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Fangtastic Dragon Jokes - Best Jokes for Kids

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Fangtastic Dragon Jokes

Edited by Eileen Mueller

© Copyright 2016

For my claw-some kids, who love laughing, and invented many of these jokes.

All rights reserved. This publication shall not be set alight by dragons, destroyed by knights, archived by princesses, stored in a retrieval system, reproduced, or transmitted by any means, without written permission of the editor. Any resemblance to dragons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Any resemblance to knights is only to the dead, because at last count, dragons had destroyed them all.

Cover design: Jan Mueller

Cover art: Phil Raney

Published by Phantom Feather Press, Wellington, New Zealand

Table of Contents

Why Dragon Jokes?

Why are jokes good for you?

Free Kids’ Dragon Book

Here be Dragons

Dragons at School

Dragons crossing the road

Dragons at Work

More Dragons

Fiery Dragons

Hungry Dragons

Fighting Dragons

Even More Dragons

Yo’ Dragon

More Hungry Dragons

Sporty Dragons

Modern Dragons

A Few More Dragons

Dragon Knock, Knock Jokes

One Last Dragon Joke

Free Kids’ Books

Preview: Dragon Tales

Dragon Tales – Suds and Scales

Preview: Dragons Realm

Dragons Realm: A Bad Start

Preview: Attack on Dragons Realm

Attack on Dragons’ Realm – Drumbeats

About the Author

Acknowledgements

[]Why Dragon Jokes?

My kids have lots of fun telling dragon jokes. These are some of their favorites. Roll your eyes, groan or burst out laughing. Some are so bad, they’re good. And others are so good, they’re bad! Whatever your taste, there will be something in Fangtastic Dragon Jokes for you, including:

  • A bonus link to a free kids’ dragon book.

  • Bonus excerpts from other cool dragon books.

So saddle your dragon up and fly through the pages, chuckling as you go.

[] Why are jokes good for you?

Read on for hilarious dragon-filled fun. Jokes are educational; using language features such as puns and riddles to stimulate children’s imaginations. Laughter makes us feel good, releases endorphins, leaves our muscles relaxed and lowers stress. And the good feeling you get when you laugh remains even when the jokes stop.

Add some ridiculous dragon humor to your life with Fangtastic Dragon Jokes.

[]Free Kids’ Dragon Book

If you haven’t downloaded your free kids’ dragon book, click here:

http://www.EileenMuellerAuthor.com/free-kids-books/

http://www.EileenMuellerAuthor.com/free-kids-books/

[]Here be Dragons

Why are dragons good storytellers?

Because they have long tails.

*

What did the polite dragon say?

Fang you very much.

*

What’s the difference between a car and a dragon?

A car only has one horn.

*

What do you give a seasick dragon?

A very large fireproof bag.

*

What do you call a deaf dragon?

Whatever you want – it can’t hear you.

*

Why do most dragons have six legs?

They have forelegs and two hind legs.

*

What do you call a dragon that’s good at rhyming?

A rap-tile.

*

What part of a dragon weighs the most?

The scales.

*

What’s the difference between a dragon and a mite?

A dragon can have mites but a mite can’t have dragons.

*

What do you call a laughing dragon in a red suit with white trim?

Santa Claws.

*

What do you call an angry dragon?

An earthquake.

*

What’s the best compliment for a dragon?

You’re clawsome.

*

Why did the man throw his mother-in-law off the cliff?

He wanted to see if his dragon could fly.

*

How does a dragon excuse her bad behavior?

“Sorry, it happened in the heat of the moment.”

*

How does a dragon excuse even more bad behavior?

“I got bored because everything was draggin’.”

*

Why do you think they call them dragons?

Because their battles dragon and on…

*

Where do you find a dragon with no legs and no wings?

Exactly where you left it.

*

What do you call the biggest dragon you’ve ever seen?

Sir!

Or Ma’am!

***

[]Dragons at School

What did the teacher say when the dragon failed an exam?

“Guess you’re not up to scratch!”

*

How did the teacher know that the dragon didn’t want to come to school?

His feet were draggin’.

*

Boy: My teacher taught me that most dragons give birth in the sky.

Girl: What do you mean?

Boy: Well, she said they’re mainly airborne.

*

Why did the teacher expel the dragon when she saw smoke coming from his nostrils?

She thought he’d had a drag-on a cigarette.

*

What did the dragon say during her exam?

