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Doing the Work: Healing our Body, Mind & Spirit by Getting to Know the Self

 

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Healing our Body, Mind & Spirit
by Getting to Know the Self

By Jill Loree

 

Self. Help. | Book Three

 

Also by Jill Loree

The Real. Clear. series offers a fresh approach to timeless spiritual teachings, conveying profound ideas by way of easier-to-read language. It’s the Guide’s wisdom in Jill Loree’s words.

 

HOLY MOLY | Real. Clear. (Book One)

The Story of Duality, Darkness and a Daring Rescue

 

FINDING GOLD | Real. Clear. (Book Two)

The Search for Our Own Precious Self

 

BIBLE ME THIS | Real. Clear. (Book Three)

Releasing the Riddles of Holy Scripture

 

THE PULL | Real. Clear. (Book Four)

Relationships & their Spiritual Significance

 

PEARLS | Real. Clear. (Book Five)

A Mind-Opening Collection of 17 Fresh Spiritual Teachings

 

GEMS | Real. Clear. (Book Six)

A Multifaceted Collection of 16 Clear Spiritual Teachings

 

BONES | Real. Clear. (Book Seven)

A Building-Block Collection of 19 Fundamental Spiritual Teachings

 

The Self. Help. series offers a bird’s-eye view of the Guide’s teachings and how to apply them in working with others.

 

SPILLING THE SCRIPT | Self. Help. (Book One)[
**]An Intense Guide to Self-Knowing

 

HEALING THE HURT | Self. Help. (Book Two)

How to Help Using Spiritual Guidance

 

DOING THE WORK | Self. Help. (Book Three)

Healing our Body, Mind & Spirit

by Getting to Know the Self

 

[WORD FOR WORD
**]An Intimate Exchange Between a Couple of Kindred Souls

 

www.phoenesse.com

 

The Guide Speaks website delivers spiritual truths by way of thousands of questions posed to the Guide and answered with candor and insight.

 

THE GUIDE SPEAKS

The Complete Q&A Collection

By Eva Pierrakos
with Jill Loree

 

www.theguidespeaks.org

 

©2017 Jill Loree. All rights reserved.

 

Published by Phoenesse LLC

Discover more from Jill Loree at www.phoenesse.com.

 

ISBN: 978-1370614066

 

Phoenesse^®^ is a registered service mark of Phoenesse LLC.

Pathwork^®^ is a registered service mark of the Pathwork Foundation.

Preface

From Part III: Doing the Work, in [_ Spilling the Script: A Concise Guide to Self-Knowing_] by Jill Loree.

 

In the course of this work, we develop on various levels of our being:

*
p<>{color:#000;}. In our spirit, we move from the separation of duality to unity.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. In our mind, we move from images and vicious circles to truth.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. In our will, we move from forcing currents and withholding, to receptivity and a willingness to give.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. In our emotions, we move from being blocked and numb, to being flowing and changing.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. In our bodies, we move from being frozen and split, to being open, breathing and integrated.

 

The Way Out

Following is an overview of the work we can do to heal our souls:

 

• Something triggers an Emotional Reaction

Bring reason to our emotions to discover the cause.

 

• Come out of Blame and being a Victim

Take responsibility for seeing cause and effect in ourselves.

 

Pray & Meditate to see the truth

Use mature ego to connect with Higher Self.

 

• Find the Image

Clearly express the statement of the belief.

 

• Release Residual Pain

Feel the pain of unmet needs.

 

• Find the Duality

See the misconception and open to seeing reality.

 

• Feel and unwind the Forcing Current

Or find the collapse into hopelessness.

 

• Connect with Negative Pleasure

Discover the pleasure in being destructive.

 

• Recognize Faults

Reveal the triad of pride, fear and self-will.

 

• Transform Negative Intention

Find where we need to give.

 

• Search for a No-Current

Find faulty thinking that undermines fulfillment.

 

• Uncover Real Needs

Pray and meditate to connect with our longing.

 

• Impress soul substance with New Awareness

Re-educate the inner child with the truth.

 

• Pray for Healing

Divine energy fills and heals the wound.

 

 

Contents

 

Introduction

1 Step, Together, Step | The Process

2 Living in a 100-Story House | The Setup

3 Building Castles in the Sky | Reality

4 I’m Totally Fine, I Feel Nothing | Numbness

5 Would I Rather be Right or Happy? | Duality

6 Praying for a Toehold | Truth

7 So You’re the Rubber and I’m the Glue? | Our Work

8 My Favorite F-Word | Freezing, Fighting or Fleeing

9 Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are | Hiding

10 I Spy with My Little Eye | Little-L Lower Self

11 What are we Fighting For? | Big-L Lower Self

12 Taking the Long Way Home | Doing the Work

13 It’s Time for a Break | Crisis

14 There’s a Hole in my Bucket | Trust

15 Emptying Out the Well | Tears

16 Making Space for Not Knowing | Unity

 

About the Author

More from Jill Loree

 

Introduction

This is not the only book you will ever need to read to sort yourself out. At best, it can point you in the right direction if you want to do the work of self-discovery. You’ll need to reference other sources, such as the Real.Clear. seven-book series of spiritual teachings, to fill in all the blanks about topics touched on here but not fully fleshed out. We can only cover so much ground if we want to stay focused on the task at hand—namely, how to heal ourselves.

This isn’t a simple task and trying to make the instructions too step-by-step may give the wrong impression. Doing the work of self-knowing isn’t easy. The goal of this guide isn’t to make short work of reaching the Holy Grail; this isn’t Seven Quick & Easy Steps to Nirvana.

Instead, think of this book as providing a compass for your journey. Of course, as any halfway-decent Girl Scout can tell you, you will need more than just a compass when you’re lost in the woods. You need to know how to read the darn thing. You need to have some idea what direction to head to get out. And you may need to have made some preparations for surviving a few cold, dark nights before you do.

Truth be told, no one gets out of planet Earth alive. But we can come out ahead by learning to make the best use of our time here. And that starts the day we begin doing the work. So let’s get at it.

—Jill Loree

 

[]1 Step, Together, Step | The Process

Doing the work of healing our fractured, world-weary selves is both linear and nonlinear. It’s often two steps forward and one step back. Consider that no one who has ever executed an elegant dive off a diving board got there without first splashing around in the shallow end. And then somewhere along the way it becomes no big deal to just approach the board and slip into the water—without even having gotten wet first.

But if we’re beginners at swimming in spiritual healing waters, it’s prudent to go slow, learning the ropes and gradually working our way toward lolling in the deep end. No one needs to be thrown in over their head to see what happens. As this analogy goes, that’s a good way to set someone back a fair bit in their learning process.

So while we’re going to need to learn to dance with duality along the way, doing our work isn’t a sink-or-swim situation. This is an important point to take in, as managing our expectations appropriately can go a long way in keeping us from coming unglued when the going gets tough. And make no mistake, at some point it will. But it’s entirely possible to keep ourselves aright through rough territory, especially if we know that getting water up our nose is a natural part of the learning and growing process.

Even though it’s not entirely linear, this spiritual work of healing has an additive nature to it. Do step one, then add step two. Do one and two, then add step three. This means we need to start wherever we are and grapple with what’s in front of us. Once we’ve got ourselves stabilized enough to stay upright and afloat, we will naturally become ready to move toward deeper work, with some not-unexpected slipping and sliding along the way.

All of that said, our work is already underway and has been since the day we arrived. (And probably for a few lifetimes before this one, to boot.) To say we are now ready to start doing the work is really saying we are ready to take on our work with conscious intention. Rather than letting life have its way with us—as it will—we’re going to face our challenges head-on, going at them with all the goodwill we can muster and getting all the goodie from them we can.

For life is going to teach us the lessons we need to learn, whether we like it or not. And to be fair, on another level, before we arrived at Earth school, we agreed to this. We knew we had some areas of our spirit in need of remedial work, and we came here to sort ourselves out. We took on a task to reconnect some more of our fragmented bits that fractured during our fall from God’s grace. (See more in Holy Moly: The Story of Duality, Darkness and a Daring Rescue).

Also know this: if life feels like it’s a perpetual dunking machine, we’ve not been paying attention during the lessons we’ve been given, and that’s why we may now feel we’re in over our heads. For there is a spiritual law that says we are always given the easiest possible way to deal with any challenge our soul needs to go through for healing. If our way has become choppy, it’s only because we didn’t make much effort when less effort would have been required. Now it’s gotten harder—the struggles and difficulties, due to the Law of Cause and Effect, keep amping up—and we want to continue to blame our way out of our problems. And so it is that we typically begin doing our work by lamenting that—poor me—we’re a victim.

In Jill’s Experience

I was 26 years old the day I stepped into my first AA meeting. It was September 11, 1989 and I had just come back from a business trip during which had I enjoyed my very last drink. I’d spent a cringe-worthy-now evening in the bar of a Holiday Inn where I could drink to my heart’s content and not have to drive home. Seemed like such a good gig at the time, but also a sad way to be living my life.

I can’t say I hadn’t seen this coming. I’d been dodging giving up drinking for several years. And truth be told, this was the track I was on since the day I took my very first drink at the age of 13. Yet on the day I picked up my first and only white chip of surrender, I fortunately had a lot of “yets” remaining in my pocket. I hadn’t lost a job yet. I hadn’t messed up my children yet—in fact, I hadn’t had any kids yet. And although I had gone through one marriage already, I hadn’t lost a house yet. All things considered, I was grateful. It could have been worse.

One thing that hastened my entry into sobriety was the exposure I’d had to the evils of alcoholism by way of my father’s slippery slope. I had been in sixth grade when he went through treatment for the first of four rounds. As one can imagine, there was much slipping and sliding in between admissions, and I saw every single one of his relapses coming. More aptly, I felt them, and it sure didn’t feel good.

You’d think a person would avoid those spirits-in-a-bottle altogether then, wouldn’t you? But no, that’s not the way alcoholism rolls. I have no commentary about the nature-versus-nurture aspects of my genetic predisposition to becoming an alcoholic. I only know I was glad they were saving a chair for me when I got there. Because upon arrival, I was inwardly a mess, humiliated by my behavior and befuddled about how to change it. As they say, my best thinking had gotten me to the doorstep of Alcoholics Anonymous, but that was the best place in the world I could have wound up.

For fifteen years I would show up every week to an AA meeting. I liked the things they said that helped me find some semblance of self, like “AA is not a place for bad people who need to get good, it’s a place for sick people who need to get well.” I heard, “There’s a God-shaped hole in my soul that the wind blows through,” and I thought, “These people get me.”

It’s like they were talking straight at me when they said, “Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth,” and “Don’t drink, even if your ass falls off.” Another of my favorites: “Want to become an old-timer in AA? Don’t drink and don’t die.” Their wisdom flowed like water into my soul, and I was parched.

I went to meetings every week because I needed to hear what happened to people who didn’t go to meetings. I went because I needed to learn how a person copes with life sober—people who drink, they pointed out, have a “broken coper”—and I went because my way hadn’t worked. I arrived in a state of humiliation, and stayed because they were teaching me humility.

I was an atheist the day I first walked through those doors. I thought perhaps there actually was a God who had built this place, but he had long ago turned his back on us—or at least he had on me—and had just said, “Go.” I felt I had been on my own since the beginning. So although I didn’t have a God-connection of my own, I didn’t believe these people were making things up when they spoke of having found their own connection to a Higher Power. I wanted that. I was willing to keep hanging out to see if one day I too might find something I could believe in, including myself.

 

 

[]2 Living in a 100-Story House | The Setup

Stories, stories, stories. Man, do we have some stories. And chances are, we like to bend the ear of anyone who will listen to our tales of woe as we work to bring everyone and their brother over to our side—to our way of seeing things. The point is not that we shouldn’t have our stories. Nor is the point that we should stop telling our stories. We sometimes need to vent or we’ll just explode, right?

What would be more helpful though is for us to start paying attention to the pitch of our stories, to the way we’re making someone or some situation out to be the bad guy while we whitewash our own part. It’s called the Blame Game and what we’re really jacking with here is reality. We only see how we’ve been wronged, and don’t realize that in some way, via our unconscious attitudes and beliefs, we set the whole thing up.

Let’s briefly recap how and why this is so. For starters, before we were born, our soul had acquired some unsightly dirt spots that needed special attention. These areas-in-need-of-cleaning were considered and reviewed at great length, in conversation with older and wiser Guides. Together, we created a punch list of sorts, delineating what we should try to knock off our house repair list during our upcoming lifetime. (See more in Pearls: A Mind-Opening Collection of 17 Fresh Spiritual Teachings, the chapter called Preparing for Reincarnation: Every Life Counts.)

Our parents were carefully selected for their exquisite ability to bring our distortions up to the surface in this lifetime. This is not done as a punitive measure but rather as a means for us to become abundantly aware of our soul dents so we will be compelled to work on resolving them in this lifetime. For none of us are nearly as inspired by the prospect of happiness as we are by our fervent desire to avoid unpleasantness.

As the Guide teaches, all our imperfections—including our faulty thinking, illusions, distortions, destructiveness and otherwise all-around negative tendencies—are merely twists on something that was originally positive and divine. And we are the ones who have done this twisting, prior to this current incarnation. So in accordance with the Law of Cause and Effect, also called karma when it spans over many lifetimes, we now need to do the cleanup work resulting from our own misguided ways.

In short, we’re here to rediscover our original face—our true beauty—and we can’t, or won’t, do that if we don’t clearly see the aspects of ourselves that have lost their shine. We can collectively sum up all of these less-than-positive qualities under an umbrella called the Lower Self. We’re here, then, to transform our Lower Selves and return our souls to their more God-like condition. The aspect of ourselves that has never been tarnished or lost its direct line to God is called our Higher Self.

There is one primary difference between the Lower Self and Higher Self and it is this: the Lower Self serves separation and the Higher Self serves connection. Make a note of this. For every time we lose our way, we can re-orient ourselves by asking whether our choices in life are leading us in the direction of separation or connection.

