I finished reading your book today. Over all I enjoyed it very much. To be honest I don’t read books about relationships ‘cause I thought I’m already good in that. Hehe… But I learned new tips from this book. It talks about beauty, confidence and new strategies. Some parts of this book are so funny I couldn’t stop laughing, which made this book more fun. What can I say? This book Rocks!!!
—-Diana Zandi, Model
This book will change the entire pick up industry and women’s perspective on dating. This is the best self-help book for women.
—Ssein “Smooth” Meneses, Philippines #1 Pick Up Artist, Author of Smooth Seduction
I learned a lot from the book. You're paving the way for girls’ self- expression. Madami silang matutunan dyan. Para makaalis na sila dun sa social conditioning na "the usual" hehehe and they'll love and express themselves more and tumaas ang kanilang "love myself." At saka yung demonstrate value na part, nabigyan mo din ng magandang example dun. At saka maganda yung language of love kasi hndi alam ng marami yun eh.
-- Jen Sen, Trader
Alright, so Amanda is a good friend of mine and she asked me to read her book so I can give her a male’s perspective and feedback so she can improve upon it if needed. This is her first book and she wants to deliver the best information she can through her writing. So now I am writing a review of this book.
First off, this book is for women that are having trouble in the process of meeting, dating, dealing with, being in a relationship with, attracting, getting the attention of- (you name it, it's all in there ) men.
I know Amanda personally and I know the kind of world she operates in. She lives in a dangerous, fast-paced, cunning, and beautiful world of dating, partying and elite clubbing. I’ve seen her work and use her charm with my own eyes and make top-level clubbers, DJs, businessmen, players, amateurs, boy next door types, models etc. and have them eating at the palm of her hands.
She offers a unique Filipina perspective bordering on the ultra-elite of how the dating world in The Philippines and the rest of the world work.
The principles she reveals and discusses are real-world, practical and immediately applicable.
When you read this book you’ll wish that more women knew about her way of dealing with men because she really understands men. In this book, she imparts to the normal everyday woman how they are really similar and how she overcame the challenges that all women naturally go through while growing up.
The book is chock-full of effective principles, tactics and stories that will entertain and educate the budding lady about The Art of Attraction.
She writes in a really funny and smart way you will really enjoy this book.
She’s like a female version of me, just too cunning even from my perspective.
She talks a lot of sense, because this book just doesn’t understand men, she understands women too. She shares real stories of her life and how she met her “The One” plus her funny shenanigans dealing with international playboys while out with her friends.
If you are a nice girl, you will learn effective secrets of how to get the attention and attraction of the guy you like. If you are a female player, you’ll see that this is like encountering a female kung-fu master. If you are a female something in between, she’ll smack good sense into the back of your head and learn why things happened and what you can do now for things to get better. She’s a no nonsense woman and knowing her, I was surprised by most of the things she said since she just doesn’t talk about her player ways, she talks about how to be a woman when dealing with a man. Looking at her and the things she does, you would not think that she’s capable of this kind of writing and sharing her authentic and sensible female perspective.
Most women are already doing good in this “game” of dating, some are clueless, nevertheless, the information she shares in her book will definitely improve any woman’s game and attractiveness.
When I finished her book, I was reminded of the saying “Don’t judge the book by its cover.” Well, this is true in her case and her first book. (Great book cover though Amanda!) Only thing I recommend is for her to create more contexts for normal, nice, sweet girls(which undeniably still exists in our country) that are too afraid and have their confidence jammed and cannot relate to the clubbing culture.
Some might get offended by the raw revelations that she makes in this book, but I’m sure you’ll be entertained and I’m absolutely sure you’ll learn something from it.
I recommend that smart, old and young women alike, to read it.
—-Christopher Brian Fello aka Gruenfeld, Natural Ladies Man, author of Authenticity
Male models, pro football players, pro race car drivers, pro basketball players, pro rugby players, Rugby sniffers, club DJ’s, movie stars, some gang leader, some carnapper, a smuggler, businessmen, politicians, doctors, lawyers, Tengkus, average joes, master pick up artists, martial artists, con artists, Sheiks, speed seducers, traffic enforcers, spiritual gurus, brown, black, white, yellow, mongrels, geniuses, semi-retarded, with hair, without hair, with teeth, without teeth, the whole gamut of men – they have, at one point or another, fallen under my stiletto-clad female player spell.
And this is despite meeting some of those high value men while we were surrounded by an ocean of women way better-looking than I am, at least in the commercial glossy magazine’s subjective standard of beauty that is.
Since all individual insights have limitation, this is not a book that will have all the answers and solutions to your problems, but it does offer some dammmn good ones. If you follow what you will learn here, you will become a more attractive woman, capable of catching and keeping the right guy, or …guys, it’s all up to you. I mean, there are more than 7.4 billion people in the world, of which 50.4% are males, as of writing.
Yes, babygirl, we are outnumbered by males by about 30 Million! Repeat: 30 freakin’ Million!!!
So, remember this:
The One for you is out there, waiting, wondering and preparing himself for you too.
Even The OneThousand is a negligible amount compared to the billions of men out there, and I doubt if even Kim Kardashian has dated that many.
In short, if you’ve met or dated a hundred men, it’s still a negligible amount compared to the abundance of men that walk our lovely mother Earth. So the likelihood of at least one right guy for you out there is 30 million high!
Like anything, what you will learn here, you can use for good or evil. I hope you will use it for the former.
See, I’ve used them before for evil, and it got me some fun and a lot of trouble.
And it’s ok as I’ve learned a whole lot from those mistakes, and I don’t think I would have wanted it any other way.
Through spiritual and character development, I have transmuted the art of female playing into something I can share with others to empower, inspire, entertain and add value.
So trust me, it can help you enjoy The Many and find The One whom you will love to pieces and who will love you to pieces back and who you can happily grow old with, like it got me to enjoy The Many and find The One guy whom I love to pieces and loves me to pieces back and whom I feel I can happily grow old with.
To your Dating, Mancandy-hunting, and Soulmate-catching Success,
Amanda Coling xx
For one-on-one coaching with me, log on to http://www.amandacoling.com or
This book is dedicated first, to my mom who gave up on dating and stopped taking charge in finding and being with the love of her life at the still very sexy and hopeful age of 32.
This is dedicated second, to my beautiful sisters, Anna and Marge, whom I used to witness crying inside our old house’s built-in closets over some dudes who either stopped wanting them or hurt them or rejected them or vanished on them or disappointed them during their teenage years and when I was barely old enough to understand what was going on, but sentient enough to feel the pain.
I also dedicate this book to the love of my life, my twin flame, my The One, my soulmate, my life partner, my boyfie, my first real love, my baby daddy, my great love DJ Daryoush Zandi, who once dared break my heart, and whose action largely contributed to my being a seasoned mistress of the game. Thank you for breaking up with me before, as I’ve used that pain to make me better, stronger, faster. Man, it even landed me on the pages of FHM Philippines magazines.
I also dedicate this book to the greatest love of my life, our son, Taylor. I hope you grow up way better than I have. May you use whatever knowledge about the game I will teach you for the greater good.
And as they say, “Save the best for last.” I dedicate this book to you, the reader, who probably picked up a copy due to some guy you liked but were too shy to talk to, or some guy who vanished without a trace and stopped calling you, or a guy who dropped you like a hot caramel macchiato over another chic, or because you could use some of the dating, mancandy-hunting, and soulmate-catching tips here in hopes of finally attracting “The One”, the missing piece of the puzzle, who I truly believe in my heart will someday come and will finally make sense of why everybody and everything else didn’t work out for you before.
Trust me, he will come. And when he does come, I want you to be equipped with getting him addicted to you so that he’d tell you “Everybody has an addiction. Mine happens to be you.”
If The One’s for me and my 66 year young aunt did come, why shouldn’t yours?
The intent of writing this book is to share what I know and have seen work for me, my 66 year young aunt and my girlfriends, to inspire you, and help give you a competitive advantage in attraction, dating, mancandy-hunting, and soulmate-catching.
Since I acknowledge that we have widely diverse circumstances, point of views, and religious and cultural backgrounds, should a reader choose to make use of the information contained herein, that will be his/her decision, and the author and publisher will not be responsible.
If anything, it can help you navigate the dating world with panache, and a sly sexy grin on your freshly press-powdered face, no matter what your current weight and floor-to-ceiling mirrors suggest.
My closest female player friends--some of them are even a few years my senior-- are still single, still in the game with this weaponry, still loving it, and still milking it like a Holstein cow.
First Edition 2016
Copyright © 2016 by Wynnel Joy “Amanda” Coling
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission from the publisher.
Cover Design and Graphics by:
I Truly Want to Hear from You and I Welcome Your Comments!
Thank you for choosing Get Any Guy You Want or Have Fun Trying. Please be aware that you are my most important critic. I value your opinion and would want to know what I could improve on to serve you better, as we all are a work in progress. I would also appreciate any words of advice you are willing to share, any idea you want to be discussed in my next books and projects, or any amazing results you have created from proactively taking action with this book.
When you write, please be sure to include your name, email address and your awe-inspiring sharing! I’m truly excited for you always!
Thank you and have a beautiful day!
To Your Dating, Mancandy-huntig, and Soulmate-catching Success,
Amanda Coling xx
Table of Contents
Get Any Guy You Want
Secret 1: Take Your Belief to the Salon
Secret 2: How to be a Highly Attractive Woman
Secret 3: Choose Men Like You Would a Handbag
Secret 4: The Art of Making the First Move to Make Him Approach You Thinking it was His Idea
Secret 5: Numbers Game
Secret 6: If Attraction were a Mathematical Formula
Secret 7: How to Get Him Addicted to You While in a Relationship
Bonus Material: Formula for How to Phrase Requests in a Way that Appeals to Your Man’s Male Mind
Some more Bonus Materials: Here is a blog post on my website http://www.amandacoling.com
About the Author:
Get Any Guy You Want or Have Fun Trying is not just about getting any guy you want. It’s about having faith that there is someone out there for you, learning and consciously choosing to have fun in the process, while at the same time developing your character as you gain fresh perspectives and learn new skills and practical and easily applicable techniques, and to be better prepared for you’re The One, instead of becoming impatient of the outcome and pre-judging it negatively.
Any new worthwhile process that we go through or any new skills that we learn that add value to our lives, have the power to develop our character.
Many of us spend a lot of our time, energy, attention and money to gain skills that will help us get the best jobs and the best careers, but we often neglect to spend the same efforts to gain skills that will help get us the best romantic partners and the best romantic lives. The TV and the movie industry have sold us the idea that we can just leave our romantic destinies to chance. And so many of us do, without realizing that the right romantic partner and an exceptional romantic life are just as important, if not more important, as having the right career. I mean careers, you can change, but a husband, you are not supposed to. You are supposed to spend decades and the rest of your life with that one person. So why leave that department of your life to chance when you can take more conscious control of your romantic life by gaining the right mindset, skills and techniques in attracting and keeping the right man and the right relationship? Why settle for the man who is not your first choice just because he’s the only one who’s available and paid you attention?
The traditional educational system does not have a course on Romantic Life 101 or How to be a Billionaire 101 or How to be Happy 101 because its curriculum is designed to turn and train students to become highly-compliant skilled workers for the corporations who designed it. And those corporations who designed the school curriculum only care about you becoming compliant and skilled enough to be employable. They don’t care if you date Frankenstein, make love with King Kong or marry Hannibal Lecter. If they did, then they’d teach you the mindset, skills and techniques I’m about to teach you here.
See, I don’t know much about you or your past, and to tell you honestly, I wasn’t always attractive, let alone skilled in attraction, dating, mancandy-hunting and soulmate-catching. In fact, my mother used to always call me ugly so I grew up believing I was. And because I grew up believing I was ugly, my actions, behaviour and self-esteem were congruent to that belief. See Figure A for exhibit 1. Lolz.
I read an article that said something like it’s more dangerous to believe you’re ugly and unattractive, than to actually be ugly and unattractive. Thus, I have acquaintances who are actually physically beautiful but think they’re ugly and unattractive, and then I have acquaintances who are actually objectively less good-looking who think they are good-looking and attractive.
Who do you think have more fun and date more? You guess right, babygirl! The ones who think they are attractive, and take judgement, rejection and embarrassment less seriously have more fun and date more. Their eyes are focused on the prize! That prize is to have fun dating men and eventually finding The One.
When I used to have crushes on guys when I was 14, I was so scared of that feeling that I had to keep it to myself because I was so scared that the guys would find out and they might judge or reject or embarrass me.
I feared something that may or may not happen. And even if it did happen, it wasn’t like it was life-threatening to be judged or rejected or embarrassed. I associated so much negative emotional value to the possibility of being rejected that it deprived me of all the fun a teenager with a healthy level of self-esteem should be having.
One of the reasons I wrote this book is that I’ve observed there are still many women who are way in their 20s, 30s and even 60s who still share the limiting beliefs and debilitating fears that I had in my teenage years.
It would be a disservice if I didn’t write this book to contribute to the uplifting of others.
Figure A. This is me at the tender age of 19, and the shock of your lifetime… Ok, just the shock of the hour… In this photo, I still had low self-esteem issues. My mother used to always call me ugly so I didn’t even feel good enough to be a girl, so I created this tomboy personality who, in this photo was shaking a live firecracker called “watusi” in her hand. When I found myself attracted to guys when I was 14 onwards, I just kept it to myself as I didn’t feel worthy of being liked back by any guy, and I wasn’t brave enough to face rejection. p.
In fact, I didn’t date till I was 20. When I finally mustered enough courage to date whoever guy was available and showed what resembled an interest in me, I was dumped unceremoniously in about 5 dates. I can laugh about it now, but at the time, it felt like my whole universe was shattered. Life suddenly lost its meaning. I could hardly eat for 2 weeks, and felt like nobody would ever want me ever again. Whatever esteem and value I managed to assign to myself as a human female, all flushed down the drain.
I was too traumatized to date, love, share myself and make myself that vulnerable to anybody again.
It’s not until I’ve gone through so many trials and errors, coaching from other female player friends, self-studying human dynamics and psychology, and attending character and spiritual development seminars and workshops that I have really started understanding attraction, relationships, and the fears that stop us from having great romantic lives, such as fear of being judged, rejected, embarrassed, etc. Through it all, I’ve also learned to be more in control of my emotions instead of letting them make me their bitch, I’ve learned to associate less emotional value to my irrational fears, and I’ve learned to see that achievement of my heart’s desires should be bigger than my fears.
I’m touching on the subject of fears of judgement, rejection, embarrassment, and their kids, grandkids and distant relatives, because oftentimes, these fears are what stop us from meeting, dating, loving and being in a successful romantic relationship with a man, let alone enjoying and having fun while at it.
[*“The World Is What You Think It Is.”—Serge Kahili King, Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way. *]
So, without further ado, let’s move on to Secret 1 Take Your Belief to the Salon.