I’m just winging this as I go.

*

Why do many dragons not bother going to school?

Because it drags on.

***

[] Dragons crossing the road

Why did the dragon cross the road?

It had eaten all the chickens.

*

Why did the dragon cross the road?

To get to KFC for more chicken.

*

Why did the dragon cross the road?

To prove to the possum and the hedgehog that it could be done.

*

Why did the dragon cross the road?

It couldn’t be bothered flying.

*

Why did the dragon cross the river?

Because she heard it was knight on the other side.

***

[]Dragons at Work

Why do dragons make bad lawyers?

They have too many clawses (clauses).

*

What did the dragon’s grumpy boss say?

You’re fired.

*

Why did the dragon’s grumpy boss end up as a pile of ash?

He tried to fire the dragon, but he got fired instead.

*

Why do dragons make terrible engineers?

They’re always burning their bridges.

*

Why did the dragon love working late shift?

Because there were so many knights.

*

Why do dragons make good carpenters?

Because they like to soar.

*

Why don’t dragons work in forests?

Because they always get fired.

*

What is a dragon’s dream job?

Being a banker, sitting on a hoard of treasure.

*

Why do dragons like being bankers?

Because meals are provided – they eat customers who don’t repay their loans.

***

[]More Dragons

How do you know there’s a dragon in your bed?

It has a D on its pajamas.

*

What time is it when a dragon sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed!

*

What other time does a dragon sit on your bed?

Knight time.

*

What did the doctor tell the dragon who was trying to gain weight?

Well done, you’ve tipped the scales.

*

Why did the dragon visit the crowd?

Someone told him there was a horde waiting for him.

And he thought they meant a hoard.

*

What’s another name for a dragon scared of snow?

A lizard afraid of a blizzard.

***

Why do dentists love dragons?

Because dragons are fang-tastic.

*

Why are dragons like doctors?

They both have scales.

*

Why did the dragon keep spinning in circles?

He wanted to read a long tail.

*

What is as big as a dragon, but weighs nothing?

Its shadow.

*

Why do dinosaurs live longer than dragons?

Because they don’t smoke.

*

What do you call a dragon that spends all day on the sofa?

A lounge lizard.

***

[]Fiery Dragons

What did the dragonet’s dad say the first time the dragonet blew fire?

You’re too young to smoke.

*

What did his mother say when the young dragon was bouncing around, ready for a fight?

“Oh dear, you’re all fired up.”

*

What did the dragon say when her flames missed her target?

“Oh, how ember-rasing”

*

What’s a dragon’s favorite fairytale?

Cinder-ella.

*

How many dragons does it take to start a fire?

Two.

One dragon holds down a knight while the other dragon strikes the knight’s armor with a flint.

*

How many knights does it take to start a fire?

Only one, once the dragon sets it alight.

*

Why did the dragon wear sunglasses?

He just couldn’t take the heat.

***

[]Hungry Dragons

What did the hungry dragon say to the knight?

Fangs for coming to dinner.

*

What did the other hungry dragon say to the knight?

Please stay for a bite.

*

What sort of snacks do dragons eat?

Firecrackers.

*

What did the dragon say when he saw a knight in armor?

“No, not more tinned food!”

*

When do dragons like to eat?

At knight time.

*

What is a dragon’s favorite meal?

Seasoned adventurers.

*

What eats more than a dragon?

Two dragons!

*

What eats more than two dragons?

Three!

*

What do you hear when dragons eat chili?

A fire alarm.

*

What are a hungry dragon’s favorite days of the week?

Chews-day and Fry-day.

*

Where do you go when a dragon burps?

A mile away!

***

[]Fighting Dragons

What did the general say when he came up against an army of dragons?

We’ve dealt with dragons before, but never on this scale.

*

What did the impatient knight say to the dragon?

Can we get this over with? This fight is starting to drag-on.

*

What did the knight say to the angry dragon?

“Calm down. You’re all fired up.”

*

What do two dragons say when they want to fight?

“Hey, do you wanna rumble?”

*

What did the dragon say to the knight with the terrible sense of humor?

“Ha ha, your jokes just slay me!”

*

What was the next thing the dragon said to the knight with the terrible sense of humor?

“But now it’s my turn to slay you!”

*

What did the frustrated dragon say when it got too dark to see in battle?

“Mother said there would be knights like this.”

*

What did the dragon say when the stringy knight got stuck in her fangs?

