someone special, we need to be sure, he or she is in the same ‘poise’.

Love, as an idea, deeply associated with the entity of homeostasis, is hugely beautiful and highly useful. Love is a mystical expression of the ‘sense of larger wellness’, which is a cardinal and potent condition for homeostasis.

What mind receives and expresses are through neurochemical and neuroelectrical processes. However, these processes are intangible and our conscious mind never is able to see or perceive them. It is when, these processes are translated in behavior and action then we understand and accept it. That is simply why; there is a sense of mysticism, in all our behavior-actions, which are expressed in subconscious state of mind.

The affectors of human emotions, which in turn impact the human mind’s decision-making choices of behavior-action are mostly intangible. That is why; there is a sense of mysticism and marvel around it.

Love also being an expression of intangible nature and essentially a neurochemical and neuroelectrical expression of the larger need of body’s homeostasis wellness, lands in the domain of mysticism, magic and marvel.

Love is an intangible and very subjective expression of emotions in terms of behavior-action to extend the domain of self’s homeostasis wellness in the ambient environment. When the self accepts and adopts something and someone as right and good for its homeostasis wellness, there is a neurochemical and neuroelectrical impulse to merge in as part of its larger ‘self’. This Process Is Body-Mind Consciousness Expressing In Terms Of The Emotion Of Love.

Love is essentially an extension of one’s ‘self’ and subjective consciousness to accept and accommodate a thing, idea or person in its fold. Therefore, love basically is a very selfish and self-indulged emotion, an expression of the self’s ever-present need to maintain its homeostasis. It is our higher consciousness, which assigns and aligns this ‘selfishness’ to lofty and noble values of life and living in societal space.

That is why it is very important to accept that incidence of love shall always be mired in conflation and conflict as it is like just the birth of a child, which we all nurture, evolve and mature in time with care and perseverance. Love too happens or delivered in precarious mode but needs to be evolved definitively. Love evolves in echelons, like consciousness, which rises up with the energy of unlearning…

Love is a mind-mechanism and process in the side of ‘self’, for enhancement and aggrandizement of the broader need of survival and wellness. When we explain love in these terms, we shall see that there is nothing that remains in the veil of mysticism, magic and marvel. Everything, even weirdest of action-behavior in love can be explained and understood in scientifically calculable ways.

A person’s homeostasis often accepts contradictory ideas. It is possible that a person is a devout faithful, still that person relishing an abusive tongue. It is all in the subconscious. It became ingrained in that person’s subconscious mind probably early in his childhood and now forms part of his or her larger wellness homeostasis. Therefore, this person would love another person, who has similar faith system, however, would not desist from using bad mouth to him or her as the subconscious mind is used to accepting the abusive tongue as ‘good’ and acceptable.

You may see a dualism and contradiction in it. You may think, if a person loves you, he or she should use nice language with you and should not be a boozer or a gambler. However, for that person, love is only an expression of his or her ‘self’ and his or her ‘self’ already accepts abuse and boozing as acceptable things for his or her wellness homeostasis.

If you attempt to reason it out with him or her that if he or she loves you, he or she should stop abuse and booze, he or she shall first of all look confused. He or she would not even understand why you are saying this. Because, he or she (his or her subconscious mind), does not see any contradiction and conflict in it. Most likely, he or she shall take your words of reasoning as a threat to his or her wellness homeostasis and would likely to go away. Nobody can compromise with his or her long preserved homeostasis.

Actually, this person loved you because you fitted in his or her larger scheme of homeostasis wellness. Now when you have put up ideas, which disturb his or her homeostasis, his or her sense of wellness is threatened and compromised. He or she is likely to stop loving you, or shall be unsettled and erratic in his or her action-behavior.

The subconscious mind is almost too obsessed with the idea of survival and homeostasis. That is why, when it is faced with some situation, which is unpredictable and for which it has no ready solutions, it shall start creating such ideas for ensuring his or her win and success, which shall be weird and even illusory. Not only that, it would also prompt the conscious mind to go ahead with those weird ideas in terms of action and behavior.

For example, when you ask someone you love deeply to do away with some nasty or not so good habit or idea with him or her. He or she would first resist it saying, ‘why do you want to change me?’ You may tell lot many things to convince him or her but with little success.

Consider, what this person’s subconscious mind can come up with. It can device a series of questions, which shall essentially be his or defense against the change you want. His or her subconscious mind shall create all possible patterns of action-behavior to ensure he or she wins against your suggestion for change. Homeostasis needs to always win for survival.

The person would ask:

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Why is there a need for me to change, I am doing perfectly fine!

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Why should you ask me to change, can’t you accept me as I am?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Why should I change and even if I have, why should I listen to you?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Oh! Do you think you are God! Even God cannot ask me that!

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Why should I change if I am not convinced there is something wrong about it?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. If I have to change, only I shall decide, no one has the right to judge me.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I am open to change but only for someone who first accepts me as I am.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I would change only for someone who loves me blindly.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I accept changes but it would be tough as I was made this way.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Give me time, I am a not good at it! Etc.

The general refrain of most people in love is, “why cannot you accept me as I am. The God accepts me and loves me the way I am, good or bad. Why can’t you? Are you greater than God? Love never puts conditions!” Etc.

Remember, the more intelligent a person is, more artistic and ingenious shall be his or her advocacy against change. More unsettled, ephemeral and indecisive one’s overall homeostasis is, more intense and vocally demonstrative he or she shall be in love. However, this person shall be tougher for you to change him or her and shall be equally demonstrative in denying changes.

This dualism needs to be understood. The unsettled homeostasis makes one to seek love more intensely, desperately and sincerely. Such love is usually highly demonstrative and aggressively centrifugal. Love is the emotion of search for larger wellness homeostasis and people, who have larger need for wellness poise, shall be very intense, highly possessive and overwhelming in love. This initially suits love needs of both the partners.

Everyone loves to be smothered and submerged in love’s intensity and its mystically disproportionate multidimensionality. However, this is the seed of big trouble-tree of love. If we wish to be swept away by the storm of love, we need also to be ready of the calamitous fallouts of this storm.

Love in its pure and pious form is never passionate but always compassionate. Love is a ‘well-poised’ consciousness positioning, an innate state of settled internal wellness, seldom in need of passionate and demonstrative expressions.

Love’s expression is like systemic serenity of ‘song and dance’ staged within a person’s consciousness. You shall come to relish and feel at peace with his or her innate song-dance positioning, without that person saying anything to you.

The higher consciousness, in compassionate possession of the settled wellness of love shall be calm and composed like a deep ocean and blue sky. Such a person shall be widely accommodative, assimilative and integrative towards everything, like an ocean and sky.

Compassion only assimilates; passion can often drift in the storm of disproportionate demonstrations of love. As we have talked about it earlier, humanity needs to ‘unlearn’ this old cultural cognition of accepting love as a ‘passion-positioning’. Love is essentially about compassion – this higher consciousness of ‘I’ and resultant assimilative cognition about mutuality priorities.

CHAPTER 4

The Crucial Question – ‘How Can We Be Sure That We Love

Him/Her The Best Possible Way’, And The Right Answer…

How do we love best? How can we all be sure, we love people the best possible way? Most importantly, when we know love is very crucial for not only self but everyone around us, how can we be confident that love inside a person manifests and expresses itself in ways, which is optimal and ideal?

The conundrum, which is core element of all ‘self-belief’, is always extended to love too…! We are at the first count not always sure what true love is and therefore, the secondary confusion about how to express and institute love in best possible ways naturally is in the domain of confusion and conflict…

Somehow, the primary acceptance for all of us is that anyone’s personality has different elements and all elements need their right and appropriate expressions in life for wellness and excellence. These elements humanity also portrays as Nau-Ras (Nine shades of moods and emotions). This means, any element of a person and his or her personality can and should ride the nine shades of emotions…

This means – this so-called singular element of Love can express itself in nine different emotions (Nau-Ras) – Shringar (Beauty), Hasya (Joviality), Adbhut (Mysticism), Shant (Poise), Raudra (Anger), Veer (Valor), Karuna (Compassion), Bhayanak (Fear) and Vibhatsa (Disgust).

In ancient yoga tradition, these nine Rasas or shades of moods and emotions were listed for the very purpose that everyone should know and accept that human personality is made of many elements and human expression can have so many shades – nine primary shades, which together can create so many sub-shades or secondary shades of moods and emotions. The idea and idealism was to be aware of all shades of emotions, so that a person could be in better ‘poise and in peace’ facing different tough life-living situations…

Now, we come back to our question of ‘how can we be sure that we love people the best possible ways’. Before we embark on the possible answer of the question, we need to accept that the singular element of Love expresses itself differently in different relationships. It is all about all nine shades of emotions being present in all forms of love for different people but some shade may stand prominent in one relationship, whereas some other shade of emotion may look dominant in other.

For example, love between a man and woman may have dominant Shringar shade, whereas between a father and daughter, the dominant shade of love may be Karuna and Shant or even Veer

From this perspective, we can probably say that the best possible ways to love anybody looks like a state of consciousness, where a person allows his or her lover the liberty and equality of all possible shades of emotions. To put it in a perspective, to sort of put this idea in a ‘definition-jacket’, we can say –

The best possible way to love somebody is to consciously ensure that love nurtures and nourishes all nine shades of moods and emotions, interspersing some or a set of emotions in proportionate predominance as per the situation of the person we love.”

This means – I truly love my woman when I am everything for her, imbibing all nine shades of emotions in me for her – Being a father-figure, a mother-icon, a brother-figure, a friend, critic, lover, a Guru, a competitor, etc. At a particular situation, in the life-living of my woman, I may shift my roles as father-brother-lover-guru, etc as per ‘her’ emotional needs…

Does this sound obsessive behavior…! Check out for a ‘poise’ and relativity of perceptions, as it is also an artistry – balancing between all shades of emotions…

The tough part however, shall be to sometimes come up as a role of a father, even when she may not be subconsciously willing to accept me in that shade of emotion. I may at times be in the shade of a competitor, even when she may look like in a mode to seek me as lover. Roles shift always as per her ‘needs’, however, not always as per her ‘wants’. This surely is biggest challenge for love’s success. That is why, my woman must also be aware of the Nau-Rasas and their dynamics. Love evolves only when the critical element of ‘Trust’ evolves first.

It seems, if I could optimize the output and utilities of all nine shades of emotions (Nau-Rasas) for my woman, I may feel like admitting that I love her the best possible way. Moreover, important it is to accept with all humility that optimum is always a limit, which needs to be stretched incessantly, as all optimality must always keep evolving to higher productivity. That is why consciousness, this sense of ‘I’ of both lover and beloved need to constantly keep evolving to higher stages.

CHAPTER 5

The Productive-Prudence Of Man-Woman Mutuality And

Symbiosis – The Core Romanticism of Life And Living…

How much one can understand? What is there that makes us understand? And then, even if one feels and accepts that he or she has understood, how could one be sure, what he or she understood is what was there to be understood…?