In order to make anything happen, you must first believe in it. In order to become attractive, you must first believe you are or have the ability to be and are worthy of being attractive.
The limits we have in our lives, and the results we have, are manifestations of the limits that we, our family and our society have planted deep down in our unconscious.
The unconscious: is that part of the mind that is inaccessible to the conscious mind but affects our emotions, and thus, behaviours.
The beliefs we hold deep down in our unconscious often tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Now would you rather that those beliefs worked against your happiness and goals, or would you rather that you consciously chose your beliefs and turn them to beliefs that actually work in favour of the attainment of your goals and happiness?
“There is no greater barrier to romantic happiness than the fear that I am undeserving of love and that my destiny is to be hurt.”—Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-esteem.
Since you took action in buying this book, it means that you proactively seek solutions to challenges you want to solve, and that achievement of your dating and romantic goals, happiness and heart’s desires is important to you. And I really appreciate and honour you for that. It means, somewhere deep down in your unconscious, there is a seed of belief that you can upgrade your dating, mancandy-hunting, and soulmate-catching and that there is someone out there for you, someone who will love you and whom you will love and can nurture a romantic relationship with.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― Carl Gustav Jung.
The stronger your mind believes in something, the faster your behaviour and actions follow the direction of its achievement. See, a lot of people are not successful in achieving their desires because a lot of people are ambivalent. They say one thing but do another. They keep talking about what they want, but don’t take any actions to the direction of achieving what they say they want.
[*“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.”—-Theodore Roosevelt *]
Many people say they want to become Hollywood actresses, but don’t even take acting class or go to auditions. Guess what, the ones who become actresses, are the ones who take actions toward the direction of being one—they go to Hollywood, take acting classes, go to auditions, then they find The One breakthrough role.
Many people say they want to become businessmen, but they are not even taking actions toward the achievement of that desire like take business classes or actually immerse themselves in business.
Many women say they want to meet the ideal partner, but don’t go out to meet nor dare talk, let alone flirt or attempt to attract, men they find ideal. They see guys they find ideal or give them butterflies in their stomach and they freeze and they let their fears of rejection, judgement, and embarrassment and their limiting beliefs enslave and hinder them. Thus the results they get are results of their fears, not of their desires. And then they unhappily settle for whatever men come up to them only to complain later.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
You see, I used to be one of these many people who said one thing but did another. I always used to say I wanted to write books and use the magical power of words to inspire, transform and move people forward, yet, I was working in bottle service in various upscale international nightclubs. I’ve also worked as a real estate broker and as a model. It wasn’t until now that my belief in the achievement of that vision solidified into this book.
It’s the same principle with dating. The ones who actually end up with The One, are the ones who believe that somewhere out there he/she exists, and they proactively take actions to the direction of achieving it—they read relationship materials like this, get a coach, try and follow what the books or coach advises, go out, meet and date people, until they find The One.
[*“Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.” *]
― Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith: a True Story
Desired results can only be achieved through setting out a good, clear and strong intention and taking inspired actions that lead to the achievement of those results. If it were a mathematical formula, it would look like this:
Desired Results = (Good, Strong, and Clear)Intention + Inspired Actions
Until we turned these limiting beliefs around, we will always have the same limiting results. Even if, for some playful trick fate plays on us, we meet The One, while we still have these limiting beliefs, we would just sabotage ourselves, our relationship and our happiness at a later time, and then blame it on everything and everybody else other than ourselves. Then we would spend the rest of our lives listening to Katy Perry’s “The One that Got Away” as we reminisce the times we spent with that guy and ask ourselves what went wrong. So if your dating, mancandy-hunting, and soulmate-catching haven’t been great, it’s time to take those beliefs to the salon and give them a total makeover.
6 Common Limiting Beliefs that Retard Our Dating, Mancandy-hunting, and Soulmate-catching, and How to Reframe Them In Order to Benefit Us.
1. “All men just want one thing(SEX).”
—Of course men want sex. It’s so natural for everybody to want sex. But that’s not all they want. They want love as well as it is just as natural for everybody to want to love and be loved. If men only wanted sex, then how come there are men, even high value ones, who have committed to loving, lasting relationships with women? Key word: Brad Pitt, Ashton Kutcher, Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Hanson and the rest of Hanson brothers.
You can reframe this into:
“There are men who just want sex at the moment and there are men who want to be a part of a loving, lasting, and committed relationship.”
The question to ask yourself is:
What had to happen for these men to want to commit to such relationships? What did those women do to make those men see that being in a relationship with them was the far better option compared to remaining single? What can I do to get desirable results like those women?
2. “All good men are either taken, or top or bottom(aka gay).
—If this was true, how come every now and then we see a random good single guy get hitched? I have an idea why. It’s because somewhere out there, there are some random good single women who don’t have this limiting belief. Key word: George Clooney prior to exchanging “I do’s” with lawyer wifey.
You can reframe this into:
“There are good single guys out there. Every day somewhere out there, some single male is turning 18(or whatever is the legal marrying age in your state). There are billions of men on Earth. They can’t be all gay.”
The question to ask yourself is:
What has to happen for me to meet these good single guys? And what has to happen for me to make at least one of them, whom I want the most and feel I can love, to want to entrust his heart and commitment to me too? What has to happen for him to think committing to me and building a romantic relationship with me is the far better option than remaining single?
3. “Even if I fall in love again, the next guy will just leave like my Dad did to my mother or like my ex-boyfriend did to me. Because that’s what men do. They leave. So what’s the point?”
—If this was true, how come there are girls like me who are in a loving, committed, long-term relationships even though I’ve had exes who left me too and even though my dad left my mom?
You can reframe this into:
“Some relationships are just not meant to be, and some are. Some guys leave, some don’t. So do us girls.”
The question to ask yourself is:
“What has to happen for me to have the relationship that’s meant for me? What can I do to influence this to happen? What have I done or haven’t done before that probably influenced or caused guys to leave me? What have my mom done or haven’t done that probably influenced my dad to leave her? Once identified, how can I better improve those actions or refrain from doing them so that I don’t get the same unsatisfying results? What has to happen so that being with me is a better option for a guy than leaving me?
4. “All men cheat.”
—If this is true, I don’t know how to verify it. There are billions of men in the world. In my Philosophy class at university, I remember my professor telling us that hasty generalization is a fallacy. I bet we can’t even verify if all creatures living on Earth now are all non-aliens. Plus cheating is a very ambiguous term. To some it can mean your boyfriend watching porn, or your boyfriend fantasizing sexually and masturbating to your best friend, or you doing the same to your boyfriend’s brother, etc.
So for me, I’d rather entertain beliefs that nurture my relationship and romantic bliss and dismiss beliefs that will sabotage them, until of course proven beyond reasonable doubt.
You can reframe this into:
“I don’t know how to verify this. Hasty generalization is non-sequitur. Maybe there are guys who cheat. But maybe there are also guys who have strong sense of maturity, commitment and honouring their relationships and partners who don’t cheat. I’ll never know until I experience for myself. Until then I can consciously choose whether to believe things that can lead me closer to my romantic goals, or believe things that lead me away from them.”
The question to ask yourself is:
“What has to happen so that I will have a boyfriend or husband who has a strong sense of maturity, commitment and honouring me that he will not cheat on me? What can I do to inspire or influence this sense of maturity, commitment and honour in my man?”
5. “Love is Pain.”
—If love was pain, how come people in love who get married are smiling on their wedding photos? How come the smiles on the faces of unmarried couples who are in love spell of romantic bliss?
You can reframe this into:
“To some who believe that love is pain, this has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. To those who have faith that love is kind, patient, and all those other beautiful and nice things as the Bible describes or as the smiles on loving couples spell, this also become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Therefore, love is what you make it.”
The question to ask yourself is:
“What beliefs should I hold so that they are beliefs that support the realization of my romantic bliss and goals? What has to happen for me to reach my romantic bliss and goals? How can I influence my relationship to make it better?
6. Men only want women who are young, sexy, gorgeous-looking, dumb, or without the baggage of being a single mom.
—If this was true, how come my 66 year young aunt, who has 5 kids from previous marriages, is about to marry her soon-to-be third husband? And how come Hugh Jackman married Deborra-Lee Furness when he was 28 and she was 41, and they’re still going strong now at 47 and 60, respectively. And remember the days when Ashton used to date Demi? And how about Aaron Johnson who’s madly in love with wife Sam Taylor-Wood, who has daughters from a previous marriage, that he even changed his last name to Taylor-Johnson?
You can reframe this to:
“Many men’s ego are conditioned to be immediately attracted to women who possess the objective standard of physical beauty. All men at a primal level are attracted to women with great vitality and display strong child-rearing capabilities. But a man’s soul can be attracted to other values that I possess that are beyond the aforementioned physical values, such as my ability to connect to him emotionally and my other great values like my character, my integrity, my loyalty, my reliability, my deep love, and understanding etc. I am a woman of value, and thus have the ability to attract many and keep The One.”
The question to ask yourself is:
“What good values do I possess that I must be able to successfully demonstrate to men to attract them? How can I better improve these values so that I become the best version of myself so that what I share with others is my best version not my mediocre or worst version? What can I do so that I put value on the table? How can I be more valuable?”
Exercises you can do to plant or water that seed of belief that you are attractive and you deserve to be with someone, and nurture it in your mind.
When I still used to believe I was ugly, I saw this international model being interviewed on TV. She said that she too used to believe she was ugly. So what she did was, every morning upon waking up, she’d face the mirror and say things like “I’m so beautiful. I’m so beautiful. I’m attractive. I’m sexy,” and all those other positive affirmations.
I thought it sounded stupid but I was desperate so I started doing it anyway.
After a while, I found out that this technique called Positive Affirmation, are also being taught in many personality development seminars to plant seeds of positive thoughts in our minds.
The reason being that a few minutes upon waking up and before falling asleep, or during meditation, our brain goes to a level of mind called Alpha Level, where our unconscious is open to suggestions just like when we were kids, when many of our current beliefs and behaviours were programmed into our minds.
This technique is not limited to just programming your unconscious to be attractive. You can use other positive affirmations like “I’m successful. I’m courageous. I’m committed. I’m confident. I’m worthy. I’m able. I’m passionate. I’m kind. I’m healthy. I’m fit. I deserve to love and be loved,” etc.
Write Positive Affirmations of your choice here, and recite them in the mirror upon waking up and before going to bed for 30 days. The reason being that there are theories that claim it takes only 21-30 days to reprogram the unconscious of new beliefs and habits.
In order to attract high value men, we must be high value ourselves. And we should do it for ourselves, not just for others. Get Any Guy You Want or Have Fun Trying is about raising your game and standards and knowing from the very beginning that you are a woman of high value who deserves an equally high value man to compliment you, and not leach off from or leach from you.
Values and Character
A highly attractive woman is a woman who uses whatever she has and presents it to the world the best way she can. She does her best to take care of her looks and health, has good character and positive outlook in life whatever happened in her past, and adds value to the lives of the people around her.
She is loving, caring, courageous, values her commitment, has integrity, independent, comfortable with her femininity and is not scared to show vulnerability. She has a healthy amount of respect for herself and others and lives a passionate life that makes any man want to be a part of it. She is true to herself and others, and doesn’t compromise her values just to please everybody.
When attracting or dating men, she comes from a place of security, love and adding value, instead of from a place of insecurity, taking value, needing validation of her desirability and needing a man to fill her unfulfilled emotional needs. She knows that men want her sexually but doesn’t rely on that value alone in terms of attracting men.
Look your best
Although many people say that looks don’t matter that much, which to some degree I agree with, I’d still rather look my best and have more competitive advantage in attraction, dating, mancandy-hunting, and soulmate-catching. And I’d rather you, babygirl, looked your best and had that competitive advantage too. After all, there’s nothing wrong with looking your best as long as you don’t make it the be-all-end-all of you and your self-worth.
Plus, when I say look your best, I don’t mean you try to look like Kylie Jenner or anybody else. What I mean is take a bath everyday, wear clothes and shoes that compliment your size and shape and fit the occasion. Make sure your body, breath, punaynay and hair smell good. Take care of your body by not abusing it with excessive alcohol, cigarette and other unhealthy food, and hit the gym or have whatever physical activity that you enjoy to increase production of endorphins, which will help keep you younger looking and happier. In short, be the best version of yourself physically.
Bio-hacking Beauty: a Girly Talk on Makeup and Cosmetic Surgery
Like anything, there are aspects in our physical looks that are within our control and some that are not, like our body types whether we are endomorph or mesomorph or ectomorph. I was going to say height, but I heard in Korea, China and Russia, they can now perform leg-lengthening surgeries to turn 5’6ers into 6-footers.
I use makeup sometimes, although I’m not a big fan, but only because it takes time to put on and I like going for the natural look and I like that my skin can breathe. I’ve read some scientific-studies-backed-up-by articles that claim that men are more attracted to women who wear less makeup. If you feel like putting on makeup, absolutely go for it, especially if you feel like it enhances your facial features and if it makes you feel good or if it’s one way you express your creativity. I still say do not overdo it, like to a point where you sleep with makeup on. My boyfriend has told me stories of girls in Iran, where some girls never take their makeups off, even in sleep, and they just retouch it with another thick layer of make up when they wake up the next day as if there are carnivals on their faces.
Wash your face before going to bed, babygirl!
In choosing makeup, find the ones that best suit your skin tone and skin type and the ones that have great pigment but are hypoallergenic. There are even makeups in the market that are made from organic and natural ingredients. I highly recommend those.
Regarding cosmetic or plastic surgery, I say that the rules here should not be externally imposed. Do not let society or me or your surgeon or your boyfriend or husband dictate to you whether you should get cosmetic surgery or not. Only you should decide whether to go for it or not. It is your body, thus, it must be your rules.
In my opinion, if you feel like doing it, and you feel like it will enhance your looks and will add to your confidence, and you don’t have to pawn your kidney to afford it, then go for it, and take ownership and responsibility for it!
No matter what the haters will say, you will definitely have a competitive advantage when you upgrade your physical looks because in society’s current collective consciousness, good physical looks are deemed as high value. Nonetheless, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. After all, I believe that below average look is the minimum effective physical look to be attractive.
In my experience, upgrading my physical look has made me more confident and resulted to more suitors. I don’t know if the sudden outpour of suitors was due to my physical upgrade, or due to my new-found confidence post-surgery, or both. My guess is it was due to both. To be honest with you, I myself had rhinoplasty aka nose job and breast augmentation aka boob job. Sometimes I have lip filler as well, but my surgeon uses my own fat, and when I lose weight, I feel like I lose some of the lip fat as well.
I mean, come on, even movie stars get plastic surgery. I’ve even heard of a parrot that has had a nose job. And actually in societies like Iran and South Korea, plastic surgery is as normal as getting a haircut or bikini wax.
