Loading...
Menu
Ebooks   ➡  Nonfiction  ➡  Psychology  ➡  General

Hitting the Fan

 

 

 

Hitting the Fan

 

 

 

by

 

 

V. M. Franck

 

 

 

Cover Description

 

Have you ever felt like you were in the direct path of disaster, over and over again and there was nothing you could do about it? This is my journey through those feelings, why I felt that way and what I did to alleviate the trauma.

 

Hitting the Fan

Published by V. M. Franck

Shakespir Edition

Copyright 2017 V. M. Franck

Cover Art Copyright 2017 V. M. Franck

 

Shakespir Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed the book, please do not loan it out. Out of respect for the author and all her time and hard work, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

 

 

Books by the Author

 

Trying Not to Drown – nonfiction

The Day My Brother Murdered His Neighbors – nonfiction – free

Tater's Maters of Hootenanny Flats- Book 1 in The Mater's Series -fiction

Resurrection Rose- Book 2 in The Maters Series - fiction

Final Entry – Book 3 in the Mater’s Series – fiction

Once Without Dying

The Sword of Ruth: The Story of Jesus’ Little Sister, Past and Present – fiction

In Ways We Can't Imagine - Book 1 - The St. Germaine Chronicles- fiction

The Pacifist's War - Book 2 -The St. Germaine Chronicles- fiction

Htting the Fan

The Day Momma Died: Growing Beyond the Fear of Death

 

 

 

Hitting the Fan

 

 

Any minute the stuff was going to hit the fan, and I would be standing directly in front of it, no matter where I was or what I was doing. That’s how I felt for years. Anyone who has survived a severe tragedy is likely to experience this kind of inner dread. It never allows a person to be completely at ease, no matter what they do to alleviate it.

Over a period of time I tried a number of things including M&Ms. Yes, really. It was a coping mechanism. Booze, I only did this occasionally, because too much made me jittery, not mellow. Both of the above were counterproductive. For me, it’s a blood sugar issue.

First, I tried religion since I was raised Christian. God and Jesus were the answers, according to my upbringing. I knew all the ways to talk to God. I knew the scriptures. I’d studied and memorized a lot of them in Sunday school. I was baptized once at seven and once at thirty-three. I engaged in the full monty. It provided no relief whatsoever. Recently, I was told by an old “friend”, a new convert to judgmental Christianity that I had done it wrong. In a pig’s eye. Her comments triggered full PTSD relative to the tragedy. She denied she was responsible. I pulled away from her. I tried spirituality minus Christianity. This included New Age beliefs as well as spirituality without labels. The relief was temporary.

In the middle of the crisis, which lasted for several years, my husband at the time forbade me to tell his wealthy parents. He was ashamed of me for what my brother had done. He nagged me to abandon my parents, who desperately needed support through it all. I would not abandon them. Friends and family, all extremely religious people, did not support me. I was alone and drowning. I could hunt people down and talk to them, but a person needs others to care enough to reach out. They didn’t. But oh, did they judge me for what I did next. It’s so much easier to judge than it is to offer empathy and understanding. Judging requires nothing of the one making the judgements, other than a cold heart.

Finally, my heart, soul and mind were shredded. After three years of eating M&Ms instead starting an affair with a caring man, I yielded to spending time with him. We went fishing, met for lunches, spent afternoons in the park and yes, in the sack. It provided relief and comfort. But still, always beneath was the dread that more crap could hit the fan at anytime. Sometimes it did.

Eventually, I divorced the jerk husband, found a new relationship, only to have this man suddenly die. Now there was another tragedy stacked on top of the first brutality. A couple of years later I found a loving man who allowed me to heal. We are still together years later. Yes, his caring helped. But….

My sister died. My elderly mother needed me to handle her affairs. It required more than I had to give, but I did it anyway. After she passed away, my anger at the rest of the family for not being there morphed into cumulative rage. I did not want to be enraged. So, I meditated. I exercised. I dabbled in smoking pot. That certainly can make a person mellow, but too much began to take my short-term memory, which I would need to respond to the next crisis. I stopped smoking it.