The conundrum and puzzles of life and living are infinite… at least it seems so, if one happens to intend to go for them! However, even if one does not go for them, it does not anyway relieve one of those confusions and resultant conflicts of mind…!

The inevitability is always there, however, its acceptance somehow makes life-living easy. Acceptance of limitations, inevitable optionlessness at times can be very settling and can lead people to the much-required ‘Wellness’…

So, in human relationships, especially intimate relationships, this ‘Acceptance’ sure holds a loads of potential for wellness, especially in times of stress and conflicts…

Intimacy and committed love between two people make them feel and accept that ‘They Have Understood’, each other and the so-called ‘Chemistry’ between the two bodies and minds. However, this is unfortunate invite to calamitous probabilities in intimate relationships…

As a matter of fact, two people in love and intimacy are two different Consciousnesses with separate Cognitive perceptions about things in life. The ‘common’ domain of body-mind mutuality in intimacy is seldom equal to merger of two consciousnesses. The domain of mutuality is only that common part of two different ‘Circles’, which we now know and accept as separate Consciousnesses.

Therefore, as two people in intimacy remain all the time as two different ‘circles of consciousnesses’, with a small common zone of mutuality, the huge ‘Unsure Zone’ remains live and kicking between them. A big chunk of both consciousnesses remain ‘Unknown & Unknowable’ to each other, even while love makes them believe that they ‘know’ each other quite well.

Therefore, in human relationships, especially intimate relationships, this ‘Acceptance’ about ‘Exclusiveness’ of Consciousnesses sure holds a loads of potential for wellness, especially in times of stress and conflicts…

This in turn makes out a clear case of ‘Desired’ action & behavior for two people in intimacy and love. Once two people accept to be in intimacy and love, they have created only a small ‘zone of mutuality’, which is just a starting ‘seed’ situation for success of love. Both then have to evolve together with compassion for each other’s ‘exclusive consciousnesses’, so that in time to come, the ‘Zone of Mutuality’ keeps expanding and ‘Exclusivity’ of separate consciousnesses dwindle and erode in time to as minimum as possible.

The key in love and intimacy is to evolve together, from the point where two people decide to be on a Mutuality journey. This surely is not easy as we know loving is a ‘selfish’ enterprise of auto-mode instincts. Yet, understanding and then accepting this mechanism creates this desirability of the evolution towards the destination of mutuality…

It seems; at least it seems to appear and get perceived like this’, that most, if not all, intangibilities have this instinctive and per-destined orientation to merge and get identified with some tangibility. It is different matter that in time and space, this tangibility itself gets inclined to express itself in myriad shades of intangibilities. May be, life’s core joys and living’s eternal romanticism is a tale of this mutuality and symbiosis between the tangibility and intangibility…

Somehow, abstractions come natural to all of us as they are very much our mechanism. Our consciousness, this ephemeral sense of ‘I’ or ‘Me’ is an intangible – A Mystical Summation Of Abstractions. Science says – Consciousness is an emergent intangible information processing mechanism of brain, which essentially is like making a ‘bridge’ between tangibility of body-mind inside and intangibility of elements in the milieus outside.

It seems; at least it seems to appear and get perceived like this…

Man and woman mutuality and symbiosis looks like a microcosm of this cosmic construct of tangibility-intangibility dualism and dialectics…!

Understanding this dualism is somehow a must for wellness and social excellence…

The consciousness, the self, this sense of ‘I’ itself being the intangible, and this intangible may be a man or a woman, it always instinctively looks for a body – the tangible.

… the consciousness of a man seeking the refuge of a woman’s body… it is like an intangible seeking safety and security of a tangible, in the form of the body of a woman… it is like a huge ship in the ocean; drifting along but continuously looking up for the shore, where it could anchor. A ship cannot unload the utilities it carries if it does not hit the shore and anchor well…!

This ship is not gender-specific… a woman’s consciousness and a man’s consciousness in its primary and purest form does not accept man woman divide. This ship can be a man or a woman and both ships look for their respective shores and anchors…

Interestingly, the dualism never leaves us alone. The fact remains that even when the consciousness of a man or a woman seeks the tangibility of the body of a woman or a man respectively, the fact remains that the man or a woman themselves remain the intangibilities. A woman’s consciousness (intangibility) seeks a man’s body (tangibility) as her shore and anchor but this man also has a consciousness, which is intangible… The same with a man seeking a woman…

… This seems like the true romanticism of life and living…

… The ship seeks a shore and an anchor and this ship itself becomes the shore and anchor for another ship. Also, the shore and anchor turns into a ship and seeks its own shore and anchor…!

… That is mutuality business of humanity, which ensures that ‘investment’ becomes 200% ‘profit’ and ‘profit’ becomes 200% ‘investment’…

… beware! Some men and women become too intelligent and make 200% profit in this mutuality business but never recycle this profit into investment… the dialectics and cyclicality of mutuality business between man and woman must never stop…! Neither the man nor the woman should be this ‘intelligent’ and blind enough to renounce the primary hypothesis of utility of ‘innocence’ in the mutuality business…

This is eternal romanticism of life-living utility… The dualism of cosmic construct unleashes the primeval energy, which keeps the cyclicality of intangible and tangible transcendental and infinite… This is some dialectics, which always plays between man and woman and creates a ‘productivity prudence’, which all men and women must understand, accept and respect…

… all consciousnesses, be it of a man or that of a woman, they need to be rooted and anchored… all intangibilities must align and anchor with a tangibility… and then, all tangibilities must always be allowed space and liberty to express themselves in all possible intangibilities… this is the core ‘productive prudence’ for the man-woman mutuality…

As a man said to his beloved –

Tum Se Bus Us Baat Ki Hai Ummeed,

Jo Mera Mujh Se Kabhi Poora Na hua…’

(I have expectations from you of only that, which I could never have, own my own…)

This symbolizes the man-woman mutuality and symbiosis… An intangibility perfecting and completing itself, when it merges and identifies with a tangibility and the vice-versa… A man seeking merger and alignment with a woman to perfect and complete itself… and the vice-versa…!

As a poet said –

Unka Ho Gaya Hoon, Ab Kuchh Na Hone Ki Khwahish Hai,

Had-e-Taqmeel Pa Gaya Hoon, Bus Mar Jaane Ki Khwahish Hai…’

(I have become her and therefore there is no desire of becoming anything else. I have attained limits of perfection and now I wish to become dead…)

… This symbolizes the man-woman mutuality and symbiosis… This symbolizes the core romanticism of life and living… This is some dialectics – the dualism and cyclicality, which must always play between man and woman to engender this ‘productivity prudence’, which all men and women must understand, accept and respect…

CHAPTER 6

Evergrowing Derisions And Untold Afflictions In The Contemporary

Life-Living Milieus – Larger Need For Redemptive Love…

There is something called ‘Redemptive Love’, which is so relevant in contemporary times, as world-over, humanity suffers from various types of terror. As the afflictions are being caused mostly by humanity itself on humanity, this very ancient and transcendental idealism of ‘Redemptive Love’ has become much more relevant now…

The nature has never been kind to humanity. However, the brutality and afflictions caused by nature does not cripple and traumatize humanity as much than what it causes when evil human beings unleash them on fellow beings…

The terrors of starvation, torture, slavery, rape, murder and various forms of extreme and violent afflictions cause not only cause physical pain and sufferings, they do something, which psychologically destroys the whole society and cultures…

Someone said very aptly, ‘Afflictions caused by evil humans makes God appear to be absent for a time… What is terrible is that if, in this darkness and damnation where there seems nothing to love, God’s absence becomes final… If the soul stops loving, it falls, even in this life, into something, almost equivalent to hell… That is why, the evil humans, who plunge fellow humans into afflictions, kill their soul, before they are actually dead…’

In such a world, where human-unleashed terror is making souls dead and making love disappear, it is very important that we all rational and thinking people do our little bit in what we call ‘Redemptive Love’ – To restore the lost love in hearts and resurrect the souls, which are dead from human afflictions … The lost love needs to be redeemed and restored in the souls of humanity, which is facing untold afflictions in the contemporary world…

The billion dollar question is – What we as individuals can do to help the process of ‘Love’s Redemption’. Let us understand the redemptive process of love –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. We can help the victim by making his or her afflictions sound and feel less painful and also lead them to accept their afflictions from a position of strength…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. We can make the evil humans feel and see the wrongs and lead them to accept their wrongs. This is toughest, yet more doable…

No doubt, both are very difficult tasks as an individual has his or her own troubles and it is so tough to make others accept something, which does not seem there. That is why, redemptive love is associated only with Boddhisattvas (The awaked ones) or the God itself. In Hindu tradition, it is accepted that Lord Vishnu takes Avtaar for Redemption of Love on the Earth, whenever evil human forces unleash their terror and kill souls of humanity by their afflictions…

However, small things are always available for every individual to do and contribute. Good things need not be done in a missionary manner but small contributions are good enough. What we as individuals can do are –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Extending the Domain of Self or ‘I’ – In modern milieus, every individual is struggling with the needs and desires of the self. The sense of ‘I’ is becoming too restrictive and subconsciously squeezing the domain of self only to ‘Me’ and ‘Family’. By just extending the domain of ‘I’ to larger sense of belonging to fellow humans can help a big way in the process of ‘Redemptive Love’…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. The Acceptance of Relativity and Empathy – Psychologists say, evil is not someone who inflicts pain on others but evil is someone who is blind about the very acceptance that what he or she is doing is wrong. That is why, acceptance that we all can be wrong is key human wisdom and accepting our wrongs goes a long way in building the castles of ‘Redemptive Love’. This very sense of relativity and this ability to step into the emotional shoes of others can enhance our compassion to such heights that this world can be a better place to live…

The simple code of ‘Love’s Redemption’ is – No human soul (Body and Mind) should live devoid of love. Love must remain in all hearts and minds as this only can ensure that our society and cultures have optimum levels of trust and faith. This is what we call God in our mind. God must never be absent from souls of humanity. This tragic and terrifying realism happens when love is absent from hearts…

The simple, yet very elusive point is – Love riding energy of passion derides and deprives love the most. As we have said earlier, true love is more about the assimilative and integrative element of compassion. Redemptive love is primarily about empathy…

We all can surely contribute hugely in this very recuperative process of ‘Redemptive Love’ by expanding the domain of our ‘I’ and be in acceptance mode of our own mistakes and wrongs. Anyone can be wrong as we all are humans. However, when we accept our wrongs, we turn into God as we then extend full-blown chance to redemption of love… Let us all do it…

CHAPTER 7

Soul-mate Idealism: No Readymade ‘Made-For-Each-Other’ Eventuality

In Love And Intimacy – Mutuality Is A Persevered Personal Enterprise…

The person, you Love, has to be in perfect and profound wellness poise, otherwise, he or she shall never be in a consciousness of complete and perfect assimilation and integration, which love’s mutuality shall demand.

