Everything I Wanted To Say

C O N T E N T S

 

 

*Novelty *

Too Much

*7even *

*Sydney *

*Speak For Me *

*Manhattan Beach Blvd. *

Idée Fixe

*Bartered Hearts *

Symbiosis

*Dissonance from Distance *

*4 a.M. n Miami *

Hopeless

*Dancing with the Devil *

You >

Pieces

*Theories *

Pondering

*Inception *

[*For All Intents & Purposes *]

*After All This Time *

*Worst Enemy *

*You Had Every Right *

[*[B]efore [A]nyone [E]lse *]

In Perpetuity

If I Never Told You…

 

Novelty

 

Hold on for me

As I am for you

I pass up all these chances

Just to have one with you

It’s all I need

You’re all I breathe

I’d rather have quality over quantity

My arms are open

Ready to lift you up if you fall for me

Too Much

[* *]

You’re perfect

It’s rare that I used that word

But in my eyes you truly are

Probably too perfect

Too good to be true

So I analyze every scenario where this fails

And before it ever begins

It’s already ended

For me at least

There’s no doubt

There’s no wonder

Out of everything you said

All I heard was goodbye

7even

 

I’ve never been the type to listen

to the words that

I heard about somebody else

But I think I should listen to everyone

except myself

when it comes to you

See you’re my guilty pleasure

You’re everything I said I would

never get involved with

I don’t make a habit out of lying to myself

But be honest,

Is there any truth to us?

I know this usual for you

But I’m new to lust

So I gotta ask

Are those games in your past?

Or do I need to pause?

I won’t play with my heart

And neither yours

Even though you tell me you don’t have one

Sydney

[* *]

I remember walking away from tears

Not knowing if I would ever be able to empathize

I couldn’t grasp the pain she felt

Truthfully, I couldn’t wait to walk away

As days turn into months

One-night stands turn into relationships

I understand that what she felt for me

I may never experience again

Speak For Me

 

I can’t seem to get you out of my head

For all the right reasons

But I’m being over critical

Over cynical

I don’t know what it is that I dread

Forecasting behaviors

Things that will never happen

I have let you in

Don’t remember the last time this happened

I refuse

I need a little help

Show me how to love you

Remind me how it felt

And how I’ll feel

From this day on

Prove to my mind

With you is where I belong

My heart already knows

This is true

I wish he were the one making the decisions too

Manhattan Beach Blvd.

[* *]

How do I quantify the meaning of your existence?

In this instance impossible is truth

For each hour, minute and second

That we grow together is like a sunset

Each day it’ll come

But every one is more beautiful with you

Idée Fixe

[* *]

It’s complicated

For even though my eyes are open

None of what occurs is actually happening

I’m vividly thinking my way through life

Romanticizing each woman

Anticipating the deeply passionate love that we’ll share

I admire each as if they were the only

Allowing it to last as long as it’s needed

But what occurs in my head

Never relates to my heart

Bartered Hearts

 

She wanted more for him than he did for himself

She wanted to see him grow into the man she knew he could be

She wanted him to feel every emotion rather than remain impassive

She wanted to understand his past in order to obtain a better future

 

Yet none of this came without resistance

None of this came without hesitance

None of this came without tears

 

But all of this came with the understanding

that for the first time

someone truly cared about the layers underneath

 

So when the time came

that all of those wants became a reality,

the only thing she wanted was to do the same for him

Symbiosis

 

I don’t like you

However I understand

I can’t have your better half

Without you

So I accept you

In hopes that my relationship with love

Lasts longer than my relationship with you

Dissonance from Distance

 

I never meant to wait

For the love I wasn’t going to get

I had every intention of leaving

While we’re breathing different air

I’m here

You’re there

It’s naive of me to think you still care

Yet, I do

A part of me wants to too

That part keeps getting smaller

As these texts go through

As each FaceTime ends

The inevitable is coming

“We need to talk”

As soon as you stop running

4 a.M. n Miami

 

These moments tell me what I truly need

Living in the present is neglecting my future

‘Cause when the smoke clears

And they all leave

It’s your presence that I crave

Hopeless

[* *]

I wake up everyday and fall in love

Not immediately, but throughout the day

It’s draining

Most times I don’t want to

But I can’t help it

Beauty is everywhere

I think my heart is preparing itself

For one day

I’ll fall in love everyday

With the same person

For a different reason

Dancing with the Devil

 

If I can find the patience in my heart to stay with you

I hope you can find the kindness in yours not to kill me slowly,

but abruptly

Don’t fuck with me, as you’ve always done

Don’t tell me you’re sorry

Most importantly,

Don’t tell me I’m the one

Rip my heart out as quickly as you can

Cut it into pieces

And discard of any evidence

You >

 