My most effective coping mechanism was becoming a writer shortly after the severe tragedy. It helped release the stress. I became my own therapist. It was certainly better than the booze, the pot, the religion and all the M&Ms. I worked through each issue as best I could in books, two works of nonfiction and nine works of fiction. Publishing is something else again. After all those years of trying to make a difference, I only managed to publish two through traditional means.

Last summer I tried to upload my most recently completed work about my brother, the perpetrator of the tragedy. While trying to upload it to a self-publishing company, their system locked up. My frustration maxed out. The next morning I received a phone call from the prison where my brother was warehoused. He was dead. Dead. Feeling grief and relief I reworked the book about the murders he committed and what that did to me, our sister and parents, added a new final chapter and uploaded it to the publisher. This time Shakespir did not lock me out. The title is Trying Not to Drown. It’s available at https://www.Shakespir.com/books/view/654943, cop/paste

Finally, I actually began having days when it no longer felt like the stuff was going hit the fan and splatter all over me, or that I was going to be shot through the window by my brother or anyone else. I began to experience my first true freedom in years. My thirty-six year sentence for the murders he committed was over, or so it seemed.

I started contacting universities, sending letters to professors in criminal justice, social work, sociology and psychology departments to introduce them to my story about what the murders did to my life. I hoped to educate and inform. But as I was adding the part about the death penalty being struck down in this state just prior to my brother’s sentence for the mass killings, suddenly I experienced a full attack of PTSD. No words, no thoughts accompanied it. The full trauma returned. I was locked up, again. The body remembered. Broken, I stopped what I was doing and practiced yoga and meditation. It calmed me.

So it is, for one who has been through deep pain. Counseling? Because of the lack on information or even the realization that there was a need in this area, the needs of the families of murderers, no one knew how to counsel me. I am my own counsel. That’s why I wrote the book, so others could learn to help those like me. We are a select fraternity whose members never meet. We face it alone. It’s a difficult path, and sometimes surviving it is a near impossibility. Yes, we can grow through it, from it. I have. I stand alone on the mountain top. Yes, my husband is still supportive, but the climb up the mountain is mine, alone. Sometimes I crumple to my knees. Sometimes I stand strong against the hurricane.

I accept what happened. I accept who and what others are. I accept who I am. The more I have grown, the further I move from those who have yet to doggedly pursue this kind of personal growth. Who am I? A wise one in the making. That’s the only way true wisdom arrives.

 

The End

 

 

About the Author V. M. Franck

 

I live in the Oregon boonies with my husband, two cats, a bunch of wild turkeys and deer. I am currently writing my eleventh book. A couple are out of print. I paint the cover art on stretched canvas and prepare the book covers myself. Please keep checking back for more books by V. M. Franck on my Shakespir page at Shakespir.com or other vendors. On Shakespir, click on one of my books. Below it will be a more complete list than is shown by typing in my name. The books are not available through Amazon. If you like my books please recommend them to your friends and have them download their own copies. Generally, I spend two to five years fulltime writing each one. It’s a large investment.

 

Thank you for reading my book. If you enjoyed it, please take a moment to leave me a review at your favorite retailer. Thanks. V. M. Franck

 

 

Books by the Author

 

Trying Not to Drown – nonfiction

The Day My Brother Murdered His Neighbors – nonfiction – free

Tater's Maters of Hootenanny Flats- Book 1 in The Mater's Series -fiction

Resurrection Rose- Book 2 in The Maters Series - fiction

Final Entry – Book 3 in the Mater’s Series – fiction

Once Without Dying

The Sword of Ruth: The Story of Jesus’ Little Sister, Past and Present – fiction

In Ways We Can't Imagine, Book , The St. Germaine Chronicles- fiction

The Pacifist's War, Book 2, The St. Germaine Chronicles- fiction

Hitting The Fan

The Day Momma Died: Growing Beyond the Fear of Death

 

Book Descriptions

 

Trying Not to Drown: When My Brother Murdered His Neighbors, A Story of Horror, Loss and Learning to Overcome – nonfiction

 

On a rainy March evening while his neighbors watched Billy Graham on television, my brother Ken stood outside their livingroom window, raised his hunting rifle and fired. Four victims later he was arrested for their murders, thrusting my family and me into a nightmare of horror. This is an honest account of what happened to him, my sister, our loving parents and most of all me. Through time-laced lenses, I expose the rawness of my feelings, the abandonment by family and friends and the evolution of new beliefs. A story of violence, victimization, religious hypocrisy and an extramarital affair – mine, it will alter your perceptions of murder from the inside out.