The person you love is not some other subject or object you think you hold dear and like. The fact is – the person you love is essentially the image of your own subject, your own self or consciousness, seeking another medium than your own body-mind to extend its domain. This is the expression of your intangible homeostasis need. It is therefore only natural that he or she, whom you love has to be a willing and highly navigable media, for easy and smooth assimilation into your ‘self-image’.

When two people in love are two brilliant, settled, poised, navigable, compassionately accommodative and malleable ‘media’, it shall be smooth and systemic assimilation of the two ‘selfs’ and two shall finally evolve to become one singular and symmetrical consciousness. This is the true success of love.

Only two higher consciousnesses can merge and melt into one consciousness…

Classical wisdom of Oriental spiritualism said – ‘Only generic and similar elements can have lasting relationship with each other. Therefore, for lasting wellness in intimate relationship, it is crucial that both man and woman have commonality of elements in their consciousnesses. If not, then mutuality enterprise is all about evolving together towards this commonality…

When this merger and assimilation happens, the two separate and exclusive ‘wellness needs’ become one singular and larger homeostasis. This ‘homeostatic love’ can never fail; it shall be the infinite success symmetry.

The onus of all these beautiful processes and evolution for the ultimate success of the ‘venture of love’ is on you. It is first your own preparedness, your own readiness for the start of the ‘venture’. It is also your responsibility to ensure that your special someone is also in the same state of readiness.

Never ever take love casually. You already know it, how love is so intrinsically and cardinally associated with your wellness poise. Love’s success can make your life. However, if love flops, it has a calamitous impact on you as it has the fatal effect of threatening your wellness homeostasis, which is essentially your larger sense of survival.

Always remember, mutuality in love is never a readymade equity, it is always made together with conscious elements of persevered enterprise.

There is this very populist idea of ‘soul-mate’, which presents a case as why every individual in love should put more premium on ‘personal-inputs’, rather than ‘readymade’ compatibilities.

It is a reality which many believe is unbelievable. Yet, the fact is that 73% of Americans believe in inevitability of the idea and pragmatism of soul-mates. A survey few years back points out –

*
p<>{color:#000;}. More men than women believe that they are destined to find their one, true soul-mate (males: 74%, females: 71%).

*
p<>{color:#000;}. 79% of people younger than 45 believe in soul-mates, while only 69% of those over 45 do.

The data may be of America but it seems, there may be a similar factsheet almost everywhere. The factsheet apart, psychologists say that this belief of soul-mate is a huge trap. They say; if you believe that there is only one person for you, you are more likely to spend energy and time looking for that person instead of cultivating an existing relationship or a possible one.

Psychologists say, Destiny Believers have passionate, intense, short-term relationships, but often they become disillusioned and frustrated when something inevitably goes wrong. They believe in ‘deal-breakers’ and are constantly looking for the ‘perfect’ person. When something negative happens in the relationship they think, “Better move on and find my person.”

Growth Believers take a bit longer to commit. Even early in the relationship they are more motivated to find solutions, compromise or explore new ideas. They often view compromising as growth. When something negative happens in the relationship they think, “Better sit together and work this out.”

Psychologists say; people who believe in romantic destiny (soul mates) primarily look for positive emotional reactions and initial compatibility with a partner. They believe people either “click” and are meant to be, or they don’t and should move on.

People who believe in romantic growth (cultivation) primarily look for someone who will work and grow with them, resolving conflicts as they arise. They believe that relationships can evolve with hard work and compromise, even in difficult situations. It is more like instituting more faith in power of personal as well as mutual investment of common sense than believing blindly in ‘destiny’ or readymade ‘Made-For-Each-Other’ eventuality…

So, what surveys and psychologists point out is – Overall, the message is clear, looking for perfect compatibility and a soul mate kills motivation to work at successful relationships with good partners. In the long run, adopting a belief in romantic growth and cultivation is much more rewarding, especially for those interested in long-term relationships.

Compared to soul mates, a belief in growth does take more work, effort, and a desire to change. So, to truly have a satisfying relationship, an individual must not only give up the search for a “perfect” partner, but also be willing to admit they are not always “perfect just as they are” as well. Only then can two people work together, grow, evolve, and meet each other’s needs in the long run.

The psychologies apart, the crucial question is – It is not that people, especially young people do not know what the psychologists are pointing out. They too accept that nobody is perfect and growth in relationship is in evolving with whatever is at hand. Still, the key question is why such an overwhelming majority of 73 percent believe in inevitability of soul-mate?

It seems, it is somehow another shade of contemporary consciousness, which seems to be working towards this end. Psychologists may like to work on this shade of subconscious attitude, which works in favour of soul-mate. It is however a humble suggestion. People may check it out with their own consciousness and ask, is that true?

What seems to work behind this overwhelming soul-mate idealism is probably a contemporary sense of ‘empowerment’. Both men and women, especially young, feel that they are now empowered and endowed. They need nothing but best in their lives. They are brand aware and look for ‘fine-fit’ or to say the ‘best-fit’ in their lives. They feel, not any job would do but only that job is the option which ‘I want’ for myself. Not any car or any house would do. Only that would do, what ‘best-fits’ my current life-living position and status.

This ‘best-fit’ is deeply ingrained in the subconscious mind and we all feel, we have attained this much, we have done the hard-work and we deserve nothing but best. There is one something, which is right for me. This only shall do, not any fit shall do.

Once a girl said, ‘I am a scientist and I simply cannot think of my soul-mate being anything but a better scientist…!’ This syndrome of only the ‘best-fit’ for me seems to be behind this insistence over soul-mate.

A soul-mate is nothing but a perfect-fit or the ‘best-fit’ for me. The idea of a soul-mate is a ‘rigidity’ of worldview, which refuses to accept any fit. It insists on and is unapologetic about anything but the ‘best-fit’…

May be, this interpretation of soul-mate is a long-drawn one. May be, this parallel between ‘best-fit’ syndrome and soul-mate idealism is a mismatch. May be, some more psychologies can be responsible. Still, there seems to be a need to question ourselves. Is that true? Or not…?

As it is very tough to decipher how psychologies unravel themselves in the cognitive horizon of humanity, all possibilities of consciousness causalities may be listed. However, the message is very clear –

Incidence of love may happen between two people with little commonalities or possible compatibilities, yet, the lasting success shall only be a function of preserved personal as well as mutual inputs towards evolving better and larger compatibilities.

CHAPTER 8

The ‘Larger Picture’ In Insinuations of ‘Cheating If Not Caught’

And Why Majority of Men And Women Wish It…

Such is human predisposition for sliced realism and so wired is our consciousness towards refusing the ultimate utility and worth of holism that we seldom see and accept the larger picture of life-living actualism…!

More interesting is the realism that even though we all know about such attitudes and perspectives of our lives, we seldom move out of our inertia and comfort zone to amend this core fallacy, which is the core trouble of most of our wellness crisis…!

There is this urgent need to bring this issue to the center-stage of human discourse, both at individual level as well as at collective domains…

Sample this –

A survey in USA says –

*
p<>{color:#000;}. 68 percent women said they would go for an affair, out of their current committed relationships, if they were assured they won’t be caught…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Naturally, 74 percent men said the same thing…! One would have expected this figure to be higher for men…! However, contemporary times of equality levels up everything…!

Then, what is there for sliced up realism and what is the holism about it? What is the profile perspective and what is the larger picture that we often miss…?

Well, the part picture can be so many, as per individual choice –

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Oh! People are really unreliable!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Hmmm… women too…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. No big deal… we are wired for that…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. It’s all cultural trouble…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. So what…! People have choices and they are free to avail them…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Hmmm… that’s why marriages and relationships are doomed…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. God…! And, they say couples and marriages are made in heaven…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Nothing new, I knew that…! Sex rules, admittance is better than hypocrisy…!

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Etc…

Okay! What is then the holism? Is that combining all the above parts and accepting that whatever is the reality, it is and has to be accepted? Can holism be summation of parts…?

That is why there is this urgent need to bring this issue of ‘holism’ and human aversion to it and wired choice for sliced up realism at the center-stage of human discourse, at individual level as well as at collective domains; especially in matters of love and intimacy…!

Holism seems to start with the primary and over-riding question –

• Why Is What It Is? What Makes It Why It Is?

Somehow, the question of holism – The Larger Picture, is a systemic investigation into why the whopping 68 percent women and 74 percent men have this embedded desire for something more than what they have? Also, why this desire for availing some choice so ‘undermined’ and ‘inhibitive’ as men and women do not wish to be ‘caught’ availing it?

One can say that like wealth and other desires, enough is never enough and it is visceral to want more. Then, why is there this ‘inhibition’ of not wanting it publically? Why this desire to have more but not being ‘caught’ with this desire? Accepted that in contemporary world, having ‘more’ is the core creed but then, people on this planet, both men and women are actually flaunting their possessions and endowments more than what they actually have! So, why not flaunt this ‘inhibitive’ desire too…!

Often, such is the pop culture’s demand, young men as well as women, when they are not married or in a committed relationship, flaunt publically or in trusted circles as how many boyfriends and girlfriends they have! It is rather a status symbol now to have as many girlfriends or boyfriends as possible. More you have more ‘empowered’ one and others feel and accept you!

So, is there simply some hypocrisy playing its dubious game? Or is there something more deep-seated? This is the question of holism! The investigation of answers is the journey towards seeing and accepting the ‘Larger Picture’…!

Also try this. Science says – A man is not genetically wired to love two women at a time. He can say he loves two women but at a given time, one woman shall have to be clearly his favoured one. Women are supposed to be more wired to have single mate as per their evolutionary genetic choices…!

So, what makes the above data possible? This is the query of the ‘Larger Picture’…!

The critical idea is – Human nature and behaviors are outcome of his consciousness, which is so designed that it engenders beautifully mystical subtleties. Accepting and accommodating such subtleties in one’s worldview is the core creed of holism…

So, we may say, what these 68 percent women and 74 percent men are saying is something open to various interpretations but what may be accepted as core emotion, triggering such desire sans complications of wordsmithery is – Human needs and wants are multidimensional and multi-shaded. We have needs and we have wants. May be, what we need is not what we want or should want but desires are there and they speak of humanity’s ‘need’ to draw emotional and physical satisfaction in multidimensional ways too…

May be, what we say is not always we mean; at least in holistic sense…

For example, a survey said, ‘Only 2 percent women accepted themselves as beautiful’. Means, whopping 98 percent women thought they were not beautiful. However, this is not the reality, as words make us believe and accept. In the same survey, a huge majority of 95 percent women accepted that every woman has something or other as beautiful…

So, the idea is – what we say in words are just the reflection of multiple shades of mixed up emotions. Only a holistic ‘Larger Picture’ can assay a human emotion. Most humans accepted that beauty is in the eye of beholder. A great writer said, ‘Every woman is beautiful who is loved’. Therefore, if only 2 percent women say there are beautiful, it is just a shade of reality…

Similarly, when 68 percent women and 74 percent men say, they may make a certain choice, if not caught, then it may well be accepted as some shade of emotion, which is much larger than what few words can sum up…!

