Lauren L. Carpenter
Copyright © 2015 Lauren L. Carpenter. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher. All works are protected by copyright law. Cover art created by the author.
This short story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events and persons are coincidental.
I look in the mirror and I can still hear those words you used to say to me. Words which once cut deeper than any blade and any weapon you could ever use against me.
Even though you are more than a million miles away…at times your presence shows up in pieces around me or in my thoughts or in nightmares.
See I was only a child when…you broke every shred of confidence in me. My self worth was shattered the day I could never forget.
Sometimes I catch myself from falling. But there are moments I don’t know whether to fall or fly. I’m scared of what I could be. I’m terrified I could never be anything after what you did to me.
I try and I try and I try. I try as my feet stumble, I try as I crash to my knees.
Why can’t I hear my own voice anymore?
There’s a place in the darkness where I know I’ll find you. You always wait there with poison in your intent and cruelness in your speech.
And there was once a time I trusted you with everything I had. Where did those times go?
They disappeared underneath the endless lies…and broken promises.
I still keep people at the edge of my heart. I still wonder if I’m worth it after all this time. I still wonder why you hurt me.
I still chase after my dreams, no matter where they take me.
I still love with my whole being and face every day like a new beginning.
When does forgiveness come, when does the heart begin to heal?
I keep my memory locked away in a place where I won’t ever unlock again.
But I know.
I know there’s a part of me changed and I can’t ever go back to who I used to be.
You haven’t changed. And now I know you never will. I’ve lived so long with the side effects, there’s no surprise to the endings you paint with subtle shades of manipulation.
And I keep struggling…to let it all go.
If you could see the world through my own eyes…would you have treated me the same?
You gave me the choice.
To choose cruelness.
To choose kindness.
To let my heart become hardened by life.
To let my heart embrace the beauty of life.
To keep holding on.
To forgive and let go.
And every step takes me further from where you are.
From where you are.
I choose to let you go. I know I could hold on. I know I could keep all your darkness in my heart and let it fade my spirit and dim my dreams. I spent eternity in insecurities.
But the world needs more love, instead of hate. I can no longer hate you. I can no longer keep you. I drew you in every color and I never realized what you truly meant to me.
You may break me down. You may hurt me. You may chain me to the ground. You may even cut my wings, hoping that I won’t fly.
I will always fly.
I will always fly.
And it took me a lifetime to learn this simple lesson.
You could never tell me what I’m worth.
You could never hold me to the night.
For I was made to soar.
And I am everything I could ever be.
Letter to Reader,
It has always been my sincere dream to write and share my words with the entire world. Thank you for reading and for being my inspiration to chase after my own dreams.
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