 

The Day My Brother Murdered His Neighbors is a slice of Trying Not to Drown.

 

Tater’s Maters of Hootenanny Flats – fiction – Book 1 of The Maters’ Series

 

In the back hills of Camas Valley four antique women of independent minds and the dog who secretly guides them, make moonshine, grow pot, avoid the revenuers and plan their biggest undertaking, which extends far beyond anything they have ever known, an earth revival project. Follow these mavericks as they defy all standing in their way. These women are loosely based on some of my family members.

 

Resurrection Rose – fiction – Book 2 of The Maters’ Series

 

Bethanie, a portrait artist, paints people back to life. Tackling the resulting fiascos, she runs into her former lover, Gabe, and resurrects their once forbidden love…along with his deceased grandfather. She is propelled into a world peopled with nosy, old dead women (Tater’s Maters) who are on a mission to help her whether she likes it or not.

 

Final Entry – fiction – Book 3 of The Maters’ Series

 

Final Entry unearths the dilemma of a woman, who upon passing into the afterlife must choose between four of her lovers, all of whom expect to spend the rest of forever exclusively with her. Tater’s Maters are there to “help”

 

Once Without Dying – fiction

 

Three young woman of different faiths, Sheeawna—Christian–motivated, talented and hot, Akilah—a Muslim—grief stricken, faith-driven and determined and Mali—a Hindu—innocent, loyal and vulnerable learn of each others differences and similarities while supporting each other through heartaches, abuses and struggles. While developing their friendship, they gain the courage to pursue a unifying force and common purpose with a mystic, a female rabbi, a Zennist, a follower of Native American spirituality and one who believes love is the way. It is a powerful story of love, respect and honor at a time when tolerance and compassion are paramount for survival on a global scale. (The characters in the book join the characters in The St. Germaine Chronicles at the end of book 2. I did not include them in the series because it would have altered the main focus of Once Without Dying.)

 

The Sword of Ruth: The Story of Jesus’ Little Sister, Past and Present – fiction

 

Jesus of Nazareth was my brother, a big brother I adored. He wasn’t a savior at all; he never intended to be. Despite my Christian upbringing, accepting him as my personal savior never worked for me, and later I learned why.

 

In Ways We Can’t Imagine – Book 1 in The St. Germaine Chronicles – fiction

 

Is death the truest test of love? When Arranah loses Kendal, the one she loves more than herself, she nearly takes her own life. Instead, she learns of legends, a multidimensional conduit and a way to be with him…with a catch anchored in an ancient matrix. But first she has to learn of its existence and a way to live without him. For it all to work, she must find the link she does not know exists and another woman whose life and love are so closely bound to the mountain.

 

The Pacifist’s War – Book 2 in The St. Germaine Chronicles – fiction

 

If you don’t remember who you are, how can you find yourself? This is Peter’s dilemma. Losing himself in the heart of a war zone in Vietnam, he embarks on an amnesiac’s quest to uncover his true identity. Wearing a name which is not his own, he is alarmed when he receives medals for atrocious acts. His search for himself leads to a cave, encrypted writings, a dog named Emmanuel and a mysterious woman. Following what appear to be hallucinations, in a site that cannot be real, he uncovers the mystical woman’s identity, his sister Arranah and what remains of his family. Characters from In Ways We Can’t Imagine, Once Without Dying as well those in this story converge at the cave to activate covenants on hold for thousands of years and help mitigate impending catastrophic earth changes.

 

Hitting the Fan – nonfiction

 

Have you ever felt like you were in the direct path of disaster, over and over again, and there was nothing you could do about it? This is my journey through those feelings, why I felt that way and what I did to alleviate the trauma.

 

The Day Momma Died: Growing Beyond the Fear of Death – nonfiction

 

When our parents die we are forced to face our fear of death. This is my experience.


Hitting the Fan

  • Author: V. M. Franck
  • Published: 2017-07-11 00:20:08
  • Words: 2566
Hitting the Fan Hitting the Fan