C O N T E N T S
*Novelty *
Too Much
*7even *
*Sydney *
*Speak For Me *
*Manhattan Beach Blvd. *
Idée Fixe
*Bartered Hearts *
Symbiosis
*Dissonance from Distance *
*4 a.M. n Miami *
Hopeless
*Dancing with the Devil *
You >
Pieces
*Theories *
Pondering
*Inception *
[*For All Intents & Purposes *]
*After All This Time *
*Worst Enemy *
*You Had Every Right *
[*[B]efore [A]nyone [E]lse *]
In Perpetuity
If I Never Told You…
Hold on for me
As I am for you
I pass up all these chances
Just to have one with you
It’s all I need
You’re all I breathe
I’d rather have quality over quantity
My arms are open
Ready to lift you up if you fall for me
[* *]
You’re perfect
It’s rare that I used that word
But in my eyes you truly are
Probably too perfect
Too good to be true
So I analyze every scenario where this fails
And before it ever begins
It’s already ended
For me at least
There’s no doubt
There’s no wonder
Out of everything you said
All I heard was goodbye
I’ve never been the type to listen
to the words that
I heard about somebody else
But I think I should listen to everyone
except myself
when it comes to you
See you’re my guilty pleasure
You’re everything I said I would
never get involved with
I don’t make a habit out of lying to myself
But be honest,
Is there any truth to us?
I know this usual for you
But I’m new to lust
So I gotta ask
Are those games in your past?
Or do I need to pause?
I won’t play with my heart
And neither yours
Even though you tell me you don’t have one
[* *]
I remember walking away from tears
Not knowing if I would ever be able to empathize
I couldn’t grasp the pain she felt
Truthfully, I couldn’t wait to walk away
As days turn into months
One-night stands turn into relationships
I understand that what she felt for me
I may never experience again
I can’t seem to get you out of my head
For all the right reasons
But I’m being over critical
Over cynical
I don’t know what it is that I dread
Forecasting behaviors
Things that will never happen
I have let you in
Don’t remember the last time this happened
I refuse
I need a little help
Show me how to love you
Remind me how it felt
And how I’ll feel
From this day on
Prove to my mind
With you is where I belong
My heart already knows
This is true
I wish he were the one making the decisions too
[* *]
How do I quantify the meaning of your existence?
In this instance impossible is truth
For each hour, minute and second
That we grow together is like a sunset
Each day it’ll come
But every one is more beautiful with you
[* *]
It’s complicated
For even though my eyes are open
None of what occurs is actually happening
I’m vividly thinking my way through life
Romanticizing each woman
Anticipating the deeply passionate love that we’ll share
I admire each as if they were the only
Allowing it to last as long as it’s needed
But what occurs in my head
Never relates to my heart
She wanted more for him than he did for himself
She wanted to see him grow into the man she knew he could be
She wanted him to feel every emotion rather than remain impassive
She wanted to understand his past in order to obtain a better future
Yet none of this came without resistance
None of this came without hesitance
None of this came without tears
But all of this came with the understanding
that for the first time
someone truly cared about the layers underneath
So when the time came
that all of those wants became a reality,
the only thing she wanted was to do the same for him
I don’t like you
However I understand
I can’t have your better half
Without you
So I accept you
In hopes that my relationship with love
Lasts longer than my relationship with you
I never meant to wait
For the love I wasn’t going to get
I had every intention of leaving
While we’re breathing different air
I’m here
You’re there
It’s naive of me to think you still care
Yet, I do
A part of me wants to too
That part keeps getting smaller
As these texts go through
As each FaceTime ends
The inevitable is coming
“We need to talk”
As soon as you stop running
These moments tell me what I truly need
Living in the present is neglecting my future
‘Cause when the smoke clears
And they all leave
It’s your presence that I crave
[* *]
I wake up everyday and fall in love
Not immediately, but throughout the day
It’s draining
Most times I don’t want to
But I can’t help it
Beauty is everywhere
I think my heart is preparing itself
For one day
I’ll fall in love everyday
With the same person
For a different reason
If I can find the patience in my heart to stay with you
I hope you can find the kindness in yours not to kill me slowly,
but abruptly
Don’t fuck with me, as you’ve always done
Don’t tell me you’re sorry
Most importantly,
Don’t tell me I’m the one
Rip my heart out as quickly as you can
Cut it into pieces
And discard of any evidence
We were together before we’d even met
With each stroke of the pen
Each touch on the keyboard
I was writing you into existence
Blank pages filled with rollercoaster moments
As we fell
I felt no place was safer than next to you
I then realized that this ride
Was more than worth the wait
For fate doesn’t linger in the shadows
Emotions that usually come and go stayed true
And you
You continually eclipse all that used to be
So in moments of solitude
When I write of you
Though valid I know
These words only reflect a fraction of the essence that is you
In every woman you’ve met
There’s something extraordinary that lives inside of them
A piece that captures your heart and holds it for ransom
A smile, an intellect, an energy, a presence
Yet, somehow the heart escapes every time
Realizing that piece does not make it whole
But when the whole is greater than the sum of the parts
The heart has no choice but to surrender
In theory, all of this sounds right
If you take all of these sound bites
Put them together
I might just feel complete
I’m still too weak to admit
You’ve got a hold on me
How old do I have to get
To express these feelings?