“Look, Mom, it’s dental floss.”

*

What’s the best way to defeat a dragon?

I don’t know either. Let’s run.

*

Why do dragons make good soldiers?

In every battle, they just keep firing!

*

What did one dragon say to another when it got dark on the battle field?

I hope you’re not afraid of the dark, because it’s knight time.

*

How does a knight excuse his bad behavior?

The dragon made me do it!

*

Did you know dragons sleep during the day so they can hunt knights?

***

[]Even More Dragons

Girl: My dragonet is growing a foot each week.

Boy: Wow, how many feet does she have now?

*

What do dragonets do with dolls?

Play Barbie-que.

*

What did the dragon say when the baker knocked on his door?

“Beware! Prepare for death! Oooh, do I smell cupcakes?”

*

What do a reindeer and a knight have in common?

One is draggin’ the sleigh, and the other slays the dragon.

*

What do you do with a green dragon?

Put it in the sun and wait until it ripens.

*

What is a dragon’s favorite hobby?

Dungeons & Knights, because meals come with the game.

*

Why are dragons huge, green, and scaly?

Because if they were skinny, pale and stinky they’d be humans.

*

Did you know long legends tend to dragon?

*

When do dragons have sixteen feet?

When there are four of them.

*

What do you get when a dragon sneezes?

Right out of its way.

*

What prize did the dragon win in the beauty contest?

Beast in the show!

*

How does a dragon do magic?

When it’s flying, it turns into a cave.

*

What do peas and a dragon have in common?

You can’t balance either on your fork.

*

How do you gift wrap a dragon?

Very carefully.

***

[]Yo’ Dragon

Yo’ dragon so ugly when it jumped in the lake, the water jumped out.

*

Yo’ dragon so stupid, when someone bellowed “Knight!” he lay down and went to sleep.

*

Yo’ dragon so big, when it yawns, it swallows a whole village.

*

Yo’ dragon so beautiful, the knight married it – instead of rescuing the princess.

*

Yo’ dragon so chicken, he died of fright before the knight drew his sword.

*

Yo’ dragon so ugly, it frightens nights away.

*

Yo’ dragon so fat, he’s too heavy for his scales!

***

[]More Hungry Dragons

What did the hungry dragon say as the knight approached its cave?

“Yum, barbequed hero!”

*

What do dragons call a knight in shining armor?

Canned food.

*

What’s red and has claws all over it?

Dragon lunch.

*

What else is red and has claws all over it?

You and your friends, if you don’t start running…

*

Why did the dragon go on a diet?

He was too heavy for his scales!

*

Why shouldn’t you mess with dragons?

Because you taste good, even without mustard.

*

What’s a dragon’s favorite meal?

Roast.

*

What eats more pancakes than a dragon?

Two dragons.

*

What do you get when you give a dragon a biscuit?

Ash.

*

Why did the chef feed the dragon chili?

He wanted to barbeque some steak.

*

What do you get when you give chocolate to a dragon?

Chocolate fondue.

*

Why did the dragon go to the pound?

To eat a hot dog.

***

[]Sporty Dragons

What sport are dragons really bad at?

Ice hockey. Whenever they breathe, the ice melts.

*

What’s big and scaly and bounces?

A dragon on a trampoline.

*

What’s big and scaly and doesn’t bounce?

A dragon falling off the trampoline.

*

What’s scaly, breathes fire, and has sixteen wheels?

A dragon on roller skates.

*

What sport are dragons playing when they jump on knights?

Squash!

*

What has 4 wheels, breathes fire and eats princesses?

A dragon on a skateboard.

***

Dragons in Love

Why did everyone fall in love with the dragon?

It was hot.

*

What did the girl dragon say to the boy dragon?

“My heart is on fire for you.”

What did the girl dragon say when the boy dragon fell out of the sky and landed on her?

“Have you got a crush on me?”

*

How did the dragon know the other dragon was in love with her?

The other dragon said, “Baby, you light my fire.”

*

What do dragons say when they’re in love?

“I’m dragon around a big crush on you!”

*

Why did the dragon like his girlfriend?

She was hot stuff.

***

[]Modern Dragons

How do you get a dragon in the fridge?

Open the door, put the dragon in, and shut the door.

*

How do you get a knight in the fridge?

Open the door, feed the knight to the dragon, and shut the door.

*

How do you get four dragons in a car?

Two in the front and two in the back.