In Iran, getting cosmetic surgery is even being used as a status symbol. When a Persian girl has cosmetic surgery in Iran, a lot of Persian men would find her more attractive just by having the surgery. Both men and women in Iran who have just undergone cosmetic surgeries, even parade their nose job bandages on the streets as if those bandages are the latest Chanel bags or Ferrari cars. Even the ones who can’t afford to pay for a surgery, would parade bandages on their faces just to look as if they’ve just had one.
And in South Korea, some online article said that it’s their competitive culture that triggers plastic surgery boom.
In Philippines, the highly competitive girls even though they are already pretty, still undergo cosmetic surgeries to enhance their looks further. And in a certain niche, cosmetic surgery has become a fad. Some girls would have their nose done not because they need it or they look less attractive without it, but just because her friends did it.
If you decide to get surgery though, make sure you do your research and only go to legit plastic surgeons, and avoid quack surgeons, as I’ve seen people who have undergone cosmetic surgeries in the hands of quack surgeons or even legit surgeons who had bad aesthetic standards, who looked way better prior to the surgery.
I’ve made this mistake before and what I went through emotionally was very traumatic that I feel like it’s a moral obligation to share it here. My first nose job was from a purported surgeon that a friend recommended. At the time I was so insecure with my nose that I was so eager to do it without doing any research. I made the mistake of thinking that all surgeons were created equal. That quack surgeon injected something that my second real surgeon who corrected my nose job later identified as silicone wax. My nose got bigger and in my opinion it made me look worse. I had to endure this emotional trauma for the next five years due to budget constraints and fears that it could never be corrected. It took me five years to learn to move on from that. It wasn’t until one of my university classmates had a great nose job that I felt I had hope of correcting my quack nose job.
In my opinion, makeups to women are like cheat codes to computer games, while cosmetic surgery is the ultimate bio-hacking of beauty, which I will define here as something pleasant to look at.
Although enhancing your looks can give you a competitive advantage in attracting, dating, mancandy-hunting and soulmate-catching, since many people see value in physical beauty, it is not enough to create a lasting attraction with a mentally and emotionally healthy human being. I mean, someone’s good looks can get a mentally-ill person obsessed with them or do stupid things for them. Even I have once made a guy buy me a Monogram Speedy 35 Louis Vuitton bag and La Senza lingerie within 30 minutes of talking to him. Prior to that I had a limiting belief I could only make guys buy me stuff within days of talking to them. That day I decided I wanted to push the envelope and do SDS and ask within a few minutes of interaction. And I did.
We will talk about the formula for lasting attraction further in Secret 6.
When you go shopping for handbag or dress or shoes, how do you do it? Do you make the first move in searching for what you want and then buy them, or do you wait for the shoes and handbag to march all the way to you for you to buy them?
What I mean by choosing men like you would choose a handbag is that you must choose a man that you want. Don’t wait to be chosen by guys that you might not like that much, and settle just because he’s the only one you had the chance to talk to. Women who do this often end up settling for whoever showed them interest, and complain about it. This is a formula for an unsatisfying love life.
When we go out shopping for a handbag, we look around and pick the one we like. We don’t wait for the handbag to approach us. So we take our bag home happy with our purchase. When we choose our man like we do our handbags, we wouldn’t end up with someone we are just settling for due to lack of option. As a rule, I wouldn’t settle for anything less than butterflies in my stomach.
For example you are out clubbing with your girlfriends and you intend to meet and attract guys. Don’t just sit in the corner and keep to yourselves and wait for whatever guy to approach. If you do this, possible scenarios that might happen are:
What used to often end up happening when I still hadn’t developed the art of making the guy you want approach you, was that the friend of the guy I liked would start talking to me and because I wanted him as a bridge to the guy I liked, who happened to be his friend, I’d be nice to him and keep talking to him and even exchange numbers with him. This would often give them the wrong impression that I was into the guy whom I wasn’t into. And now he would be a big cockblock between me and the guy I liked even though I could feel that the guy I liked, liked me too. I could tell because the guy I liked would often be way hotter than the friend, and the night would often end up with the guy I liked not meeting anybody that night, and just stuck in a conversation with me and his friend and we’d look like a bizarre love triangle with the occasional awkward moments when none of us would say anything and we’d just look at each other.
Because guys, when they’re out, they have this secret bro code more commonly known as “bros before hoes” that means something like they’d prioritize the feelings or egos of their guy friends over girls they will meet, or if a bro talks to a girl first then the friend should refrain from hitting on the same girl, or something to that effect.
Being desired by the friend of the one you like and want to attract can work in your favour because it gives you more perceived value to the eyes of the one you like. But unless you handle this effectively, it could also be a hindrance to your attraction game such as in the example mentioned earlier, specially if the guys have a really good relationship. It’s best to arouse the desire of the friend of the man you want to attract only when you’ve already somehow made it obvious through your body language and game that it’s the other guy whom you want to chase you.
Now you ask, ok if I shouldn’t wait to be approached then what do I do? Should I approach? Should I make the first move?
A Female Player Technique that good girls can use to their advantage is the art of making the first covert move to make him approach you thinking that the approach was his idea. This is not something that I just invented. In fact, the clever females from our distant past practiced this lost art as well. During the Victorian era, when a woman fancied a man, she’d drop her handkerchief somewhere close enough for the man to notice and fetch, so that he’d have a reason to approach and talk to her. Even some scientists claim that there are evidences that suggest that cavewomen travelled further and sought out sexual partners.
In the modern days, there are various ways to do this. One example is by looking at a man you like from afar, exchanging eye contact with him for 3 seconds, flashing a flirty-friendly smile, flipping your hair and looking away.
To the more courageous guys, this is enough to get him to approach. But for guys with more debilitating approach anxiety, after about a minute, repeat the move, but this time open your mouth and pretend to say something. If he makes facial or hand motions that hint a bit of confusion and seem to ask “What?”, invite him over with a wave of your hand or that index finger gesture that signals for someone to come over. When a person is confused, it is easier to lead them to do what you ask them to do. Confusing a person is a technique that even “budol-budol” gangs and other con artists use to lead victims to do something they want them to do.
When he approaches, say something interesting, unique, playful and engaging. Say something like “My girlfriend and I were having a bet on what color your eyes(or shirt or shoes or umbrella) are. She said blue, and I insisted on green. Who do you say won?” Say it in a confident, feminine and playful tone. Such interaction is very exciting for men, and once you get a hang of it, for you as well. Or you can say “My girlfriend and I were having a bet on whether that other guy in blue that you are with is your brother or just your friend. She bets that you guys are brothers because you’re both cute and I said just because you’re both cute doesn’t necessarily mean you’re brothers. Please tell me you’re just friends, otherwise I have to buy her a drink.”
Chances are he’d say “We’re actually brothers(or friends or cousins, etc), but let me take care of your drinks. My name is Edoardo, by the way. You are?” And then he’d ask his cute friend in blue to come over and join you. You would even have successfully winged your girlfriend.
When I was a female player, I and my girlfriends did this all the time. Our purpose would be to add the feisty guys in our “boylets” pool, and/or score free drinks.
By doing this, you’ve successfully made the first move and made him approach you, thinking it was his idea to approach.
By the way, one of my sisters Marge, told me that she made the first move when she met her now husband of almost 15 years, and she’s never shy to admit it.
Another technique I and my female player friends have used in the past specially while clubbing is we’d go around the club, proactively searching and exposing ourselves to guys that we might like. When we’d find guys we liked, we’d dance somewhere close to those guys, not too close to make them suspect we were too aggressive, but just close enough for them to notice us. My girlfriends and I would just have fun with each other, smile, laugh, dance, drink, pretend not to notice the guys for a few minutes until we see from our peripheral visions that they’d already noticed us and were looking at us. Then I’d throw the guy I liked a seemingly serendipitous and unintentional glance, flash a vague hesitant smile, and look away to feign a bit of shyness. My girlfriend would do the same to the one she liked. Then after a few minutes or seconds depending on my reading of the situation, I’d look at the guy again this time a bit longer, while in my mind I’d be telepathically communicating to his mind to come approach me. This often works. And the guys would approach us just with this technique.
Now sometimes, even if I did all these techniques right, there’d still be guys who either had crippling approach anxiety or maybe they just didn’t find me or my girlfriends compelling enough, who wouldn’t do the approach. And that is totally fine. You see, you can’t please everybody. You can’t make everybody like you or love you. Even Jesus Christ and The Virgin Mary have haters. Some will, some won’t, so what? Move on Fast and NEXT! After all, you really only need one, unless you want two or more. *Wink*
This happens for many reasons like he probably has a girlfriend or a wife at home and he only allows himself to just look at other girls but not approach them, or maybe his girlfriend or wife are about to come and join him, or maybe he is racist and doesn’t like talking to girls of race unlike his own, or he has certain prejudices and limiting beliefs like “girls with big boobs will just hurt me”, or “if a girl likes me, she will approach me, if she doesn’t approach me, she doesn’t like me, and I don’t want to embarrass myself by approaching her only to get rejected” or “girls with eyeglasses are snobs and I will just crash and burn if I approach her” or “girls who wear that kind of dress will only date guys richer than me” etc.
A man’s decision whether to approach you or not is influenced by 3 things. They are:
1. His beliefs, biases, prejudices, past experiences, and the things that he associates with girls who look and act like you;
2. His state at the moment, whether he’s hungry, or drunk, or just broke up with his girlfriend, or just lost a job, or just got promoted, or just made a million bucks or just won or lost a car race, or whatever athletic competition, etc.
3. You(and your game).
You are only 1/3 of the reason why he’d approach or not. So don’t take things personally. Don’t immediately decide that he’s not approaching you because he’s just not that into you or you’re just not that attractive enough. When I first met my boyfriend, I had to do the first move and even if I did, he still didn’t show me enough interest to get my number or anything. The second time I ran into him, he still didn’t approach me or ask for my number. I again had to start a conversation with him and volunteered to save my number on his phone.
Many guys don’t even know what they really want. Even David Beckham used to always say he preferred blondes over brunettes and ended up marrying a brunette. My boyfriend’s type then was yellow-skinned Asians and mixed race girls with light skin. And I am a brown-skinned Asian. But I knew what I want. It was clear to me that I wanted to see him again so I proactively took actions toward the achievement of that desire. Talk about persistence baby! Haha!
So in case of guys not approaching me, my next action will depend on how much I really want to meet the guy. Usually, if he’s a guy who truly stirs your soul or makes you feel good inexplicable feelings, he’s probably worth approaching. So go approach and practice.
When I approach, I do it in the guise of asking for a small favour or a simple question, like “Excuse me, do you know where the bathroom is?” or “Hi could you help me open this bottle(of water)?” or “Hey, listen, I love my coffee cold but it’s particularly cold today, do you think I should have my coffee hot or cold?” or “You look like my next ex-boyfriend.” And I’d do this with a flirty-friendly smile on my face and with flirty-friendly intention in my mind.
“Flirting is a woman’s trade. One must keep in practice.”
[* -- Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Brontë *]
Once I even approached this way: I was walking with a girlfriend who was also an FHM model, when we saw two guys, whom we found out later were pro football players, walking towards our direction. I found one of them very attractive so when we were about one foot away from each other, I looked him in the eye, flashed a flirty-friendly grin, waved my phone a bit and playfully asked “What’s your number? Going once… going twice…” as I continued to walk and look away.
I found the guy very attractive but because I was doing Secret 5 Numbers Game, and had so many guys on my “boylet” pool, I didn’t really care if this guy would talk to me or not. I was not emotionally attached to the outcome. I was willing to walk away. When it comes to attraction, displaying that you are willing to walk away demonstrates high value, and thus appeals to a man’s egoic attraction triggers.
By just doing all that, I’ve created an unforgettable and unique attraction between me and the guy. First by saying and doing something out of pattern, thus confusing him, but showed interest and gave him an opportunity to approach and chase, and then by further confusing that with my unattached willingness to walk away body language.
That guy, by the way, ended up taking one giant leap towards me and took my number. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to know what happened next.
1.Have fun and creatively think of ways you can make the first move and make him approach and think it was his idea.
2.Have fun and try the techniques mentioned above.
[*3.Don’t be scared to make mistakes. Mistakes are good for you if you will learn from them. Like any other skill, it takes practice to master. *]
How many guys do you meet and engage in a conversation with in a week? If you answer one or zero, how long do you think it will take for you to meet The One? When you meet them, do you meet them only by chance or are you proactively taking actions to the direction of you meeting someone you like?
Another Female Player Technique that any good girl can use is numbers game. This means meeting and filtering as many guys you like as you can possibly fit into your prospect pool, schedule and life. Female players don’t leave the number or quality of men they are going to date to chance. They proactively go out and meet men they like.
Just this technique alone can yield favourable results. I have girlfriends who don’t know much about sophisticated dating techniques but do numbers game, and still are able to catch boyfriends and long-term relationships.
I’m not suggesting that you commit to a relationship with all of those men at the same time. Female players do that though. Just meeting, hanging out and going out with men is not being a player. Committing to all of them at the same time is. And I do have female player girlfriends who do, and at any given time they’d have 3-5 committed relationships and many other flings on the side. I even had a friend who married a guy in the morning and dated another guy at night.
“If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.”
—Thomas J. Watson
Furthermore, when you have more guys in your “boylet” pool, you are less likely to be too unnecessarily emotionally attached and invested in just one prospect. In the process of attraction, demonstrating that you are willing to walk away unless treated right, is a demonstration of high value.
Go out, network, socialize, go wide and deep. Meet not just men but also women. Practice your covert approach and delivering engaging lines. In short, develop your social skills. As you practice, your social skills become better and better, and you become more confident in any social situation.
A woman who looks confident in any social setting is highly attractive.
A-Z of Places You Can Meet Men You Like
Exercise: Make a list of places or activities where you can meet men you like that start with letters A-Z.
Here is mine:
A- Archery class, Acting workshop
B- Beach, Bar, Bird-watching workshop, Business seminars, Bookstores
C-Casinos, Cooking class, Car races, Car shows, Coffee shops, Charity work
D- Dental Clinics, Dance class, DJ class, Drums class
E- Embassy parties, Environmental organization
F-Food Bazaar, French language class, Fencing
G- Golf Course, Guitar class, Gym
H- Hotels, Hiking
I-Ice cream bar, Indian restaurant, Italian restaurant, Italian language class
J- Japanese Restaurant
K- KFC, Kitesurfing, Kayaking, Krav Maga class
M- Museum, Movie, Mountain-climbing
P-Plyometric Training, Pool club, Parasailing, Painting class, Persian restaurants
R- Rotary Club, Rock climbing, Restaurants
S-Seminars, Scuba-diving, Sky-diving, Surfing, Spa, Star Wars movie
T- Tinder, Tennis Court, Tree-planting activities, Theatre, Train, Taekwondo
V- Volunteer Activities
W- Wakeboarding, Wine and Cheese tasting, Wine Bar, Writing workshop
X- Xerox booth, xylophone class, Xiamen
Y- Yacht party, Yacht club
Z- Zoo, Zumba class
How well did you do? Honestly, I had to google Quidditch, lol. But can you think of other activities or places that start with Q? Anyway, I heard there are some people who actually play Quidditch, and if you’re a Harry Potter fan, this would be a good place for you to meet people, as you will probably share interests and Hermione anecdotes with them.