We were together before we’d even met

With each stroke of the pen

Each touch on the keyboard

I was writing you into existence

Blank pages filled with rollercoaster moments

As we fell

I felt no place was safer than next to you

I then realized that this ride

Was more than worth the wait

For fate doesn’t linger in the shadows

Emotions that usually come and go stayed true

And you

You continually eclipse all that used to be

So in moments of solitude

When I write of you

Though valid I know

These words only reflect a fraction of the essence that is you

Pieces

 

In every woman you’ve met

There’s something extraordinary that lives inside of them

A piece that captures your heart and holds it for ransom

A smile, an intellect, an energy, a presence

Yet, somehow the heart escapes every time

Realizing that piece does not make it whole

But when the whole is greater than the sum of the parts

The heart has no choice but to surrender

Theories

 

In theory, all of this sounds right

If you take all of these sound bites

Put them together

I might just feel complete

I’m still too weak to admit

You’ve got a hold on me

How old do I have to get

To express these feelings?

Oh the possibility

Keeps me willing

At any moment I’m ready

I’d do it now if I let me

I need to take things steady

Truly, I’m scared of reality

Even though you bring the best out of me

Telling you how I feel

And you not feeling the same

Is my worst fear; undoubtedly

Pondering

[* *]

Sometimes I wonder

If you think about me

As much as I think about you

If you’re praying my love doesn’t fall into the wrong hands

Or maybe it does

That way I know you’re still out there

Inception

 

The mind is a gift and a curse

Because in mine, it’s like were in a romance

We meet in the most traditional way

Then by some chance we lose touch

Reoccurring flashes of that moment occupy vast real estate

Prayers go unanswered

Time moves with no regard

And then

There you are

Just as elegant as the first moment

If air were ever unavailable

It was now

But as I take that first step

You’re swept away

Passionately kissed in ways I had only dreamt

If only this were that

I’d wake up to you right by my side

Yet here I am again, dreaming

For All Intents & Purposes

 

Never thought it was possible to shoot a star down

Out of all the things you mentioned

I never thought my attention was needed

So, I played the background

Gave love, but never thought you’d keep it

Now I see

My actions didn’t match my intentions

Can you blame me?

Soon as I got close you changed me

But maybe

This was your plan all along

Now tell me

How do I right my wrongs?

After All This Time

 

Tell me I’m wrong

But I never wanted you to be everything

I just wanted us to mean something

When there was nothing for us to hide

Back to the times when we would talk

You would stare into my eyes

Peaking into my soul

Oh those moments of bliss

When I hung on to every single word

that would come off those lips

I’m still naive

I can’t believe you listened to me

First thing I said was to never fall in love

I take it back

I think we fit like a glove

You show me all that I lack

Still, you love me unconditionally

Close, you hold me

I know that you miss me

I feel the same

And every time I look at my ring

All I can see is your name

Worst Enemy

 

I’m too loosely combative

with thoughts of love

trouble is

these thoughts alone

might break me

They might take me away

from the joy I seek

from the heights

we could’ve reached

I never realized

how numb they made me

You Had Every Right

 

Too many conversations we never had

over things that didn’t happen

but I wish happened

How my excuses turned into reasons

I’ll never be able to explain

[B]efore [A]nyone [E]lse

 

I’m only human

So why hold me to standards

only God can reach

It’s unfair

There’s too big of a divide

in what you practice

and what you preach

I still love you

 

I’m beginning to think

that’s not enough

I’m tired

It’s tough

When you give someone

all of your trust

and they lose it

Continually abuse it

I’m hoping to find my mind

cause love made me lose it

 

Don’t make me choose

between love and loyalty

This’ll be the last time

I put you before me

In Perpetuity

 

i fight the sunrise

just see our time extended

hoping my reservation is held

my balance is off

still i manage to breathe

i can’t catch my thoughts

If I Never Told You…

 

For one hour everyday

I allow myself not to be consumed by you

Mentally or physically

It’s usually the most productive part

But today,

Today I couldn’t

Somewhere along this path

My love and adoration of your being

Turned into disdain

A fallacy, I know

Yet, here we are

At a junction in a road

Where I have no sense of direction

Except that I know I’ve been misdirected

I know these feelings

We’re put in my heart for a reason

So for me to leave them

Discarded and unused

Is only abuse to myself

One day

I hope she notices

The value of the love that I shelved

Dreadful wishful thinking

There’s no use for this

I’m thankful that I cannot

And will not get used to this

I finally gathered up the courage

To tell myself that I am not perfection

Nor will I ever be

The beauty in vulnerability

Is that we all seek connection

Some more than others

Either everlasting or momentary

Scary or delightful

Often the feelings we should chase the most

Are the ones that are most frightful

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