*

How do you get five dragons in a car?

Two in the front, two in the back and one in the trunk.

*

How do you get six dragons in a car?

Two in the front, two in the back, one in the trunk, and one in the ashtray.

*

What do you call a dragon that sings for PhatLipz Records?

A rap-tile!

*

What dragon is often on Broadway?

The Lizard of Oz!

*

Why do dragons get arrested when they drive cars?

For burning rubber at knight.

*

A mother dragon says to her dragonet at the computer, “Why did you drop your baby brother?”

The dragonet replies, “The computer told me to drag’n drop.”

*

Two dragons walk into a cave.

One dragon says, “It’s way too warm in here.”

The other replies, “Not if you shut your mouth.”

*

Why was the teenage dragon arrested?

For smoking at knights.

*

Why did the runaway dragon wear striped pajamas?

He didn’t want to be spotted.

*

What do you call a dragon in the city?

Lost.

*

Why do dragons hate birthdays?

Every time they blow out the candles, they burn the cake.

*

A police officer notices a boy cycling around with a dragon on the back of his bike.

She stops the boy and says, “You can’t bike around with that dragon! Take it to the forest right now.”

The boy says, “Yes, officer, I’ll do that immediately,”… and bikes off.

The next day, the officer sees the boy biking past with the same dragon the back of his bike, but this time it’s wearing sun glasses and flip-flops. She stops the boy again and says, “What are you doing? Yesterday I told you to take that dragon to the forest!”

The boy replies… “I did, officer, but today I’m taking her to the beach!”

***

[]A Few More Dragons

When does a dragon say woof?

When it’s learning a new language.

*

Where does a dragon sit?

Anywhere it wants.

*

How do you stop a dragon from charging?

Take away his credit card.

*

What time is it when thirteen dragons chase two knights?

Thirteen after two.

*

What is a mythical creature, but not a unicorn?

Has a tail, but isn’t a rat?

Scales, but isn’t a fish?

Wings, but isn’t a bird?

And makes fire, but isn’t a flame thrower?

A dragon!

Fooled you, it can throw flames, you’d better start running!

*

What do you call a dragon wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, she can’t hear you.

*

What do you get with a bad-tempered dragon?

As far away as possible.

*

What did the dragon say when she ate the comedian?

“He tasted funny.”

*

What did the dragon say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!

*

[] Dragon Knock, Knock Jokes

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Dragon!

Dragon who?

Dragon your feet again?

*

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Ivor

Ivor who?

Ivor dragon, so watch out.

*

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Canoe

Canoe who?

Canoe hurry up and let us in? My dragon’s getting awfully impatient.

*

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Fang!

Fang who?

Fangtastic to see you.

*

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Claw!

Claw who?

Clawsome that you’re home.

***

[]One Last Dragon Joke

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Dragon.

Dragon who?

These jokes are dragon on and on, so we’re going to stop now, but there are some exciting dragon stories over the page! And a link to a free kids’ dragon book!

Go on, turn the page and enjoy more dragon stories…

[]Free Kids’ Books

Remember, if you haven’t downloaded your free kids’ books, you can get them here:

http://www.eileenmuellerauthor.com/free-kids-books/

http://www.eileenmuellerauthor.com/free-kids-books /

[]Preview: Dragon Tales

http://amzn.to/1YIFM9t

Dragon Tales

Whether you’re looking for a nip, a nibble, or a chomp-sized story, wing your way to an adventure with Dragon Tales.

Find a dragon in your desk, your bathroom, under your bed, jumping ravines, or gift-wrapped under the Christmas tree. And fly on dragonback for fun and adventure.

What Amazon Reviewers are saying:

With bite-sized reads that are perfect for bedtime, as well as longer stories for the bus trip home after school, this is a must-read for young dragon lovers.”

My nephew loves dragons, which makes this collection of stories a big hit.”

Dragon Tales – Suds and Scales

“Get in that bath,” Mom insisted. “You’re dirtier than a worm in a mud puddle and smellier than dad’s gym shoes.”

I stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door. What was wrong with a bit of dirt? It was all natural, no additives and definitely no refined sugar – another thing Mom was always going on about. I was only going to get dirty again tomorrow.

Peeling off my sweaty socks, I tucked them in the cabinet behind the shampoo, instead of in the hamper. Hopefully Mom wouldn’t sniff them out – I only had one pair of socks in my team’s color and I needed them for my football game tomorrow.