Of course, in reality, few things are so black and white. Often, through a series of unfortunate choices, we find ourselves face-to-face with All Bad Options. Then we must always start by making the choice that connects us more deeply with our own selves—as best we know how in that moment—for that is where we will find our alignment with our Higher Self. And getting squared up with our own inner divine self is what will put us square with God’s will. If we get that right, the rest of our lives will begin to fall into step.

The Lower Self can be characterized by its signature moves which include being destructive and cruel. It is highly charged, since it takes Higher Self energy and perverts it, and it has no intention of changing. So another character trait of the Lower Self is laziness. In its childishness, the Lower Self wants what it wants when it wants it, and it is not willing to pay the price for having a better life experience. Ergo, the Lower Self is not going to transform itself.

This piece is critical for us to understand: the work of transforming the Lower Self is always an act of the Higher Self. We will do ourselves a great favor by continually tending to and strengthening our Higher Self container—our efforts with meditation pay off right here—so that we are able to better hold onto ourselves when the Lower Self kicks up a fuss. And that, friends, most assuredly will happen as we wend our way along any conscious path of healing.

In truth, this is no different than when we blunder our way through life just hoping for the best. Lower Self attempts to undermine our best efforts at every step. Only now, armed with the tools of these teachings and the help of someone who has gone this way ahead of us, we have a heads up. Caution, watch for Lower Self at play. This can go a long way in making turbulent times a tad easier to navigate.

For example, here is one of those cautionary signs we need to watch for: building a case. When we hear ourselves telling the stories of what’s happening in our lives, we need to start noticing any tendency to build a case against someone else. This is a sure sign Lower Self is at play. And the more we go along with this, the more we are colluding with the devious intentions of our Lower Self to keep us in separation.

In Jill’s Experience

I’d been doing this healing work for almost twenty years, following the path laid out by the Guide, when I had the good fortune of connecting with a fellow Pathworker we’ll call Tim. Over the course of our lengthy email exchange, which is how our relationship started off, I found myself still bringing up stale stories about ‘how they done me wrong because I’m a woman.’ And a part of me is thinking, ‘Really, we’re still on this?’ (See more in Word for Word: An Intimate Exchange Between a Couple of Kindred Souls.)

This, it seems, has been the story of my whole life. It started when I was born to a woefully young couple who already had a two-year-old and a four-year-old boy by the time I arrived. I heard “the boys and Jill” throughout my growing-up years. So they were a pair and I was odd-man-out, so to speak, all because I was a girl. In fairness, no one got a lot of needs met in my family, but I felt a particular form of exclusion that stemmed from my mother never fully embracing her own place in this world as a woman.

But be that as it may, I am also well aware now that I had this piece to work about being a female. For never in my life have I considered my female persuasion to be a good thing. Oh briefly, just out of college, I found myself confused by the apparent upside of having benefitted from affirmative action. But, I countered, I don’t see how being girl did squat for me on a chemistry test. I earned my good grades exactly same way the boys did: I worked for them.

In my adult life, I ended up charting a trail of unsatisfying career choices, until one day, in pain and despair, I had a blinding glimpse of the obvious: the problem must be me. And that’s about the time I found the Pathwork. The Guide’s teachings began illuminating my many areas in need of work, and I began doing this transformative work in earnest.

Like an old can of paint with the lid sealed shut, you can’t pry the thing off with just one attempt. You have to go around the top, slowly working your way through layers of old dried paint. Eventually, the thing will come loose, but not after the first little prying. That’s how this issue of grappling with being a woman has been for me.

Because it showed up in my work, and it showed up in my marriage, and it showed up in my spiritual community. Of course. The problem lives in me and so it’s going to show up everywhere I do. It’s even in my unshakable bad habit of picking on myself by picking at my cuticles. What I had never connected was that one of my other lifelong pains—the experience of being raised in a family in which I wasn’t spoken to much—was integrally connected with my belief that there was something fundamentally wrong with me: namely, that I was a woman.

I had brought this misconception in with me and then, as we do, manifested a life in which it seemed it was true; it seemed I wasn’t spoken to for the simple reason that I was a girl. Had I been a male, I could have fallen in with “the boys” and lived happily ever after. Ok, that’s not true either, but so it seemed.

So after years and years of work, I connect with this guy Tim, and we have a situation happen in which I feel he’s not talking to me. Up go my defenses, down come my walls, off runs my wounded inner child, and I am left feeling helpless and hopeless. Why does this always happen to me?

Here was the setup. Tim and I had gone on a ski-vacation together out West. Unbeknownst to us, the snow was insanely deep and still falling, and the day we arrived, another five feet of fresh snow fell. Here’s proof you can have too much of a good thing, as powder up to our knees was like skiing through a flour factory. Both of us were struggling but doing the best we could.

The following day, an avalanche closed the road to the ski hill. We delayed our start and then finally headed out to brave elements. With Tim driving in these tough conditions, I was unaware of the funk descending over him. Fear was bubbling up and he was in his own inner reaction, but I just felt I was being tuned out. He felt very far away.

Unbeknownst to my conscious mind, this “not-talking-to-me treatment” fell into an old slot in my unconscious; Oh, here it is. I expected this. Because in this hidden part of my being a conclusion had long ago been made that the reason people don’t talk to me is I’m a girl; this is the basic, unchangeable flaw that is wrong with me. Without my conscious awareness, this wrong conclusion caused me to see Tim’s reaction through my distorted lens, and caused me not to check out what was happening. I bought the story that ‘Oh, this is always what happens to me.’ I didn’t know to challenge my own inner misbelief.

 

 

[]3 Building Castles in the Sky | Reality

Always, always, always, awareness is the key. When we start out on a healing journey, we have no idea of just how much of reality we are not aware of. And this is the crux of the matter. The parents and life situation we experienced as a child handed us our work. They showed us exactly where our soul dents are by way of the painful feelings we suppressed, and which we now blindly plan to spend the rest of our lives avoiding. We crafted conclusions about how life works and strategies for surviving, using all the fine logic of a seven-year-old, and then pushed our faulty misunderstandings down into our unconscious—out of our awareness—where they simmer and then later boil.

The real problem with this—which by the way, works exactly the same for every human on this planet—is that once an idea gets shoved down out of our conscious awareness, we can no longer get at it with our adult conscious reasoning. As we grow older, this wrong thinking about life causes us to behave in ways that bring about life experiences that seem to validate our faulty premise. And so, as though in disbelief that this painful situation could be happening to us—again!—we tell our stories about how the universe has done us wrong.

This blaming tactic is one of the many ways we hide from reality, and better yet, hide from seeing our part. Since we don’t realize we have a piece in this action, we feel we are victim of the crummy things that just always seem to happen to us. For no good reason. And it makes us crazy. This is that highly charged Lower Self coming through, causing us to build cases against other people and continually turn a blind eye towards our own destructive nature.

Bottom line, when we view the world through the distorted lens of our own Lower Self, we are not in reality. We are building castles in the sky with the hope that one day we can escape to a land far, far away from the pain and turmoil confronting us. But life doesn’t work that way. It never has and it never will. To continue to stay in wishful thinking that ‘if everyone else would just do right, we would be ok,’ is to attempt to live in a fairy tale that ends with happily ever after.

If we, in fact, had a fairy tale soul with no floors in need of scrubbing, this wouldn’t be such a bad idea. But then we wouldn’t have come here. No, we came here to clean house, and that’s what we now must do. No amount of finger pointing will allow us to evade this simple reality. It’s time to roll up our sleeves and stop hiding. It’s time to come down out of our make-believe castles and see what’s really going on behind the inner walls we have built which are intended to keep painful feelings at bay.

Here is a reality that can be hard to swallow: where there is a victim, there is also a victimizer. Whatever is being done to us, we do that to others, in some clandestine Lower-Self way. Everything we identify outside ourselves that creates a certain feeling of disharmony inside us is only doing so because the outer event resonates with an inner distortion. The place to look for the solution to our problems, then, is never outside of ourselves. The real problem always lives inside us, and the bigger problem is our lack of awareness that this is so. (See more in Finding Gold: The Search for Our Own Precious Self.)

In Jill’s Experience

When Tim and I each bumped up against our work while we were in Tahoe skiing, I didn’t connect the dots at the time between what was happening between us—in some ways, seemingly nothing—and what was happening in my body—also seemingly nothing. Two days in and nothing had moved through my intestines. I was starting to get very uncomfortable. We stopped at a drug store in search of a remedy that would kick-start my shutdown digestive system.

Days later, after Tim and I had each processed our way through much of what had bubbled up, I had another blinding download of insight: my lifelong battle with constipation is related to this situation of people not talking to me. But that, in fact, is only the tip of the iceberg. What I really react to is the lack of presence, the unavailability, of the one I love.

As this awareness came flooding in, I reflected on my last days with my previous boyfriend; this same thing had happened then. I’d eaten an apple on Friday and felt it was still in my stomach late Saturday. I’d noted Brian hadn’t been talking to me, but what I hadn’t keyed in on was that this just reflected the fact that Brian was already checking out. I wasn’t the one to initiate the end our relationship, he was. And my body knew it.

A few weeks after this, Tim and I were enjoying our final morning together before a three-week long stretch of being apart. To use the word “enjoy” is probably misleading as both of us, we came to realize, were somewhat out of sorts. We’d made love that morning, but honestly, my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t feel the fire that’s usually there. But I wasn’t clueing in to what was happening between us. All I knew was that once again, I felt adrift.

Familiar and old as this feeling was to me, it didn’t prick my ears to tune in more carefully. I did notice though that once again, my bowels were taking a break. This time, it occurred to me try something different and check things out with Tim: “Tim, my stomach is feeling stuck. What’s going on with you?”

In fact, a lot was bubbling with Tim that day. Accustomed as we both are to doing this work, he took the time to get in touch with his insides and surface the turmoil causing him to check out. He felt like he had to do everything on his own, that there was no one on his team. This is an image we both share.

By letting the dam of tears break through, we were both able to find a more comfortable way to be with each other, even as we were still faced with the unhappiness of the upcoming time apart. To feel the sweetness in that sorrow felt way, way better though than sitting in the walled-off pain of our self-made separation.

 

[]4 I’m Totally Fine, I Feel Nothing | Numbness

People who embark on a spiritual path of growth and healing can be divided into two camps. There are 1) those who are abundantly aware that they have painful feelings they would prefer to avoid, which are accompanied by stories from childhood that tell us where the now-residual pain was created in this lifetime, and 2) those who are not in touch with painful feelings and who just want to be getting more out of life. It’s not that those in the second camp don’t have issues, and it’s not that they won’t surface their work as they go along, but in the moment, they are less aware there was so much lacking in their childhood. Nonetheless, they have an itch for more and they haven’t yet figured out how to scratch it.

In all cases, we have thoughts and feelings inside us we aren’t yet fully aware of, and we have created avoidance strategies designed to keep us safe and help us get our needs met. The only problem with this is that these strategies don’t work. Because they cause us to sidestep the very thing we would most benefit from: taking a good, hard look at our difficulties. And that keeps us spinning in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction.

One of the most universal strategies to know about is our tendency to freeze our feelings. This happens on an energetic level at a very young age, accompanied by the holding of our breath, and is the way a child attempts to block painful feelings it doesn’t have the ability to deal with. It’s a survival mechanism, if you will, but we want to be careful about throwing around claims that ‘this is what we needed to do to survive.’

The classic thinking of the now-separated inner child aspect is dualistic in nature, meaning to the child, everything is black or white, good or bad, life or death. It’s true that as children, we didn’t have much in the way of coping skills. But we can terrorize our still-hurting little inner self if we tell tales about how we needed our defenses to save ourselves. Yes, we thought that was true. But in fact, painful feelings are not lethal. We just don’t like them.

So here we can start to realize how the Lower Self uses the helplessness of the fragmented inner child for its own evil purpose of cutting off life. At that time, with our primitive child minds, we thought feeling pain was akin to dying, and we did what we had to stay alive. Now, all these years later, these same defenses are firmly and habitually in place, but they no longer save us. More rightly, they no longer serve us at all. Instead, they are now the problem, routinely attracting experiences that rub raw our old wounds, generating additional painful feelings that cause us to turn away from others as though in defense of ourselves.

In fact, the pain we feel now is a mixed bag of new painful feelings—which as adults we have the capacity to feel and move beyond—and old, old, old residual pain that has gotten stuck. It’s this last bit that causes so much flak in our systems. If the petrified residual pain weren’t frozen within us, life’s problems would be blips on our radar instead of hurricanes in our field.

Here’s where the spirit-mind-body connection comes in. In our spirit, we have soul dents we incarnate to heal. One aspect of this is that in our minds, we hold faulty conclusions about life that have sunk down out of our conscious awareness, but which are highly charged and used by the Lower Self to justify our wreaking of havoc and our subsequent efforts to keep ourselves separate from others.

But our bodies are not just along for the ride. They are the vessels, or vehicles, for this journey we’re on. They carry and hold these energetic blocks, which show up in the various ways our bodies armor themselves. There are five basic character structures that result from the wounding which happens at the different stages of child development. (See [_ Spilling the Script_] for more.)

In our healing sessions, our Helpers will guide us to correlate our feelings with where they are actively stored and therefore physically present in our bodies. Where do we hurt? We can learn to identify where the energy is stuck or frozen in our energetic field, which shows up as pain or tension in our bodies. The way to re-energize these stuck places is to bring awareness—via our breath—into the areas of discomfort, and let the wisdom of our bodies open up and talk to us. (See more in [_ Healing the Hurt: How to Help Using Spiritual Guidance_].)

When we breathe into stuck energy, we bring our life force to deadened areas. We created this dead spot because we didn’t want to feel a painful feeling, and guess what: when it wakes up, we’re going to have to feel it now. There will be tears; this is not the end of the world. Quite the opposite, this is the beginning of becoming more alive. The healing water of our tears releases a dam that has been longing for movement.