So what is the ‘Larger Picture’ or the ‘Big Emotion’ behind the ‘Option If Not Caught’ syndrome?

There is this need of a larger and sustained survey to get to the bottom of any conclusion as we accept that human nature and behavior is multidimensional and multi-shaded. However, there is one possibility, which we may consider –

*
p<>{color:#000;}. May be, human satisfaction needs fulfillment of multiple and often mystically expressed varied ‘needs’ and ‘wants’. Therefore, may be, one person is not sufficient enough, for love, care and intimacy. Humans have been genetically inclined to be gregarious and very family oriented. We have tribal instincts, which dominate our nature and instincts. As we say, ‘It takes a whole village for a child to grow as a good man or woman’. This means, our emotional and intimacy needs are big and multidimensional. That is why, we had big families, where brothers, sisters, cousins, relatives and family friends together ensured that everyone’s emotional and intimacy needs were fulfilled. We now live in a society and culture, where it has boiled down to single kid family, single parent households, husband-wife family and nuclear family status. Moreover, relatives and society have become very competitive and hence kept at a safe distance. May be, we are in huge deficit of multiple shades of love-care-intimacy…!

That is why, we talked earlier about why and how we can probably say that the best possible ways to love anybody looks like a state of consciousness, where a person allows his or her lover the liberty and equality of all possible shades of emotions. As we said, this means – I truly love my woman when I am everything for her, imbibing all nine shades of emotions (Nau-Ras) in me for her – Being a father-figure, a mother-icon, a brother-figure, a friend, critic, lover, a Guru, a competitor, etc. At a particular situation, in the life-living of my woman, I may shift my roles as father-brother-lover-guru, etc as per ‘her’ emotional needs…

This however is just a probability. You are welcome to add to it…!

However, it remains a fact that there should always be ‘more’ and more than ‘more, when it comes to the love-care-intimacy ‘needs’ of men and women… Let there be a deluge of it all… And, let us not be shy of being caught…!

CHAPTER 9

The World Is Good or Bad, Love Is Real or Farce – The Hypothesis

Of Superpositioned Realism Of Quantum Consciousness

Often, many realism of life and living are so hugely multidimensional that it is easy for us to accept one single dimension of it and accept it as general truth. We all usually pick up some personal and subjective ‘hypotheses’, accept them to be true, and then go on to construct a ‘theory’ on the foundation of this hypothesis…

The interesting thing is – as realism often is so big and multidimensional that it has large size and share of both ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ or ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’. That is why, it becomes easy for anyone to cut a slice of this realism and accept it as his or her personal hypothesis. Once we accept this hypothesis as right, it is human mechanism to fight for the veracity of such subjective hypothesis to establish it as objective theory of human realism…

So, someone would say – ‘This world is so bad, people are so selfish, goodness is a falsehood, relationships are farce, money is everything, you are all alone in this big bad world as nobody loves nobody, etc’.

Then, somebody may say the opposite of it. Both hypotheses pertain to something, which is so huge and so multidimensional that it is very easy for anyone to prove the veracity of his or her mutually competing hypotheses. Yes, this world, life, relationships, people, human behavior, etc are so huge domains and there are more than 7 billion people adding shades into this realism. It is only natural that in such a huge sample size of over 7 billion people, anyone can hypothesize any situation as right or wrong, good or bad.

Moreover, what we are hypothesizing about is not a tangibility. They all fall in the domain of intangibility. That is why, it is equally easy for anyone to hypothesize it good or bad. However, others may bulldoze this subjective hypothesis with equal ease as both competing size have enough rough data to support their subjective perceptions. This happens because the sample size is huge and what we are dealing with is not tangibility but intangibility…

Most of such hypotheses are very subjective, based on opinions, conjectures, imaginations, hearsays, dogmas, ideologies, fantasies and fiction, having no singular measurable and proven basis.

So, when someone says – ‘This world is so bad and love is a farce’, how can we objectively test the validity of the hypothesis? Of course, one can single out sufficient data from over 7 billion people constituting the world and their behaviors in support of his or her hypothesis. But then, another person too can easily garner enough data opposing the hypothesis from the same ‘sample size’ of over 7 billion people, establishing that this same world is good and love rules most hearts…

Here, probably comes the idea of quantum consciousness – the quantum idea of superposition. Superposition means, a realism remains in all possible shades and shapes till it ‘collapses’, when someone observes it. So, this world, its over 7 billion people and their collective as well as individual status are also a super-positioned realism. It is both good and bad; and billion shades of various mixes of the twin elements of good and bad. It depends on the ‘observer’, who may accept it either way!

Therefore, what physics as well as spiritualism keeps telling us is – realism is always neutral. This world, all tangibles and especially the intangibles are neither good nor bad. This world always had good elements as well as bad elements and they keep balancing each other. For an individual as well as collectivity, good or bad depends on how one aligns with elements in the milieus…

Similar is the superpositioning of the competing hypotheses that love is shrinking, people are no more good enough for love and intimacy and the opposite that this world is now a better place for love to sustain and flourish.

Goodness and badness are just elements in somehow super-positioned pure state. If an individual aligns with good elements, his or her current / ‘observer’ status makes him or her accept the world as good and enjoyable. The same person, if he or she aligns with bad elements, the ‘observer’ status changes and he same world becomes bad. Same is the situation with love. It is about how we align with the energy of love.

So, the finality of judgment about the culpability of this world, love, relationships, actions/behaviors etc remains on the side of the ‘observer’ – the individual. Often, if a localized milieu seems good or bad, it is basically because of how society, cultures, economy, politics and psychology align with what elements of the larger cosmos…

If in all probabilities, the culpability is with individuals and the collectivity they create together; every single ‘observer’ has a fair share in this collective sense of good or bad. However, it is great pain and perturbation to find and accept that there are people, who are not well endowed and empowered and that is why, they have to face so much troubles in life, which they can easily avoid and even turn these challenges into opportunities, if they had it…

It is greater pain to find and accept that there are truly endowed, empowered and really beautiful men and women, who have everything to turn the challenges of their lives into opportunities but what they miss is not the tangibility, but the intangibility of ‘cognitive chemistry’, which is applied, can make them land in bliss and wellness…

It is such a joy that we live in times, which the world accepts as the ‘best possible times’ for humanity as surely, we have milieus around us, which are facilitative and amicable, compared to times only a few decades back. Also, more people, especially our dear women are now more empowered and truly endowed…

Why then such crisis, conflict, confusion and resultant pain and perturbations…?

This is why we need to talk about this very critical element of ‘Cognitive Chemistry’…

I have always insisted the old and very objective realism that this world, the socio-cultural milieus around us and elements that affect our life-living experiences are neither good nor bad but objectively neutral. Often, more often than we accept; good or bad is our ‘cognitive conundrum’. Pain and joys are often very subjective, emanating out of our ‘cognitive crisis’. That is why it is very important to understand the ‘cognitive chemistry’ of our consciousness – this sense of ‘I’ or ‘self’…

There is a clichéd, which is like – ‘If you wish to be successful in life, you have to learn to say NO’. The reverse of this is also equally popular. The fact remains, everyone has to learn to say ‘YES’ and ‘NO’ but the artistry is not only in mouthing them but in applying this energy of ‘Affirmation’ and ‘Negation’ at appropriate Place, Time and Manner.

The very word ‘management’ is all about the ‘judiciousness of delivery’. A brilliant life-manager has this golden artistry of knowing appropriately, ‘When, Where, Why, Who and How’. Judgment of appropriateness of delivery is some artistry, nobody is born with; it is learnt and is perfected by practice…

This is not new. Everyone does this judgment of ‘When, Where, Why, Who and How’. Also, we need to accept that we always have two core choices about all judgments of our life about ‘When, Where, Why, Who and How’ – It is either ‘Yes’ or ‘No…

Here comes the ‘cognitive chemistry’…

Excellence, solutions, bliss, confidence and all other goodies of life is about how appropriately our ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ fit into our scheme of things. If there is a situation, when a ‘Yes’ is required and we in our judgment opt for ‘No’, life-living experiences are different for us, compared to what it could have been, if we opted for ‘Yes’…

Most importantly, both set of probabilities, or what we may call destinies, whether following a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’, are neutral and objective, They are neither good or bad. However, we accept them as good or bad or they actually turn into good or bad consequences for us is all very subjective for us, at a given time and space only….

Therefore, all realism – good or bad, are often our perceptions, call it our cognitive conundrum. For the cosmos, or the macrocosmic world, Oxygen and Carbon dioxide are both value-neutral, neither good nor bad. It is for humans that Oxygen is good and Carbon dioxide is killer. Therefore, all life-living situations draw their labels of good or bad as per our subjective cognition and subjective judgment of a realism…

That is what we have to accept and feel happy about. The happy thing in all probabilities of life is that they themselves are neither good or bad. Something is good or bad because of someone’s subjective positioning at a particular time and space…

Yes, no doubt, there are actual bad things and they are commonly bad for all people and all lives, and they are very much tangible. Such tangible troubles like cancer disease or an unfortunate mishap, etc are bad and universal. However, we all can see and accept that most of our troubles do not fall in such tangible categories…

What we are talking about is situations like – ‘I am a fat girl, no one loves me, I have bad loans to pay, my parents are not supportive, my career is doomed, my lover ditched me, life is tough for me, I am a huge failure, etc…

Here comes this need of understanding and accepting the idea of ‘cognitive chemistry’…

Often, with anyone, life offers this situation to take a call. You have to make a judicious choice between ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. Remember, to be human is to err and learn from mistakes. Still, making a judicious choice is crucial, after accepting that judicious choices come only when we objectively test our cognitive prudence. That needs to sit down, opt for leisure, break the issue at hand into smaller details and test the probabilities of all details in terms of their consequences if you say ‘Yes’ and if you say ‘No’…

It is all about acceptance of the simple facts –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Most life situations are neutral; we perceive them as good or bad…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. We have to be objective and non-emotional, when we make judgments about ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ about a life-living choice…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. All probabilities and consequences of both ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are also neutral, neither good nor bad. We need to accept them with objective cognitive prudence…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Cognitive realism – the perception of good or bad is often a subjective realism in time-space domain. As Time and Space change, realism about good and bad changes too…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Our brain is essentially an actionable entity, led primarily by our thought processing. That is why we all are geniuses out of reactionary priorities. Cognitive prudence is all about procrastinating the reactionary priorities and settle for a ‘receptive’ mind consciousness, which has the leisure and time-space maneuverability to objectively test the validities of ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ choices…

Most importantly, we need to accept that in contemporary milieus, where everything is so charged up and life speed is made to be calamitously high, it is our primary mammalian brain (limbic system, which deals with emotions and short-term memory), which dominates our cognitive prudence. This we need to change…

We are humans and humans have excellence of solutions of all troubles because we have a superior brain part called cortex area, which has been assigned the higher cognitive functions. Limbic system-backed cognition is so programmed for reactionary and short-term reward and consumption that limbic-cognition often makes us accept subjective judgments. This we have to be wary of…

To align our cognition to higher brain consciousness is some artistry, we all need to evolve to. This creates a ‘cognitive chemistry’ for us, which makes us have objective and logical judicious life-living choices. This is surely superior to emotional and subjective life-living choices, which lands us in most troubles, pains and perturbations…

This cognitive chemistry must be made to work at its best when we ready ourselves for reception of the incidence of love. Love must always meet your higher consciousness. Often, love is made to encounter with our mammalian-brain led auto-mode consciousness of reward and punishment. This we need to be wary of. Love must always meet the higher cognition.