I asked you to make a list of places where you can meet people in order to bring to your awareness that possibilities of meeting men are endless.
It’s also important to identify what your values and interests are and what values the man(or men) you want to attract to have.
If you value learning and you want your man to value learning as well, then it will be strategic to frequent libraries or bookstores or seminars. If you value beauty or even if you just want to enjoy mancandies for the meantime regardless of whether they are able to talk or not, then go hit up upscale nightclubs as hot demigod-looking male models frequent them. If you are a foodie and you want a man you can enjoy food-tripping with then go to food bazaars. If you want to meet men who spend like money ain’t a thang, then go meet guys at casino high roller lobbies. If you want to meet men who have great bodies, athletic and take good care of their health, then go meet guys at the gym, or those other sporty activities like wakeboarding, rock climbing, etc. If saving mother Earth is important to you, then meet men with most probably the same value as you at environmental clubs or tree-planting activities. If you want to meet men who value altruism, then go meet them at volunteer activities and charity works. If you want to meet men who value arts and culture, then go meet and covertly approach men at museums or theatres. If you want to meet, attract or even just network with rich businessmen, then hit up golf courses and wine and cheese tastings. If you want to attract men who are musically inclined, then go to one of those music classes or concerts. If you want men who are into cars and speed, then expose yourself to them by going to car shows and car races.
I and my girlfriends meet men anywhere. We do not limit ourselves.
Once upon a time, I and my BFF were about to enter Indonesia, when two of their customs officers called us to their office. They were even younger than us and had stern looks on their faces. We thought we were in trouble. But it was ok as those were times we ate troubles for brunch. So what was it this time? Did somebody sneak bullets into our luggage or something? Did they find bodies in them? What?
They asked us some questions which we successfully answered and we asked them questions back. To cut the long story short, these officers ended up paying for our dinner, hotel and clubbing expenses that night.
“Look, I know you wanna chill with a player, but all you gotta do is keep it real with a player”—Sunshine by Lil Flip
By strategically choosing locations, you are increasing the chances of you meeting men you actually like or share interests and values with. Otherwise, it’s a lot like selling Friendster to Mark Zuckerberg or expecting your pregnant dog to give birth to a 5-legged puppy.
Just think about it. Compare your chances of meeting a millionaire at KFC to meeting a millionaire at golf courses or casinos’ high rollers area or upscale nightclubs or business seminars. Where do you think you have more favourable chances? Now, compare your chances of meeting dudes with washboard abs at ice cream bars and painting classes to meeting them at the gym or plyometric trainings or surfing. Get the point?
1. List the top 3 things that you want your man to possess. Looks? Money? Power? Status? A sports car? A six-pack abs? Atruism? Cuture? Integrity? It’s totally up to you.
2. Think of places where you can find men with the qualities you listed on number 1.
3. Bring out your calendar, and fill it with activities that will give you opportunity to meet new people at the places you’ve listed on number 2.
4. Meet, converse and exchange numbers with at least 3 men and 2 women every week for starters. Meet people just for the sake of meeting them and without the hidden agenda of forcing them into a shotgun wedding with you or finding someone to raise your future kids with so that neediness doesn’t show in your body language.
5. Observe your emotions as you do this. Does it excite you? Does it make you feel anxious? Where are these feelings coming from? Record those feelings for analysis later.
6. Go on at least 1 date every week.
7. Increase the numbers as you get the hang of it to a level that your lifestyle can sustain.
8. Don’t stop until you meet the one.
The following revelation might be a shocker, and it really shouldn’t be. Generally, people are often attracted to people who either have about the same total value as they have, or people who have the values that they probably at one point or another lack, and thus, desire.
These desires are often buried deep in our unconscious. Thus, we often see couples who are about as good-looking, as successful, as educated, as smart, and have the same level of self-esteem as each other.
We also see couples where the guy scores in a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, about 5 in looks and the girl is a 9, and most of the time it’s because obviously she has the value that he lacks, which is beauty and he also has the value that she at one point or another lacked like for example he probably scores 9 in intelligence or wealth and she 5, or he’s able to provide her the value of comfort and security that the family she’s from lacked, which thus, balances the value dynamics between the couple.
Then there are girls who are about 6 in looks, and 9 in bed and in knowing what motivates her man and connecting to him emotionally, with a mancandy boyfriend who is 9 in looks maybe even 7 or 8 in career and finances. So just do the math to find out why it works.
There are also women, who are highly motivated by financial security and power, and who tend to have a pattern of going to relationships with men who are powerful and financially secure, and leaves him the moment he loses power or goes bankrupt.
And then there are couples where the woman started out 9 in beauty value, and the guy is highly motivated by this value alone that he is with her no matter what her other values are, then she stops taking care of herself and ends up becoming a 5 in beauty, then he makes up excuses and leaves and finds another woman with 9 in beauty value.
This is the curse of focusing only on working on your physical beauty value and not developing your character. We’ve discussed this in Secret 2.
For lasting attraction and relationships, this seemingly invisible value dynamics, that has a lot to do with our own egoic, primal and soul motives, fears, needs and desires, are always at play. People are always more likely to get the best value for their value. I mean even you, if in the past you have attracted and dated men of value, i.e. smart, good-looking, educated, and treats you well, you are less likely to date men of lower value i.e. without teeth, uneducated, and smells like he’s the next-door neighbour of Shrek.
However, since there are billions of people in the world, there will always be exceptions. But the chances of you and me being the exceptions, are as slim as Kendall Jenner’s ankle, so it’s actually wiser to work on developing our values so that what we put on the table, whether in romantic relationships or friendships or careers or business, will not be easily replaceable.
It will also be beneficial for you and me to examine these patterns of attractions around us well, so we can work around them effectively. As Dalai Lama said:
[* “Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.” – Dalai Lama*]
Now there are ways to hack into this seemingly logical mathematical formula for attraction like by being an extremely good seducer where you can attract almost everybody and anybody. More often than not though, seductions at this level where there is a great imbalance in actual total value between the couple, is just a matter of time before the seduced comes to his/her senses and drops the seducer’s ass like a hot mocha frappuccino.
Sometimes that time lasts about eleven minutes or less and then the girl presses charges of rape against the guy, or the guy resents the girl forever because his pals will now always joke about it, etc. Sometimes they even last for months or years, but still, it’s just a matter of time or clarity of thoughts before it ends.
Cinderella under the Microscope
This value dynamics theory is probably hard to accept since TV and movie industry make a lot of money in making us believe and hope for those exceptions such as the magical Cinderella stories where a handsome prince falls in love with a poor maid who cleans the attic in her soiled dress.
What a lot of people fail to realize is that even Cinderella looks about as good-looking as the Prince. So at a primal and an egoic level, there’s not much value imbalance in physical beauty value between the two. Heck, she could have been about as smart too, just financially-challenged and oppressed, a value that probably did not matter much to the Prince since he would remain rich whether he married a rich girl or not.
In addition to that, even Cinderella took her value game few notches higher when they met. She had her hair done, put on some make up, wore high crystal heels and a pretty dress only a fairy godmother she had to summon from an invisible plane of existence could afford, that must have primarily appealed to his visual attraction.
During the dance, she must have shown enough vulnerability and femininity that appealed to his primal male instinct to protect and to provide. She must have said some words that connected to him emotionally, like maybe she leveraged her being a poor maid and told him all about it and he must have appreciated her authenticity, integrity and honesty since most of the girls he probably met were too superficial and dishonest and pretended to be richer and more important than they actually were.
She must have made herself a rare jewel in his eyes—a girl who knew how to look her best, was comfortable with her femininity, showed a healthy amount of vulnerability, and honesty, yet gutsy enough to dance with a prince and conduct herself elegantly and confidently without screaming like a rabid fan. She had enough self-esteem to feel deserving of dancing with a prince like it was just normal, instead of making a fuss like “Oh my God, are you sure you want to dance with me? Oh my God but I’m just a maid and you’re a prince oh my god oh my god.”
So whether you like it or not, chances are, you will end up with someone about as physically attractive as you, with about the same intelligence and self-esteem as you, in about the same socio-economic and educational background as you, unless you work on your value and practice these techniques.
Now tell me, do you like this picture? Yes? Great! If you are not really sure, because you want more out of life and you expect more from you, and I truly believe you and I deserve more out of life, then read on, babygirl!
Mathematical Equation of Attraction
Ready yet? Get Set… The Mathematical equation for attraction, based on my female player experience and studying of human dynamics and psychology of attraction is:
Physical Attraction + Demonstrate Value + Make him Earn You + Connect to him Emotionally + Make Him Feel Good + Exert Effort in Working Out Differences Together = Lasting Attraction
I’ve heard of theories that humans to a varying extent are narcissistic. Thus people often become instantly physically attracted to people who look about as good as they are, or behave like they do. Although, most of us also have insecurities for things that we perceive as we lack, and so when we find what we think we lack present in other people, specifically the opposite sex or whatever gender we prefer in a partner, we get instantly physically attracted to them as well. It’s as if our genes are telling us “That guys has the proper genetic make-up to ensure survival success of your offspring if you mate with him.”
The good news is you don’t need to look like those girls in the glossy magazine to be physically attractive to men. My 66 year young aunt just got engaged and is getting married next year to her soon-to-be third husband.
Of course you have a competitive advantage if you look like those girls in the magazines because many people see value in physical beauty, and beauty is often associated with fertility and men’s brains are hard-wired to want to “sperminate” women with good child-rearing capabilities to ensure the survival of our species. But even if you don’t look like those girls, you can still look physically attractive to a male’s primal mind when you smile, when you stand, walk and talk confidently, when you talk to them in a bit of a sweet playful manner, when you are comfortable with lightly touching them and teasing them, in a way that does not make you seem sexually aggressive or easy. When you meet my aunt, you may notice that at 66, she still has the nuances and body language of a typical 25 year old girlfriend material, thus making her look attractive and appealing to a male’s primal desire to please, protect and provide for.
There are many ways to look more physically attractive, such as by showing positive vibe or outlook in life, by showing youthfulness through your smiles or giggles or playfulness. An average looking girl who knows how to play her cards right, can command more attention and have more suitors than an 18 year old tall skinny pretty model who’s stuck in her head.
Once I was in an upscale nightclub in Lan Kwai Fong, Hong Kong and was surrounded by young Eastern European models and many other women way better-looking and seeming more accomplished than me. While I was smiling, socializing, engaging interesting people to a conversation, and walking around confidently, many of those girls were just standing or sitting or dancing amongst themselves.
I could tell they were probably out clubbing to meet interesting people too. I don’t know if they ended up meeting someone, as I stopped paying attention when my conversation with that French-Carribean DJ, Willy Monfret, who also happened to be a male supermodel who has appeared in some Nikki Minaj music video, started becoming more interesting.
One of my female player girlfriends is average looking, yet at any given time she has multiple boyfriends that lavish her with gifts, exotic holidays, love and attention. They even pay for her lifestyle and send her money monthly. Heck she even made one of her boyfriends invest in her business.
I’m not encouraging becoming a female player, I’m just pointing out that no matter how you look, if you’ve got game, you can twirl one or many guys in your playful fingers and make them fall in love with you. It’s all up to you.
And even if you feel like you want to try becoming a player for once, I won’t judge you. I’ve been there, and done that. In my opinion, loving someone deeply and being loved by someone deeply still beats playing any time. Although I think that experiencing both, gives someone a wider, richer and a more balanced perspective.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
Figure B: DJ Willy Monfret and other HK models Sam Ajdani and other model guy.
Figure C: With Tengku(Malaysian Prince) Mishal Ibrahim in Singapore prior to me getting a boobjob.
To build attraction, you must be able to demonstrate value that the person you want to attract desires.
When you’re on a date with a guy, instead of talking about resume type of questions like where do you go to work or where did you go to high school, talk about things that demonstrate your value.
Like if he asks what you do for work, instead of saying “I’m a dating coach and self-help book writer”, phrase it in a way that demonstrates your values, such as “I love using the magical power of words to inspire and help people.” This way you are able to demonstrate the value of love and being helpful. If you are a primary school teacher, you can say “I love contributing to the mental and intellectual development of our youth.” This way, you demonstrate the value of love, loving to contribute, and caring about the mental and intellectual growth of the youth.
And he will remember you more because your answer is out of pattern or not the usual answers he’s heard in many other dates or conversations before.
Do you notice how in many movies, during the scenes where the leading men and women are about to fall in love, they say something like “You’re different. You’re different from others I’ve met.”
If you are different from the many others he usually meets, then you play in his mind more, which can be a gateway to strong attraction.
Ask him questions as well that reveal what his deeper values are, such as “If there was absolutely no way of failing, and success is guaranteed, what would u do now?” If he answers “I would be a businessman,” and if he is an engineer right now, it means now you know what his aspiration is, which is to become a businessman. Then you can ask him “How would being a businessman make you feel?” If he answers, “Secure” or “Comfortable” or “Powerful,” then you now have just taken a peek at the values that are important to him such as security or comfort or power. If he answers “I would still be an engineer,” ask him “Why do you like being an engineer?” If he says something like “Because it gives me the freedom to be creative,” then you’ve elicited a value that motivates or is important to him which is freedom and creativity.
In this way, both of you are connecting in a deeper level, where you are sharing with each other your values. And when you know what motivates him or what’s important to him, then you will know not to threaten the things that are important to him in the future, like in this example, is his freedom and creativity.
You will also sound like you are not superficial and only care about things like the car he drives, the house he lives in, his net worth, etc.
What female players do though when they find this out, is provide the men they want to attract with values that are important to them, even though they have to fake it, with the plan to eventually make the men give them value they desire in return which is usually shopping or money or favours, etc.
Make him Earn You
Have you ever met someone for the first time and on first sight, you already liked him and already started fantasizing a relationship with him, without him even doing anything to earn it?
Well if you have, I have too. When I was still naïve and before becoming a female player, I committed mistakes of not making a guy feel like he had to earn me and making it too easy for them. There were guys I really liked and was so eager to be in a relationship with that I felt like I didn’t need or want to put them through the challenge of courtship anymore. Even with good intentions of being a wonderful girlfriend, those guys still vanished despite showing interest and pursuing me early on.
I felt like I wanted them enough that I wanted to save them time and from the agonizing pain of courting me. I was scared that if they found me too challenging to woo, they might lose interest. Worse yet, they might find other girls they might be more attracted to than me.