But before we get into all of this, what we are more apt to notice is…nothing. We numbed our feelings long ago, and until we do the work of freeing up this blocked energy and understanding the false conclusion about life it’s holding onto, we may not feel anything. We need to connect the dots that this stuckness in our beings is what shows up as the feeling we’re stuck in life. It’s one and the same thing.

Successfully cut off from our own selves, the Lower Self has won the hand and put down its cards. Its work is done. But hold on a sec, because lately our Higher Self has been knock, knock, knocking at our inner door, telling us, ‘Hey, this ain’t it. There’s more to life.’ And if we’re consciously walking on a spiritual path, we’ve heard this call. We want more.

Feeling numb feels completely different from feeling clear, or feeling empty. In fact, it saps a lot of our life force to maintain the highly unnatural, frozen state of numbness. This is not our original face, not by a long shot. To be numb is to be deadened and lethargic, and there is a self-perpetuating quality to our desire to do nothing. Further, we get an odd sense of satisfaction from doing things we know aren’t good for us.

This is the pit we have fallen into when we are depressed and feeling hopeless. It may at first seem like it will feel good to let ourselves wallow in darkness and despair, but this is a prison of our own making that we have willfully gone down into. Realizing this may give us some much needed oomph to start stepping our way out. But recall, we got ourselves here over the course of a long, slow fall and getting ourselves out isn’t going to happen overnight. They don’t hand out pole-vaulting sticks for doing this work. In fact, as one might guess by now, there is a spiritual law regarding this: we can’t skip steps. If at some point it seems we’ve finally launched ourselves up and over a lip, this can only be so because we have done the painstaking work of putting one foot in front of the other and didn’t give up.

Numbness is a big hurdle and we must overcome its inertia. We must become willing to undo what we ourselves have done. If we have been hanging out in deep darkness for a long time, we may not even feel we have enough of a foothold in the land of light to cross back over the line. But just as swimming around in the swamp of Lower-Self energies is self-perpetuating, so is tapping into the mother-source of Higher Self strength. Living from our Higher Self can be characterized as living in effortless effort. We become willing to pay the price to have the goodies, and doing so taps us into an everlasting source of wisdom, courage and love that continually replenishes our cup.

We need to take in new information that can help lead us out of the hellish situations we too often find ourselves in. For our true home of heaven lies just around the corner, and as Dorothy discovers in The Wizard of Oz, it’s been right there inside us this whole time, waiting for us to find it.

In Jill’s Experience

On the morning of July 4, 1997, I got one of those phone calls no one ever, ever wants to receive. It was my brother telling me Sarah, his 18-year-old daughter, had died in a car accident early that morning. Your heart just stops and you know things will never be the same.

Her leaving was a tragedy of immense proportions, but in it there was also a gift. It opened me up in a way I had not been before. To be fair, this didn’t happen right away. I was eight years sober at the time, but still a frozen popsicle of energy. I was out of the deep freeze but still hadn’t graduated to the refrigerator. So it was several days before I could even feel the pain of her passing and start to cry.

The pain of grief is one that has the ability to heal us in deep places we never thought we’d have to go. And while no one would wish for the experience, I can only say in hindsight that I’m grateful on some level for the passageway that opened when Sarah left.

The morning of her funeral, I sat in the stillness of dawn and looked out over a gently flowing river. With the brand of spirituality under my belt that one absorbs in AA meetings, I had developed a modest rapport with God. But sitting there that morning, I said to no one in particular, “Her spirit has gone to heaven and I have no idea what that means. I want to know.”

Those words resonated through me like the depth charge of a prayer they were. And just one month later I was guided to read my first Pathwork lecture called The Forces of Love, Eros & Sex, as my marriage was as devoid of depth and presence as my childhood had been. And that, it seemed, opened a door to a whole new world.

As I’d worked my way through the Twelve Steps in AA, I had been challenged by the sketchy instructions for undertaking a Fourth Step in which a person takes a “searching and fearless moral inventory.” When I found these teachings from the Guide, it was like I’d discovered an entire library full of directions. A single lifetime could not suffice to work through all that is offered in this miraculous collection. But I got on the stick and started working with a Helper, joined a group, and later went on to become a Helper myself.

Sarah was a light who left this planet way too early. Then again, I honor the Guide’s teachings telling us no one leaves unless, on some level, they have agreed to go. Why she died when she did, I cannot say. But she gave me a monumental gift on her way out for which I owe a deep debt of gratitude. I hope one day, in another lifetime, I will have the chance to repay her.

 

 

[]5 Would I Rather be Right or Happy? | Duality

The Guide teaches us that every disharmony in life stems from a misunderstanding of truth. The good news is: this means that every negativity can be unwound to find its original positive essence, once we uncover the truth of the matter. The bad news is: we’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that in some way, we’ve been wrong. We haven’t been living in truth.

We can think of truth as being a spectrum that stretches from one end of anything to the other, and therefore truth is able to hold opposites. When this unifying level of truth is known to us, we are at peace. Conversely, when we feel any disharmony within ourselves, we are caught in duality. When that happens, something appears to be true and at the same time in opposition to something or someone else. We have gotten lost in the illusion of duality. In that moment, what we must come to realize is that we are not yet seeing the whole truth. What we are snagged on is our own inner limitation to being in truth.

The Earth plane, then, is a sphere of duality; that’s our current reality. At the same time, all duality is illusion. Both of these are true. (If this tips us over, then we’re likely steeped in duality and don’t even know it.)

When we are able to get our arms so big that we can hold—actually embrace—the opposite positions of any issue, we step out of the plane of duality and enter the plane of unity. Ah, the infamous Oneness. When this happens, our world stops tilting. We enter a different kind of reality where nothing and no one is ever really in opposition to anything or anyone else. All becomes one, just at it already is beyond the veils of the dualistic illusion. Until then, we have to battle our way through the apparent warring factions that seem to exist in a world of duality, where actually, so little is as it appears.

So back to observing our storytelling. We need to become aware of what’s happening when we are trapped in duality, when the world we see in front of us appears to offer only black-and-white options. Or worse, when we’ve gotten ourselves so mired in the muck of duality that the only two options we face are bad and worse.

When we can start to identify that this is duality—that we are now trapped in illusion—we are making progress. Even before we have any inkling of a solution or way out, we are still better off. Because now the speck of our being that is observing our life drama is not caught in the drama. It may only be a speck at this point, but that’s more than we had access to before now.

Again, all duality is illusion. Regardless how convincing the illusion is, it’s still illusion. Our work is to find our way off the struggle bus, and we do that by cracking open the exit door using the tool of awareness. We need to shift away from dualistic thinking and learn to hang out more often in unitive consciousness where real truth resides. (See more about duality in [_ Spilling the Script_] and in [+:+] , the chapter called Surrendering to the Double-Sided Nature of Duality.)

Inherent in the restrictive, life-defying strategies we adopt early in life—in an effort to save ourselves—is the narrowing of our vision. Our view of things is sliced and diced into a fragment of reality that no longer has perspective. From such a limited viewpoint, we can weave a tale of how we’ve been wronged that seems utterly airtight. But in the end, we’re always leaving out one important detail: we’re still not in truth.

For once we have the greater truth of any situation in our purview, the disharmony resolves. Every time. So if we’re not walking straight regarding any issue in life, we don’t yet have our arms open wide enough to capture all the truth. What is there to be done about this? Just one thing: we need to pray.

In Jill’s Experience

No two ways about it, duality is a beast. We’re caught in it from the get-go, and the more we veer off course, the more we find our noses pushed up against lose-lose choices. Such is the state I was in when my 10-year marriage to a kind and caring man, who was as lost in the illusion as I was, came to an end. Snagged on our defenses as we were—mine to run as far and fast on an inner level as I possibly could—it’s no surprise we were destined for divorce. There just wasn’t enough of either one of us present to create much of a connection.

I was far enough along my spiritual path to know that whatever our issues were, if I didn’t work through them then and there, I would only end up facing them again, in front of someone else. But sometimes we just don’t have what we need to get there from here, and that’s where I was. I was lost and getting nowhere, and none of our years in therapy were moving the meter.

I had reached that sinking realization that no matter what, this is going to hurt: if I stay it’s going to hurt and if we split it’s going to hurt. Having arrived at this heart-sickening juncture, I did the only thing I knew to do: I did what I needed to do to save my own bacon.

This is the rough thing about duality. Having made a series of wrong turns, we find ourselves with our backs up against a wall and seemingly no good way out. Had I had the good fortune to have previously found and followed God’s will at every bend in the road, I wouldn’t have ended up where I did. But then a whole lot in my life would have been very different. Indeed, if I was so with-it that I could pick God’s will out of a line-up every time, I wouldn’t have had to come to this sphere to begin with.

And so it was with a certain sadness, and a very deep regret for the effect it had on my young boys, that we made the choice we did and our marriage ended. I wish it could have gone differently; I wish I could have been better. But I’m getting there now, having dedicated many years and not a small amount of dollars to my pursuit of resolving the hidden issues in my psyche that led me to having to make such a hard choice, and that necessarily hurt people I dearly love.

 

 

[]6 Praying for a Toehold | Truth

Our best efforts, using the all the brilliance of our amazing ego minds, will land us every time at the doorstep of duality. This is so because the ego itself is a fragmented aspect of ourselves, and left to its own devices, has no depth or original resource. It learns and spits back out what it has already taken in. It sets a clock and gets us out of bed in the morning. It signs us up for spiritual retreats and sits us on a cushion for meditation. But that’s as far as the ego goes.

We have come to this turn in our evolutionary journey as a direct result of choices we ourselves made long, long ago to check out the other side of life: the dark side. No one made us do this. We were curious and that’s how we wound up participating in what the Spirit World refers to as the Fall. (See more in Holy Moly and in Gems, the chapter called [_ Expanding Our Awareness and Exploring Our Fascination with Creation_].)

So we all started out in the Oneness, and then we fell away from that fine state, only to land ourselves in a world of hurt where the climb back home is a real bear. The result of the Fall is that our spirit has fragmented. In this lifetime, each time we experienced another hurt we couldn’t bear to endure, we fractured some more. We are all walking wounded, with inner aspects of ourselves having split off at varying ages of development. There is not one “inner child”; we are a compendium of banished inner children who all eventually need to return to the fold, bringing back with them our fractured off life force.

So now we find ourselves here on planet Earth, where we have better opportunities for reuniting our fragmented selves than in the Spirit World. This is so because here, unlike in the Spirit World, we are surrounded by other beings who also have all different kinds of fragmentation going on, and in acting out their negativity they will bump us against us and show us where we have our own work to do. This friction is the gift we are given in coming here; it’s the mirror that allows us to see our soul dents. In the Spirit World, we hang out in spheres made up of such like-minded souls that we get along better but don’t grow as much. A ticket to Earth-school, then, is a hot commodity for us fallen spirits.

But since we are fractured and fragmented beings, we need a way to hold ourselves together enough to do this work of healing. Introducing the ego. The ego is also a fragment, but it’s a fragment-with-a-job. First, it’s in charge of getting our ducks in a row. Frankly, a person whose ego is not well enough developed to take care of their personal needs for living, is not ready to dive into a rigorous path such as the one outlined here. People still do, but it’s not ideal.

Once the ego gets strong enough though, it’s job description changes, and it now needs to reach out for help. It needs to knock on the door of the Higher Self, and when that door opens, step aside and let in some new light. Over time, a strong ego will master the art of letting itself go so completely that it merges once again with the Higher Self—which is the ultimate destiny of all our fragmented selves—and allow us to live from that higher state of being.

Exactly how should the ego go about knocking? By praying. Praying for what? Simply to know the truth of the matter. Full stop.

In Jill’s Experience

I was attending a sales meeting, having recently moved into a sales position that involved a high-profile customer with a large opportunity for business. I had timed it well and sales were projected to see a definite uptick. I felt good about my work. So I couldn’t believe it when the manager of the group stood there in front of everyone handing out accolades, and I wasn’t mentioned. Truly, I was floored.

And in the young wounded part of me, I was also devastated. I mustered the courage to ask this manager afterwards about why I hadn’t been included, and having caught him off-guard about such a significant oversight, he basically tossed me off with a breezy, Oops, sorry about that!

Back in my hotel room, I was reeling. While true, this was a painful thing that had happened, it had gone straight to the quick. My reaction of hurt and indignation was far more than this situation warranted; I was in tears and trying hard to numb what was bubbling up and oozing out all over the place.

The only shred of perspective I could assemble was the awareness that I must not be in truth. So that was where I sat, for several long minutes, just breathing and praying to know the truth. And then it happened. Something shifted and started to open, and in dropped a perspective I hadn’t considered: he had made a mistake. This manager, standing in front of a room full of people, had overlooked something important, and when asked about it didn’t have the wherewithal in that moment to say he was sorry. And that’s on him. What had happened there was actually not about me.

The more I cried and breathed into this new take on reality, the more I opened to seeing this wasn’t really as painful as it had seemed. Sure it stung, but more truthfully, it had scratched open my old, old wound about not being seen, and that was what really hurt. Through the verities of life, sometimes we get overlooked, and while that doesn’t feel good, it’s really not the end of the world. I let go of my case and went to sleep.

The next morning at breakfast, this manager approached me and told me he was sorry; it had been an oversight he heartily regretted. A short while later, when the meeting got underway, he stood in front of the group and made it right. I was both seen and acknowledged in front of the group for my contribution. Deep breath.

 

 

[]7 So You’re the Rubber and I’m the Glue? | Our Work

We need to start recognizing the presence of any disharmony in ourselves as being code for Not In Truth. If we’re paying attention, what we’ll notice isn’t just that we are experiencing a particular disharmony, but in some way, it has the same look and feel of something we’ve experience before. Many times before.