CHAPTER 10

Why The Young Men And Women Are Reluctant To Get

Married And Fear of Not Getting Mr. or Ms. Right…

The questions of life and living have a mystically magical date with milieus. Milieus, themselves are not independent realism as this intangibility of collective perceptions often create this tangibility of milieus…!

The question, which is well there in the cultural milieu and has a rather mystical aura to it, is – “Why the young Men and Women are reluctant to get Married…?”

Somehow, the right or logically appropriate answer is still evolving as the question itself is just in its inception. Still, the talk is everywhere that young ones are not very inclined to marriage, especially young women, who are empowered and independent!

Before we attempt to answer this evolving question, let us first spare some precious time for a passage below, which shall probably help in delving into the perspectives of the question. No question of life is isolated from other questions. That is why, a holistic perspective about life-living and milieus may be rightfully appropriate here to understand the nature and scope of the question at hand – “Why the young men and women are reluctant to get married…?”

Do kindly let the passage below sink in… what sinks in, stays…

“The dawn was still processing its registry… the birds had though geared up for the day… flowers stirring and looking eastward set to welcome their beloved Sun… A boy was awake too, marshalling his goats. He could clearly hear him singing in his pastoral best shrieking tone…

“He sat by the window of his house watching and enjoying the blank sky. The grey sky would gradually turn crimson and finally golden. The darkness of the sky was what he was enjoying. He had a feeling it would look wonderful as and when dawn would herald its inevitable arrival…

“He reminisced and smiled. How many times in his life, he found and cherished loads of purposes. He smiled because he realized how important stupidities of life are… how they extend you the chance to be wise. How people miss the relevance of stupidities as catalyst of wisdom.

“He recalled the efforts and pain he had to invest in the preparedness for attaining his purposes at different stages of his life. And look at the brilliance of the conspiracy of almighty; whenever he prepared hard and meticulously for a purpose he wanted to attain, he would invariably fail. He would feel bad, low and frustrated about the wastage of his investments. Most of his successes came when he had done the least preparation and was not even sure of the purpose…

“He had finally accepted; preparation and purpose had a strange relationship. He wished to come to terms with the realization that preparation for a purpose is a misnomer. The preparedness is required for something, which is uncertain. His father would often tell him – ‘Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst’. He realized it that what is certain and a definite purpose is what falls in the realm of hope. Preparedness is required for what is uncertain and does not form a purpose. If preparedness and purpose were linear realities, there would have been far more success stories on earth. Success remains as handful exceptions… success has traditionally been referred to as object of desire, hope and dreams. The real world faces the trouble that failures are the rule and most people are least prepared for it….

“He realized; one needs to be in the state of ‘readiness’, not for a specific purpose but as life in general. One needs not to ‘prepare’ but to be ‘ready’. Readiness itself is the larger purpose for all preparedness. Preparedness is only a process whereas readiness is the end product; the final destination. The readiness is required not only for failures but also for successes. Handling success is more tedious task than handling failures. Success requires larger readiness.

“He smiled as he realized he had attained readiness. When you attain, you go blank. The zero is the highest point of readiness. He thanked the almighty for bestowing upon him a series of crises and loads of stupidities … this journey to zero was necessary. He however prayed that the wisdom of zero remained with him. He wished to continue with his ‘readiness’ and not be part of any ‘preparedness’ in future.

“He had realized his stupidity. The road ahead was clear to him. He had gone past the fear factor in his life. And, the readiness, the ultimate and exalted beingness was just beyond the confines of the fear factor. He remembered, how since childhood, he struggled to conquer a series of fears he thought he was born with. He grew up demolishing them but only to realize that he had added more fears than he overpowered.

“The existential fears were replaced by fears that society offloaded on him. He grew up accepting so many benchmarks of successes and goodness that his family, his peer group, his seniors, icons and leaders lined up for him to follow. He grew up preparing hard to win all the benchmarks and in time got more apprehensive of failures and loses.

“Even successes that came when he expected them the least, made him bury deeper in the abyss of fear. Each success only stretched the benchmarks and prolonged the process of preparedness. The fear never went away; rather it grew up engulfing his beingness totally. He could not understand the elusiveness of the state of readiness; a stage after reaching where he could say he had finally arrived. He could not understand the hydra-headedness of the fear; that no doubt egged him to higher stage of preparedness but never allowed him the basic urge of a lasting satisfaction. He had even started believing that life is a never-ending ‘preparedness-struggle’ for the elusive satisfaction of ‘readiness’…

“The state of zero, the state of quintessential readiness, the state of unattached consciousness made him realize for the first time what wins all fears. It taught him to rise above the process of preparedness to the ultimate stage of readiness. He truly understood why he felt fearless. When it happens; all good and cherished ideals of humanity fall in your lap, they fill your being. It embodies all goodness – honesty, innocence, transparency, selflessness and egolessness and above all the compassion.

“It does the magic…. It makes the willful merger of individualism into the collectivity; the individuality of ‘I’ dissolving into the collectivity of ‘us’. It fills the heart and mind with compassion and when compassion plays the music in the heart, all cherished ideals and goodness of humanity get drawn into the mind. The fear goes away the next moment as this happens. He thanked the almighty for making him understand the fear factor and its dynamics.

“Readiness leads you to the door…. the entry point of zero but then, you have to step ahead to be into the zero. Every human being is blessed by the almighty to attain this readiness as all human beings are given at least one chance to experience it.

“To the blessed ones is revealed the music of compassion….

“… It leads one to the ultimate empowerment of self – the ability to forgive. When forgiveness becomes the first instinct, it is a sure sign that the stage of readiness has been attained. The forgiveness is attaining the blank, the zero, the ultimate empowerment, the readiness. You accept nothing – no pride, no self, no ego, no ‘I’ and you give everything as you forgive….”

Now, we come back to our question at hand. This metaphor about two key terms of life-living, in response to the milieus we all live in – Preparedness and Readiness may be applied to marriages and their overall supposition of being a difficult terrain. It may help…

Ideally, falling in love is somehow option-less as it is instinctive. We are definitively wired to be in perpetuity of love. That is why falling in love needs no readiness. It is beyond choice and conscious decision and that is why, almost everyone is in love or wishes to be in love. Being in love is akin to being in the stage of ‘preparedness’.

However, opting to get marriage is not visceral. It is always a conscious choice, unlike love. We all feel and accept that love happens, it is not done or made to happen. Marriage however, does not happen; it has to be made to happen. Definitively, marriage is the stage of ‘readiness’.

This preparedness and readiness dualism itself is the cause of our question – this disinclination towards marriage. We all are very well aware that even this instinctive love is so much infested with precarious emotions, unsettled behavior-action and often some inexplicable pains. This surely stands as a big factor to feel a strange ‘fear’ for the inevitability called marriage.

It is rather interesting that most young men and women seldom admit that they are averse to marriage. However, what they do is – ‘Procrastination Politics’. They all are finding enough implicit or explicit causes to procrastinate marriage decision.

This procrastination attitude itself points out to the fact that there is a lurking ‘fear-factor’ (about definitive ‘success’ of an ‘enterprise’), not only about love and marriages but also about many key decisions of life. This procrastination is the precarious personality positioning of a mind consciousness, which somehow stands trapped in ‘mismanagement of fears’. The young ones can handle ‘fear’ but they are procrastinating as this head-on desire to ‘manage fear’ is missing. We all know and accept that ‘dar ke aage jeet hai’(there is victory beyond fear), but the procrastination to step beyond it takes control.

If we begin to list cause for this procrastination attitude, there can be a list, which may be endless. However, the core causality is what the above metaphor about ‘preparedness’ and ‘readiness’ lists as.

I humbly repeat what has been said above – The ultimate empowerment of self, the definitive ‘readiness’ in life is – The Ability To Forgive. No doubt, not only love and marriages, but in all our relationships, we and others can commit mistakes. We are all humans and we do err. However, we all need to arrive at the stage of ‘Readiness’ – This compassionate consciousness, which is empowered with the ability to forgive. Attitude towards success needs more compassion than attitude towards failures.

When forgiveness becomes the first instinct, it is a sure sign that the stage of readiness has been attained. The forgiveness is attaining the blank, the zero, the ultimate empowerment, the readiness. You accept nothing – no pride, no self, no ego, no ‘I’ and you give everything as you forgive….

As this happens, love is divine and marriage becomes this abode of resplendent readiness. As this happens, we all shall begin to accept that neither love, nor marriage, nor any relationship is the cause of trouble. The primary and core trouble is our own lack of ‘readiness’. We all need to arrive at the stage of ‘Readiness’ – This Compassionate Consciousness…

Moreover, to be more on the side of day-to-day pragmatism of the realism, we need to see and accept that desirability is not a readymade availability. Both – Desirability and Availability, do not seem to have a readymade Compatibility. Choices themselves are varied and what fits in to an individual may not be exactly what life serves or availability has the inventory for. This seems true for most things in life. Still, nothing seems impossible, though difficult it may seem, as human skills and faculties should never say ‘no’, even if a yes is always tough to come by…!

This is a common conundrum. You go shopping and it would be tough to buy even a shirt, which is precisely to what you have in mind and what you have imagined should be your best choice. Think of looking for a ‘life-partner’ and you shall surely admit, what has been said above – Desirability and Availability, do not seem to have a readymade Compatibility…!

Often, the man a woman seeks or the vice-versa, seems to have evaporated from earth. Thankfully, if a woman gets her right man, it seems, this man is already in love with other or does not seem anyway interested. Or, worst, even when this right man becomes ‘available’, it seems, he is good but not the ‘right package’ for marriage or a lasting relationship…!

People are already talking of two major global trends for humanity (do kindly accept some humor) –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Most American men are not willing to marry…!

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Most Indian men and women are ‘willing’ but ‘unsure’, how to marry…!