In creating and building attraction the counter-intuitive opposite of it happens to be what we need to do.
You see, people often do not value what they didn’t work hard for or what is easily given to them, that is why it’s part of the attraction process to be a bit of a challenge. Make him invest just enough time, energy, attention, and emotions in you. But not too much that you risk him burning out or accusing you of playing too many games.
You must be able to make your guy feel that although you like him, he still has to work for you. You have to make him open up his vault of time, energy, attention and emotions and invest some time, energy, attention and emotional currency on you.
Men, like dogs, enjoy the chase. Do not deprive them of that enjoyment. Let them chase you, invest in you and earn you.
One of males’ biggest insecurity is that anybody could get you. This is why there are guys who disdain women who are “easy.” He wants to feel that he earned you, and he and only he could have done it.
Connect to him Emotionally
Emotional connection is that feeling that you can be with the person, do nothing other than stare at each other’s eyes and you can still enjoy the moment. My boyfriend and I sometimes spend days where we will just be locked in each other’s embrace in bed, kiss and stare into each other’s eyes. In those moments, it feels like nothing else matters. As if the world can freeze at that moment, and we wouldn’t have any care. That is the effect you will get when you are truly connecting emotionally.
Figure E. My boyfriend, twin flame, baby daddy, soulmate, love of my life DJ Daryoush Zandi, who is also the goalie of the Philippine National Futsal team and an entrepreneur, giving his autograph to a fan.
Figure D. my boyfriend&me at an event.
Another indication of real connection is when you and the other person sometimes finish each other’s sentences, or think of the same things at the same time, or suddenly sing the same song at the same time, or wear the same color shirt without talking about it, etc.
When you truly love the person, you can create emotional connection naturally. However, female players have a way to fake this through techniques where the guy can feel they have real emotional connection while the female player remains emotionally unattached, despite looking like she’s madly in love with him too.
Usually this is done by making the guy open up to you about his deeper emotions, needs, aspirations, fears, desires, his past mistakes, his past failures, his plans for the future, his childhood traumas and pains, and making him feel understood, accepted, and loved without judgement despite everything, and opening up the same about you to him. The more cunning female players would even take it a notch higher and fabricate stories about herself that matches his to have an even stronger emotional connection.
Make Him Feel Good
If you have to take just one thing away from this ebook, let it be this. Make him feel good. Do things that make him feel good. By doing this, his brain associates your presence with pleasure and in turn puts him in good emotional state. You appeal to that part of his brain that seeks and desires pleasure. This should be pretty self-explanatory. I mean, who doesn’t wanna feel good? And who doesn’t wanna be in the company of people who make them feel good?? Men who are in love get this pleasurable emotional state only from the women they are in love with.
Exert Effort in Working Out Differences Together
As we all have our unique individual gifts, strengths, personalities and value we bring to the table, we also have unique weaknesses, quirks, and differences. As we have things that we don’t like in ourselves, we will often find things that we may not like very much in the guys we like. Living happily ever after usually means consistently working out differences together ever after. Instead of imposing on your man to change the things that you don’t like about them, or putting him on a guilt trip to make him change them, we are better off identifying differences that we can live with and those that we really can’t live with and working together on how to either improve them or learn how to live with them together. This topic deserves a whole book of its own. So to sum it up, we must work on our differences from a place of understanding, acceptance, maturity, responsibility and LOVE, instead of judgement.
What happens when the equation lacks “Connect to him emotionally”?
Physical Attraction + Demonstrate Value + Make him Earn You + Make Him Feel Good + Exert Effort in Working Out Differences Together – Connect to him Emotionally = He just wants you for sex or he just wants you for the challenge or the chase. Or he just wants to be seen by society with you since he sees that you have value that indirectly adds to his by association when he’s seen out with you.
What happens when the equation lacks “Physical Attraction”?
Demonstrate Value + Make him Earn You + Connect to him Emotionally + Make Him Feel Good + Exert Effort in Working Out Differences Together – Physical Attraction = Welcome to the Friendzone.
What happens when the equation lacks “Make him Earn You”
Physical Attraction + Demonstrate Value – Make him Earn You + Connect to him Emotionally + Make Him Feel Good + Exert Effort in Working Out Differences Together = He will desire you sexually, he will feel you’re someone special that he can connect with at a deeper level, but if he feels he didn’t have to earn you, he might take you for granted or he might have doubts that anyone else can easily have you. He may have less respect for you.
What happens when the equation lacks “Demonstrate Value”?
Physical Attraction – Demonstrate Value + Make him Earn You + Connect to him Emotionally + Make Him Feel Good + Exert Effort in Working Out Differences Together = He will be attracted to you sexually and emotionally, but chances are he might seek values you don’t have that he desires in a partner from other people in the long run.
Why do Guys Stop Calling or Vanish After Sex?
I have many guy friends who’ve told me that most of the time, after successfully possessing and ravaging a girl in bed, they start losing interest and attraction. This happens for various reasons, such as when a woman has sex with a man before she is even able to successfully demonstrate her value to him that he only sees her sexual value. He only sees her as just a body he can have sex with and nothing else. He doesn’t see how else she can add value to his life. Oftentimes, people choose partners who add the best value to their lives. We choose the best options available to us at any given moment. Sometimes, whether it’s a conscious choice or not, it becomes a matter of “Value for Value.”
I’ve had guy friends tell me “Dude, that chic I banged last night was hella hot, but other than that, I have no other reason to want to be with her. We can’t even talk about anything. We have nothing in common at all.” By this time, my guy friends would already be plotting an escape plan. Sometimes, they’d keep in touch with the girls via SMS so that when there are nights when they feel like getting laid, they could call them, while all the time dodging conversations that may lead to the girl asking for a commitment.
This also happens when a woman fails to connect to him emotionally and make him feel emotions that he wants a romantic partner to make him feel, despite being able to demonstrate her value. My guy friends would go “Dude, she’s beautiful, smart, educated, well-bred, successful, but there’s just no magic, no chemistry. I just don’t feel for her that way.”
This can happen when during an interaction or dates, all the girl would do is talk about herself, her accomplishments, who she knows and what she wants, but fails to encourage him to talk about himself, what drives him, and make him open up about things that are intimate and important to him.
This can also happen when a guy feels that you just went on a date with him not because you are into him but only because you can’t wait to achieve an end, which is to have a boyfriend, any boyfriend. It doesn’t matter who or what. It doesn’t matter if it’s him or somebody else. One guy once told me about a girl he went out on a date with “She’s pretty and she seems like a good girl but I think she’s the type who just can’t wait to have a boyfriend, any boyfriend. It doesn’t matter if it’s me or whoever. She just has to have a boyfriend.” If a high value man feels from your conversations and body language that all you are trying to do is make him like you, see your girlfriend value, and try to strike a girlfriend-boyfriend deal with him, without trying to get to know him and what makes him special as a person, he may lose interest and attraction. Such neediness is a demonstration of low value.
When you are not able to demonstrate value and connect to him at a deeper emotional level, and he still pursues you, then the pursuit is only motivated by his curiosity of the mystery that is your body and the challenge. So once you give it up at this point, he loses interest and attraction as soon as he comes, because the challenge and the mystery are gone. Now all he can think of is how to effectively get you out of his sight, and relieve himself of guilt.
A guy who is super close to me even told me “When I have sex with girls whom I know I only want for sex, as soon as I come, all I can think about is “Shit, what did I do? How do I kick her out of my place?” Then he’d start giving her excuses why she has to leave. One of my guy friends said sometimes he’d tell the girls there was a ghost in his apartment so that they’d volunteer to leave.
The Human Male Design Defect and their Emotional Withdrawal Phase
Men’s emotional withdrawal phase is a phase when you’ve done everything right, you demonstrated value, he’s obviously physically attracted to you, you’ve successfully connected to him emotionally and made him feel good, you’ve made him earn you or chase you enough, and you seem to be working out your differences effectively, and he still withdraws emotionally or suddenly disappears or you see less of him or hear from him less.
Do not take this personally. You’ve done nothing wrong. This is just their[* human male design defect*]. For some reason, after they’ve spent an extended period of time with a girl, they just suddenly feel this emotional withdrawal phase.
I’ve asked my guy friends about this and they told me this really happens to them, and they’d even laugh at it sometimes realizing that this really happens to them. They’d be like “Yeah! Haha! (with winking emoji)”
But when I ask them what goes on your mind during this phase? And so far, none of them could answer what exactly goes in their minds during this phase. And this babygirl, is what has led me to believe that it’s just one of their Human Male Design Defects, along with other things like getting turned on by things that even remotely resemble boobs like 2 hamburgers that are next to each other. Lolz.
The only thing you can do at this point is again to come from a place of understanding, responsibility, maturity, acceptance and love as you give him space. This point is very critical. Whatever you do at this point can determine the direction of your relationship with the guy.
When I did not know about this before, I used to flip out, take it as a personal assault to my inner child and feel rejected all over again and would go on an all-out attack mode and revenge mode on the guy. I’d send him 1000 text messages asking him why he suddenly disappeared, and if I still didn’t hear from him or if I didn’t hear from him what I wanted to hear from him, I’d send him another thousand messages attacking him and his personalities and his apparent flaws and would make it a point to let him know how I was so much better than him or how I was so much better off without him. Then I’d flirt with his friends making sure he knew about it, etc.
However, if you’ve successfully endured this phase and just given him space that he needs, if the guy feels that your attraction, chemistry, connection, intentions and feelings are real, and that his life is truly better with you in it than without, and he’s emotionally and mentally ready to be in a loving and functional relationship, then after this emotional withdrawal phase, he will usually come to his senses and will woo you back into his life.
There are cases though where after this realization, the guys still won’t pursue the girl back, due to various reasons such as he’s not emotionally or mentally ready yet to be in a relationship with the great loving girl that you are. These guys often end up referring to this great girl as “The one that got away” when they’ve already matured and reached a point where they are already emotionally and mentally ready to be in a relationship.
A Sneak Peek Into Our Love Story
I met Daryoush in October 2006 at a club called Club V through a common friend. I had a crush on him at first sight. I was attracted to his looks, to the tone and timbre of his voice, to his smile, to the way he walked and moved. And he stirred something in me that at the time, I did not have an explanation for. He looked like a badboy/playboy type, but there was an endearing tenderness in his voice and nuances that got me intrigued with him. The contrast between his looks and demeanour was out of the usual pattern of what I was usually exposed to. His body language spoke of confidence and value that I desired at the time. Needless to say, he was in my radar all night.
By that time, I was already starting to gain some confidence although I still was still just a budding player, so I started talking to him and flirting with him a bit. I even asked him to watch my drink while I was dancing with other friends. Despite all my subtle flirting efforts, he still didn’t end up asking for my number, which up to now, I think was because he was into my friend who introduced us. He denies it up to now though. So at the time, I just let it go and just went on with my life.
On New Year’s Eve Party at a club called Embassy that same year, I ran into him again. He was with his best friend and I was with a bunch of friends. He was just staring at me from a few feet away while there were girls flirting and dancing with them. I thought he recognized me, and so I said hi to him. But I could read from his facial expression and body language that he didn’t recognize me from a couple of months ago and so that really made my female ego feel more challenged and at the same time intrigued, and a bit pissed with him. Haha! I mean, how could he not remember when I did?! How many other girls had he met since?! Wasn’t I special enough to be remembered?! These thoughts were running frantically in my head. What a rollercoaster of emotions he put me through!
And I thought, “That’s it. He’s just not that into me. Abandon mission. So what? Some will, some won’t, so what? NEXT!”
But then every time we were moving away from them like getting out of the R&B room, and going to the House/Trance main dance floor, and then back again to the R&B room, he and his best friend seemed to follow us and he’d just look at me from afar.
Finally I and my friends decided to leave the club. While we were waiting for our other friends, I saw him again just about 4-5 feet away staring at me with his phone in his hand. One of my friends even said “There they are again.”
For some mysterious reason, I took a few steps toward him and told him “We’re leaving. Here’s my number,” as I grabbed his phone and saved my name and number in it. But when I said this my tone or body language and facial expression were not flirty as my female ego had already been bruised that he wasn’t showing interest that I was expecting and hoping for. My tone was just neutral-bordering-annoyed. At the time I already accepted that “he just wasn’t that into me,” but at the same time I felt like I didn’t want to miss another chance to keep in touch with him.
He didn’t say anything, but I saw a half-naked blonde model on his phone. It was his phone’s wallpaper, which further confirmed my initial conclusion that he just wasn’t that into me.
Since I saw that, my very dim hope of keeping in touch with him was suddenly a balloon that had just slipped from my grip.
Needless to say, I didn’t expect for a call the next day.
And it was a brilliant move because if I did expect, I would just have been sorely disappointed.
It wasn’t after 3 days that I received a txt message from some random number. By this time, the thought of hearing from him was already classified in my mind as impossible and as a defence mechanism, I had already convinced myself that I didn’t want him anymore.
My number was with Globe telecoms and the random number was with Smart, a competitor network. I was like “Who’s this? I don’t text with Smart numbers.” Note that by this time, my game was not yet that of a sophisticated player’s. Lol.
So he told me who he was and that he was actually planning to change network. His next message was already from a Globe number. That caught me off guard again as it felt like he was giving me mixed signals. He didn’t ask for my number on two occasions, he only texted after 3 days as if I wasn’t top tier priority, but he apparently changed network so I’d text him back, or at least I wanted to think so.
And then he started texting funny song lyrics with some of the words replaced like instead of “because of you my life has changed” he texted “because of you my sim has changed,” and instead of “para sayo ang aban na’to,” from that Manny Pacquiao song, he texted “para sayo ang sim card na’to. Di ako susuko isisigaw ko sa mundo.” It cracked me up big time and I was totally on a whole ‘nother rollercoaster ride.
And then we decided to meet up over dinner and I was still undecided whether I still liked him or if I still disliked him. So I thought I wanted to punish him by bringing as many girl friends as possible to our dinner and making him pay for it. So that’s what I did, and fortunately for him, only 3 other girl friends from my call center job then joined me. I thought this would piss or turn him off so I could finally make a decision that I still disliked him.
Again I was surprised as he didn’t show any sign of being pissed off or turned off when I was expecting that. Instead, he just enjoyed himself, the night and our company. And he did pay for everything without complaining. Every time he was doing something I wasn’t expecting or was out of pattern, he’d play in my mind more, thus making my attraction for him stronger.
Our next meet up, which none of us were calling date, was at Starbucks. This time I was still not sure what I wanted to do with him, but I just felt like I still wanted to see him and just be in his company. I was still intrigued and he kept me feeling confused and challenged.
This time we already started talking about deeper stuff like he told me about the hardships he experienced in the Iranian military which was mandatory for 18 year old boys where he served for 22 months. And I suddenly could feel his pain as I had army training for about 2 months myself during high school. We talked about our childhood, our high school days, etc. We talked about our individual goals, our opinions about things like romantic relationships, etc. The feeling that we could share those things that were very personal to us without being judged, to each other even though we had just met, made us feel more connected at a deeper emotional level. We were sharing with each other not only our past experiences but also the emotions we had from them.