Mom rapped on the door. “I can’t hear the water running.”

Sighing, I turned on the faucet.

“Use soap,” she called. “No cheating.”

I tipped some liquid soap into the bath. Soap was evil, but if I had to use it, I might as well have bubbles. When the water was deep and sudsy, I dumped my clothes on the floor and got in. Wrinkling my nose at the floral stench, I looked down. There were so many bubbles, I looked like a corpse-less ghost, or an alien with froth for a body.

“It’s not fair,” I moaned. “Why should I have to wash every day?”

The toilet seat clunked.

I turned so fast, a mini tsunami sloshed onto the floor.

Nothing was there – except the clothes I’d dropped and the water I’d spilt. Nothing that could’ve made the toilet clunk. And now my underpants were swimming happily in the aftermath of my tidal wave.

I lifted my right knee above the water and scrubbed it with the washcloth.

Clunk!

I whirled back. Oops, another flood.

Before my eyes, a long claw slid between the toilet seat and lid.

My heart thudded, like I was running for goal.

Two more claws reached over the edge. A scaly limb slithered out and flung the lid open with a crash. Another taloned limb grasped the seat. With a grunt, a dripping head emerged from the toilet!

“Whoa!” I yelled, as a little dragon clambered out and perched on the seat. It was green with baby-blue eyes and had an odd crest sticking up on its head. Luckily I had lots of bubbles or that dragon would have seen too much.

“I heard you yell,” called Mom. “What’s going on in there?”

Continue Reading on Amazon http://amzn.to/1YIFM9t

***

[]Preview: Dragons Realm

A You Say Which Way Adventure

http://bit.ly/1Mjcad1

Next generation storytelling where YOU say which way the story goes.

What Amazon Reviewers are saying about Dragons Realm:

Whatever path through Dragons Realm you choose, you’re in for a rollicking fun-filled adventure. With dragons.”

My 7 year old son loved it. He was jumping around the room in excitement and took all the choices very seriously indeed.”

Cleverly conceived and well written, this is a gem of a novel.”

Dragons Realm: A Bad Start

“Hey, Fart-face!”

Uh oh. The Thompson twins are lounging against a fence as you leave the corner store – Bart, Becks, and Bax. They’re actually the Thomson triplets, but they’re not so good at counting, so they call themselves twins. Nobody has dared tell them different.

They stare at you. Bart, big as an ox. Becks, smaller but meaner. And Bax, the muscle. As if they need it.

Bart grins like an actor in a toothpaste commercial. “What have you got?” He swaggers towards you.

Becks sneers, stepping out with Bax close behind. “Come on, squirt, hand it over,” she calls, her meaty hands bunching into fists.

Your backpack is heavy with goodies. Ten chocolate bars and two cans of tuna fish for five bucks – how could you resist? And now you could lose it all.

The twins form a human wall, blocking the sidewalk. There’s no way around them.

Seriously? All this fuss over chocolate? Not again! They’ve been bullying you and your friends for way too long. There’s still time to outsmart them before the bus leaves for the school picnic.

A girl walks between you and the twins. You make your move, sprinting off towards the park next to school. Your backpack is heavy, but you’ve gained a head start on those numb skulls.

Becks roars.

“Charge,” yells Bax,

“Get the snot-head,” Bart bellows. Their feet pound behind you as you make it around the corner through the park gate. Now to find a hiding place.

On your right is a thick grove of trees. They’ll never find you in there, not without missing the bus to the picnic.

To your left is a sports field. Behind the bleachers, there’s a hole in the fence. If you can make it through that hole, you’re safe. They’re much too big to follow.

Their pounding footsteps are getting closer. They’ll be around the corner soon.

It is time to make a decision. Do you:

Race across the park to the hole in the fence?

Or

Hide from the Thompson twins in the trees?

Read more on Amazon: http://bit.ly/1Mjcad1

***

[] Preview: Attack on Dragons Realm

http://amzn.to/1qCCp9R

Attack on Dragons Realm

Drums pound the danger signal. Tharuks, monsters from another world, are attacking Dragons’ Realm. Three friends must separate – Jerrick must train as a dragon rider, Benno as a warrior and Reina as a wizard. War grows closer every day. To save their families, they must endure tough training and overcome their darkest fears. Only the upcoming battle will prove their worth.

