COPYRIGHT 2017 ANDRE’ MWANSA
This eBook is a work of fiction, any resemblance to actual people living, dead or in between is pure coincidence.
‘’Adultery is the application of democracy to love’’ H.L. Mencken
I have had enough trying to find dates in clubs, malls and streets, so I decided to try the church.
I was seating in the middle row of the church benches, with this half holy looking hot girl next to me in a short skirt. She got a great ass, I noticed every time she bended over to sit after each praise dance.
‘’Do not commit adultery!’’ the pastor preached.
Instead wank yourself a little, I thought and the people around me all stared at me, that I almost said what? To them.
‘’Believe me,’’ the pastor continued ‘’there is a time for everything, and God has set up the right time for you to find that right one. Be patient and wait because God is in control’’
‘’That missing rib, you shall find, that job you shall get, that house you shall buy, that car, that health, that food, it’s all in Gods control.
‘’Amen?’’ he asked.
‘’Amen’’ all replied but me, this guy was really trying to stop me from what I came to get with his not commit adultery staff, as if he knew somehow.
He preached for a while longer, and it all went blah blah blah, and it’s all because of that miniskirt.
It was time, for the offering. They do it the old style fashioned way in this church. You get to make a line, and drop in the money in a basket being held by a man in the front of the church.
It was really a long line, and was glad to be number five, but not until a guy next to me mistakenly pulled out a handful of condoms when it was his time to put in the money.
Everybody had to call him an adulterer, including the pastor himself. With shame and embarrassment, the man decided to leave the line without putting in the money, when the pastor said. ‘’Oh, Jesus will still need that money sir’’
I was again glad to hear the bell for knocking off ring. I was the first one to leave the church, and there at the entrance, I stood waiting for that girl, and not only to catch a sight of that ass but to see if I had a simple fuck chance( guess I didn’t tell you, I’m a virgin).
Oops I just insulted in front of the church, I surely have to repent after this.
Finally she came out, and I had to grab her by the arm.
‘’let go demon!’’ she bucked.
‘’Oh, forgive me’’ I said ‘’but I’m no devils angel, I’m Marcus by the way’’
‘’Nah, I usually like it that way, a long story I wouldn’t want to bore you with, what about you? What’s your name?’’
‘’I’m Mary’’ she said.
‘’Mary?’’ I asked.
‘’Like Mary the virgin?’’ I asked without thinking.
‘’How did you know?’’ she asked.
‘’I might be one too’’
‘’Who knows,’’ I said without thinking again, well mostly because I never think ‘’you might be my missing rib’’
‘’Do you believe in that?’’
‘’The missing rib staff,’’ she said ‘’I mean, what about those who gets to marry five or more wives, where they missing that much of ribs?’’
‘’Well, I think it’s just a way of saying a woman is the second result of a man’’
‘’You’re too handsome to be a virgin’’ she said.
I wanted to reply with: Actually I do wank a little, does that affect my virginity? Instead I said: ‘’what is this church called?’’
‘’It’s er…. Christ Is God Ministry, can’t believe you came to a church you don’t even know’’
‘’Curiosity I guess’’
She smiled as we started walking, don’t know where, so I asked her where her home was.
‘’I don’t have a home’’
I kind of felt sad, muchly because I was beginning to like her. ‘’You mean, you just leave there alone in the street?’’ Oh My God, that explains the dressing, I thought.
‘’Excuse me?’’ Oh, guess I might have said that one out loud.
We walked for a couple of blocks or so, when she thanked me for the escort, pointing at the house across the road.
‘’I thought you had no shelter?’’ I asked.
‘’Oh, what I meant to say was, I’ve no home, because I’m still living with my parents’’
‘’So,’’ I asked ‘’won’t you introduce me to your parents?’’
‘’Believe me you wouldn’t want to come in’’
‘’Because my parents pray a lot that the house is now haunted’’
‘’Haunted? By what?’’ I questioned.
‘’By the Holy Ghost’’
‘’So, when can I see you again then?’’ I asked interested.
‘’How about tonight?’’ she said.
‘’That sounds great,’’ I said ‘’where?’’
‘’In the woods, we will sit along that river bay tree, just the two of us,’’ she said ‘’naked’’
‘’You mean like Adam and Eve?’’ I said smiling.
She pursed her lips before saying: ‘’Sort of, but no eating those blackish bay tree berries’’
‘’My mom usually put them in her cook’’
‘’Glossy’’ she said.
I was about to give her a hug when she suddenly went for my lips. She withdrawn whatever seconds later, I tried to hold her still. ‘’No,’’ she touched my lips with her finger ‘’save it for tonight’’
And so I went home.
When the see me tonight time came round, I quickly run in the woods to that bay tree she told me to meet her. I saw her leaning next to it, and once more, I appreciated Gods work.
‘’What’re you looking at?’’ she asked.
I grabbed the butterfly from her shoulder, grabbed her arm and put it in her palm, closing it. She opened and a colorful butterfly flew away. ‘’So beautiful huh?” I said.
We sat down naked, her head resting on my lean chest, talked about nothing, when I finally asked. ‘’Are you ready to get weird on each other?’’
‘’You mean, make Cain and Abel?’’ she said.
‘’Bingo?’’ is all I could say.
She did what girl’s do with their legs to allow that thing in.
She was cleanly shaved, but I might have forgotten, muchly to do with me being a virgin (don’t get to be seen).
‘’Do you’ve a condom with you?’’ she asked.
I grabbed my trouser and searched through my pockets. Nothing, I had nothing, only a plastic bag, so I handed it to her. ‘’Can this do?’’
She took it and threw it away.
She did that thing with her legs again. ‘’Oh Marcus’’ she said when she looked between my legs.
‘’Oh Mary’’ I looked between hers.
I was about to enter her, when something stopped me, no, not that pastors preaching, it’s what she said actually. ‘’You’re really the first man, after being raped by that mad man in the streets’’
‘’Eww’’ I said.
‘’What, I’m still a virgin,’’ she said ‘’I mean what’s the difference with you who wanks himself?’’ my mouth almost dropped ‘’Yeah I heard you say it out loud back in church.’’
‘’Wanking is at least clean’’ I said.
‘’I do wash’’
‘’Eww’’ I said when she tried to touch me.
‘’You can’t leave me like this’’ she said when she saw me dressing.
‘’Who knows,’’ I said ‘’you might be carrying a little psycho in there’’
I reached home, and up to my room I went. I lay in bed, thinking about how hard it is to get a date in this town. Or is it just me? Was I born to die a virgin?… .Oh, how I wish to be a character in a book, just so, just so, the author will come to his senses one day and erase all this nonsense.
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