By the time I was sipping on the last drop of my dark mocha frappuccino, I was decided I wanted him and that he was someone special.
What to Do When A Guy You Want Breaks Up With You?
When Daryoush broke up with me, when I still had weak relationship game, I was deeply hurt, sad, angry and scared, but I no longer let that shatter my world. I instead immediately worked on developing my value as I moved on with my life. The road to moving on wasn’t without many bumps and mistakes. Nonetheless, I moved forward, got myself on the pages of FHM magazine, travelled out of the country, got modelling and VJ’ing jobs in Singapore, earned a professional license as a real estate broker, studied psychology of attraction, etc.
When I’d see him, I still demonstrated value and showed him partial affection, while at the same time making him feel that I wasn’t his(he had to earn me if he wanted me back) and I’d only see him on my terms. Not long after that, did he ask me to take him back.
When a guy breaks up with a girl, it is due to various reasons. It could be due to his own self-sabotaging patterns, or his not getting the relationship value he wants from you or he could be thinking what if he can do better, etc.
When a guy breaks up with you, and he’s 100% sure of that decision, what you can do is focus on developing your value and channelling the passions you had for him into other things that you are passionate about. Go get that career you’ve always wanted, take up that guitar lessons you’ve always wanted to take, start that business you’ve always wanted to build, take that MMA training you’ve always wanted to take, hit the gym and work on that fitness goal you’ve always wanted to achieve, travel to that exotic destination you’ve always wanted to travel to, etc.
Channel the energy of pain and anger you feel into something productive and creative that will add value to you. Spend time with other single girlfriends and meet interesting single guys together. Meeting men can be more fun when you have girlfriends to do it with, but it doesn’t mean that you should limit yourself to meeting men only when you are with your army of wing women.
And when you are pursuing something else that you are passionate about like a hobby or a career, then you will have something interesting and engaging to talk about when you go out on dates with new stocks of men.
When you run into your ex, instead of showing bitterness or desperately begging him back, demonstrate your newly upgraded value. Show him how much fulfilment and excitement these new activities are giving you. Engage him in a brief conversation where you can exchange updates of each other’s lives and where you can show him a bit of ambiguous affection, but be the one to eject from it as well. Dangle a sneak preview of your new and upgraded value and then take it away.
Whether he begs you back or not, you will have made yourself more valuable, thus able to attract higher value men. Sometimes, when you do all these, you may even find yourself no longer attracted to your ex as much as you used to because while he remained the same, you’ve become better.
If he does beg you back, and you still want him, then good. Take him back, but you have to make him work for it.
Figure F: DJ Daryoush Zandi at the Redbull Thre3style World DJ Championship.
Figure G: My boyfriend, me and the fruit of our love, Taylor in Boracay Island.
The Right Reason
First of all, when you commit to a relationship that you want to last, you must do it for the right reason, which is love. The value of love is something that we all share. You can commit to a relationship for other reasons like security or power, or money, or validation but after a while, those reasons are not as strong as love. Power, security, money, validation and the likes, are often the desires of our egos, whereas love is the desire of our souls. When you reach a certain level of self-awareness, you will realize that the achievement of the desires of your soul is stronger and will make you happier than that of your ego.
Anyways, what I will share with you in this topic will work best when you are in a relationship for the right reason.
And even if you are in the relationship just because it makes you feel secure to have a guy with you at the moment, or you think you need a guy at the moment, even though you are not sure if you really are in love with him, or even when you just want to play him or tool him, it will still work to get a guy addicted to you. And as this is very powerfully addictive, be very careful with whom you use them to.
Also, you can do these techniques more effortlessly when you truly love the guy, and not just faking it, unless you have intimacy and openness issues, which you have to work on by first identifying the root causes of these issues. Anyway, intimacy issues deserve a whole ‘nother book and discussion, and you can log on to getanyguyyouwant.com or amandacolingblog.com for coaching, updates and future projects such as that. .
Now back to these get-him-addicted-to-you techniques, I’ve done this to guys I wasn’t in love with, but needed at the time, before, and it worked.
They were addicted to me but to the point of one guy calling off a wedding I didn’t know he, his fiancée, and their families already had set and spent a dizzying amount of money for before I even met him, and him ending up pulling a gun on me and hitting me when I wanted to leave him, and to another guy choking me and illegally detaining me in his bedroom when I also wanted to leave him.
His Male ego vs Iphone6S Plus
Always remember that his male ego is more fragile than your iphone6s plus, handle it with lots of care. A lot of what he does and even his decisions whether to be in a relationship or not, or who to be in a relationship with, must agree with his ego to a great degree.
To get a guy addicted to you while in a relationship, treat him and communicate to him from a place of love, acceptance, deep understanding, forgiveness, respect, honesty, openness, and trust, and make him feel that his ego is safe with you. Do not do something that might threaten his ego, his fears and the things that are important to him.
Ask him about his childhood, his painful memories, his past mistakes, his failures, his victories, his happiest memories, his aspirations for the future, the things he values most, etc. Ask him why he does what he does. Show him that you see all of this from a place of understanding, acceptance and admiration, not from a place of judgement.
Make him feel like nobody accepts and understands him better and deeper than you. Make him feel like you don’t want anybody else. Make him feel like he’s the best and that what his exes did to hurt him in the past, you would never do. Anyway, whatever he does, he does because he thinks they are right or because that is what makes him feel secure.
When he offers you something, accept it, to make him feel significant. If he offers you a ride, even if he drives a Honda and you drive a Lamborghini, take it and show sincere appreciation for it. If he offers to carry your bag, even if you are a powerlifting champion, let him carry your bag and show him genuine appreciation. If he offers to pay for your dinner date even if you’re a gazilionaire and he’s from a working class who makes a lot less money than you, freakkin let him pay for it, and thank him for it.
Men like to feel that they are significant in your life. It appeals to his primal desire to protect and provide. Men’s ego cannot stand being with a woman whom he feels useless for or makes him feel useless.
Do not give him something to rebel against or feel more insecure about. Everybody has insecurity, you, me, and your man too. Be attuned to his insecurity, desires, values, fears, motives, and needs.
For example, if he is a guy who highly values and desires his freedom, let him have a healthy amount of “boys’ night outs.” Negotiate having your own healthy amount of “girls’ night outs” as well.
If he is a guy who highly values his power and reputation, make sure you do not do anything that will compromise them, like storming into his office to cause a kerfuffle about his ex-girlfriend calling you or you finding a flirty text message on his phone from his secretary, or screaming at him in front of his friends, thus embarrassing him. This is something you can discuss calmly just between the two of you.
If he easily feels insecure when you look at other guys who might just be passing by but look attractive, have the willpower not to even glance, and we women are better at this than guys are.
Men get more visually excited especially by other women who are wearing sexy clothes, whether they are more attractive than you, as attractive than you, or less attractive than you.
If he does look at other women when you are together, do not pick a fight or revenge or punish him by looking at other men as well. Don’t let this make you feel threatened or anger you because this doesn’t mean he wants you less.
To a man, nobody is more attractive than the woman he loves and who loves, understands and connects to him in a deeper level, and strokes his ego to a healthy extent.
Formula for Effectively Communicating Feedback
Men are just hard-wired to “sperminate” every woman in sight. When he looks at other women, it’s just the automatic untamed response of his primal male mind to want to spread their seeds. Just honestly and openly communicate to him that when he does this, it makes you feel upset. Say it in a soft vulnerable classy feminine tone, not an imposing, angry or resentful tone.
By training him, he will soon be better skilled at not looking, at least when you are around. Phrase it like this:
“Honey, when you look at other girls, specially when I’m around, I feel upset(or sad or unloved). I would love for you to refrain from doing that when I’m around. Will you do that, my love?”
[*[_ Endearment+ I feel…+ When you…+ I would love for you to…+ Will you do that + Endearment or Compliment _] *]
Instead of nagging and attacking his character “You always look at other girls when we’re together! You’re a freakkin’ pervert! You’re very disrespectful of me!” Let him know that it’s just his action that you are upset about and not him.
When he agrees to comply, show him appreciation by saying “Thank you my love, that’s so understanding of you. I knew I made the right choice when I chose you.” and showing affection like by kissing him on the lips or cheeks or hugging him. This way, you are able to communicate your disappointment and what you want to happen to resolve it, without withdrawal of love. This will make him feel that your love for him is not dependent on external factors like whether he does something you like or not. You also will have trained him that when he agrees to doing what you like, he gets appreciation, compliment and affection.
No man in love would ever want to be the cause of his woman’s sadness or feeling of being unloved. In the past, when I still felt insecure and couldn’t handle my emotions like I do now, I’d told guys who were in love with me “I think you don’t love me!” and they cried. They told me it hurt them to hear me say that. And because they thought they were doing everything to communicate their love to me, and I still didn’t feel loved, it made them feel like they were helpless, stuck and didn’t know what to do anymore that they just cried it out.
Furthermore, never flirt with his friends. Be friendly to them to a point that they trust you and root for you as his girlfriend and to a point where they’d wish they’d have girlfriends like you. When his friends and family root for you, it further endears you to him.
Have fun and creatively come up with your own lines using this formula.
[* Vitamin A, C and S Daily*]
Vitamin Affection, Compliments and Sex. Be generous with showing affection through kind words, warm smiles, compliments and loving physical contacts like kissing specially with your hands around his nape or his torso, making the kissing more intimate, or tight hugs with a naughty smile on your face hinting at sexy time, and caressing his chest, and lots of sex.
Generally, men validate themselves through sex. Give him that validation. Since one of his insecurity is to think that anybody can have you, make him feel that you want him sexually because of everything that he is, his looks, his mind, his mistakes, his wisdom, his values, not just because you are desperate for just any man to be in your life.
Say “I love you, babe(or whatever endearment)” to him everyday or more often, and actually mean it. It is best done with a complimentary hug or kiss.
Most men specially love hearing compliments while having sex. When you say things like “You’re amazing” or “You’re great” or “Baby, you’re so sexy” or “Honey, you’re so turning me on” while he is inside you, his brain associates the pleasurable sexual feeling of being inside you and the ego-stroking pleasure of those compliments with your voice, your body and your presence, thus making you an addictive human drug.
Ever heard of the phrase “Everybody has an addiction. Mine happens to be you.” Whoever said it, has been with a girl who did all these to him.
Speak his Love Language
All of us speak a certain love language. Love language is our own special ways in which we show our love and wish to receive love. People’s love languages, include, but are not limited to gifts, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service or devotion.
Those whose primary love language is gifts will often show love and wish to receive love through gifts. I am one of those people. I feel loved, important, special and cared about when someone gives me gifts. When I love someone, I also delight in giving them love and making them feel special through giving them gifts. Although I also like receiving love through the four other love languages.
If your man’s love language is gifts, he will often give you gifts during special occasions like your birthday or Valentines day or even on days without occasion and he’s just in the mood to show love. To speak his love language, do the same for him and give him gifts. It doesn’t have to be super expensive. It can just be something inexpensive that he can use like boxers or perfume. If you are feeling generous and you don’t need to con Bill Gates to afford it, it’s nice to get him something pricey that he wants sometimes too.
If your man’s primary love language is quality time, to show you they love you, they will spend quality time with you and give you their undivided attention. To make sure he doesn’t feel deprived of love, give him your undivided attention and spend quality time with him as well.
If your man’s primary love language is words of affirmation, constantly show him love by telling him words of appreciation like “Thank you” or “I love you” or “That’s so sweet of you, darling”. Failing to do this can make him feel unloved, and unappreciated.
If his main love language is touch, it will greatly improve your relationship if you will constantly touch his hand, his face, his hair, his arms, etc or kiss him or hug him.
If his love language is acts of service, you can communicate love to him by cooking for him or volunteering to water his plants or feeding his dog or picking him up from the airport or washing the dishes, etc. In my opinion, the ultimate act of service is carrying his children in your womb for 9 months and raising them.
Conflicts arise when a couple have different primary love languages and they are not aware of this.
A guy who has a love language of gifts who have a girlfriend whose love language is quality time, may think he’s making her feel loved by lavishing her with gifts while she’s feeling unloved because he hardly spends time with her and when he does, he just watches TV or plays Xbox One. And then he can feel unappreciated when she doesn’t seem to be happy about receiving his gifts.
A woman who has a primary love language of words of affirmation who has a husband whose love language is acts of service may feel unloved when he doesn’t verbalize his love for her although he thinks he is showing her love by working to support the family financially and by throwing the garbage out, driving for her, etc.
It is very important to be aware of your own love language and your man’s. When you are aware of both of your love languages, you can communicate love to each other more effectively, and this is the stuff of a blissful and lasting romantic relationship.
“What you are aware of, you are in control of. What you are not aware of, is in control of you.” –Anthony de Mello
To make sure I’m speaking my man’s love language, and making him feel loved always, I speak all 5 primary love languages constantly. I surprise him with gifts, I spend quality time with him, I give him loving touches, kisses, and hugs lavishly, I show him appreciation and love through affectionate words and sincere compliments, I show acts of service by sometimes cooking for him or washing the dishes, etc.
By doing all these, I have lead him and trained him into doing the same for me. I will discuss this further in Go-First Principle and Everything but Potty Training.
Into the Wild
Constantly try something new together that’s within your date budget, such as taking a hike, going to the beach, going wall climbing, riding rollercoaster, or even watching a new movie. Do set aside date budget and it must be a budget that none of you end up resenting the other for. I have a guy friend who spent more than he could afford on dates because he felt like it was his obligation and he didn’t want to be judged on his spending capabilities, and didn’t communicate to his girlfriend that their dates were causing a dent as big as a bus on his pocket. Due to all these, he ended up resenting her and the relationship, and breaking up with her, despite the fact that the girl is a well-educated, well-travelled, well-dressed, and well-bred professional who has a face that can launch a thousand Facebook likes every time she posts a photo of her.
When you are both in an environment that’s outside of your usual comfort zones, you both feel exciting new feelings and if you are with each other when you feel those feelings, your brains associate those exciting new feelings with the presence of each other, thus, making your bond deeper, more intimate and more special.
And to a man, there is no woman more attractive than the one whom he loves, can entrust his ego to, and has deeper and more intimate bond with. Not even Angelina Jolie or Maegan Fox.
When you imagine it, how good does it feel to know that to a man’s eyes, you look more attractive than any Victoria’s Secret Angels?
Anything but Potty Training
Men have it in their DNA to want to protect, provide and please you. Make sure you appeal to that part of his male psyche. To reinforce that further, every time he does something that pleases you, reward him with a smile and compliments or affection or loving touches or even little gifts or favours, like cooking for him, or buying him an inexpensive shirt, or whatever appeals to his love language.