Attack on Dragons’ Realm – Drumbeats

Jerrick started awake. Drums were pounding. The cabin was pulsing, like a giant’s heartbeat. He yanked his goatskin jerkin over his nightshirt. In a sliver of moonlight, Pa stumbled out of bed. Fumbling for his trousers and boots, Jerrick tugged them on. His heart thumped in time to the drums. Danger.

Susi, just a littling, whimpered. Ma hushed her, stroking her hair.

“Here.” Pa thrust a sword into Jerrick’s hand and picked up a sword and club for himself.

Jerrick gulped. His sword was suddenly heavy, awkward in his grip. For years he’d practiced fighting with Benno and Reina, although they’d never been in battle yet. But that was about to change.

He kissed Ma’s cheek and ruffled Susi’s hair, then he snatched up his bow and quiver, and ran out the door after Pa.

Drumbeats rolled off the thatched roofs of Horseshoe Bend, throbbing though him. A tide of bodies swept them through narrow alleys between cottages, towards the settlement square. Like a hunting dog, Pa was fully alert, body tense.

In the thick of the crowd, someone squeezed Jerrick’s arm. Gripping his sword, he spun. It was Benno. “Oh, it’s you.” Jerrick’s breath whooshed out in relief. “What’s going on?”

“Attack,” Benno said. “Pa’s been fighting half the night and just came back, wounded.”

“Is he alright?”

Benno’s face was pale. “The healer is with him. He’ll live, but tharuks slashed him up bad.”

His Pa’s injuries must’ve been awful if Benno was pale – he was tough. “Tharuks?” asked Jerrick. “What are they?”

“Monsters.” Benno grimaced. “They came to Dragons’ Realm through a world gate.”

“Monsters? From another world? You’re joking!” But the look on Benno’s face told Jerrick he wasn’t. His neck hairs prickled. Benno’s Pa was Horseshoe Bend’s woodcutter – built like a draft horse and twice as strong. If he was wounded, these monsters must be bad.

Breaking out from between the cottages, they came to the square in the centre of the Horseshoe Bend. Pa pulled Jerrick and Benno to the front of the crowd. In the fire pit, a bonfire blazed, flames licking skywards. Sweat-beaded drummers beat their tattoo, danger, danger, danger.

“Look, there’s Reina,” Benno yelled over the drums.

Where? In the dancing shadows from the flickering fire, Jerrick couldn’t see her – until she waved. He motioned her over.

Reina skirted around the sea of folk.

The whole settlement was here – all but the littlings and their mothers. The drums were exhilarating, goading Jerrick to action – making him want to run, to fight, to charge an unseen enemy like a madman.

Reina reached them. “Hey, Jerrick, Benno. At last we get to fight!” She grinned, despite the danger.

“Benno’s Pa has been hurt,” Jerrick blurted out.

“He fought with Giant John,” said Benno, puffing up his chest. “Killed a tharuk, too.”

“Monsters….” Reina shook her head. “Crazy stuff! But our wizards will stop them.”

“Come on, Reina.” Jerrick rolled his eyes. “We all know dragons are stronger.”

Before Reina could reply, Gowp, the settlement leader and arbitrator, held up his hand. The drumbeats stopped. In the sudden hush, the bonfire crackled. The air hummed with fear and anticipation.

A whoosh came from behind them. Jerrick’s hair ruffled. Folk whirled. And gasped. Against the dark night sky, a majestic bronze dragon glimmered in the firelight. The dragon circled down, folk scrambling out of its way. The bronze beauty settled low to the ground. Three people slid off its back.

Clad in rider’s breeches and jerkin, with a bow and quiver of arrows across his back, a dragon rider approached Gowp. Behind the rider was Master Giddi, head of the Wizard Council with bristly dark hair, his face smeared with soot and his eyes wild. At the rear was Giant John, head of Horseshoe Bend’s warriors – as broad as two men, and more than two heads above the crowd.

Murmurs rippled through the square as the three men spoke with Gowp, their faces grim. Gowp grimaced, shaking his head.

“Hey,” said Benno, “that’s tharuk blood.” He pointed at black liquid glinting on Giant John’s jerkin. “My Pa was covered in that stuff.”

“Master Giddi is awesome,” Reina whispered, staring at him like a puppy at the leader of a pack. “Look at his face. He’s been using wizard fire.”

Jerrick nudged Benno, pointing to the dragon rider with dark curly hair. “That rider only looks about eighteen, just a few years older than us. That could be me, some day.”