No doubt, it is very crucial for both men and women to find the ‘right package’ in his or her partner. Life is already too tough, how can one afford to have ‘not so smooth’ marital life. This fear is already making both men and women, especially women feel scared of marriage…!

Somehow, it is a very humble assertion that life has never been easy or complicated. It has been what it is. However, we, as individuals as well as collectively make our lives easy or complicated. It needs to be accepted that marriage, let alone ‘good marriage’ has never been easy in USA, India or anywhere. However, for both marriage and good marriage, this is probably the best time…!

Somehow, it is a revisiting feeling in all of us as, how good it could be if we all could know, where is my ‘Mr. Right’ or ‘Ms. Right’. The simple trouble is – There always is not only one or two ‘Mr. Rights’ or ‘Ms. Rights’ but so many of them. If we cannot hit it ‘right’ then there must be something not so ‘right’ with the way we look for them…!

Let us admit it with heart-felt simplicity and innocent sincerity that people are different and their choices shall always be different. What we need, the availability is always there, though not in over-supply but sufficient! After all one needs only one person for marriage…!

The simple solution is two way –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. You have to be very categorically defined and logically correct in ascertaining what is your choice for a life-partner; what is your desirability…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. You have to prioritize your choices as what I cannot compromise on and what I can as, we all need to accept that ‘righteousness’ seldom comes in ‘readymade package’.

As this you have done. You have to be ready for the last Big Thing – That is to acquire this fruitfully right ‘Communication’ to tell others as what you truly want.

Being young is so very beautifully marvelous endowment. Being young means, you are always open to learning and evolving fast and sure. So, meet your man or woman and be what you as a young person are best at – Communication of Sincerity…!

Ask your man or woman, ‘I am open to adjustments for compatibilities as married life would seek from both of us. Still, there are a few things, I need to see and find in my life-partner. We need to sit and talk over them. I accept that idealism is not readymade but there has to be some basic ingredients in a man and woman to hit the road to evolving together towards this idealism. Let us spare our best of time and space and invest on each other so that we could be assured of this ‘primary-chemistry’. If yes, we are there; if not, we shall happily wish each other the best in life as marriage must always be the union of two people, who can evolve together and hit the road to joys and prosperity together.’

The words are not important. Everyone can have his or her own choice of words but the sincerity of intent and artistry of open and compassionate communication is a must. Everyone must have this artistry of sincerely innocent communication to ensure that his or her desirability gets the best availability, for which he or she has the right compatibility.

Somehow, it is a humble but sad acceptance that in contemporary times, young men and women are not communicating well or, they are also not very sure as what is their own set of chosen compatibility. Recent surveys have suggested that most young men and women are marrying even when they are not sure –

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What they want out of marriage and especially expect from their partners…

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What they want to do in their lives and how marriage fits in into their larger scheme of life and living priorities…

Naturally, confused desirability, with inefficient communication lands young men and women in precarious availability. And as marriages are hitting precarious availability, the worst hit is the compatibility. Love’s labor lost is what sets it. Let this not happen…

CHAPTER 11

Love Facilitates Cooperation and Accommodation to Attain

Primary and Common Aim of Collective Wellness…

Somehow, much against the happy wishes of we all, one thing, which always surrounds the term, ‘Relationships’ is the 3Ms – Mystical-Magical-Marvel. People complain, how tough it is to ‘comprehend’ a person! One person, who loved someone more than his or her life, happens to turn into someone, who actually kills and destroys…

Relationships, it seems to have been made for unmaking. How often, relationships end up with both sides having the common complaint – I never realized he/she was what he turned out to be!

Let us try to understand this complication with a metaphor.

We all have one common problem. When we visit a person, we are made to sit in a room of his or her house. Where we are made to sit is surely his or her house. But the reality is that we are in the living room of the house and this is only part of his or her house, not the full house. We can say, this room is very well his or her house but it is not his or her complete house. Sitting in this room, if I believe that I know his or her entire house then I am a big fool.

So, when we visit someone’s house, we actually often visit one ‘room’ of the many-roomed house. Though, we say, we visited his or her ‘house’.

Human personalities are also the same. We all are like houses, our personalities having different rooms for different purposes. We get associated to people in the society as one room of this house but never as one whole house. It is not even possible. I come to your house but you can make me sit only in one room, never in all rooms of your house simultaneously. This is some trouble, which cannot be done away with, ever, even if in wishful thinking!

I can say I visited your house but actually I visited only one room. We also ‘visit’ a person but meet only one small personality of his or her full persona. The problem is; we define this one room as whole house. So, I meet my beloved but this is only one small room of her ‘big house’; I mean her personality. If I say that I know my beloved inside out and that’s why I also know her whole personality completely, then I am stupid.

It is a difficult reality. Why talk about a visitor, it is your house but even you cannot live in all the rooms of your house at any given time. You actually live only in one room at a time. If you want to see your entire house, you cannot do it living inside it. You will have to come out of it and see it from a distance to get the picture of your whole house. Or, you ‘rise above’, to land at the roof to see the house in entirety. People usually do not even see their own personalities in full. How can they see other’s personalities in completeness and totality? But the fact remains that we all live in houses with many rooms.

So, what does it lead to? Should we all live in ‘one-room’ house or move out of the multi-room house to see it in totality? Well, we have options. It is entirely up to your discretion.

Your house is actually one single roof. Your architect has structured them by erecting walls to create different rooms for distinct purposes. You can choose to undo the walls and make the whole house one single room.

Or, you can make every single room – the room of innocence and this way the entire house will become a space of singular and uniform innocence.

Relationships are difficult, simply because we, our consciousnesses are also not simple mechanisms. Once we accept this hypothesis of split ‘self’, this ephemeral sense of ‘I’, we shall have better ease in accepting the complexities of relationships. That shall surely lead doors of larger wellness in relationships.

Human wellness and excellence has always been in understanding the complexities of life and living and when people ready themselves for love and intimate relationship, they need to be in high acceptance mode of the relativity of mind consciousnesses and cognitive diversities. Love is this magical artistry to do so. How?

Someone said it, “I can find thousands of ways to stand you wrong and myself right and you can find thousand plus logic to do the same. However, both of us can be right at the same time and still not find any reasonable wrong if we are in love.” What does this signify?

There can be as many interpretation of the statement as per different people’s perception. Realism, almost always stands as one shade of perception, in somehow competitive mode to other perceptions. Therefore realisms are seldom the same for two people. So, does this mean, when two people are in love, they can see and accept a singular realism as they have commonality of perceptions?

This sounds like a postulation based on emotional hypothesis with little logical back up! However, the core issue is not about having commonality of perceptions and therefore falling for a singular realism. Nobody should accept that love makes two people in intimacy see and accept a common perception. It may happen but is not the cardinal rule or theory of love.

Then, what the above-mentioned quote meant? How does it happen that two people can be both right at the same time and not see each other’s wrong, when in love, even when they still stand to have different perceptions about a realism? This needs to be understood and that understanding makes us accept as how love should be accepted in our lives and why love is so important life-living realism for all of us.

There is a popular example about lives of a group of people, who work together in a selected milieu. This is about mariners, who live together for 7-8 months on a 300-meter ship and most mariners accept that they have great fun and camaraderie when together. This is all about perceptions and core need of survival, for which our brains are wired.

The mariners are a small group of people on a very limited space and they are living their lives in a tough situation at sea, where every single day, there are so many challenges. Each person on the ship has to be in tune with others to ensure that the ship sails safely and they reach their destinations in time and good shape. Therefore, everyone is in a mindset of accommodation and cooperation for a common cause. This is core hypothesis.

There may be people with competing perceptions and ideas, still, they keep aside their differences and accept an accommodative and assimilative behavior and action, as only this can ensure not only his safety but also that of the ship. This then ensures wellness of all. This behavior is common for people working in mines, factories and other professions where life is at stake if cooperation and accommodation is not the primary instinct. The common goal of survival rises above all personal concerns and the road to mutuality is paved.

Love facilitates this similar sense of cooperation and accommodation. The person in love ceases to think individually and his or her first instinct becomes a mindset where collective wellness is the primary and common aim. Usually, we all think of individual safety and wellness. However, often, life-living wellness needs cooperation and accommodation in collective living. Love enhances the space of cooperation and accommodation in the collective domain of two lives in intimacy. Therefore, even when two persons in love have competing perceptions and ideas about things, they do not bring it to the fore as their primary aim is collective wellness. The ‘He’ and ‘She’ in love accept that if ‘She’ is not well, ‘He’ too cannot feel happy and well and the vice-versa. This primary instinct for collective wellness is the magic of love.

Therefore, as the above-mentioned quote states, love makes people agreeable, harmonious, cooperative and accommodative as the instinctive behavior and action shifts from individualistic wellness and satisfaction to collective wellness and joys. But this is just the first step. Lovers need to evolve together for good amount of time for this instinct of individualism to shift to collective accommodation and become primary one.

Gradually, as commonality and mutuality grows and evolves in time and space, the two people in love even start having common singular perceptions and that finally makes them see and accept singular realism of all things in life. This is fruition of love and intimacy.

CHAPTER 12

Equanimity of Consciousness To ‘Unlearn’ Abstractions and

Illusions of Subconscious Mind In Love and Life-Living Choices…

In the contemporary age and milieu of information-obesity, media-overdose and ever-competing markets as well as politics jostling to sneak in ‘manipulated’ information to tilt the ‘perceptions’ of average person in their favor, it is tough to attain and keep in constant possession one single thing – the Equanimity of Consciousness…!

Consciousness is defined as ‘emergent intangible information processing of multiverse of varied information by the brain, supplied by sensory and other routes from the milieus. Naturally, when there is massive over-flow of information; that too a heady mix of conflicting, competing and confusing information, the conscious mind is in mega flux. This is the situation apt for the subconscious mind to generate such perceptions, which are abstract and illusory – far away from realism and objective logic… Why?

Science says – Conscious mind has its limitations in storing memory because, if subconscious mind is the size of a football field, conscious mind is only akin to the small goalpost. Naturally, when there is over-flow of information, most daily information is automatically assigned to the subconscious mind for storage. The conscious mind can process only limited information, useful only for immediate action-behavior requirements.

It is like, if we over-eat; body stores its extra calories in the form of fat in torso. The ‘information-obesity’ causes the extra info to store as ‘fat’ in subconscious mind domain. Over the period, if these ‘fatty-information’ in subconscious mind is not recalled for conscious decision-making, these information degenerate into ‘abstractions’ and begin to affect the health of conscious mind…

Abstractions and illusions of subconscious mind primarily happen because the brain pathways, created by information, if not recalled often and not used for action-behavior decision-making, become weak and shallow. It is like, if a muddy road in jungle is not traversed often, shrubs grow up on them and they lose the clarity and distinct trajectory. As roads are less traversed, they begin to merge with jungle of trees and shrubs and finally very faintly visible. Similar thing happens with brain pathways. Most often, many information pathways in stored in subconscious minds are not recalled and revisited often, making them blurred and this leads the brain to generate abstractions and illusory ‘perceptions’.