In Psychology, it’s called positive reinforcement. His deeds that get rewarded, he tends to want to keep on doing, because it makes him feel good.
For example, if he volunteers to cook, reward him with a compliment and a kiss and say “Look at you! A man who can cook is the sexiest!”
This way, he feels rewarded and appreciated. Everybody likes being appreciated. If you do this, you can expect him to cook for you more often.
Another example is if you want him to take care of his health and physical appearance more, you can tell him “Oh my, babe, your strong arm muscles really turn me on,” and for more dramatic effect, you can touch his arms while at it. If you do this, you can expect him to work out more of his arm muscles and the rest of his body.
One of my female player friends once told me “Men are like dogs, you must train them. If you want him to buy you something expensive, buy him something a little bit less expensive. Their egos will want to compete with that and buy you something more expensive.”
That weekend, she bought 1 of her boyfriends a Mont Blanc luxury pen worth more than SGD$400. The next day he bought her an old rose pink Gucci bag worth around SGD$1000. Needless to say, she rewarded him with a big smile, loving hug, and a longing hot kiss, with twinkling eyes.
She must have probably given him great sex that night too.
Another technique she used here is the[* Go-First Principle*].
Go first principle means giving value first, and receiving value as an effect. Most normal people are conditioned to reciprocate favour when somebody gives them one. When your friend buys you a gift for Christmas or does you favour, chances are you feel an urge to want to give value back one way or another.
It also means leading your man to do something by doing it first, without having to impose it on him. Imposing rules, specially in a not so nice tone, can cause friction, resistance and resentment. Resentments that build up to a certain degree is like rust that will eventually cause your relationship to break up.
Go-first principle can be as simple as giving compliments or affectionate words first, to train him to be comfortable with giving you compliments and affectionate words. Or it can be giving him gifts first to train him to give you gifts. It can mean spending quality time with him first to train him to doing the same for you. You can also use it to train him to be more generous with giving you affectionate touches by doing it first to him. You can also use it to train him to do you favours or acts of service by volunteering to do favours or acts of service for him first, like by ironing his shirt if you want him to wash your car, etc.
My boyfriend used to be uncomfortable with saying “I love you” or expressing his love through words. He used to be even uncomfortable saying it to his parents or sister. Through the use of Go-first principle, I have led and trained him to be comfortable saying it without imposing to him that he must tell me “I love you.” I simply led him by doing it first. I kept telling him I loved him and not long after, he started becoming comfortable saying it to me to a point where he’d even write “I love you, babylove…” notes on my Facebook timeline, making all my non-player girlfriends and his ex-flings think I made him drink some voodooish love potion. Haha! The only love spell I’ve cast on him are these transmuted female player techniques and secrets I’m sharing with you in this book.
Even people in business use this go-first principle. When businesspeople wants to negotiate something with another party, they give that party VIP treatment during the negotiation, to increase the chance of the other party giving that favour back by signing the deal with them. When I was working as a model, I and my colleagues would often get invited to parties where some business deals were being made. I’ve seen how the people trying to influence the business decision of the other group would give them VIP treatment.
This is normally the case in regular situations. For a hardcore, female player, the rules change a bit. And then again that’s a topic that deserves another book. So watch out for updates on getanyguyyouwant.com and amandacolingblog.com.
If Love were a Battlefield
Society puts a lot of pressure on men to be successful or reach certain achievement. For a relationship to last, you must commit to supporting your man’s passions and in achieving his goals. See the seed of greatness in your man. Challenge or encourage him to grow and be the best version of himself.
Some women make the fatal mistake of undermining and not caring about their men’s goals and passions, thus making the men resentful of them.
Remember that his glory is yours, and yours is his. Be his best teammate-cum-cheerleader.
Volunteer to watch some of his soccer games whether he’s pro athlete or not. My boyfriend plays as a goalie of the Philippine National Futsal team and I make it a point that I sometimes watch him at practice or tournament even though I really couldn’t care less about watching futsal or football. I also sometimes support when he has DJ gigs. I have other priorities as well so I can’t be there for him all the time, but I make it a point that I do show support to the things that matter to him.
Be sensitive to the things that are important to him, even though from your perspective, they may not be important(like duh, football!).When something is important to him, make him feel that you care about his feelings about it. By doing this, you are tapping into something deep and very intimate in him. This is one of the most powerful tactics that will greatly endear you to him.
If love were a battlefield, you must fight in the same team, not against each other. He’s got your back, you got his. Your loyalty must be to you and him first, before everybody else.
The Soulmate Gambit
When you are in a soulmate relationship, it feels so natural and real to tell your partner things like “It feels right being with you.” Or “I think you’re the one. You make me feel things nobody else can make me feel.” Or “I’ve dated other guys before but I couldn’t feel for them how I feel for you.” Or “I love you. I can feel it in my gut, don’t you feel it in your gut too?” or “I feel like I’ve loved you many lifetimes before. There was just this feeling or inner knowing that you were going to be someone special when we first met.”
These are things I’ve actually told my boyfriend not because I wanted to trick him into thinking that we were soulmates, but because I really felt all these things. Since I started meditating, I’ve been in touch more with this inner voice and all these deeper feelings. When you say things like this to a man, it makes him feel secure that your love for him is true and is not dependent on whatever external factors like his looks, his properties, his strength, his status, his money and the things he buys for you with it, his job or anything else that he can lose anytime. It gives him the security that you love him for him, and for his soul, his essence, and for who he is inside. It makes the man feel that your love transcends the shallow and impermanent physical.
In The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, there’s a chapter entitled “Use Spiritual Lures,” It says that the best seducers in history would use such tactics of making the person they wanted to seduce believe in the sublime or spiritual. Sublime and spiritual can be something like a soulmate relationship.
I suggest you start meditating so that you’d be in touch with your own inner voice or internal navigator or intuition and feelings as well. In Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God book, he says that “Feeling is the language of the soul.”
“…hidden in your deepest feelings is your highest truth.”
—Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God
But as a female player, you can actually use such lines as a Soulmate Gambit or to make a guy believe you are soulmates, even if you really are not, and he is just somehow attracted to you.
Do this only when you’ve already established enough emotional connection, and when he’s already showing enough attraction, like when he keeps calling you and seeing you and when he complies to many, if not all, of your requests. His complying to your requests is a sign of a higher buying signal, a signal that he’s buying into the idea of making you or keeping you as a romantic partner.
If you do this when his buying temperature is still low, he might think you’re weird. So do this only when there’s enough buying signal or when he’s at a point where he kinda likes being around you but is not yet 100% sure whether entrusting his heart and committing to you is a better option for him at that moment than staying single or not.
By successfully doing this, you would have entered his spirit, and you would have led him to love you for your soul or essence too, independent of what you have externally(a technique that’s also discussed in more details in an earlier sub-chapter called Go-First Principle).
Be Nutela-ladened Pizzammmaaazzziiinnng in Bed
This simply means be great in bed. And to be great in bed, you don’t have to memorize all the back-breaking sexual positions made popular by Kama Sutra. There are a number of ways you can be nutela-ladened pizzamaaazzziiinnnggg in bed like by enjoying yourself during sex, being comfortable with your body and your nakedness, and by not making a fuss about the body parts that you feel insecure about.
If you feel insecure about a body part like belly bulges, or flabby arms, work them out to make them better. After all, this book is all for turning you into the best version of yourself. If it’s something that cannot be improved on or changed without surgery like an 11th finger or a 3rd nipple, or flat chests, and you don’t feel like undergoing surgery, then learn to love them and utilize them the best way you can or ignore them, but don’t make a fuss about them in the middle of having sex. Doing so is like eating chocolate and having to spit it out to make a fuss about its sweetness or bitterness or richness or lack thereof, and putting it back in your mouth.
To a man in love, there is no woman more attractive than his beloved. When a man is in love with you, he can look past these shallow physical imperfections. He can even see them as something that makes you beautifully unique.
As important as not making a fuss and being over-critical and judgemental of your own body, is being not judgemental of your man’s body or penis size or shape as well. If you have a habit of being too critical, at least keep your criticisms in your head while having sex and just enjoy what your man has to offer.
If there are parts of his body that you want him to improve, you can use the script in the Bonus part of this book or the scripts for giving feedback discussed earlier to inspire him to make that change, but do it outside of your sexy session. If he has body parts that cannot be changed without surgery and he doesn’t want to go through surgery, like protruding bones that look like horns or tail, learn to love them or ignore them, but do not criticize them and consequently threaten his feeling of security of being around you.
If you start feeling some hair-pulling, lip-biting and toe-twisting sensations while he’s thrusting inside you, savour these feelings and honestly let your mouth speak your body’s truth to him. You can say it loudly or softly or a combination of both. Do not deprive your man of the pleasure of hearing that he is able to please you in bed. Let him know that what he’s doing is turning you on and that you’re loving it. Men feel good when they know they are able to please their women in bed. This is a win-win because you get what makes you feel good and he gets what makes him feel good.
Use the “oooohhhhsss…,” the “aaaaaahhhhhssss….,” the “you’re amazing,” the “harder,” the “slower,” the “right there,” and the “I like it,” generously. Uninhibitedly communicate to him your body’s truth.
There are many other ways you can be amazeball in bed and that topic deserves a book of its own.
This part should not be ignored nor given less importance than the other techniques because sex can sometimes make or break a relationship. I’ve met men who broke up with their girlfriends or wives just because the women were not fun in bed. I’ve also met men who’ve stuck with crazy bitches just because they’re nutela-ladened pizzammmaaazzziiinng in bed.
Conclusion: Have Fun with the Process, and Have Faith in the Outcome
Honestly, it takes time, energy, attention and lots of practice to master these techniques. And the best time to do all these is during the first time you saw a guy you liked. The next best time to do them is right NOW. And you don’t have to be perfect or great at these techniques to start them, but you have to start to do them to be great at them. Begin now. And the more you practice them, the more competent and confident you will become. Competence and confidence are sharpened through practice. Techniques only work when you work them.
Until you have a strong sense of yourself and what you truly want, just enjoy the men that will come along and practice the techniques you learned here, so that when The One comes along, you will have mastered these techniques, and you will have had fun and enjoyed the in-betweeners, the Mr. Right Nows, the Mr. I Hope Nobody Finds Out, the Mr. What Was I Thinking, etc.
In the end, whatever happens to these men whether you end up with them or not, you will have gained valuable insights and experiences that would enrich the stories you will later tell your future grandkids.
“Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it’s everything in between that makes it all worth living.”
– Sandra Bullock, Hope Floats
In a way, dating and mancandy-hunting is an adventure that can be likened to travelling or experimenting with new food or things. It gives you new unique experiences every time.
So if you can’t afford travelling to exotic places all the time, you can date and mancandy-hunt. When you become good at these techniques, it’s highly likely that a feisty man will take you on an all-expense-paid trip to those exotic places, or charm one into doing so.
There was a phase in my player life when I used to move from one island to another every couple of days via chopper. There were also times when after speaking with a guy in less than half an hour, the guy would already start asking me to marry them. One of my female player friends already received at least 3 diamond engagement rings.
These techniques can only give us a competitive advantage in how we deal with our dating and romantic lives, and the roller coaster of emotions they entail, but there is no technique that can control the timing of when The One for us will cross our path. We can only control how we are going to react to whatever or whoever is in our path right now.
And even though you’ve mastered all techniques and look like a Scarlett Johansson-Natalie Portman hybrid, you still will not be able to make ALL men fall in love with you. Even the aforementioned goddesses-of-a-woman still have men who don’t find them attractive. Sometimes this is also due to you unconsciously not having a strong enough intention to make some men fall in love with you because deep down, where your highest truth is found, you know that The One is still out there. Nonetheless, using these techniques can get any guy addicted to you and you will definitely be able to make many men fall in love with you and most men attracted to you.
Just imagine how fun it is going to be when men that seem to be out of your league or men that never used to pay you attention start looking at you with desire, start calling you, asking you out, treating you better and giving you what you ask from them.
Imagine how magical it is going to be when you go out on dates with men who are your first choice. Not your second choice, not your third choice, and not the ones you just learned to like because they were the ones who were available and paid you attention, but the ones you actually choose. The ones who actually stir deep inexplicable emotions in you.
See, sometimes God(or that magical mystery force, if you don’t believe in God) tests us with trials and heartbreaks in order to polish the rough edges of our characters first in order to groom us and further prepare us for The One. What you can do is to remain patient and faithful. Patience truly is a virtue. Only God(or that magical mystery force, if you don’t believe in God) decides when to magically send The One your way.
You can only pray for him, visualize him, set out an intention to meet him, and have faith that someday, he will come.
And he will come. And when you proactively seek him, you help expedite his coming. And when you knock or approach or flirt, he will be open to you.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”-Matthew 7:7, The Bible
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” – Mark 11:24,The Bible
And you want to be ready and be your most fabulous self and possess these competitive advantages, when he does come. I truly believe there’s somebody for everybody. I’ve met and gone out with so many men—rich, poor, demigod-looking, below average-looking, genius, semi-retarded, with various skin colors, races, languages, socio-economic, educational and religious background – but for some mysterious and illogical reason, I couldn’t feel for anybody else what I feel for my The One. It’s just really different. And It’s so strong that it’s not easy to feign even for the most seasoned players, both males and females, I know. Even one of the best female players I know have 5 boyfriends at any given time plus many other flings on the side, but she has a The One who got away. He caught her dating other men while they were together multiple times and he’d had enough. She still cries about him up to now.
When I say patience, it does not mean being passively waiting. It means proactively taking actions on your goals, while being patient for that great result. Many magical things happen while you are proactively taking action. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back — concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.“ –William Hutchison Murray
Furthermore, we must be more in control of our emotions, rather than letting our emotions control us. We must learn to see the fun, enjoy and be thankful for every dating experience whether they end up being a casual fling, a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, heartbreak, marriage, or us being played. We must focus our energy on consciously and consistently striving to be the best versions of ourselves, and the best versions of ourselves have great social skills and a mad attracting, dating, mancandy-hunting and soumate-catching game!
The best version of you is whole and commit to a relationship to add value to the other person, who in turn, adds value to you, instead of someone who is desperate to be with a man whom you expect to fill a man-shaped void in you.
When your energy is vibrating in the frequency of forgiveness, thankfulness and unconditional love despite being played or some dates or relationships not working out the way you have hoped them to, the more God(or that magical mystery force, if you don’t believe in God) sees your readiness for The One and the closer you will get to attracting him into your life.
Compliment+Affection+Request+What’s in it for him
“Hey handsome(Compliment) *put your arms around his neck, smile and lovingly look him in the eyes(Affection)*, would you like to check out that new Thai restaurant at Greenbelt(Request)? I heard they have mouth-watering Spinach Raviolli and spinach is really good for your muscles(What’s in it for him).