“Five,” Benno said, “that’s five years older, Jerrick.”

“Yeah, but look at that dragon…” Jerrick stared. The flickering firelight made the dragon’s scales shimmer. “A bronze. She’s beautiful.”

As if aware of his gaze, the dragon turned. Its nostrils flared and it snorted.

“Watch out, Jerrick.” Reina snorted, almost sounding like the dragon, but not quite. “You’re drooling.”

Despite her humor, Jerrick’s belly was tight with tension.

Holding up his hand, Gowp turned. A hush fell over the square.

“We’ve been attacked,” Gowp announced. “Tonight tharuks – strange new monsters who have invaded Dragons’ Realm – sneaked up on Horseshoe Bend. But Hans, Master Giddi, Giant John and some of our best warriors defeated their scouting party.” He gestured towards the dragon rider. “Hans has a message from Zaarusha, the Dragon Queen.”

Wow, a direct message from the ruling dragon. Jerrick had never seen her, but they said Zaarusha was so beautiful her scales rippled with every color of the rainbow.

“Greetings from Dragons’ Hold,” said Hans. “Tharuks want our Realm. They’re terrorizing our folk. Our dragons can’t be everywhere, so settlements must prepare their own fighting forces.”

Grumbling broke out. This was new. Until now, dragons had protected Dragons’ Realm. Folk sustained dragons and their riders by growing crops and providing livestock.

“I know this is not how we usually do things,” said Gowp, “but we have no choice – either we fight or give in to these monsters and be slaughtered. Two folk were killed in Spanglewood settlement yesterday. We must be prepared.”

Giant John strode forward, his sword in the air. “I’ll train warriors.”

Reina pointed at a bloody gash on his cheek. “No way,” she whispered to Jerrick. I’m not doing that.”

Hans held his bow high. “I need archers to ride dragons.”

Master Giddi stepped closer to the fire. Shadows flickered across his soot-stained face, dancing with the dark smudges on his cheeks. His eyes gleamed and green sparks flitted from his fingers. Folk near him edged away. “We must harness magic to change the course of battle,” he boomed, dark eyes flashing. “Train with me.”

Jerrick elbowed Reina. “That’s you.”

“Too right,” whispered Reina, grinning.

“More tharuks are on the move,” announced Hans. “They’ll be here soon. We must prepare for war.”

“Everyone must choose,” said Gowp, “but choose quickly.”

“But Gowp,” someone called, “I need my son to tend our crops.”

“You won’t have any crops left to tend, if we don’t fight back,” snapped Gowp.

The settlers’ outraged cries rose.

“But the dragon riders should–”

“Why can’t the wizards–”

The drummer struck twice. Folk quieted. The first streaks of dawn stole across the sky above Spanglewood Forest.

“I’ll fight with Giant John,” Benno called. “Who’ll join us?” He gazed at Jerrick and Reina.

Giant John laid an arm over his shoulder. “Brave of you to choose first, Benno.”

Reina spoke up. “Master Giddi, I’d love to train with you. Um, if that’s alright.”

The gangly wizard raised his bushy eyebrows and nodded. She moved to his side. His steely gaze roamed over the folk.

If Jerrick didn’t choose fast, the wizard might single him out. Then he’d never be a rider. Heart pounding, Jerrick called, “Sir, ah, Hans, I’ve always wanted to be a dragon rider.”

Hans clapped him on the back. “Just Hans, not sir. What’s your name?”

“Jerrick.”

“Thank you for volunteering to be our first new rider.” Hans turned to the folk. “Who will ride dragons with Jerrick?”

Pa hugged Jerrick. “Good choice. I’m staying here with Giant John to protect Ma and the littlings. Fare-well your friends, then we’ll go back to the family and get you ready to go.”

He winked, then turned away from Jerrick and hefted his sword, bellowing, “Who will join me, Benno and Giant John to fight these monsters?”

The square was mayhem as settlers rushed to and fro. Grinning, Benno pounded Jerrick on the back. Reina ran up to Benno and hugged him, then kissed his cheek. Then she hugged and kissed Jerrick.

Beet red, Jerrick and Benno glanced at each other, then at her.

“Well,” she said, hands on hips, “I’m going to miss you both.”

They all grinned.

“We finally get to fight,” said Benno.

“It’s great,” Reina said. “But it’s even better that next time you two play a trick on me, I’ll smite you both with wizard flame.”