Ideally, a wise human being is expected to make all his or her life-living choices and decisions on the basis of ‘conscious mind’, recalling very vividly all possible ‘experiences’ stored in subconscious and then opting out a decision based on Equanimity of Consciousness. Conscious decisions are based on such information pathways of brain states, which are clear, categorically replicable and very decisively recallable. This happens when our conscious mind makes decisions based on tested and verified information, accepted and stored as objective data and facts.

This means – life-living decisions; small or big; should never be made on the basis of ‘abstractions’, ‘perceptions’ ‘unrealistic stored info in memory’ and ‘jumbled up experiences’ of the subconscious mind, in auto-mode situation. Rather, all major, even small action-behavior of life-living must be based on clear, categorical and objectively replicable data or facts of conscious mind, after leisurely deliberations…

For example, we all say and belief so many ‘perceptions’ in our ambient milieus as ‘true’, which are based on ‘abstractions’, ‘perceptions’ ‘unrealistic facts in memory’ and ‘jumbled up experiences’ and seldom on clear, categorical and objectively replicable data or facts. Like, we say – ‘Oh! People have become very selfish’. Or we say – ‘Young people are not caring their parents’. Or we say – ‘True love is no more available as people are more into lust’. There are thousands of such baseless perceptions, which average person speaks of as it were true! How and why…?

Where are the relevant data or researched factsheets to substantiate such subjective perceptions, which a section of people may have developed and begun to accept as fact? The fact is – even in most developed nations like USA or UK, there are very little social-cultural-behavioral data and even when some data are available, they are neither ‘real-time’ data nor representative of the truth or fact at national landscape. They just represent some shade of a realism. And, they often fail to meet the high benchmark of objectivity…

We all need to accept that contemporary society and culture are presenting a very tough challenge for our overall wellness. The complexities that modern milieus have, are very suitable for our subconscious mind, which offers loads of ‘perceptions’, based on abstractions only. We all need to be in high Equanimity of Conscious Mind. We need to stop and test the validity of all ‘populist perceptions’, before making any small or big life-living choices.

We need to understand why and how our subconscious minds must never be allowed to be in driver’s seat of our life-vehicle as this place belongs to our higher conscious mind. Let us understand this conscious-subconscious dualism in the domain of love as this we all have faced and keep facing.

Globally, despite differences in definition of love, most wise of humanity believe and accept that love has three ingredients – Intimacy, Passion and Compassion (Commitment). Now, it is common knowledge that first element of intimacy is common in all forms of love, be it a friend or any relationship, even common fraternity with larger humanity. However, passion is associated with ‘erotic love’, or what we may say as man-woman love…

We all know how passion is an element of subconscious mind as passion is instinctive; we are all wired this way. In any erotic love, passion comes naturally and is visceral. Believe science as it says about our brain mechanism that a man can fall in love and feel passionate about so many women at one time. So can a woman; even when it is popular belief that love happens only once; with one and especially a woman loves only once…!

However, lasting, true and practical man-woman love happens when the ‘conscious’ element of compassion or ‘commitment’ is attached with love. Commitment with one man or one woman for marriage and family is not a subconscious (visceral) decision but a very conscious (Learnt/Evolved behavior) choice. Science also says – even when a man or woman can love so many, they can commit in love with only one at one point of time and space. That is why, passion in erotic love is subconscious auto-behavior, can happen for many; however, commitment is conscious decision-making, opted out for only one person.

Now, it is very important to see and accept that even this conscious choice of ‘commitment’ can always have grains of influences in subconscious mind. The experiences and memories in subconscious mind, with all its abstractions also influence conscious choice of commitment.

For example psychologists would say – Usually, a woman shall commit to a man, who has more personality traits common with her father, if she happens to love her father well. This shall happen, even when the same woman shall be more interested in having a lover or lovers, who are sharply uncommon to her father. The elements in subconscious, our stored perceptions as well as the ‘collective unconscious’ (the socio-cultural traditions in our unconscious mind), always stand up to influence our conscious choice of ‘commitment’, even when we shall never be aware about it and shall seldom accept…

That is why, it is advised that in all small or big life-living conscious choices, in all our small and big commitments, we make to self and others, we must be aware that in all our so-called ‘conscious’ choices and commitments, our subconscious mind experiences and memories may creep in. This shall add abstractions, illusions and virtuality in our conscious decisions. This is dangerous for us as it surely compromises our wellness…

That is why, even when the milieu around you becomes so complex that it adds loads of conflicts and confusion, even when the media adds loads of ‘manipulated’ info and even when the politics and popular cultures attempt to influence your ‘choices and commitments’, manipulating info, data and facts to create such perceptions, which are far away from reality and truth, never ever get into a reactionary decision-making mode. Stop, think, ask yourself for more info, more concrete data, more discrete factsheets, more logical premises and perspectives, more holistic than partial data…!

In love and in all life-living decisions, choices and commitments must be made based only on clear, categorical and objectively replicable data or facts of our ‘conscious mind and never on ‘abstractions’, ‘perceptions’ ‘unrealistic facts in memory’ and ‘jumbled up experiences’ of our subconscious mind. This is the recipe of true success and lasting wellness.

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Accept My Gratitude

Writing something is a daunting task as there is always a lurking apprehension of it not being of utility for some readers. I however feel at ease, because of my faith in magnanimity of readers. I am happily sure; you shall forgive if my efforts could not be up to your expectations. Thank you so much for being with me and allowing me to share with you. Wish you an empowered life; with the prosperity of the consciousness.

About The Author

People say, what conspire to make you what you finally become are always behind the veil of intangibility. Someone called it ‘Intangible-Affectors’. Inquisitiveness was the soil, I was born with and the seeds, these intangible-affectors planted in me made me somewhat analytical. My long stint in media, in different capacities as journalist, as brand professional and strategic planning, conspired too! However, I must say it with all innocence at my behest that the chief conspirators of my making have been the loads of beautiful and multi-dimensional people, who traversed along me, in my life journey so far. The mutuality and innocence of love and compassion always prevailed and magically worked as the catalyst in my learning and most importantly, unlearning from these people. Unconsciously, these amazing people also worked out to be the live theatres of my experiments with my life’s scripts. I, sharing with you as a writer, is essentially my very modest way to express my gratitude for all of them. In my stupidities is my innocence of love for all my beautifully worthy conspirators!

Other Titles By Santosh Jha

OnlyNess

Literary Fiction: A novella about life-living choices from the perspective of a very successful contemporary woman: Word- 38,000 approx.

Short Description:

Dumped by her billionaire fiancé, a resplendently beautiful woman, the reigning royalty of Hollywood’s dream factory, lands herself in all sorts of woes – hospitalization for slipping pill overdose, bad Press, peer group backstabbing and paparazzi. She escapes to anonymity at India’s Yoga capital but the threat of paparazzi follows. A young yogi bails her out and detours her to an unusual world where he introduces her to the super consciousness of ‘Onlyness’ within her. The redeemed empress unconsciously discovers her true elements being in linearity with that of the yogi and believes, she may be second time lucky. However, more shocks await her.

Back To Bliss: A Journey To Zero

Literary Fiction: Novel: A Love Story in contemporary culture of conflicts: Word- 78,000 approx.

Short Description

Battling against hypocrisies, sadomasochism and perfunctory pursuits of pop benchmarks of successes, he refuses the passion-oriented male worldview of karma and life’s purposes. Metamorphosed by compassion, that love’s innocence fills him with, he opts for a journey that takes him far away from the stupidity of self-worth, calculated in terms of personal utility, individualistic possession and unfettered consumption. Does he arrive?

Probability

Fiction: Inspirational Romantic story In Contemporary Milieu, with women’s perspectives

Short Description:

He wants this to happen. She is reluctant. He wishes the probability of mutuality to get a last full-blown opportunity to attain fruition and ultimate utility. Her mind is unsure of the validity of the enterprise itself; even as she has nothing against him. Finally, the raw and core instincts of bodies are invited to preside over the missing probability of mutuality. Does it work?

You Didn’t Care

Fiction>Romance>Contemporary Women

Short Description:

Most men want their women bare. However, when women decide to unclothe their consciousnesses off suffocating fabric of procrastination, men run away. A young woman, abandoned by her lover, bares it all for her ‘ex’ to see through. Because, she still loves him. Men need be in apt audience as a woman resonates her bosom baritone. A ‘neurotic’ woman’s monologue, men need to engage with.

Tags: Intimacy, Mutuality, Neurosis, Wellness, Gender-Conflict, Deep Consciousness, Contemporary Culture

Nurturance

Fiction: A Novelette about a young woman’s viewpoints on contemporary male world.

Short Description:

A young beautiful woman barely in her twenties awaits this one someone, like her mom’s bedtime story of the prince riding a white horse, as he is her only hope of nurturance, she desperately needs. She seeks his assuring touches all over her body and soul, especially where the nasty world has lacerated her most. She wants to be taken in, feel happy to be naked in the shine of his golden intent.

Autobiography Of A Duffer

Fiction: Humour and Wit. Words: 16000 approx.

Short Description:

A witty but insightful narration of ‘normal’ and ‘orderly’ cultural realisms of contemporary world, from the perspective of a young duffer. This duffer believes; a normal person should know how this world looks to a stupid, whom the world loves to label ‘abnormal’ and ‘disordered’, to truly visualize realities of benchmarking. This duffer’s wife asked him to make it different; he truly does it!

Not Man Enough

Fiction: Humour and Wit. Narrative on contemporary gender issues. Words: 7800 approx.

Short Description:

The protagonist’s advocacy against mass accusation on him being ‘not man enough’. He also contests the parallel label of ‘not woman enough’. The jury is already out as he puts up his witty advocacy against the pop cultural benchmarks over gender appropriates and massive peer pressure on men and women alike for being ‘something enough’. It is for readers to preside on the judgment. He surely needs your vote. Do bail him out!

Be Lonely, Be Your Best

Short Description:

This book challenges the populist idea that loneliness is a bad and sad thing. Loneliness is rather very facilitative mechanism of body-mind for wellness and personal excellence. It is innate call of instincts for self-actualization of potentials within, to attain excellence. It answers core question as ‘What’s Wrong’ with things around and within us, listing ways to use loneliness for happiness.

Tags: Consciousness, Loneliness, Meditation, Metacognition, Self Actualization, Neo-evolution, Homeostasis

Cyclicality Of Causality: Book Of Life-Utility Ideas

Insightful, inspiring and empowering Life-Utility dialogues on – Happiness, Solutions, Intelligence, Love, Dreams, Loneliness, Consciousness, Realism, Life-Choices, Poise, Success, Self-Worth, Excellence, Meditation, Wisdom, Objectivity, Life-Management, Destiny and Gender. Utility of book has got to do with decisive, straight-forward and objectively logical words. Centarlity of theme is of holism, no ingredients of populism and platitude. For people, who have consciousness for novelty and iconoclastic insinuations.