This is caused by the fact that our mistaken beliefs about the world, which the Guide calls “images”, have a knack for drawing to us experiences that will seem to validate them—to make them appear correct. Their magnetic nature, while irritating on the surface of things, is part of the grand plan for us to bring our soul dents front and center for healing. Once we grasp this fact, we will change our perspective and go out in search of these patterns, for they reveal a lot.

The Guide’s suggestion for how to go about this excavation work is to do something called a Daily Review. At the end of each day, we only need to jot down a few notes about what we experienced that day: the feelings and associated thoughts. This isn’t the same thing as journaling. In this case, we want to be brief and to the point so that over time, we can look back through our collection of days and start to pick out the patterns. For we can’t fix what we can’t find.

Once we start to get the gist of what upsets our apple cart, we can start noodling around to find the phrase that resonates with us as being “the truth.” ‘I’m not enough and I’ll never be enough,’ or ‘Everyone I love leaves me.’ Our images won’t contain big, fancy words because they got created when we were very young. And they may be elusive to capture since we believe them—hook, line and sinker. This is why it is often not just helpful, but necessary, to be working with someone who is trained to spot images as they go flying by.

There is a particular kind of image, or belief, we need to go in search of, because it’s the one most responsible for our being handed a return ticket to this dualistic plane. We can call it our split. Keep in mind, we are each, at this point, a stitched together Frankenstein made up of many splintered-off aspects that are being loosely hung together to allow us to appear as a single form. Underneath all this fracturing and fragmenting, though, there is a core split in which we are literally torn in two by two opposing beliefs.

Generally speaking, we adopt one half of our split from our mother and the other half from our father. So for example, if a man has a father who was very demanding and yet always in competition with him, giving him the silent treatment if he ever seemed to outshine the father, he might conclude: ‘if I do well, I will be rejected.’ Meanwhile, the mother was also demanding and highly critical anytime the man didn’t do something well, like getting good grades. So then the other half of the split would be: ‘if I don’t do well, I will be rejected.’

At the level of our split, we can’t win. We spend our lives in anxiety and turmoil, ping-ponging between two opposing beliefs that both lead to pain. This is an example of a dualistic trap we must bring all the way to the surface of our awareness so we can begin to catch it in action. Now, it might seem the work is simply the unearthing of the heart-rending misunderstanding contained in our split, bringing it into our conscious awareness. In fact, it is only at this point that our real work begins. For just because we are aware of a mistaken belief, that doesn’t stop it from operating.

First, be aware there is a very real tendency for us to bring an image or split into our awareness, only to lose a grip on it and have it slip back into the black sea of our unconscious. So word to the wise, if something comes up, write it down in black and white. Get to know it. Start to look for where it shows up, and be prepared to start seeing it everywhere. Because our hidden beliefs have a pervasive effect throughout our lives; they are ubiquitous and insidious.

Second, realize this: our images aren’t the real cause of all our ills, our Lower Self is. And our Lower Self is just using our images for it’s wicked games of hide-and-go-away. The work lies in our willingness to die into our mistaken beliefs and wrap our arms around the reality that we have been wrong. Knowing the truth—both of who we are, and of any situation in our lives—takes away the wedge the Lower Self was leveraging to keep us separate.

So in the example given, what we need to also uncover is the truth: neither of these things is true. We are lovable and we are loved, not only by God but also by our own Higher Self and other people in our lives—albeit imperfectly—and no matter what we do or don’t do, we can’t ever be rejected from the Kingdom of Heaven, for that is our true home. We’ve just forgotten this.

We have spent our lives resisting and avoiding, behaving in ways we hope will prevent ever again experiencing the feeling of humiliation. We must come to see that humility, in fact, is the pathway to the divine. We must become willing to give up our wrong position that says, ‘But this is how it is. And based on this, I need to continually defend myself so I stay safe.’

If our hidden beliefs were true, this would make sense. But they are not and our lives are less satisfying for them. For they cause us to spend our days in a perpetual crouch, tilting at windmills and behaving in ways that make people respond from their own negativity, which only makes it seem true we needed to keep our weapons half-cocked.

In Jill’s Experience

Over the course of doing my work, I have surfaced a number of images, or mistaken beliefs, which act like truths that become self-evident. Our lives become these ongoing dramas in which we recreate the offending “truth”, only to inwardly writhe in anguish over how painful it is to keep doing so. In a nutshell, that’s how this whole humanity thing works.

A few of my images are:

*
p<>{color:#000;}. I’m not enough and I’ll never be enough.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. People intend to be mean to me.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. I didn’t make the cut.

So when I don’t get recognized at work for my contribution, that will butt up against my belief this was intentional, because people, I believe, intend to hurt me. Further, it underscores my belief ‘I’m not enough.’ At that point, believing ‘and I’ll never be enough’ is just piling on. It’s like basically saying this pain will go on forever, and indeed, that’s how it has felt.

It has also been uber-helpful for me to uncover my split. This happened while I was essentially journaling, although at the time, I had the intention of venting my spleen to my Helper about something that was eating me up. Regardless, while writing, I managed to catch a thread from my Higher Self, and found myself writing out my split.

First was the part about the pain I experienced when I was seen. I was raised in a Midwest farming community, and while I personally had never lived on a farm, I had relatives who farmed and both of my parents had been raised on farms. If I had to summarize my take on things it would be this: if I was seen, I was put to work.

Now, for a lot of farming families, that’s how things are. Yet that doesn’t mean everyone who grows up on a farm has a bad reaction to this. Our take on things may or may not be a match for the reality of what happened, and that’s OK. What matters is our take. This is the environment that brought my soul dent up to the surface.

I hated feeling I was only appreciated for my contribution to housework. So for me, if I was seen, it hurt. As a result, I developed a way of cloaking myself so I could show up in life and actually not be seen. One can imagine how that might create a conflict regarding the other side of my split—the thing I got from my other parent—which was the feeling of not being seen. And of course that hurt.

The truth about our split is it’s a needle we can never thread. The only way out is to just die into the pain of it. When something rubs me the wrong way, I need to pause and ask myself: is the problem here that I don’t like the way I’m being seen? Or do they simply not see me?

As I have discovered, by doing my work of healing, I can release the residual pain tied up in my inner contradictions. One could argue this won’t change much, but in fact it changes everything. It changes how I feel about the world, letting go of my case that ‘the sons-a-bitches are out to get me.’ And perhaps most importantly, it makes me curious about what’s up with the other—what’s making them act as they do?

Ten out of ten times, the other person is a human being who has images of their own. When our images are charged with tension, we magnetically attract people to us who have matching images that will strike a chord with ours. This is God at work, helping us see what we must in order to heal what we came here to work on.

 

 

[]8 My Favorite F-Word | Freezing, Fighting or Fleeing

Our seemingly hardwired responses to the ills of the world that cause us angst are referred to as Emotional Reactions by the Guide. Emotional Reactions can be identified by their tendency to carry a greater charge than the offending situation would logically illicit. Often, in fact, it can help just to maintain the perspective that ‘It could be possible for someone else—certainly not me, but somebody else—to be exposed to the same treatment and not be so bothered by it.’ So maybe then, our feelings aren’t ironclad facts.

With a long history of intentional—albeit unconscious—numbing behind us, many of us find ourselves opening up into emotions that confuse and disorient us. As we thaw, we start to have feelings we don’t like and are at a loss to control. For immature feeling don’t come tumbling out in tidy little packages. No, the work of feeling our feelings starts out as messy, noisy business, and only much later becomes a bit more buttoned up, while nonetheless always tending to lean in the direction of untidy.

Consider that humanity gives a lot of rope and margin to the processes of growing up mentally and physically. No one expects college-level work from a fifth grader, and most varsity athletes in high school have been developing muscles and skills since they were in middle school, if not earlier. We have patience for the work that must be done, realizing expertise can only develop with time, effort and perseverance.

But when it comes to our feelings, we want our tears to be timely and our expressions of pain to make perfect sense and make us look good. But we are kidding ourselves. Emotions will need some time and attention before they are anything but unwieldy, if not downright ugly. Even expressions of joy and happiness may take some getting used to, for emotions are not a pick-and-choose buffet. We can’t suppress those we hope to avoid but have an open spigot to those that delight.

If we have frozen our feelings—as all of us have to some extent due to the script we are each handed when we elect to become human—we’re going to need to slowly warm ourselves back up to room temperature. Like submerging freezing-cold fingers into a pan of lukewarm water, there will be an ache that naturally accompanies this process.

To wit, our first attempts to express our feelings, if done directly to others who have wronged us, are apt to exacerbate the situation instead of improve it. This happens for several reasons. First, we tend to co-mingle our feelings with the distorted beliefs wrapped up in them, making us spew angry and violent words at those who apparently validate our conclusions about an unfair, unkind world. Second, since we don’t yet know how to take responsibility for our own feelings, we often proceed by blaming others for making us feel this way. Third, the cruel tendencies of our Lower Self will attempt to hurt the other in retaliation for the pain they have inflicted on us. And so the wheel goes round and round.

This is a principle reason for doing our healing work under the tutelage of a trained healer—a Pathwork Helper, therapist, spiritual counselor, or the like—who can help us access and express what is currently inside us. In this way, we make space for something new—new wisdom, new perspective, new compassion, new courage—to be born in us. Once we shift our relationship to our own inner wounds, we will be able to circle back to the people we feel ‘have done us wrong,’ bringing new awareness for how to go about shifting our relationship with them. We’ll be able to move toward connection, instead of further separation. As it stands, our frozen inner blocks also obstruct our inner light that is always ready to guide us in navigating the unavoidable thorny patches of life.

If we’re attuned to the voice of spiritual seekers everywhere, we’ve likely heard the mantra that there is only one force in the universe, and that is love. While true that at the core of our beings we are indeed deep wells of never-ending love, the temporary truth of what lies on the surface of our beings—crusting over our Higher Self—is anything-but-love. We all have pockets of hate and spite, stashes of greed and envy, hidden corners of anger and rage. If we don’t know this to be true about ourselves, we haven’t yet scratched the surface in doing our inner work. And since non-loving feelings are what is present now, that’s what we must attend to. To look the other way is to continue blundering our way down an unlit path wearing a mask of defendedness.

When we’re in an Emotional Reaction, the reason we are bothered by what happens around us is never the offending thing itself—the problem is that the strings of old, still-raw wounds have been plucked and are now singing out tunes of their own. In such a situation, one of those split-off aspects of our beings has come to life and started to relive the pain and anxiety connected to a previous life experience the young child was not equipped to handle. Subsequently, in the blink of an eye, we go into a self-selected reaction: we freeze, we fight or we flee.

When this happens, our work starts by bringing reason to our emotions, recognizing there must be a mistaken belief we are not yet aware of buried deep inside us. Ah ha! I must not be in truth. But this same split-off aspect is now in no position to find its way out of the darkness it has gotten lost in. And so it is the ego that needs to wake up and recognize what’s going on. The ego must pause, take a breath, and begin to the open that doorway to the Higher Self where a vast, loving wisdom is just waiting to be tapped. The ego must remember to pray.

The soul of every human being is comprised of three fundamental layers: the Higher Self, Lower Self and Mask Self. (See more details in [_ Spilling the Script_].) We’d all like to think we are beaming beacons of Higher Self light, and indeed, sometimes this is true; we all have areas in our lives where our finest qualities shine through into the world. And if that were the end of it, we wouldn’t need to come here. Alas, we’ve each also got Lower Self energies in need of transformation, and these are notorious light-blockers.

The Lower Self is a highly charged aspect of our beings made up entirely of twisted Higher-Self currents. There is not a foible or fault that can’t be unwound to reveal its original glorious face. But in its low-frequency Lower-Self state, it’s not a thing of beauty. Just below the surface of our conscious mind, we are keenly aware of this, knowing that if our negative tendencies are eye-spied, we will certainly not be well liked, much less loved. So here’s what we do: we attempt to cover up the Lower Self with a mask.

One might think there are an infinite variety of masks to choose from; in fact there are only three: Power Mask, Love Mask and Serenity Mask. It’s worthwhile getting to know which has become our favorite go-to mask, realizing we may use one mask in one area of our life and another in a different area, all depending on which we think is apt to be most successful. (See more detailed explanations of our masks in [_ Spilling the Script_].)

There are two important things to note about the mask. First off, the mask is not real. What do we mean by this? This duck-and-cover aspect of ourselves is simply a strategy for keeping ourselves safe and deflecting others from seeing the untoward machinations of our Lower Self. But that’s all it is: a strategy. The mask is flimsily constructed and completely ineffective at doing its job. Because others can readily detect the unreal nature of our mask, and time-and-time again our mask will trigger them into their own defensive maneuvers. In short, it creates the problems it is designed to avoid—namely, that others will try to hurt us—and doesn’t actually do flip in keeping others from spotting our negativity. No one buys the mask.

So the second thing to realize is if we want to do any serious transformational work, we’re going to have to get at our Lower Self; we’re going to have to risk taking down our shields by taking off our mask. As long as we believe that our mask actually works, we won’t have the necessary impetus to make such a move. But once we understand how and why we constructed our mask, it will be easy as pie to set it aside. It may be a habit, but it’s truly not helpful.

Note of caution: this doesn’t mean we can go around ripping off other people’s mask in an attempt to “help them out” by making them get more real. The psyche can experience quite a shattering if this work is not done intentionally and somewhat methodically. We need to bring reason to the young inner parts of ourselves who cling to the idea that staying defended is a good strategy for staying safe. We must come to see how we are the ones provoking others’ Lower Self, or at least encouraging them to also stay in their mask, when we present them with our Mask Self. Truth is, people are often more likely to connect with us when we let them see our Lower Self than when we shellac ourselves over with a mask. For although the Lower Self is ugly, at least it is real.