Oh the possibility
Keeps me willing
At any moment I’m ready
I’d do it now if I let me
I need to take things steady
Truly, I’m scared of reality
Even though you bring the best out of me
Telling you how I feel
And you not feeling the same
Is my worst fear; undoubtedly
[* *]
Sometimes I wonder
If you think about me
As much as I think about you
If you’re praying my love doesn’t fall into the wrong hands
Or maybe it does
That way I know you’re still out there
The mind is a gift and a curse
Because in mine, it’s like were in a romance
We meet in the most traditional way
Then by some chance we lose touch
Reoccurring flashes of that moment occupy vast real estate
Prayers go unanswered
Time moves with no regard
And then
There you are
Just as elegant as the first moment
If air were ever unavailable
It was now
But as I take that first step
You’re swept away
Passionately kissed in ways I had only dreamt
If only this were that
I’d wake up to you right by my side
Yet here I am again, dreaming
Never thought it was possible to shoot a star down
Out of all the things you mentioned
I never thought my attention was needed
So, I played the background
Gave love, but never thought you’d keep it
Now I see
My actions didn’t match my intentions
Can you blame me?
Soon as I got close you changed me
But maybe
This was your plan all along
Now tell me
How do I right my wrongs?
Tell me I’m wrong
But I never wanted you to be everything
I just wanted us to mean something
When there was nothing for us to hide
Back to the times when we would talk
You would stare into my eyes
Peaking into my soul
Oh those moments of bliss
When I hung on to every single word
that would come off those lips
I’m still naive
I can’t believe you listened to me
First thing I said was to never fall in love
I take it back
I think we fit like a glove
You show me all that I lack
Still, you love me unconditionally
Close, you hold me
I know that you miss me
I feel the same
And every time I look at my ring
All I can see is your name
I’m too loosely combative
with thoughts of love
trouble is
these thoughts alone
might break me
They might take me away
from the joy I seek
from the heights
we could’ve reached
I never realized
how numb they made me
Too many conversations we never had
over things that didn’t happen
but I wish happened
How my excuses turned into reasons
I’ll never be able to explain
I’m only human
So why hold me to standards
only God can reach
It’s unfair
There’s too big of a divide
in what you practice
and what you preach
I still love you
I’m beginning to think
that’s not enough
I’m tired
It’s tough
When you give someone
all of your trust
and they lose it
Continually abuse it
I’m hoping to find my mind
cause love made me lose it
Don’t make me choose
between love and loyalty
This’ll be the last time
I put you before me
i fight the sunrise
just see our time extended
hoping my reservation is held
my balance is off
still i manage to breathe
i can’t catch my thoughts
For one hour everyday
I allow myself not to be consumed by you
Mentally or physically
It’s usually the most productive part
But today,
Today I couldn’t
Somewhere along this path
My love and adoration of your being
Turned into disdain
A fallacy, I know
Yet, here we are
At a junction in a road
Where I have no sense of direction
Except that I know I’ve been misdirected
I know these feelings
We’re put in my heart for a reason
So for me to leave them
Discarded and unused
Is only abuse to myself
One day
I hope she notices
The value of the love that I shelved
Dreadful wishful thinking
There’s no use for this
I’m thankful that I cannot
And will not get used to this
I finally gathered up the courage
To tell myself that I am not perfection
Nor will I ever be
The beauty in vulnerability
Is that we all seek connection
Some more than others
Either everlasting or momentary
Scary or delightful
Often the feelings we should chase the most
Are the ones that are most frightful