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I'm Still Here: A Poetry Collection

I’m Still Here

Written by David Livingston Hawkins III

Cover Created by Eloise Maybelle

I’m Still Here

David Hawkins

Copyright ©2015 by David Hawkins

Shakespir Edition

All of the images and quotes in the book belong ONLY to their respective owners. The author claims no ownership of any of them.

Table of Contents

I’m Still Here 1

Lift You Up 3

I’m Still Here 6

The Fighter 8

Gravity 11

The Worst Part of Me 13

Love Me Now 15

Human 18

Fortress 20

Life & Bullets 23

Try 25

We Are Breaking Free 29

In the Dark 31

Follow Me 33

This Is My God 36

Found 39

Changed 41

Dedication 44

Lift You Up

I am just trying to have my words be heard,

Show you the shine in the darkness before you fall.

I understand that this hurts,

I’m human like you.

But hopefully my words can lift you up.

There are times when I feel like monster,

And this skin is just my cage.

My rib cage is a bomb shelter and my heart’s ready to explode.

I used to feel so lost until I used these words to guide myself home.

I learned to take my mind and suppress the rage,

To take my heart and let it loose upon the page.

I learned that sometimes I need to dance in the rain,

And sometimes I need to smile despite the pain.

There was a time when I swore I wasn’t good enough,

But now I write these words praying that they’ll lift you up.

I’m just trying to make something that could be considered beautiful,

Show you that scars are more beautiful than fake smiles.

I understand that this may seem confusing,

I’ve fought this battle before.

But hopefully my words can lift you up.

I know that going on can feel like it’s the hardest thing,

And living life is hard.

You don’t have to feel as if you are nothing but useless.

There was a time when I doubted that I could do this.

Look at what my writing has become now,

It used to be dark but look what this one’s about.

All I want to do is help others see that there is light,

And you will never truly fail if you fight the good fight.

So the next time you feel as if you should give up,

I hope you read this and it lifts you up.

[* I’m Still Here*]

When the darkness falls,

And the lights go out.

When you lose your hope,

And you fall down.

Just remember that I’m still here and I always will be.

Your heart is going to break,

And you’re going to stumble.

Your legs will give out,

And you may crumble.

Just remember that I’m still here and I always will be.

Sometimes you may lose your faith,

And lose your mind.

Sometimes you’ll hate yourself,

And lose the best things you find.

Just remember that I’m still here and I always will be.

I understand that you may not believe,

And you may ignore my grace.

I understand the things you’re going through,

And all of the unbearable pain.

Just remember that I’m still here and I always will be.

One day you’ll realize that you need me,

And you’ll run to my throne.

One day you’ll know I am here for you,

And you don’t have to face these battles alone.

You will know that I’m still here and I always will be.

The Fighter

A fighter may fall but they will never stay down,

The battle may seem over but the fighter’s coming back now.

They will never give up as long as they breathe,

Fighters are strong even when it is difficult.

She comes home from school to yet another fight,

Her friends seem to be the only light.

Her parents seem to be in a constant war,

It was never like this before.

Before, when her father wasn’t laid off,

And her life wasn’t falling apart.

She thinks about just running away,

Because that could be her only escape.

But fighters don’t run.

A fighter may fall but they will never stay down,

The battle may seem over but the fighter’s coming back now.

They will never give up as long as they breathe,

Fighters are strong even when it is difficult.

He feels like he is alone in his school,

He isn’t like the rest so he feels like a fool.

Maybe he might as well just end it all,

He’s on the edge and he is about to fall.

Falling would be much better,

Better than the things he’s been called.

He thinks about giving up,

And take that razor and cut.

But fighters don’t give up.

Fighters take all they can take,

And they give it all they have.

You will never see a fighter fail,

Because they never quit.

Gravity

My heart would probably float to outer space,

If you weren’t here to hold in its place,

I just want to help you see,

That you are my only gravity.

You hold me in your atmosphere,

I know you will always be here,

Every time I almost die,

You wipe the tears from my eyes.

Like a thousand planets, all aligned,

You’re the only love that I can find,

When I begin to lose sight of me,

You become my gravity.