In Jill’s Experience

We each have a different personal favorite way of responding when we get our feelings hurt. Some will rise up in rage and try to control their world through manipulation. Some will suck up to others and attempt to slime the world with their “niceness.” Some will check out, finding a favorite way to be in the world and not here at the same time. Me, I run.

My tendency to run surfaces in my relationship with Tim when something happens that I see through the lens of ‘he doesn’t care about me,’ or ‘I didn’t make the cut.’ Note, there doesn’t need to be any truth to this at all for some young split-off aspect of me to strap on her shoes and take off. By the time I realize my nose is out of joint, parts of me can already be in another county. In those immature parts of me, I’m not yet able to tolerate the intensity of some old pain.

This is when I literally need to sit and hold these hurting parts of myself, actively asking my Higher Self to be present in the moment. I need to release the pain she is carrying, hear what untruth she is holding, and re-educate her with the wisdom that flows from my inner connection with the divine.

We might think, ‘Our Higher Self is always there, so why must we invite it in?’ Because our work is to open the doorway, to actively want to connect with God within. That’s what makes doing this work of getting to know the self spiritual. Even though God has been with us this whole time—our Higher Self contains an essence of God—I must remember to knock and ask God to come in.

 

 

[]9 Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are | Hiding

If we were to summarize the human condition in one word, it might be “hiding.” For it’s the unknown parts of ourselves that have brought us here to this dualistic sphere, for doing this work of healing and returning to God. We were once in union with God and all that is, we turned away from God and from the truth of who we are when we fell from grace, and now it’s a long uphill battle to get all the way back, to fully see and know ourselves once again. We won’t get there in one lifetime, and certainly not in one weeklong spiritual retreat.

In order for this transformative work to happen, we have to be motivated to trudge our way back out of the darkness. This is not an easy task, nor a pleasant one. But how many of us are inspired to tackle a tough job if the alternative—continuing to avoid it—isn’t worse? If we’re not deeply affected by our difficulties, we’ll continue to sweep them under the rug and go back to watching TV.

So when we arrive on planet Earth, we have papers in one hand that delineate the task we’ve opted to take on in this lifetime, and an inability to remember that this isn’t all of who we are, in the other. Not all of our Higher Self incarnates in its full intensity. For if it did, it would continue to outshine the Lower-Self aspects that, until now, we have routinely avoided addressing.

As we’ve already discussed, our parents and life situation have teed up our challenges for us, and we have conveniently packed away all our troubles into our unconscious. Now is the time for the unpacking. We must slowly and meticulously drag out of hiding all the parts of ourselves we deliberately avoid seeing and which have lost their luster.

When we do this, the first thing we are bound to bump into will be the outermost layer of our mask: shame. Shame is that crushing and convincing feeling that if the worst of us were to be revealed—and often we mistakenly believe the worst of us is the essence of us—we would just die. Of shame. It’s like a cloaking device that hopes to keep others’ prying eyes from peering behind our mask, and it keeps us equally mired in our strategies of avoiding what’s inside ourselves.

According to the Guide, beings in the Spirit World have a name for planet Earth that roughly translates into Land of Lack of Awareness. It is our resistance to bringing out what lives within our shadow that causes us to suffer, not the darkness itself. The beautiful thing about shame, though, is that once we push our way through it, using discernment to take appropriate risk to reveal ourselves in an appropriate way to others—perhaps people who are also participating in doing this transformative work—we will find the lid of shame lifts off.

Right here, hidden within this first baby step, is a gift. For if we take such a risk, we will get a glimpse of what it means that “all is one.” By opening up and sharing our pain and struggles with others also consciously walking a spiritual path, we will discover we are not alone. In this way, we can step out of our illusion of separation and get a taste of the amazing Oneness woven throughout this planet.

With the Law of Brotherhood at our back, we can begin to realize that not only are we not all alone in our hurting, but we don’t need to remain alone in our healing. In fact, no one can do this healing work alone. If we open in prayer to inviting in the help our Higher Self can call forth, we will be met. If we ask, we will receive. When we knock, the door opens.

In Jill’s Experience

When I was having my book Spilling the Script translated into Portuguese, and then later into Spanish, I was struck by the word used in those languages for “mask”: máscara. Flashback to a day in college when I was walking to school and had the frightening realization I had forgotten to put on my mascara. Instantly I had the thought: People won’t be able to see me! All these years later, I am struck by this perfect out-picturing of my inner dilemma: I hide myself behind a mask—my mascara—so I will be seen.

Later in life, after the birth of my first son, I faced the usual challenge of needing to take off the baby-weight I had gained. Working in a new job where I was having a hard time fitting in, I found myself standing in the break room eating a piece of cake. Across my mind flew: If I lose this weight, they won’t be able to see me. And yet I was deeply bothered by being seen with added padding.

For much of my life, I have wanted so much to be seen for my accomplishments. And at the same time, I hide. It was helpful to hear my first Helper say that it’s natural and normal to want recognition for our accomplishments at work. The problem is, we mistakenly believe that’s a place to get love.

 

 

[]10 I Spy with My Little Eye | Little-L Lower Self

So how did we become wired for always wanting to be right? Why do we run and hide?

And why is this behavior so blessed hard to give up? Sorting out answers to these important questions requires we first get to know the Little-L portion of the Lower Self. This is that inner child whose motto in life is “I can’t”; this is the immature, split-off parts of ourselves we need to call back. So childhood is where we must go in search of understanding.

If it could have been possible for us to have had perfect parents, we can rest assured those parents would have gone to someone else—someone for whom they would have been less than perfect. For what’s the point in coming to this sphere if we’re not going to be shown our work? We could just as well have stayed put.

Enter: Mom and Dad, the perfect people to help us surface our split and unearth our faults. Note, if our life experience didn’t involve the traditional mom-and-dad family, we somehow still got the setup our soul most needed. Building on this premise that our set of parents, or life situation, have been carefully hand-selected for their ability to zoom in on our previously installed wounds, we are going to experience pain. No two ways about it, every child will come face-to-face with a life situation that causes their particular soul to feel some kind of acute pain.

If the pain we experienced during childhood was generally not so intense, hats off to us for work we previously attended to. We may get to enjoy a less rocky relationship with our parents and siblings than some others. But if it was, to our way of seeing things, more heavily intense, we didn’t stick to our task in previous incarnations and now the piper must be paid. Whatever we got, it was an exact match for our soul at this point in our journey and we agreed it’s what would serve us and our homeward-bound plans the best. (See more in Gems, the chapter called [_ The Pain of Injustice and the Truth About Fairness_].)

It may help to consider the way in which siblings often have markedly different responses to their childhood atmosphere. One child in a family may have found a particular aspect very disturbing while another felt that aspect left a relatively minor mark. It’s all related to the size and depth of our pre-existing soul dent, which is what has precipitated the selection of the environment for this incarnation. Plus, over time, souls develop karma with each other, so we often travel through lifetime after lifetime sharing work with another soul until we resolve the piece that has us hooked on our unresolved issues.

One of the universal plights we face as human beings is coming to grips with our hidden belief that we don’t matter. During the Fall, when everything that was at one time positive got twisted into its inverse, we lost our awareness that we are each special and loved aspects of the Oneness, an important aspect of the essence of God. Instead, we began to see ourselves as unlovable and not enough, and ended up in childhood circumstances that supported our untrue convictions.

To feel unlovable and unloved creates a deep pain and sense of humiliation for a child that we will spend the rest of our lives running to avoid feeling. It is our fear of this pain that fuels so much of our defendedness. Our fears will compound and morph until we are unable to walk around in the world without a sense something painful lurks in every shadow. Fear, then, is one of the three primary faults we collectively must grapple with, and which is based on the illusory notion that pain is something to fear—that it has the power to annihilate us—and that there must be something wrong with us.

This mistaken belief that we are broken, we’re not enough or we don’t matter is part of the I-am-less-than conclusion we draw as children, and it leads us into the second main fault, which is pride. Pride and the associated behavior that attempts to project an aura of I-am-better-than, is nothing more than a compensating reaction to the underlying belief I-am-less-than.

From this wrong conclusion, we launch into a life of comparing and competing, perpetually trying to one-up others and prove to the world we do matter, after all, and we’re enough. This striving to be better is not the same as our desire to do our best or be our best. No, this version of striving is propelled by a false conclusion that we need to right a wrong. Stuck as we are in immature, childish thinking, we’re mired in the dualistic trap of a black-and-white reality where everything boils down to essentially a fight between life and death. So we are fighting here as if our lives depend on it.

But what we’re really fighting against is this illusion that somehow we don’t measure up. Our work then is to die into this dark misconception and come out the other side into the light of truth: the value of our true self has never been in question; we were the ones who didn’t believe in our own worth. This is the illusion we must die into, and one in which we remain hopelessly entangled until we change our tack and start to fight our way out.

The third of the Big-Three Faults is self-will. This is our propensity for forcing and controlling, manipulating and maneuvering, or conversely digging in and denying, avoiding and refusing to budge. With self-will, we misguidedly use our will to do whatever we must do to get our way—the immature inner child wants what it wants, when it wants it—and avoid mature behaviors like patience, acceptance and letting go so God’s will can prevail.

All our other faults cascade from these three basic faults of fear, pride and self-will. (See more about faults in [_ Spilling the Script_] and Bones: A Building-Block Collection of 19 Fundamental Spiritual Teachings.) What’s more, these Three Muskateers always travel in a pack. Meaning, if we find one, we would be wise to search for the other two so we can surface the entire constellation of illusion. We must come to see our Lower Self in action and understand the conclusions on which it is operating before we can unwind our twisted behaviors and decide to make a different choice.

Our goal, then, from the Little-L Lower Self’s perspective, is to escape feeling pain and facing our fears. We will freeze, fight or flee in our efforts to avoid feeling worthless, which is what we secretly fear is the truth about who we are. If we didn’t believe in our unconscious mind that this were true, none of these ineffective defenses and reactions would be necessary. We would be able to see there must be a better way and we would give up the ghost and change. Right? There’s just one problem: the Big-L Lower Self.

In Jill’s Experience

I’ve been doing this work for a couple decades, as has Tim, so it’s humbling to admit that in our first six months together, my young inner self did a runner no fewer than half a dozen times. It was a bit exhausting for both of us. One minute we’re fine, the next, where’s Jill? And seldom was it over anything all that big.

But that’s the thing about our primary relationships, they drop into the slot of our original wounding and rub raw anything that hasn’t already been healed. The progress I can claim is that rather than blaming Tim for making me hurt, or dropping into a hole of victimhood where I believe he is responsible for my pain, I take self-responsibility for doing my own work.

That said, there is something incredibly healing about letting Tim hold me while I sob it out, even when he’s the one who did the thing that triggered my Emotional Reaction. But at this point, both of us know the way this goes. Both of us realize that something happened and we’ll want to sort that out at some point, but in the moment, what matters is that this young hurting part gets some attention. We can welcome her and make space for her to let go of the age-old pain she’s holding, knowing, 1) this isn’t all of me, 2) I’m currently caught in illusion, and 3) we can come out the other side of this together.

As the Guide tells us, over and over, any time we’re in disharmony, we’re not in truth. And the truth is, we’re all one. Tim and I really are on the same team, each working equally hard to clear out old debris so we can be in harmony together. For that to happen, though, we both must be willing to do our own work.

 

[]11 What are we Fighting For? | Big-L Lower Self

Unlike the Little-L Lower Self who cowers behind a feeling of “I can’t,” the Big-L Lower Self digs in its heels and says: “I won’t.” It’s signature move is to be destructive, and it doesn’t care if this not in the self’s best interest; it feels most alive when latched onto an energy current that supports its negative intention. Perhaps the harshest reality about this part of ourselves is its penchant for out-and-out cruelty, both to ourselves and to others. Harsher yet: we like it.

Yes, believe it or not, we enjoy our negativity. For those who haven’t yet worked their way into the deeper end of the pool, this may seem hard to believe. But in truth, the reality that we get so much pleasure from our cruelty is the reason we are loath to give it up. With our present-day backwards wiring, we find our connection to our life force through our wicked and life-destroying ways, and until we are ready to face the fact that this is the current truth of who we are—in the Lower-Self layer of our being—we won’t be willing or ready to give it up.

Our work, then, requires we learn to reorient our will so that we start identifying and challenging our own Lower Self as it operates today. We must learn to recognize the ways in which we access our life force by getting pleasure from being destructive or cruel. We must learn to pray for help from our own Higher Self so we will have the courage needed to fight the good fight, and take on this formidable foe.

For the Big-L Lower Self is no slouch. As good and creative and smart and clever as we are in the best parts of ourselves—in our Higher Self—that’s how crafty and conniving and slippery we are in the worst—in our Lower Self. We need to catch on to the Lower-Self script running in the background of our beings so we can follow the best approach for cleaning ourselves up.

When we start to do this work, we will begin to understand there is a sizable gap between what we think with our conscious mind and what’s really going on under the surface of our awareness. Remember, the unconscious is the repository of all the faulty conclusions we’ve drawn about life that don’t hold up to adult scrutiny. So they’ve sunk down out of sight where they fester and foul up the works.

In our conscious minds, we may be perfectly clear that what we want in life is some variety of happiness and peace. And whatever we think will bring us this could be ours, if it weren’t for one small problem: we have an opposite viewpoint operating behind the scenes. If that weren’t so, we would already have our heart’s desire.

Often, we want something so badly we think this is proof of our true desire. In fact, what this usually points up is the presence of an underground countermotion going in exactly the opposite direction. For example, if we feel we want to find a loving partner in life, and especially if we feel a sense of urgency about wanting this, there is likely a hidden inner part of us fleeing in the other direction, holding some kind of belief like ‘I don’t matter enough for the people I love to stay.’

If we don’t surface these hidden aspects with their frantic energy and anxious behavior, we’ll continue to manifest partners in life who, what do you know, don’t stay. Beyond this, we’ll show up in ways that will assure that this is so, all the while scratching our heads because we don’t understand what makes us behave the way we do, acting in a manner that drives people away.