Why We Flop In Love

Non-Fiction: Science of Love and Intimacy, Relationship Issues and Attitudinal viewpoints. Word- 20,000 approx.

Short Description:

Love is ideally accepted with three elements of Mystery, Magic and Marvel. The three ‘M’s’ land most of us in inexplicable troubles and pains of love. The magnificent dualism is – love’s mystery makes it flamboyantly attractive and joyful. Still, the mysticism engenders loads of confusion, making many of us flop in love. Success of love is in non-dualistic positioning, which is simple and practical realism, most of us refuse to accept.

Why Do You Want To Change Me?

Non-Fiction: Life-Living Wellness and Personal Empowerment. Words: 21800 approx.

Short description:

Accept the question of ‘change’ and let the magic and marvel unravel. The question of change is the key, which opens the doors of life-living wellness and personal excellence. The book is about unleashing your potential by simply unlocking the consciousness. Won’t you open the doors, if someone knocks to deliver the Christmas Cake! Innocence of reception is beauty. Be beautiful and bountiful.

Naked Solutions Of Dressed Up Life Woes

Non-Fiction: Empowering Consciousness, Life Wellness and Personal Excellence: word- 23,000 approx.

Short Description:

The world we live in; is what it is, neither good nor bad. It is people, who are the ‘Theatre’ of all pains as well as joys. The human mind is the most capable and instinctively galvanized mechanism to solve big problems. Still, the same human consciousness is the most potent dilemma. The core trouble is, modern day problems are so ‘dressed up’; partly by our complex environment and partly by our consciousness that we fail to see the ‘naked’ reality of the nature of problems. We can see them clearly, if we ‘undress’ them. It is an art, we all can master. How?

Habitual Hero: The Art Of Winning

Non-Fiction: Science of Success, Life Wellness and Personal Excellence: word- 19,000 approx.

Short Description:

In all of us, there is this definite ‘winner’, the genius of this universe. However, this champion is what we can label as ‘Random Warrior’, as it wins but not always. We all have the determination, patience, courage, discipline and the mastery to be a sure and sustained ‘all-weather-all-season-Hero’. However, as many of us miss the knowledge and acceptance of this ‘mechanism of winning’, this warrior turns out to be only a ‘random’ winner, unable to sustain the artistry of winning, to qualify as a ‘Habitual Hero’.

Maya And Leela: Utility In Life’s Futility

Non-Fiction: Science of Spiritualism, Life philosophy and Intellectual Connect: Word- 21,000 approx.

Short Description:

Most of us, living in modern contemporary world of complexities, conflicts and confusion, have questions as what a good and righteous person should consider as ‘perpetual-utility’ in life, amidst the general feeling of ‘futility’ of everything around. What is this singular life and living positioning, which can make us live the life in a perpetually joyous state of consciousness, endowed with ‘true utilities’, shunning away all those ‘futilities’, which land us in pain and regret?

I Am God

Non-Fiction: Holistic and Analytical Perspective Building on Divinity Issues.

Short Description:

Avant-Garde expressions on divinity. It internalizes the 3Ms: Mysticism-Marvel-Magic, with a novel & unique perspective of 3Cs: Consciousness-Cognition-Causality. It’s about the Registry & Artistry of a Super-positioned Consciousness, which aligns the cardinal elements within Subjective Self, Milieus (within & outside) and Idea of Divinity in singular linearity. If God is in details, it’s here.

Wisdom Of Wellness: Perpetuity Of Poise Of Purpose

Non-Fiction: Personalizing Spiritualism, Life Wellness, Paradigm Building. Words- 20,000 approx.

Short Description:

One needs to be in lasting physical, emotional and ideational wellness. Tips, pills, and ‘shoulds’ abound; still, wellness is elusive. Wellness is largely a function of emotional ‘poise’ of consciousness. Wisdom of wellness is in being the ‘master of mechanism’, ‘internalizing’ the multifaceted life-living realisms and then, creating a personalized model of wellness. Nothing ‘external’ helps.

Karta: Life-Inspiring Essays On Cognition, Consciousness & Causality

Non-Fiction: Essays on Life-Living Wellness and Personal Empowerment.

Short Description:

The essays in this book unravel the Karta (subjective consciousness) from the perspective of the new thinking of 3Cs – Cognition, Consciousness and Causality. The effort is to make you – the Karta, assimilate the core idea as how a holistic, assimilative and integrative perspective of the 3Cs helps you in attaining and enhancing personal excellence and wellness. Makes you meet a new empowered you.

Bare Basics

Non-Fiction: Essays on Life-Living Wellness and Personal Empowerment.

Short Description:

Essays in this book journey into essentials – the bare-basics of empowering consciousness, life-living wellness & personal excellence. It’s Scientific Philosophization. Truth can’t be created, it’s there to be deciphered. However, consciousness is localized; needs to be challenged to inch closer to decode truths of life. Words have no magic; they however help unravel the wonders of wellness.

Acceptance: Of Hypothesis Of Hypocrisy In Intimacy

Non-Fiction: Short and Nippy Narrative on Contemporary Cultural Realism of Relationship.

Short Description:

This word Acceptance is so magical, has a world of wellness embedded in it. Sadly, acceptance may not truly seem a contemporary intellectualism. Intellect is rather the brutal killer of innocence and simplicity of acceptance. Worst, this word is definitely always the first casualty in intimate relationships. Acceptance of a simple hypothesis of hypocrisy in intimacy however can be therapeutic.

Youth Sanity In Crazy Culture

Non-fiction: Youth/teenage Issues of Sexual Behaviour and propriety, Life Choices and Personal Management. Words- 17,000 approx.

Short Description:

In contemporary culture of hypocrisy, conflict and confusion, where even adults are in a flux over benchmarks of real success and self-worth, the young being advised about sanity and sensibility, lands as big joke for them. The youth needs a worldview, enabling them to see through the hypocrisy and perplexity of pop culture, offering them a date with real intelligence and life realism.

Young, Restless And In Love

Non-Fiction: Youth Empowerment and Wellness, Inspirational issues.

Short Description:

Young-Restless-In Love is a life-living situation that lands you in randomly probabilistic eventualities beyond your control. The potential this combination unleashes, needs great amount of preparedness and ultimate readiness, as most life possessions are squandered for want of proper usage. This latent energy can destroy your life-living wellness, if not handled dexterously. Read the way out.

Hey Beautiful, You Are The Hope

Non-Fiction: Women’s Empowerment, Feminist Issues and Personal Empowerment.

Short Description:

An essay addressed to modern women of wisdom, aimed at empowering her consciousness to enhance her life-living wellness & personal excellence. As feminism enters its maturity-phase in new millennium, core ideas about true woman, her contemporary mind consciousness and fresh agenda need to be revisited. New-age women hold keys to sanity of humanity, as she is the ‘dominant gender’ in every sense.

India Beyond Stampede Of Stupidities

Non-Fiction: Indian Politics and Governance, Cultural Issues, Contemporary Troubles and solutions. Words: 13500 approx.

Short Description:

An analytical commentary on how energies of ideas for socio-political changes, create a stampede of stupidities, when they are reactive and participants of change fail to observe assimilative perspectives, compromising the sanity of system, which could weed out loads of aggression, chaos and conflicts from the soil of struggle. A global reality, elaborated with India as a case study.

Decipher Destiny: Decode God’s Will

Non-fiction: Science of Eventualities, Insight into Patterns of Life and Living and Empowering Consciousness. Words- 20,000 approx.

Short Description:

There is a mechanism to all ‘probabilities’ in life, which we call God’s will. This mechanism has its own energy and patterns of possibilities. Those, who succeed, decipher this mechanism and the patterns, which are there for anyone to see. We attain success and excellence, as we align our personal energy with this energy of the cosmic mechanism. God’s will is then in linearity with our wish.

Redeem & Reinvent The Art Of Lost Wellness

Non-Fiction: Essays on Empowering Consciousness, Life Wellness, Personal Excellence.

Short Description:

The world we live is what it is, neither good nor bad. It is neutral and objective. Wellness is largely individual onus. As we acquire and practice those life skills, which make life wellness a beautiful journey for us, our mind is attuned to them. We then have an auto-mechanism for larger wellness. Time to test our Life Skill Quotient (LSQ)!

Enter New Year A New You

Non-Fiction: Utility Narrative on Attitudes and Perspectives on New Year eve.

Short Description:

Five simple steps, which can make us a super person, endowed with required skills and personal resources to: Solve our problems; Be a winner in life situations; Be great in love and relationships; Have a personal spiritual wellness model and Accept a worldview that makes us cool and collected, to have a happier and better New Year. The book has been revised and new contents added.

Wellness And Excellence Mantra For 2017

Short Description:

A New Year has nothing special. However, there is always something marvelously exceptional in your resolve and courage to infuse novelty and creativity in all your enterprises in the next 365-day-frame, to add meaningful dimensions to your wellness and excellence. The countdown for the most productive and propitious year of your life begins. Hit the road. Let this book help you in your readiness.

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भारत का सांस्कृतिक विकासजरूरत आत्म[*-अन्वेषण की

एक बेहद मासूम सी गुफतगूं की आरजू, शब्दों की सतरंगी पोशाक पहनने की जिद ठाने बैठी थी। मैंने उसे डराया भी कि शब्दों से संवाद की बदगुमानी अच्छी नहीं। पर जिद के आगे झुकना पड़ा। आपसे गुजारिश और यह उम्मीद भी कि आपकी स्वीकृति उसी प्रेम व करुणा के भावों में मिलेगी, जिस भाव में अभिव्यक्ति की अल्हड़ सी कोशिश है। लफ्जों की इस नौरंगी-नार की पजीराई कीजिए। इस संवाद से दिलरुबाई कीजिए।

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Incidence Of Love: Demystified And Decoded

Million questions in love, about love – How to be sure, I am in love? What does it feel to be in love? Is this true love? Does she/he loves me or loves me not? What exactly is love? How to be an ideal lover, how to love the best possible way…? All 3Ms – Mystery, Marvel and Magic about love that create 3Cs – Confusion, Conflict and Chaos, now demystified. It is easy, simple, honest and impacting. New millennium; time to Unlearn archaic and populist Perceptions about the celebration of life-living called Love. Contemporary and factually logical Knowledge offers singular answer to millions of questions about Love. This book Deciphers and Decodes everything the idea and reality of Love can take in, to stand you as Empowered-Endowed Lover. Wisdom is Wellness. Let it sink in. What sinks, stays.

  • ISBN: 9781370984138
  • Author: Santosh Jha
  • Published: 2017-03-17 14:20:14
  • Words: 26311
Incidence Of Love: Demystified And Decoded Incidence Of Love: Demystified And Decoded