You pull me in despite the crossed stars,

You help me fix my broken heart,

When my payment is almost due,

You’re my gravity, I can count on you.

  • The Worst Part of Me*

The hardest thing for me is let anybody in,

I don’t want them to see my flaws and my sin.

How can anybody love me once they see the worst part of me?

That part of me that I have kept hidden.

That part of me that makes me feel dead.

That part of me that will never go away.

I guess I have to let somebody see everything that I hide,

No matter how much it hurts and how many times I’ve lied.

I hope that everyone doesn’t hate me once they see the worst part of me.

That part of me that makes me look like a monster.

That part of me that drowns out the light.

That part of me that takes away everything I’ve worked for.

The worst part of me is I can’t ask for help when I am about to break,

I figure that if I fail I will have to live with my own mistakes.

I don’t want anyone to get hurt once they see the worst part of me.

That part of me that causes my loneliness.

That part of me that pushes everyone away.

That part of me that won’t define me.

Love Me Now

[I am so sorry.
You died for my sins,
But I still let my demons win.
*I have done something wrong, *
And I am sinking down.
How could You still love me now?]

[I know that You made that sacrifice,
But I won’t even let You use my life.
I say I’m sorry but this won’t end,
I say I’m sorry but I just do it again.
I know that I’ve been like this for far too long,
So now I will admit that I am in the wrong.
God, I need You to save me,
I am guilty,
Be my remedy.]

[I am so sorry.
You died on that cross,
But I am still feeling lost.
I guess I lost Faith,
And I pushed You to the background.
How could You still love me now?]

[I hid my Faith from the world and I feel so ashamed,
I took You for granted and I forgot Your Grace.
Yet somehow You still try to fix me when I’m breakin’,
Why won’t You just leave me here and forsaken?
Yet somehow You find a way to forgive for all that I’ve done,
And You remind me that better times are still to come.
God, I need You to save me,
I am guilty,
Be my remedy.]

[I am so sorry.
I won’t give up on You,
Because my Faith will pull me through.
It is so amazing how You forgive me,
Even when I’m alone You are still around.
It is so amazing that You could still love me now.]

[You see all of my flaws yet You still stand by my side,
You see every one of the mistakes that I cannot hide.
I have finally learned to give You all of my trust,
Because You are stronger than anyone of us.
No matter what I do I know You will always be here,
To save me from doubt and rescue me from fear.
God, I know that You’ll always save me,
I may be guilty,
But You are my remedy.]

Human

I look in the past and I’m ashamed by what I see,

That was yesterday and I’m not the same me,

I can’t keep living my life on repeat.

I’m only human and I have the flaws,

How can I be a remedy when I’m the cause?

I can’t keep living like I’m lost.

I think and I know it’s wrong what I stole,

I promise that hurting you was never my goal,

I can’t keep living with a broken soul.

I know what I did and I hate my mistakes,

The tears flow and I’m about to break,

I can’t keep living when I’m not awake.

I understand my sin and I know that it’s done,

I will make up for my mistakes because I can’t just run,

I can’t keep living if I’m not a forgiven one.

Fortress

I was afraid to let anybody in,

So I took my flaws,

And I built a wall.

I tried so hard,

But I couldn’t find the purpose,

For why I created this fortress.

I blocked You out,

[*I sealed myself in, *]

Where do I begin?

I was like an architect,

But I was building without a plan,

And now I’m trapped just like I began.

I need You to break down the walls of this fortress,

Because I don’t need it anymore.

I need You to help me through all of this,

Because I know that I was wrong.

I need You.

I watch the walls fall away,

You set me free,

You were always there for me.

Now I feel everything changing,

I know that You have repaired this heart,

Finally I can get a chance to restart.

No longer am I trapped inside my fortress,

The torture that I made,

No matter what, You always forgave.

I can finally forget the things that I’ve done,

I realize that You’re Grace covers all,

And You have the power to break down these walls.

[* Life & Bullets*]

I will live a thousand years for you,

I will take a thousand bullets for you,

But only if you need me to.

I remember when I felt like I couldn’t escape the dark,

When I saw your smile it lit up the blackness with a spark.