If we follow the thread of our child logic, we may be able to see that in this hidden-away part of ourselves, we believe we are avoiding pain by not letting someone get close—especially since we secretly believe they will eventually leave and hurt us anyways. But what, in fact, is a likely reason someone might leave? They feel they can never get close to us. Now we start to get a sense of the real problem.

From here, it will take some work for us to start letting go, taking a risk to let our guard down and let someone in. But we’ll need someone to help guide our way so we don’t do this from the warped perspective of an immature inner child who believes it’s death to ever get its feelings hurt. Let’s face it, we won’t go from zero to 60 overnight, instantly attracting someone who doesn’t have their own issues yet to resolve and with whom we are sure to at least occasionally stub our toes.

We have to learn that this is life and it’s not perfect. Sometimes we’re going to get hurt. People are going to be attracted to us exactly because they are a great mirror for us. When they show us where our work is, that will be an opportunity for us to face some aspect of ourselves we haven’t yet wanted to see. This is the gift of relationship and it’s not always fun. This is also why the Guide refers to relationships as a “path within a path.” They will bring up our stuff, and God bless them for this.

In Jill’s Experience

I’ve come to realize that the fuel in my running shoes is hate. This feels like Big-L energy that wants to make someone pay for what they’ve done to me. When I was little, hate felt like the only tool I had at my disposal. If you don’t care about me, I hate you. This isn’t something I was consciously aware of until one day I saw hatred leaking sideways out of me, and I realized it was connected to the feeling someone didn’t care about me.

The not-caring issue had to do with my work regarding these very teachings from the Guide. It’s been a long row to hoe, rewriting 100 lectures and compiling them into books that make this material more accessible. But my efforts to do this within the framework of the existing copyright-holding organization have largely fallen on deaf ears. And this has plucked the strings of my images like crazy.

What this has given rise to was a feeling of hatred toward the people and governing body that have a hold on the spiritual teachings I deeply cherish. Now that doesn’t sound very spiritual, does it? At some point in our work though, there is going to be a dying process. In this case, I had to die into the reality that for whatever reason, I wasn’t going to get seen, much less embraced, by the Pathwork Foundation.

Getting over hate looks a lot like the process of forgiveness: we don’t do it for the other guy. No, when we buy into the dark energies of Lower Self, we are colluding with evil. We’re choosing separation instead of connection, and in the end, we’re the ones who feel the pinch.

I don’t hate the Pathwork organization—hey, I love these teachings!—but that doesn’t mean I’m not affected by their behavior towards me. That’s the tricky thing about doing this work. We need to be honest in sorting out our Emotional Reactions from the reality we do affect each other, even when we don’t mean to.

 

 

[]12 Taking the Long Way Home | Doing the Work

Since the Lower Self is all about being negative, it stands to reason its fundamental position is to say a big, fat No to life. Every day, in many ways, this is essentially what we are doing when we follow the path of least resistance and allow our Lower Self to run amok. We are aligning with our negative intention to stay stuck. And we will not turn this around until to we exhume our hidden inner No from the depths of our unconscious and get to know it.

This is true about any difficult truth we must come to know about ourselves. We cannot get to where we want to be unless and until we are willing to really get to know ourselves as we are right now. Where do I say No? Why do I say No? How do I believe this is serving me? For if we didn’t believe our negativity and destructiveness was somehow serving us, we would default to our natural state of aliveness and live from our Higher Self. Instead, we invest our life force into the service of our No, but don’t have the foggiest idea why we would do something like that.

We tend to have our wires crossed regarding our active and receptive poles. We are forever pushing when we should relax, and straining when we should let sleeping dogs lie. Or we flip over to being lethargic when some effort is required, and turn away from what most needs our attention. Our own masculine or feminine nature comes into play here, and we wind up hopelessly confused about who should do what and why we behave as we do. (See more in The Pull: The Spiritual Significance of Relationship.)

There’s also a tendency among people doing spiritual work to want to skip ahead to the good stuff. We want to be where we are going but haven’t actually gotten to yet. This is called Spiritual Bypassing and in the long run, it will greatly slow down our progress. When we do this, we want to pretend we are living in our Yes, when deep in our psyche there remains a serious but unidentified No. We want to sit on a meditation cushion and learn to recite positive mantras we can quickly Band-aid over any critical thought before someone sees it and realizes, Doh, we still have work to do!

But “doing the work” does not mean “being all better.” It means being able to be with what’s actually here right now, not acting out our negativity on other people but rather working to understand what drives us, and then slowly and gently turning our ship around. To do this, we are going to need to start feeling what we feel. We will need to start watching ourselves in action, and this may be uncomfortable. That’s one reason we often become so disconnected from ourselves—there’s stuff going on in us we don’t want to know about.

Or maybe we’ve taken the alternate approach of making something fun out of our foibles. We can polish up our wicked ways enough that others cannot help but laugh along with how we court the Lower Self using our devil-may-care attitude so we can go on abusing ourselves and getting far less out of life than we could.

This is what makes this particular path such a tough one. We must start to feel and see what we have not been willing or able to feel or see until now. For nothing can be avoided if we want to transform our Lower Self and learn to live from our divine essence.

We must come to know how it is we are blocking our own light, realizing that no one else is doing anything to us—we are doing it ourselves. We must also come to realize we are the only ones who can free ourselves from our self-made prisons. Believe it or not, no one else’s negativity can put the hurt on us if we don’t have a matching set of negativity in our drawers. Our work is to use every crappy thing that raises an Emotional Reaction up from our depths as fertilizer for great growth and healing. Every crappy thing.

One of the most common pitfalls of this path, or any spiritual path for that matter, is the tendency to see something ugly and in need of transformation, and then use this awareness as a club to beat ourselves up. It’s inherent in the process that we are going to discover aspects of ourselves that will not, how shall we say, look pretty. Expect this. We’ve hidden these parts away from ourselves for a very good reason.

Now that we are ready to go in search of what blocks our light, we are going to come across some bitter pills to swallow. To start with, the very things we having been railing against in the world are the things that live inside us, unattended. There’s no sense in trying to doll these things up to appear more appealing. Lower Self is not a lovely thing to behold.

At the same time, the reality of having a Lower Self is part and parcel of what it means to be a human. This isn’t something we accidentally acquired along the way, like dog poop on our shoes. No, the reality of our Lower Self is the very reason we have come to this sphere. That and nothing else. We’re here to bring the darkened aspects of ourselves back to the light, and this will never happen if we don’t first see what it is we’re dealing with.

An example of this can be found in our work of uncovering our version of negative pleasure. This is a phenomenon that happens due to our basic nature of being alive and having a fundamental need for pleasure. Simply put, people cannot live without pleasure. When a child, however, is subjected to experiences it perceives to be painful—and remember, this is the universal setup, so we are talking about all of us here—it attaches its pleasure principle to the negative event.

So going forward, the child-turned-adult will need to recreate that same unpleasant condition—realizing this may involve some similar mix of intertwined negative and positive aspects—in order to get its life force activated, to feel truly alive. We can think of this as the way we have become wired to feel our juice.

This explains why we have such a hard time letting go of the dramas in our lives, recirculating them in our minds, telling and retelling our stories, and tossing and turning in our sleep. We’re electrified by our troubles, even though admittedly this doesn’t feel good. Yet strangely, we can’t let them go. Like a hand that accidentally grabs an electrified wire, we curl our fingers and latch on instead of jumping back. But it doesn’t have to be this way; we can unwind any distortion and find the beauty inside of the beast.

An effective place to hunt for this reverse-connection is in our sexuality, and in particular, in our sexual fantasies. What does it take for us to fully feel ourselves coming alive? There is a very good reason for our sexuality to work this way. When we are born, everything that happens to us gets laid down in the physical track of our being; the development of our mental and emotional faculties will occur as we grow older.

This means everything that happens to us gets laid down into the same place where our sexuality resides. Later, in our minds, we are able to recreate a situation that reflects the twists and turns of our challenging childhood, in order for all the lights to come on. It’s not really that we are just made this way, but rather our wiring has gotten hooked up this way. And so it could be possible for us to have all the same positive pleasurable turns, without the associated negative twists we find in our fantasies, if we are willing to do the painstaking work of unpacking our painful experiences and examining our sexual life in depth.

This may sound like taking the long way, but any attempts at cutting the corner and skipping over these delicate pieces does a disservice to the part of us that really, really, really wants to make it all the way home. And in the end, that’s the long and short of why we came here. We’ve all got some place better to be, and whether we’re aware of it or not, we’re longing like crazy to get back to God. Sooner or later, this is the way we all must go.

In Jill’s Experience

If the idea of exploring our spiritual work through the gateway of sexual fantasies seem off, then perhaps we buy the churchy notion that sex and God are on opposite teams. By now, this should be a blinking light—the notion that anything, especially God, is really in opposition to anything else—telling us we might have some distorted thinking going on.

This country I have lived this lifetime in, the United States, is particularly split when it comes to sex. Even in this moment, there may be a feeling of tension: oh dear, what is she going to say? Relax but also get ready, because I do want to a share a few things to consider, and they may shift your paradigm a bit.

My first visit to a spiritual retreat center located in Virginia—one that has historically delved deeply into these teachings by the Guide via a five-year Transformation Program—was to attend a four-day training about helping people do this work by excavating their sexual fantasies. Since much of the way I was taught was experiential—meaning we did our own work and then were taught how the teacher guided the work—this meant we needed to roll up our own sleeves.

And so, of course, my mask of shame came up, as did everyone else’s. Hiding is a “natural” condition of being human. It’s not really true we need to hide, but we all think we do. The teachers were marvelous about wading us slowly into these deep waters; no one jumped off the high-dive until they were good and ready. But still, it was a leap of faith for me to believe I could do this delicate work—in the presence of other classmates, no less—and that this would be worth it. Well, I did it and it was.

I learned we all hold much so close to the vest, fearing if we are seen we will be rejected, laughed at, or not loved. But no one was laughing. No, every time someone in the group took the plunge into their deepest, darkest territory, it kindled a fire of compassion in me for that person and what they were holding. It showed me that what we see on the outside is often miles from where a soul lives on the inside. So often, we have no idea just how much another is carrying.

There was work involving a desire to be urinated upon, where the stopping of it was really the turn on. This person struggled in life with the way he routinely started things, but then never finished them; he blocked his own flow. This connected with the way his father had so often cut off his attempts to follow his passions. There was work about anal sex involving the way a person’s body had stored all their reaction to the withholding they had been subjected to and in turn dished out. So much was being stored and held in that part of the body.

We all have misunderstandings in our souls and our psyches are remarkably creative in revealing them to us. So are our bodies. By putting words to any malady displayed by our bodies, we can often uncover great mysteries. For instance, a mysterious lump on my right eyelid hadn’t budged for several weeks, but it resolved in a few days once I hunted around for where I wasn’t holding the right vision about something. (I know, I roll my eyes too. But the bump went away and an important issue got surfaced. I’ll take Things that Make You Go Hmmm for $500, Alex.)

In the end, I came to realize two important things about doing this work with sexual fantasies: 1) it is sacred work, expressing the pains and longings of our most precious and divine self, and 2) it is incredibly efficient, leading us directly to a person’s core issues.

Working this way is not voyeuristic, but rather a good way to expose the experiences that got laid down in the physical track of our bodies and that now reveal their secrets by showing us the way we activate our life force—our experience of pleasure—during orgasm.

One of the ways I was taught to explore issues with Workers is by turning things around and looking at them from their opposite position. Because, no surprise, here in the land of duality, our psyche readily flops poles. For example, if we can’t put our finger on why we always feel so fearful—as in, we can’t see what others are doing that creates such fear in us—we may get more mileage from investigating how we try to make others afraid of us.

Here’s an example of how we can use this reverse view in working with sexual fantasy. It’s like looking at the negative of a picture, turning the black into white, and vice versa. In this scenario, a man has had a difficult relationship with his father, which is revealed the moment we turn things around.

First, let’s look at the fantasy:

“She comes up to me, unasked, out of the blue, and as I’m standing there she falls to her knees, opens my pants, and devours me. She sucks me, licks me, fondles my balls, and hungrily sucks me until I cum in her mouth. She keeps sucking and eagerly swallows. She keeps gently licking and sucking until I get soft.”

Now let’s look at each phrase when we turn things around:

 

She comes up to me | unasked,

He turns away from me | when I ask him something, when I am talking to him

 

out of the blue, and

daily, frequently, all the time

 

as I’m standing there | she falls to her knees,

as I am on the floor, sitting | he stands (towers) over me

 

she opens my pants, | and devours me.

he won’t take ‘me’ in | and ignores me, he covers over my person, he rejects my ‘self’, he closes himself

 

She sucks me, licks me, fondles my balls, and | hungrily (eagerly) sucks me

he ignores me, stares blankly, doesn’t feel me, | coldly ignores me, doesn’t touch me, talk to me, hear me

 

until I cum in her mouth.

until I withhold from him all that I am

 

She keeps sucking and eagerly swallows.

He keeps ignoring me and coldly accepts my withholding

 

She keeps gently licking and sucking until I get soft.

He keeps coldly staring blankly, ignoring, not talking or touching until I am hard inside.

 

Here is the exposed view of this man’s relationship with his father:

He frequently turns away from me when I ask him something, or am talking to him. As I am on the floor, sitting, he towers over me. He closes himself, rejects me, won’t take me in, covers over my person. He ignores me, stares blankly, doesn’t feel me, touch me, talk to me, hear me, and coldly ignores me until I withhold from him all that I am. Even then, he keeps ignoring me and coldly accepts my withholding. He keeps staring blankly, ignoring, not talking or touching until I am hard inside.