Jerrick hooted. “You wouldn’t dare or my dragon would flame you.”

Benno shook his head. “I don’t envy you two. I’m glad I’m keeping my feet on the ground, right here.” He flexed his muscles, already large from chopping trees beside his pa. “Someone needs to protect our families.”

“You’ll do a great job,” said Reina.

Doubt flicked across Benno’s face. “I’m not sure,” he said quietly. “Those tharuks nearly killed Pa. But at least I won’t end up as wizard’s breakfast.”

“Hopefully, neither will I,” Reina shot back.

From the looks on their faces, Jerrick knew they were all thinking the same thing: would they see each other again? “See you in battle.” He stuck his fist out.

“I’m in,” said Benno sticking out his fist.

“Me too,” said Reina.

They all bumped fists and whooped.

Jerrick gulped. “All of us are facing risks. The whole settlement is. We have to do our best to protect our families.” He gulped again thinking of Susi. “And our wee littlings.”

His heart hammered. Hopefully they’d all survive.

***

You can choose which story to read next. Click on a link below to read your first story. At the end of the story there will be links to the other two stories, so you can see what happens to everyone.

Warrior: Benno with Giant John

Wizard: Reina with Master Giddi

Dragon Rider: Jerrick with Hans

Read more on Amazon: http://amzn.to/1qCCp9R

***

[]About the Author

Eileen Mueller lives in New Zealand, on the side of a hill, with four dragonets and a shape-shifter. In 2014 & 2015, she had fun organizing Wellington’s Storylines Family Day for thousands of kids – a festival bringing books alive through performances, crafts, and fun activities with kiwi authors and illustrators.

In her spare time, Eileen sings with Faultline, plants trees with school kids, and juggles her dragonets – usually without dropping them!

Eileen was the winner of SpecFicNZ’s 2013 Going Global award and co-winner of NZ Society of Author’s 2013 North-Write Collaboration literary award. She was also shortlisted in the 2014 & 2015 Sir Julius Vogel Awards.

You can sign up for Eileen’s free kids’ books at

http://www.EileenMuellerAuthor.com/free-kids-books/

If you like this book, tell everyone about it. Readers find out about good books from people like me and you! Please also leave a review on Amazon. Thank you for reading Dragon Tales.

[]Acknowledgements

My biggest thank you goes to my kids, whose hilarious humor provided so many of these cool jokes. You guys are FANGTASTIC!

Thanks to Phil Raney for the cool laughing dragon on the cover and to Jan Mueller for his design work. You’re BOTH terribly CLAWSOME!!!

And yes, we tested these jokes on EVERYONE we knew, so I owe an EMBER-RASSING thank you to my friends for putting up with months of dragon jokes! Guess what? Some of them are still laughing!

Thanks to my readers. My books are nothing without you. I hope you enjoy all of them.

You can sign up for Eileen’s free kids’ books and new releases at

http://www.EileenMuellerAuthor.com/free-kids-books/

Magic every time you turn the page

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Fangtastic Dragon Jokes - Best Jokes for Kids

Dragon puns, jokes & riddles. Hungry dragons, fiery dragons, modern dragons, dragons in love, yo' dragon jokes, dragons in battle and more. Roll your eyes, groan, or burst out laughing. Some of these jokes are so bad, they’re good. And others are so good, they’re bad! Whatever your taste, there will be something in Fangtastic Dragon Jokes for you. Includes bonus excerpts from other cool dragon books and a link to a free kids’ dragon book. So saddle your dragon up and fly through the pages, chuckling as you go. Why are dragons good storytellers? Because they have long tails. What did the polite dragon say? Fang you very much. What do you give a seasick dragon? A very large fireproof bag. What's the difference between a car and a dragon? A car only has one horn. What do you call a dragon in the city? Lost. Read on for hours of hilarious dragon-filled fun. Jokes are educational, using language features such as puns and riddles to stimulate children's imaginations. Laughter makes us feel good. Laughing releases endorphins, leaves our muscles relaxed, lowers stress and anxiety and improves heart function. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even when the jokes stop. Add some ridiculous dragon humor to your life with Fangtastic Dragon Jokes.

  • Author: Eileen Mueller
  • Published: 2016-05-21 07:35:14
  • Words: 6076
Fangtastic Dragon Jokes - Best Jokes for Kids Fangtastic Dragon Jokes - Best Jokes for Kids