I remember all the years walking among the living dead,

When I heard your laugh I couldn’t get you out of my head.

Now I know you know I like you and you don’t feel the same,

I was an idiot and I should’ve told you so I’m the one to blame.

So now I’m hoping that we can forget all of the things I got wrong,

Because without someone to make me feel I can’t get along.

I will live a thousand years for you,

I will take a thousand bullets for you,

But only if you need me to.

I’m not going to try and convince that I am somehow perfect,

But if you just give me one chance I promise that I will make it worth it.

I’m not going to act like my slate is clean from the stain of sin,

But with your help I can cleanse my soul and wash my skin.

Now I know that I wasn’t strong enough to tell you how I feel,

I was an idiot and I wish that I could’ve shown you that this is real.

So now I’m hoping that you let me show you that this could work,

Because I promise you that you won’t get hurt.

Try

The road grows so cold and I feel so alone,

It has been so long since I’ve felt at home.

I feel like I’m on the edge of my life and I’m about to die,

But despite these feelings I still try.

I try to become a better person for you,

I try and try and that’s all I can do.

The monster within is too strong for me,

I need your help.

I try to do everything by myself but I lose,

I try and I try and that’s all I can do.

I march in wars that only exist in my mind,

It has been so long since I’ve felt fine.

I feel like the weight of the world is bearing down on my shoulders,

But despite these feelings I still march on like a soldier.

I try to become a better person for you,

I try and try and that’s all I can do.

The monster within is too strong for me,

I need your help.

I try to do everything by myself but I lose,

I try and I try and that’s all I can do.

I wish that the sun would just take the pain away,

It has been so long since I haven’t felt pain.

I feel like everything I do always have to be perfect,

But despite these feelings I still know that its worth it.

I try to become a better person for you,

I try and try and that’s all I can do.

The monster within is too strong for me,

I need your help.

I try to do everything by myself but I lose,

I try and I try and that’s all I can do.

I finally feel like my attempts have succeeded,

It has so long since I have wanted all that I needed.

I like finally things may get better from here,

I tried and now I have no need for fear.

  • We Are Breaking Free*

[This world we try to silence our voice,
And make us feel like we are background noise.
And our mistakes bear down on us like vultures to take us away,
But we are breaking free because we won’t fall today.
Stand up because one day they will all see,
That you can’t hold us down while we are breaking free.]

[They said that we can’t do this,
Let’s show them that we aren’t defined by our past.
We will be stronger than before,
Let’s show them that when we are put to the test we will last.]

[The lights may seem like they will disappear,
But you can’t control with temptations and fear.
Because we have a Savior standing by our side,
You can’t destroy us because we will never fall,
If you think that we won’t sacrifice than just watch us give it all.
Because we won’t hide and we won’t flee,
This is the time when we are breaking free.]

[We won’t be controlled let fear control us,
Because how can we be afraid of the dark when we were made to be the light?
The war may get colder and colder,
But how can it get colder when we are the fire and we ignite?]

[Forever we will stand against the test of time,
Because if these mountains stand in our way we have the strength to climb.
Every place we go we will make sure every broken heart is mending,
We believe in this world and we think that it’s worth defending.
This world may be the thing that kept its chains on me,
But all I want to do teach these empty people to break free.]

  • In the Dark*

You have spent too long in the dark,

So why didn’t you just ask for help?

We all noticed you falling apart.

You could be a lighthouse for those in the darkness,

That darkness that you already faced.

Well you already survived that,

And you already found your place.

There are others who are in the dark,

You can be the one to show them the light.

And you can teach them to mend their scars.

You could be a light in a world filled with darkness,

That darkness that seems to holding us all down.

Well at least you made it through this,

So where are you going to go now?

We no longer have to live in the dark,

Where we are all blind.

There can be healing for every broken heart.

We have all found our way out of the darkness,

The darkness that once claimed us as its victims.

Now we can help others through that darkness,

Because we were in the dark and now we bear wisdom.

Follow Me

You don’t have to face this alone,

I know because I used to think I was on my own.

You don’t have to march through the fire,

I know because I now use my burns to inspire.

I know because I can save you,

I can set you free,

I can light the dark,

All you have to do is follow me.