 

Our work is to unwind the kinks in our wiring so that we are able to enjoy the full intensity of our life force, without an associated shame or feeling that somehow we are bad. The point here is not to give up what pleases us, but to bring awareness to what’s gotten twisted in the psyche so that what we find pleasurable can be sexually satisfying, without involving a negative spin.

Note, too, this work with sexual fantasies can be efficient in showing us where our work is, but seeing it isn’t the same as doing it. In this example, this man uses his fantasy to see the scope of his wounding with his father, and this sets him up for a decade’s worth of methodical, step-by-step work to walk through his pain and unwind his full pleasure. Considering the alternative, it’s the walk worth taking.

 

 

[]13 It’s Time for a Break | Crisis

There are two sides to a roadway, and everything outside the travel lanes is basically the ditch. As we go along, the movement of healing looks like a pendulum, swinging from side to side until we find the middle way. In other words, growth is about finding our way out of a ditch. But we tend to overcorrect and wind up simply stuck in the opposite ditch.

Eventually, our inability to navigate our way out of our illusions is going to bring us to a breaking point. Something’s got to give, which is the illusion of duality and the notion we can go on this way forever—veering away from one wrong solution and landing in another—and finally get it right. Staying lost in duality, without a lifeline to the greater truth, is after all a lose-lose proposition. And that brings us to the beauty of a crisis. Because a crisis will take us to our knees and make us turn in a different direction. It forces us to find our way out of the ditch.

So far, we have mentioned several of God’s laws that are in place to help keep us running true. When we diverge from them, and we are perfectly welcome to do so, will be forced—by our own hand—to get back to where we want and need to be. For God’s laws have been carefully crafted to assure we will wind up in such pain that we will eventually course-correct our way back to where we could have been all along had we remained in alignment with God’s will. For God’s will and our best-case scenario are the same thing.

But we humans have been endowed with free will, meaning we are free to follow God’s laws or not. If we feel the squeeze caused by the consequences of running off-course, that’s on us. (See more about free will in Holy Moly.)

In Jill’s Experience

This work of healing can feel an awful lot like constantly scrubbing floors. It’s important to keep sight of the more complete picture, which is that we want to live in a clean house. But ongoing housekeeping and regular repairs are what prevent the total collapse of a back bedroom because we didn’t attend to a leak in the roof.

The results of doing this work have become self-motivating for me. I like things neat and tidy. Getting to the other side of some major obstacle—ones that in the midst of the work seem uncrossable—feels like a breath of fresh air. Like windows open in the springtime.

Unfortunately, the analogy of housekeeping is a good one, in that no matter how good it feels to check a piece of work off our list, we’ll have more to do down the way. We either do the same work at a deeper level, or we move onto a whole new wing. This is the price we must pay, that the Guide speaks of, for living a clean life.

The hard part can be finding that balance. I am willing to do the work, but sometimes I must be willing to just let things be. Like any Lower-Self habit, we can become so accustomed to poking around for what needs fixing, we lose sight of what’s already working. Any day when all my inner peeps are settled down and I am feeling open and relaxed, I can tune into to my gratitude for all this path has given me. There is so much I am thankful for, including the work.

 

 

[]14 There’s a Hole in my Bucket | Trust

The ability to recognize God’s handwriting in a life crisis may be the PhD level of doing this work. Part of the reason for this is we all have to do some deep spiritual work to uncork our pent up anger at God. The mere fact we had struggles as a child is enough to set our teeth on edge. And for many, no amount of Hail Mary’s will mollify this feeling of having been dropped or duped by God.

Of course, when we are children, we feel all kinds of angry feelings towards the human authorities in life who say No when we demand to have our every whim fulfilled. Our parents have the thankless job of providing discipline for our unleashed little souls, and make no mistake, we benefit from having a firm but gentle hand to guide us as we grow up. But that doesn’t mean we like it. Then we hear talk of God as being the ultimate authority in life and we simply transfer all our resentment for our parents onto God. This is what the Guide refers to as our God Image.

We can talk all we want about how we trust this is a loving universe—love, being the one true force, right?—but if we’re secretly blaming God for every adversity we had to endure, our trust bucket is going to leak like a sieve. Again, the best way to go is not over, around or under this; we have to go through it. Our work is to notice the times and places when we don’t trust, when we feel we’ve been abandoned, forgotten, or worse, by God. And in that moment, we need to pray to know the truth.

No one, no matter how much we pay them, is going to be able to give us this one. We can’t buy faith and we can’t get it through wishful thinking. If what we experience right now, in this moment, is lack of faith, we need to get to know all about it. We need to see it and feel it and take it under our wing. Some split-off part of ourselves is lost in confusion and misunderstanding, and is in immediate need of our attention.

When we find ourselves feeling adrift, that is when it helps to take in the wisdom in these and other spiritual teachings. It also helps to talk with others about their spiritual path. Our Higher Self can often speak to us through others when we aren’t yet open enough to hear its soft-spoken voice within. We need to tune in to our own intuition about where to go and what to follow, and we also need to sharpen our discernment. Not everything written in print is the gospel truth; not everything we hear will be bulletproof either. But if we’re eager to know the way, we will find the right thread to follow.

Also know this: the Lower Self is not going to sit still forever once we get serious about waking up. Oh, at first we get to dabble here and there. We’ll attend a workshop or two, maybe take in a meditation class or do some yoga. But as soon as we get a little deeper into serious teachings such as these from the Guide—ones that genuinely have the power to open us all the way up—look out. There is nothing off limits that our own Lower Self won’t try in an effort to derail us.

Getting sleepy—like, I-can’t-keep-my-freaking-eyes-open sleepy—may come up while reading these teachings. Suddenly there’s a TV program we just can’t possibly miss. A minor fault of a spiritual teacher will seem so annoying we won’t be able to stay in the room with them, much less listen to them. We’ll make ourselves sick, distract ourselves with games and over-scheduled days, or sink into some sorry fugue state. Don’t underestimate the wily ways of the Lower Self.

Let’s also not kid ourselves that our crises have nothing to do with us, that our problems will go away if we just ignore them, or that there’s no use trying because bad things just happen and we have no say over our own lives. When a crisis arises, we must begin to ascertain what’s really going on behind the curtain. The hand of God can be difficult to recognize, but that’s only because we have repeatedly ducked our duty in doing our work. This time, we can choose to face life and begin to sort some things out.

In Jill’s Experience

I had worked for a large corporation for 15 years when I became very, very ready to leave and do something completely different with the rest of my life. Truth is, I just couldn’t do that any more. So I listened to my guidance and I resigned without knowing what I would do next. Six months later, I put my house up for sale, not knowing where I would move. A month later I met someone with a house for rent in Virginia and I set my sails. Six months later, my first book, Spilling the Script, would come spilling out. But really, I still didn’t know where all this was headed.

On it went like that, with my inner compass moving me to Washington DC where I wrote the seven books in the Real. Clear. series. I was following a clear voice deep within, but I still couldn’t see the greater plan. All I could do was trust and follow.

I won’t say this was easy. And it’s not that there weren’t days filled with fear. There were even moments of terror. What in the world am I doing? Here is what I’ve come to realize: if we want to learn to trust God, God is going to ask us to trust him. My God Image saying God withholds himself from me needed to be challenged.

As I write this, my ego doesn’t yet know if God is trustworthy. Yet here I am and I am fine, writing away, inspired by an unseen force that lights me up from within. As the Guide teaches, in our journey toward developing trust, we’re going to have to hang out in a space where it won’t be obvious we have reason to trust. But in the middle of that not-knowing space is where we find our faith. That’s when the rubber of all these teachings meets the road, and we can either cling to our illusions or let go.

After pulling the trigger and quitting my job with no safety net under me, I was “in for a penny, in for a pound.” Even when my ego would panic and I felt I had to do something—anything!—to try to save myself, the deal has been that I’m in God’s hands. As they told me in AA, I just need to move my feet and leave the results up to God.

 

 

[]15 Emptying Out the Well | Tears

While prayer is quintessential for seeing new truth and gaining a new perspective, we also need to develop the ability to become quiet within so we can hear the anxious ones when they become activated. For most of us, our inner clamoring and rationalizations have become so loud, and yet so familiar, we don’t notice the blinking lights telling us something is coming up for healing.

One of those blinking lights is anger. There is indeed healthy, justified anger that fuels us to stand up for what’s good and right in the world. But more typically, our anger is the old and moldy variety that seethes with self-righteousness and is a handy cover for our pain. When we begin to truly express this kind of anger, as we do in healing sessions with a spiritual Helper, and not just recycle our case against someone else, then our feelings can start to shift. The anger morphs as it moves and other buried emotions find space for expression.

Our feelings, shoved down deep into our psyches, have had no breathing room for quite some time. Eons, probably. When anger arises, then, that’s our opportunity to get to know ourselves, including all our contradictory Emotional Reactions that are slowly tearing our insides apart.

When we tap into our inner reservoir of pain, it may feel like we have found a bottomless pit. It may indeed be vast, but there is in fact an end, and we won’t ever get to it unless we become willing to initiate the process of emptying the well. It’s not enough to dip a toe and call it a day. Each time inconvenient feelings well up, our work is to meet them as full-face-on as we can, going all the way through them and coming out the other side.

Note, our beings come fully equipped with a self-limiting regulator, so we don’t need to worry that our pain will swallow us whole. It only feels that way when we are in resistance to feeling our pain. The pressure gradually lets off once we’ve gone some distance and made a little progress. But that’s a good reason to go on a healing adventure following the guidance of a trained spiritual counselor who can hold the flashlight as we bravely venture into the dark, difficult crannies of our inner world.

When we were little, we had needs that were not met, and our unwillingness to feel the resulting pain has caused a backlog of pain to build up in our system. The only way to release this residual pain held by our split-off inner aspects is by doing the hard inner work of letting it go. Yes, we’re going to have to cry it out.

There is a spiritual law that says we cannot cheat life. If we weren’t willing or able to feel these difficult feelings then, we must go the distance in feeling them now. To further avoid our work is to create higher mountains we’ll someday have to climb. We won’t get it all in one go, but now is the time to breathe and go on in.

Also, there’s no need to climb the tallest emotional cliff we can find and leap from there. More to point, we shouldn’t do that. We need to develop some spiritual muscle—as well as some spiritual stamina—to be able to tolerate difficult feelings as we grow into our ability to move through them. This may not be as easy as it sounds. It’s also really not that hard. We just need to cultivate an inner ability to be with what is, even when that challenges us. We must discover, for ourselves, that our feelings aren’t facts—they will change and mature the more we experience them—and getting to know them won’t kill us.

Our goal is to clear away all our blocks—our residual pain—so we can once again live in harmony with all that is. Recall that every inner disharmony is rooted in untruth, meaning no one who hangs out in untruth can ever be truly happy. We must make the choice to unclench our grip on being right, and instead choose the way that leads to freedom. There is nothing standing in our way except us.

In Jill’s Experience

I spent my early years of doing this work by resisting crying. It’s funny how we talk about something being so bad, it actually made someone cry. Today I think Yay! when someone is able to access their feelings and express their tears. Because what I have come to realize is that nothing melts a frozen heart like a bath of tears.

Typically, to stay strong, we clamp down—in fact, often while doing this work, we often need to release the tension in our jaw resulting from this—and hold ourselves back. It’s that child part of ourselves that doesn’t want to let them win. But the truth is, we are so much stronger when we have access to all of ourselves. And if our heart’s a frozen block of ice, we’re not fully alive.

Sitting in that workshop about delving into sexual fantasy, I was a rock, but not in a good way. My body was tense, my shoulders were stiff, and my energy was out the door and down the street. To say I was beside myself with trepidation would be generous, for much of me was nowhere in sight.

Then someone started sharing about a recent touching experience involving the poor treatment of children. The pain of it touched my heart, and as my tears came, I felt my heart begin to soften and melt. The more I allowed my feelings to surface, the more alive I felt. I felt myself arrive, with much more of me finally present in the room. Tears, I learned, are my gateway to finding myself.

That palpable and visceral experience was pivotal for me in my work. No longer did I think of crying as the problem; I saw that it was the solution. It’s what has needed to happen for me to come back and re-join myself. And it’s this connection I feel to my own heart that gives me a resource from which I can give to others. For we can’t give to anyone else what we don’t have for ourselves.

 

[]16 Making Space for Not Knowing | Unity

The result of doing our work is we open up new space inside ourselves. We empty ourselves of frozen detritus and free ourselves from self-restricting walls. When we do this, it’s important to fill that newly minted space with something good, lest the cunning Lower Self slip inside that gap and set up shop.

First up will be re-educating our inner child. This part of ourselves took off with wild conclusions about life we have now surfaced and see don’t really hold much water. That wrong thinking must be replaced with something right, which is the truth that sails in when we invite our Higher Self to join our party.

Accompanying our new understanding will be an infusion of divine energy that fills the void created by our healing work. This is the peace that surpasses all understanding; this is a glow that fills our cup from an unending spring of vitality. We would be nuts to not take a moment and drink our fill. Our work here is to imprint our soul substance with our new awareness and this experience of our true ground.

One of the hardest things for our ego mind to do is nothing. We’d rather jump to conclusions, keep working the angle, and otherwise keep ourselves safe with our amazing ability to figure everything out. Trouble is, our ego doesn’t have all the answers. Never has, never will. It’s just not that deep.

The greatest service our ego can offer is to stop making up stories and start accessing that great mother lode of wisdom, courage and love: our Higher Self. Plugged into that outlet, the ego can let go and give up its anxious efforts to run the show. This means, though, the ego will need to exercise some restraint and learn to hang out in “I don’t know.” Doing so may momentarily cause us to panic.

The ego would rather cling vicariously to wrong conclusions than let go of its trapeze and wait in limbo for greater wisdom to unfold. It’s happier grasping at straws than admitting that, ‘Sorry guys, I really don’t know where to go next.’ This ability to remain in not-knowing is another spiritual muscle we must work to develop. And this one, like so many others, may not come easy. With time though, we’ll get the hang of how to go through life with an open, flowing energy system that makes room for new awareness and allows God to lead the way.