“Hey sexy(Compliment) *caress his abs, smile and lovingly look him in the eyes (Affection), what do you think of taking a quick trip to Bali (Request)? It’s the long weekend, and a nice tan would look even sexier on you(What’s in it for him).
“Hey genius(Compliment), *run your finger through his thigh(best done when you’re both in a sitting position), look him from one eye to the other eye and then slowly shift your gaze to his lips(Affection)*, Have you been to that wakeboard park in Nuvali? My friend went with her boyfriend last weekend(Social-proof the place or activity to give it more perceived value) Would you like to try it?(Request) *smile with excitement(Some more Affection)* Wouldn’t you like to gain that new skill(What’s in it for him)??
Have fun and creatively come up with your own scripts using this formula.
“Everything Popular is Wrong” – Oscar Wilde
The Danger of the Popular Idea of “The One”
Although I’ve been referring to my boyfriend as my “The One,” I personally do not buy the idea that there is only one “The One.” Although it has deluded me for years, I’ve recently realised that since there are billions of people on Earth, I find it more comforting and empowering to believe that there can be many “The One.”
Because what if your one “The One” doesn’t want you or is somehow not available, or married or is a psychopath, or if after a while you find that you have irreconcilable differences, like if he’s a vampire or merman, will you let that “One The One” belief limit your romantic life and be in an unhappy or dysfunctional relationship? Or would you rather have the courage to start over? I’d rather do the latter. Personally, I find it more empowering to believe that there can be many “The Ones” and that you can make anybody, whom you see some kind of potential or relationship-material value in, be “The One.” Your romantic relationship is what you make it. So if any time in the future my boyfriend aka “The One” shows signs of being a werewolf, I’d know what to do and one of it would be to revisit this ebook. Hehe.
Debunking Popular Myths
Let me start by debunking popular Myth #1: You cannot find true love in the (night)club.
People, there is no truth to this at all. This is an example of what the personality development industry people call a “limiting belief.” Beliefs are not necessarily facts, but a lot of people often tend to treat them as they are.
I met my long-term boyfriend-cum-twinflame-cum-soulmate in a nightclub called Club V almost 10 years ago. One of his closest homeboys met his beautiful wife in the club around 7 years ago as well. Many of our other clubbing acquaintances who are now either married to each other, or in long-term romantic relationships or in a blooming new relationship also met in clubs. These examples are way too many to just be deduced as the exceptions to the rule.
Love in the club is now the rule, if you want it and allow it to be, just like almost everything else in life.
In fact, clubs are great places to find true lasting love in.
What made me say that aside from the fact that I’ve experienced and witnessed it first-hand? It’s because a lot of people are motivated to go to the club to find someone to pair-bond with, whether they know this consciously or unconsciously.
Humans are pair-bonding creatures, biologically. I mean imagine if our ancestors, since they didn’t have Tinder and things like that at the time, didn’t instinctively know how or want to pair-bond, we wouldn’t be here, and therefore your neighbour’s best friend Tinder wouldn’t be here either, would it?
Spiritually-speaking, we all like to have someone we can energetically and emotionally connect with, whether we know this consciously or unconsciously. All of us do, with maybe the exception of psychopaths who have some chemical imbalance in their brains.
Just the fact that people herd to the club, already makes it a great place to find true love in, because of the numbers. I mean, just do the math. Just like lottery or raffles, the more entries you send, the more chances of getting picked and winning.
Statistically speaking, the more people that you are with, in any particular area like the club for example, the more chances of you meeting someone, and the more you meet someone, the more chances of you talking to someone, and the more you talk to someone, the more chances of you connecting emotionally and more deeply with someone, and when you truly will just take the time and effort to get to know someone, you will find out that almost anyone can be lovable and have the possibility to love the very lovable you back as well, whether you already know that you are very lovable now or not yet .
And if that is the case, why are people so scared to take those chances?
I have worked in bottle service in upscale clubs before and it baffled me how guys would ask me “Is there a way you could move us to a table near girls?” and a group of girls would ask me “Could you move us to a table where there are a lot of guys(nearby)?” and they’d keep ogling each other all night and yet very few of them would actually make the move and talk to each other.
What stops people from talking to and meeting other people in clubs when that was the main reason they went there in the first place?
What is the number 1 reason why some Love found in the clubs, or anywhere for that matter, don’t last???
Is a great love life reserved only for attractive people?
Why do we often find Facebook statuses of attractive people complaining about not having someone special to celebrate Valentine’s day with?
The answers to that, you will find in my book, audio, video and next blog posts.
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First, thank you God for this gift of life and for the many wonderful experiences it entails. Although some of them could be more than nerve-wracking at times, they manage to still turn out wonderful and beautiful, like that one time during my first trimester inside my mother’s womb when I had to battle some purported abortive potion bought in “Quiapo” from Dr. Quack Quack. I didn’t understand why many things had to be the way they had to be before but now that I have grown spiritually, I don’t think I would have wanted it any other way.
Thank you mom for raising me the best way you thought you could, despite disappointing you since the first trimester of being inside you, and again when you wanted me to pursue a career in being a fast-food chain crew after high school, but instead I took a DOST scholarship to go to college. I hope it makes total sense now that I refused to be aborted then. Thank you for the kiddie comic books you used to buy for me, which developed my love for reading and writing.
Thank you Taylor for being the reason my life started having a better direction.
Thank you DJ Daryoush Zandi for believing I can do this and for always encouraging me and special shout out to your DJ band BangHous3!!!
Big thanks to my older half-siblings, Kuya John, Ate Anna, and Gigi, for helping mom raise me. I really enjoyed those times you guys were giving me piggyback rides—the perks of being my mom’s youngest child, although I am my dad’s eldest child, and both my parents’ only child. Special thanks to my ate Gigi for all the English pocket books she used to buy and read, which she would only let me read after she was done with them, which further developed my passion for books.
Thank you to my elementary school teachers who used to send me and coach me to compete with students from other schools in Math, Science and specially Feature Writing contests. That has helped me learn adaptability and flexibility and thought me that, “you win some, you lose some, and it’s ok.” It has also helped confirm that I could somehow write. I will always be one of your teaching and coaching legacies, and I hope to be a good one. On that note, I’d like to thank all other teachers and professors as well. You are truly doing a noble job. I hope the next presidents ensure that y’ahllz get paid so much more.
Thank you to my half-siblings’ dad, Manny, for the financial support in raising me although you were not aware of it. Lolz. I’m sorry I had to dodge you and hide from you all the time as that was my unwritten instructions manual on how to live in that apartment you were paying for. And no it’s not Manny Pacquiao as he wouldn’t be old enough to be my brother’s father.
Thank you dad for contributing your genes to mom’s that turned out to be voila… me, and for the short time we got to spend together during my 2-week holiday in Mindoro. By the way, you and mom still have a lot of talking to do as her side of the story does not match your side of the story of how I came to be.
To my younger half-brother-turned-half-sister Elvin aka Mandy, grazie for that one time you helped me out with something. Sai di cosa sto parlando.
Thank you to my childhood neighbors, playmates and friends, some of them good, some bully and evil. You have all helped shape my childhood into the bipolar state that it was. Thank you for the horror, drama, comedy, and Sexing Tapusan graphic comics I’d find laying around your houses, which further shaped my special mental world made of words.
Thank you to my highschool classmates and friends and some of their parents who introduced me to drinking alcohol and Gin-pom.
Thank you to Mags, whom I met at our 7am Italian 10 language elective class, and her School of Economics and College of Business Ad friends, who introduced me to partying. RIP, bru! You will always be remembered.
Thank you to my university friends—Physics friends, DOST friends, LIS friends, UP Haribon friends-- for the challenging but fun years.
Thank you Nicole for convincing me to take my first boat ride and plane ride ever, despite my boat phobia and plane phobia, and for introducing me to Boracay Island. I’d like to write about what happened there but they say “What happens in Bora, stays in Bora.”
Thank you Apple, Lala, Kristine and Irene for introducing me to the wonderful world of Embassy, the hottest club in Manila at the time, where the hottest dudes and girls in Manila would go to party.
Thank you Sheryn, my master sensei-cum-bff-cum-partner-in-crime, and other local model girls I’ve worked with for some magazines and TV shows, for both directly and indirectly teaching me the game. You girls are freakkin’ naturals and freakkin’ awesome! Those were great fun times.
Same goes for you Sunnyrose, Andy, Martin, Nina, Lyn, Mike, Mado, Carlo, Renan, Ron, Diana, Leigh, Sam thank you for the fun times.
Thank you Roszela for being an inspiration and giving me encouragement.
Thank you to the best graphic artist in the whole wide multiverse Joseff James.
Thank you to the Pick Up Artists and Hypnotists community in Manila, specially 7th Prime and Doc Strix, Jack, Marco, Ryu, Gruen, Nomer, who have led me to further dig into the rabbit hole that is The Game and human nature, and Amira for the endless PUA talks.
Awesome ASS thanks to my internet marketing coach Dexter Paglinawan, co-author of Awesome ASS, for guiding me in my yet again new adventure.
Big thanks to the ones who have helped shaped and nurture my spiritual growth KMCE, PSI seminars, John Calub and John Calub Training Inc., George Sison and the Temple of Prayer, Peace and Prosperity.
Thank you to my inspiration and influences, such as international best-selling author, the master Sydney Sheldon, whose works took me to whole new worlds and greatly inspired me to want to write someday, international best-selling author Neil Strauss whose smug way of writing I like to model, international best-selling author Tim Ferris whose book convinced me to finally resign from employment, and Robert Greene, another great international best-selling author who continues to inspire me, and whose works I really admire. I’m not a big fan of history as taught in a classroom setting, but the way Robert writes about them has this seductive power over me.
Thank you to the inspirational words from Steve Jobs, and to Richard Branson, Sarah Blakely, J.K. Rowling, Jack Canfield, Rhonda Byrne, Brendon Burchard and many other trailblazers for sharing your gifts and being a constant inspiration to the rest of us.
Lastly, thank you to all the men I’ve liked, hurt, liked, played, dated, led on, flirted with, conned, left and to the ones who’ve done the same to me. You all are instrumental to the creation of this book.
If there’s anybody else I missed, thank you. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
Hi this is Wynnel aka Amanda Coling. Once upon a time, I got enmeshed in the dizzying media circus that a national scandal wrought havoc my life as a glamour model with.
Since then, I have been proactively seeking ways on how to improve my mind, character and life so I can serve myself, others, and the world better, such as through attending personality development seminars like PSI Seminars, John Calub Training Inc, Dexter Paglinawan’s Purpose-Guided Expert Program, reading self-help books, etc.
I even joined a school of mysticism and esoteric arts where I learned meditation, Rosicrucian art of healing, the magic of forgiving yourself and others, and many other long-hidden practical techniques on how to live a richer, fuller and happier life.
Through it all -- the glory, the pain, the failures, the experiences, the notoriety, I have gained some valuable wisdom and insights that through the years have brought me closer to my wholeness and authentic self, and made my purpose on earth clearer to me.
My purpose is to help heal others with my own battle scars, which I hope will send a positive healing ripple of waves through the world and the universe.
In line with this mission, I also created websites where you can gain valuable insights and practical strategies on How to Get Any Guy You Want or Have Fun Trying and skyrocket your dating, mancandy-hunting, soulmate-catching and romantic relationship game. Log on to amandacolingblog.com and getanyguyyouwant.com.
Despite the media frenzy, it was a little known fact that I was a man-eating female player, but just like fireflies. Ahahaha!
I’ve had men pay for my trips abroad, buy me luxury stuff, take me shopping, support my lifestyle financially by leading them on and not giving value back. One guy even called off his wedding on the day of his wedding while pursuing me and claimed he did it for me. Those were the easy ones.
On the other side of the spectrum, playing has also brought me to being pulled a gun on, being choked and detained illegally in someone’s home, being temporarily kidnapped, being dubbed as “woman of the hour” in some blog, being a trending twitter topic, and being interviewed by prominent media personalities such as Boy Abunda, Pia Guanio, Christie Fermin, etc on National TV during the scandal.
To tell you honestly, that whole thing wouldn’t have reached the media if it weren’t for that guy I was also kinda playing at the time who was, and still is a prominent media personality whom I’d rather not name.
Through spiritual development, I have transmuted the art of female playing into becoming a leader of my dating and romantic relationship so I could use it to benefit not only myself, but also others. Now, I’m happy to share it with you.
Ladies! Get Instant Attraction from More Men! An Ugly-Duckling-Turned-Female Player Reveals 7 Shocking Secrets on How to Attract Men,Get Satisfying Dates, and Finally Find Romantic Bliss using real-world, practical, and immediately applicable techniques even if you’ve never had a date before. Get Romantic Results in 30 days or it’s free. Note: This is the only ebook that takes you deep into the heart of the seven principles that get you lip-biting and toe-twisting romantic results. Male models, pro football players, pro race car drivers, pro basketball players, pro rugby players, Rugby sniffers, club DJ’s, movie stars, some gang leader, some carnapper, a smuggler, businessmen, politicians, doctors, lawyers, Tengkus, average joes, master pick up artists, martial artists, con artists, purported Sheiks, speed seducers, traffic enforcers, spiritual gurus, brown, black, white, yellow, mongrels, smart, semi-retarded, with hair, without hair, with teeth, without teeth, the whole gamut of men – they have, at one point or another, fallen under my stiletto-clad female player spell. And this is despite meeting some of those high value men while we were surrounded by an ocean of women way better-looking than I am, at least in the commercial glossy magazine’s objective standard of beauty that is. This is not an ebook that will have all the answers and solutions to your problems, but it does offer some dammmn good ones. If you follow what you will learn here, you will become a more attractive woman, capable of catching and keeping the right guy, or …guys, it’s all up to you. I mean, there are more than 7.4 billion people in the world, of which 50.4% are males. Yes, babygirl, we are outnumbered by males by about 30 Million! Repeat: 30 freakin’ Million!!! So, remember this: The One for you is out there, waiting, wondering and preparing himself for you too. Even The OneThousand is a negligible amount compared to the billions of men out there, and I doubt if even Kim Kardashian has dated that many. In short, if you’ve met or dated a hundred men, that’s still a negligible amount compared to the abundance of men that walk our lovely mother Earth. So the likelihood of at least one right guy for you out there is at least 1 in 30 million high! Like anything, what you will learn here, you can use for good or evil. I hope you will use it for the former. See, I’ve used them before for evil, and it got me some fun and a lot of trouble. And it’s ok as I’ve learned a whole lot from those mistakes, and I don’t think I would have wanted it any other way. Through spiritual and character development, I have transmuted the art of female playing into something I can share with others to empower, inspire and add value. So trust me, it can help you enjoy The Many and find The One whom you will love to pieces and who will love you to pieces back and who you can happily grow old with, like it got me to enjoy The Many and find The One guy whom I love to pieces and loves me to pieces back and whom I feel I can happily grow old with.