Follow me into the light and out of the pain.

I said into the sun right after you dance in the rain.

I said into the chorus after you’ve conquered the refrain.

I said into your heart after you silence your brain.

Follow me and you will never fade.

You don’t have to hate yourself,

I know because I used to never ask for help.

You don’t need to forget emotion,

I know because it used to feel like I should drown in the ocean.

I know because I can save you,

I can set you free,

I can light the dark,

All you have to do is follow me.

Follow me into peace and out of the war.

I said into mending instead of what’s been torn.

I said into the after and away from what was before.

I said out of the ocean and back onto dry shore.

Follow me and your don’t have to feel this war anymore.

Please stop falling down,

Because you don’t have to quit now.

Please stop listening to their words of hate,

Because I heard all the things you face.

Because I still have Faith in you,

You can break these walls,

And I know you can make it through,

If you don’t think you can do it alone then follow me.

  • This Is My God*

There was a time when I thought I had to face this hardship alone,

I thought no one  heard my prayers and I had to fight on my own.

But now I finally see the light and I know that I was wrong,

As long as my Savior is by my side I will always stand strong.

Hey worry, this is my God and I don’t want you anymore.

I don’t have to worry about tomorrow or today,

Because all I have to do is fall to my knees and pray.

Because He hears all of the things weighing down on my heart,

And He catches me when I begin to fall apart.

Hey temptation, this is my God and I don’t want you anymore.

I don’t need to want because my God gives me what I need,

So I am done with being controlled by selfishness and greed.

I don’t need to how what I want to feel better,

Because my God will be here forever.

Hey fear, this is my God and I’m not afraid anymore.

You can try to put me down but He holds me up,

I was saved by Grace and I was saved by His love.

This is who I am and I am perfect in the eyes of my King,

Because without him I am just a cold and empty thing.

There was a time but that time was not here anymore,

I have given my life to my Savior and my Lord.

I am still broken, imperfect, and flawed,

But I want you all to see that this is my God.

Found

[I thought I was beyond repair,
As I sunk down.
But You give me hope and You show me that I am found.
Because even when I cross the line,
God will still be by my side.]

[I tried to live without You but that’s no way to live,
Despite my lack of Faith you still helped me through this.
I used to thing You weren’t a thing I need,
But You don’t leave me forsaken even when I don’t believe.
I built this fortress of lies to try to block You out,
Thank God for tearing all of my borders down.
You make me found.]

[I thought I was a lost cause,
As I fell from Grace.
But You showed me that I am too strong to fade.
Because even when I deserve to just drown,
You wash away my sin and make me finally feel found.]

Changed

Sometimes when you’re falling apart things are falling together,

And sometimes when you are hurting remember that it will get better.

Sometimes you may feel all alone yet people are here for you,

And sometimes you think you’re broken after everything you’ve been through.

But this isn’t the end and you won’t always feel so chained,

Because soon you will see that you have changed.

Even when kingdom come makes its way to me,

It feels like I have the scream of silence but the cry of a banshee.

Like somehow it seems so impossible to ask someone for help,

I’m not a hero yet I seem to think that I have to save myself.

Like somehow I can fight through this endless pain,

It will leave me broken or leave me changed.

My metamorphosis is coming like a caterpillar in its cocoon,

Like rebirth is the only answer and it is coming soon.

But maybe this is the only way I am going to survive,

[*So now I will change my world and change my mind. *]

Because there are times when you can just live in the rain,

But sometimes you have to find a way to changed.

I was on rock bottom so now I have changed the way I think,

I know it hurts sometimes but I am done living on the brink.

So now I am going to be the monster I used to hide within,

I am finally going to become better than I’ve ever been.

I’ve done some things that make me feel ashamed,

But now I promise that I have changed.

Dedication

Thanks to everyone who supports my writing and takes the time to read it! Hopefully you all enjoyed this collection of poetry!

DAVID LIVINGSTON HAWKINS III

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I'm Still Here: A Poetry Collection

  • Author: David Hawkins III
  • Published: 2015-10-22 00:50:09
  • Words: 3823
I'm Still Here: A Poetry Collection I'm Still Here: A Poetry Collection