So the unitive plane takes a little getting used to. Until now, we’ve mostly known black-and-white thinking, where rigid rules take the place of flexible, creativity, and change has been generally considered an anathema. But that’s the hardened framework of duality and not the fluid, dynamic structure we find when we’re plugged into the Oneness.

When we’re living in the land of unity, the effort of being organized will become self-rewarding and self-perpetuating. We’ll continually avail ourselves of opportunities to know ourselves better by taking every disharmony to heart and exploring what is there for us to learn. Frankly, this is not what most folks usually do.

Over time, this better, alternate reality will grow to occupy more and more space inside us. And each time we walk through the doorway of duality and remember another way of being could be possible, we will get closer to entering all the way into God’s kingdom. We’ll recall our connection with all that is.

The road is long and this path is not an easy one to follow. But one way or another, doing the work of healing is the only way to arrive at our final destination: we’re going home. Be blessed. Go this way.

In Jill’s Experience

I studied the teachings of Kabbalah for four years, and one of my favorite meditations we did in class was called The End of the Road. It goes something like this: ‘The ego is never going to get the awakened state, so you might as well just let go. Stop trying to save yourself. This is the end of the road. There is nothing to do. Just let go.’

That’s not what we usually do though, is it. In my case, part of my strategy for survival was to try to figure everything out. It’s like some part of me is always trying to get the puzzle pieces to fit. In fact, I now understand I have a really good puzzle-maker inside of me, and when pieces don’t fit together right, she gets anxious.

I’ve learned to listen to her. She’s like an early warning system that throws flags when something doesn’t add up. And she’s extremely perceptive. Trouble is, she isn’t always right. More accurately, she doesn’t always have all the information. Turns out, I don’t know everything.

That’s part of what it means to be human. Our window on the truth is never going to be foolproof. From where we sit, our ego can’t and won’t ever know everything, and this we must comes to terms with. Otherwise the ego won’t let go. From the stance of my ego, I will constantly think I can run the world, when truth be told, I’ve got my hands full keeping my own little ship afloat.

What I try to do is listen to her, and when things don’t jibe, I try to get curious. Instead of drawing conclusions and making judgments, I try, as the Guide suggests, to give the other the benefit of the doubt. With a willingness to be open and often a little fear in my gut, I can check things out: ‘Here is what I see and here are the conclusions I’ve made; can you help me see what I might be missing?’ It never fails to amaze me the shift that occurs when I open up to more truth.

[]About the Author

 

 

JILL LOREE

A neatnik with a ready sense of humor, Jill Loree’s first job as a root-beer-stand carhop in Northern Wisconsin was an early sign that things could only get better.

She would go on to throw pizzas and bartend while in college, before discovering that the sweet spot of her 30-year sales-and-marketing career would be in business-to-business advertising. A true Gemini with a degree in Chemistry and a flair for writing, she enjoys the challenge of thinking creatively about scientific topics. Her brain fires on both the left and right sides.

That said, her real passion in life has been her spiritual path. Raised in the Lutheran faith, she became a more deeply spiritual person in the rooms of AA, a spiritual recovery program, starting in 1989. In 1997, she was introduced to the wisdom of the Pathwork, which she describes as “having walked through the doorway of a fourth step and found the whole library.”

She completed four years of Pathwork Helpership training in 2007 followed by four years of apprenticing and discernment before stepping into her full Helpership in 2011. She has been a teacher in the Transformation Program offered at a retreat center in Madison, Virginia, operated by Mid-Atlantic Pathwork, where she also led marketing activities for over two years and served on the Board of Trustees.

In 2012, Jill completed four years of Kabbalah training in a course called the Soul’s Journey, achieving certification for hands-on healing using the energies embodied in the tree of life.

Not bad for a former pom-pom squad captain who once played Dolly in Hello Dolly! She is now the proud mom to two adult children, Charlie and Jackson, who were born and raised in Atlanta. Having grown weary of borrowing other people’s last names, Jill now happily uses her middle name as her last—it’s pronounced la-REE. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, writing, running, yoga and hiking, especially in the mountains.

As she turns the corner onto the back nine in life, she has consciously decoupled from the corporate world and is now dedicating her life to writing and spiritual teaching.

Discover more from Jill Loree at www.phoenesse.com.

 

[][][] More from Jill Loree

 

REAL. CLEAR.

A Seven-Book Series of Spiritual Teachings

 

The Real. Clear. series offers a fresh approach to timeless spiritual teachings by way of easier-to-read language; it’s the Guide’s wisdom in Jill Loree’s words. Each book is written with a bit of levity because, as Mary Poppins put it, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

 

HOLY MOLY: The Story of Duality, Darkness and Daring Rescue

There’s one story, as ancient and ageless as anything one can imagine, that lays a foundation on which all other truths stand. It exposes the origin of opposites. It illuminates the reality of darkness in our midst. It speaks of herculean efforts made on our behalf. This is that story.

 

FINDING GOLD: The Search for Our Own Precious Self

The journey to finding the whole amazing nugget of the true self is a lot like prospecting for gold. Both combine the lure of potential and the excitement of seeing a sparkling possibility, with needing to have the patience of a saint.

It helps to have a map of our inner landscape and a headlamp for seeing into dark corners. That’s what Jill Loree has created in this collection of spiritual teachings called Finding Gold.

 

BIBLE ME THIS: Releasing the Riddles of Holy Scripture

The Bible is a stumper for many of us, not unlike the Riddler teasing Batman with his ‘riddle me this’ taunts. But what if we could know what some of those obscure passages mean? What’s the truth hidden in the myth of Adam & Eve? And what was up with that Tower of Babel?

Bible Me This is a collection of in-depth answers to a variety of questions asked of the Guide about the Bible.

 

THE PULL: Relationships & their Spiritual Significance

The Guide tells us that relationships are the most beautiful, challenging, growth-producing venture there is. They are the doorway through which we come to ultimately know ourselves, another soul, and therefore God.

We all feel that pull to connect. Now, supported by these wise teachings from the Guide, we can learn to follow our hearts and get the most out of our relationships, stepping more fully into life.

 

PEARLS: A Mind-Opening Collection of 17 Fresh Spiritual Teachings

In this classic, practical collection, Jill Loree strings together timeless spiritual teachings, each carefully polished with a light touch. Topics include: Privacy & Secrecy • The Lord’s Prayer • Political Systems • The Superstition of Pessimism • Preparing to Reincarnate • Our Relationship to Time • Grace & Deficit • The Power of Words • Perfectionism • Authority • Order • Positive Thinking • Three Faces of Evil • Meditation for Three Voices • The Spiritual Meaning of Crisis • Leadership • Letting Go & Letting God

 

GEMS: A Multifaceted Collection of 16 Clear Spiritual Teachings

Clear and radiant, colorful and deep, each sparkling gem in this collection of spiritual teachings taken mostly from the final 50 lectures out of nearly 250, offers a ray of light to help illuminate our steps to reaching Oneness.

 

BONES: A Building-Block Collection of 19 Fundamental Spiritual Teachings

This collection is like the bones of a body—a framework around which the remaining body of work can arrange itself. Sure, there’s a lot that needs to be filled in to make it all come to life, but with Bones, now we’ve got the basic building blocks in place. Plus the words go down like a strawberry milkshake—pleasing to the tongue yet with all the calcium we need for optimum health.

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Book One

HOLY MOLY: The Story of Duality, Darkness and a Daring Rescue

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Book Two

FINDING GOLD: The Search for Our Own Precious Self

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Book Three

BIBLE ME THIS: Releasing the Riddles of Holy Scripture

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Books One, Two & Three

A Collection of Spiritual Teachings

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Book Four

THE PULL: Relationships & their Spiritual Significance

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Book Five

PEARLS: A Mind-Opening Collection of 17 Fresh Spiritual Teachings

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Book Six

GEMS: A Multifaceted Collection of 16 Clear Spiritual Teachings

 

REAL. CLEAR. | Book Seven

BONES: A Building-Block Collection of 19 Fundamental Spiritual Teachings

 

 

[]

WORD FOR WORD

An Intimate Exchange Between a Couple of Kindred Souls

 

What does it really look like, not just to talk the talk, but also to walk the walk of a spiritual path? In a word, it can get complicated.

Now, in this word-for-word collection of straight-forward messages written between a couple of died-in-the-wool spiritual seekers, we get a glimpse into some of the wily ways our work surfaces in our relationships, and how we can navigate through the hiccups.

Surprisingly insightful and at times pretty funny, here is a rare inside perspective on the messy work of healing, growing and relating.

 

[]

SELF. HELP.

A Three-Volume Guide for Spiritual Growth & Healing

 

SPILLING THE SCRIPT: An Intense Guide to Self-Knowing

Now, for the first time, powerful spiritual teachings from the Guide are available in one concise book. Jill Loree has written Spilling the Script to deliver a clear, high-level perspective about self-discovery and healing, giving us the map we need for following this life-changing path to Oneness.

The goal of this spiritual journey is to make contact with our divine core so we can transition from living in duality to discovering the joy of being in unity. For even as we believe ourselves to be victims of an unfair universe, the truth is that we are continually guarding ourselves against pain, and through our defended approach to life we unknowingly bring about our current life circumstances. But we can make new choices

Bit by bit, as we come out of the trance we have been in, we begin to see cause and effect, and to take responsibility for the state of our lives. Gradually, our lives transform. We once again can sense our essential nature and eternal connectedness with all that is.

In the course of this work, we develop on various levels of our being. In our spirit, we move from the separation of duality to unity. In our mind, we move from wrong conclusions to truth. In our will, we move from forcing currents and withholding to receptivity and a willingness to give. In our emotions, we move from being blocked and numb to being loving and flexible. In our bodies, we move from being frozen and split to being open and integrated.

Over time, we will develop discernment and a truer perception about the world around us. We will shift from our defensiveness, to a stance of openness and transparency. We will be wise in our self-disclosure and rigorous in self-honesty. We will learn to become vulnerable and we will know peace.

 

“You will find how you cause all your difficulties. You have already stopped regarding these words as mere theory, but the better you progress, the more will you truly understand just how and why you cause your hardships. By so doing, you gain the key to changing your life.”

– Pathwork Guide, Lecture #78

 

HEALING THE HURT: How to Heal Using Spiritual Guidance

The work of healing our fractured inner selves takes a little finesse, a lot of stick-to-it-iveness, and the skilled help of someone who has gone down this road before. Being a Helper then is about applying all we have learned on our own healing journey to help guide others through the process of reunifying their fragmented hidden places.

That may sound simple, but it’s surely not easy. It’s also not easy to be the Worker, the one who does this work of spiritual healing. Now, with Healing the Hurt, everyone can understand the important skills needed by a Helper to assure Workers find what they’re looking for.

 

_*SELF. HELP._ [*| Book One]

SPILLING THE SCRIPT: An Intense Guide to Self-Knowing

 

_*SELF. HELP._ [*| Book Two]

HEALING THE HURT: How to Help Using Spiritual Guidance

 

_*SELF. HELP._ [*| Book Three]

DOING THE WORK: Healing our Body, Mind & Spirit by Getting to Know the Self

 

 

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THE GUIDE SPEAKS

The Complete Q&A Collection

By Eva Pierrakos
with Jill Loree

 

www.theguidespeaks.org

 

In The Guide Speaks, Jill Loree opens up this fascinating collection of thousands of Q&As from the Pathwork Guide, all arranged alphabetically by topic. The website, www.theguidespeaks.org, includes hard-hitting questions asked and answered about religion, Jesus Christ, the Bible, reincarnation, the Spirit World, death, prayer and meditation, God and so much more.

 

“There are so many questions you need to ask, personal and general ones. In the end they become one and the same. The lectures I am called upon to deliver are also answers to unspoken questions, questions that arise out of your inner yearning, searching, and desires to know and to be in truth. They arise out of your willingness to find divine reality, whether this attitude exists on the conscious or unconscious level.

But there are other questions that need to be asked deliberately on the active, outer, conscious level in order to fulfill the law. For only when you knock can the door be opened; only when you ask can you be given. This is a law.”

– The Pathwork Guide in Q&A #250

 


Doing the Work: Healing our Body, Mind & Spirit by Getting to Know the Self

Many of us have an inkling there can be more to life: that more meaningful moments are possible, more satisfying experiences are attainable. Well, we’re right. And fortunately, the tools for bringing this about are not really a secret. They’re just not obvious. Herein lies the crux of the problem. We must come to realize what we have not been willing or able to see before. When we do this, we’ll come to know this truth: we are capable of enjoying life far more abundantly than we currently do. CONTENTS Step, Together, Step | THE PROCESS Living in a 100-Story House | THE SETUP Building Castles in the Sky | REALITY I’m Totally Fine, I Feel Nothing | NUMBNESS Would I Rather be Right or Happy? | DUALITY Praying for a Toehold | TRUTH So You’re the Rubber and I’m the Glue? | OUR WORK My Favorite F-Word | FREEZING, FIGHTING OR FLEEING Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are | HIDING I Spy with My Little Eye | LITTLE-L LOWER SELF What are we Fighting For? | BIG-L LOWER SELF Taking the Long Way Home | DOING THE WORK It’s Time for a Break | CRISIS There’s a Hole in my Bucket | TRUST Emptying Out the Well | TEARS Making Space for Not Knowing | UNITY Truth be told, no one gets out of planet Earth alive. But we can come out ahead by learning to make the best use of our time here. And that starts the day we begin doing the work. So let’s get at it.

  • ISBN: 9781370614066
  • Author: Jill Loree
  • Published: 2017-06-18 20:35:16
  • Words: 25182
Doing the Work: Healing our Body, Mind & Spirit by Getting to Know the Self Doing the Work: Healing our Body, Mind & Spirit by Getting to Know the Self