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Choen to Lead

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chosen to lead

 

 

 

 

By: Cordia St Clair

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dedications to: All my friends and family. Especially the ones who have encouraged me to keep going.

To my sister: You have always encouraged me to find my passion and stick with it.

To my Friend: Linda, you have kind have been a mentor, in telling me about Smash words.

To all my family who has encouraged me to write and read and I ended up doing both. Love to you all.

 

 

 

Table of Contents:

 

One: My Birth

Two: School Days

Three: Life, Pain & Memories

Four: Summers, Road Trips, & Family Time

Five: High School, New friends, & new things to do.

Six: Junior College, the War, & Graduation

The College Years: Junior College

North Central Texas College

Mini part Six: Nephews being born

Seven: Accepted at UNT & Graduation along with working

 

 

 

 

One: My Birth

 

 

I was born on a Monday, the Eighteenth of October Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-two. The most beautiful baby girl to two happy and willing parents, Paul and Lisa St Clair. I was born with fair skin, weighing in at 9lbs 6oz, with brown hair and brown eyes. I was not used to them yet, but I would soon get acquainted with them.

In the coming months I was growing up with my grandmother, and grandfather. Lora & Corky Longstreet who lived in Port La Vaca, Texas. I was actually born at Detar Hospital in Victoria, Texas. It was great a new place to call home and new folks to call mine.

Paul & Lisa (Mom & Dad) are the greatest parents I was lucky to have them. Of course still being young I didn’t know that. I could feel it at heart but I did not know it. Somehow I knew my grandparents were the greatest too. I found out that being a grandkid, kid, and cousin wasn’t so bad.

Then the Seventh of February Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-Four my little sister was born to this already happy family. That just made it even happier. LefaKay Michelle St Clair or as my Grandfather Corky called her, “Katie.” I love her to this day and she is a joy.

Sisters are always there for each other. Especially when they move to new places and have new adventures around every turn. We were at Sunny Glen for A Year or Two. My parents helped children and taught them right from wrong. That was when I knew my parents were great people.

 

However the perfect days have always been in the past. The days have never been perfect. My life was never exactly perfect and it all started out with me being a chubby kid. The past was never great, but I did end up having friends. It was due to how things went in school, and school was great.

Two: School Days

August of 1989 – 1st grade with Mrs. Betty at Rock Prairie Elementary. We did some art projects, had music, went to Physical Education and had fun outside field days. Back then I appreciated the arts and music as much as I do today.

August 1990 – The second grade, more friends and I think I had my first crush. No one popular yet and yes he was also my first guy friend. Then we moved or my mother’s job and at the same rate moving from Bryan/College Station to Lewisville, Texas. This was during the middle of my school year.

January to February 1991- Making new friends wasn't all that hard but some are leery of new kids. These Texas kids are really nice though, and that's a great thing. They made me laugh and smile which was great.

The whole story the kindergarten to fifth grade was so much fun. The most fun was the camps, and singing in the fifth grade graduation. The camp was so much fun we learned how to write checks, buy things and own shops. The shops were awesome and they taught us a lot. The camp was called Camp Classen. We visited Camp for a week and it was fun, but that was also a great habit to start. The future was to turn into us and had been our hands for some time. This was a great class of people and we had an enjoyable seven years. Of course this was my life and back then it was pretty good. I had lots of friends and of course most people either have a bully or are the bully. August 1987-May 1994

Starting school was fun because I got to learn about letters, numbers and everything else. There were things we did like take naps and have music, art and all sorts of fun. We could talk about our art projects and everything. It was great in kindergarten and everything was perfect. The develop retribution but not everyone does. Bullies let go of the anger and take charge of your life. If someone makes you do something that you do not want to do, you can quit. Sure it may take some guts, but make your own choices. Life is short and you need to make the best of it.

The reason a bully figures they can be a bully is that they can get whatever they want, and no one else can have it. There is usually no way out of bullying until someone shows them that it is not the way to live. Someone has to teach and then live with what they have taught. The way to teach a bully not to be a bully is to be friends with them, and then try to love them. You have to be friends with the bullies if you would call them that, but what I call them is lost wanting someone or something they cannot have. What the other bully might use to frighten or get at you with is name calling, kicking, biting, hitting, stealing lunch money or lunches. This always later escalates to defacing property or even better defacing public property, walls and cars and stealing cars, could land you in jail.

The person who is the victim has many choices however, and needs to know the proper way to use them. You always have friends and you can use them to help you. You can always go to a teacher or principal you trust. A parent could help you or hurt you in this case oh yes they know about bullies but not about your specific case and may not believe you either. If your parents do not trust you, and you have lied to them start by trying not lying.

August 1994 – 1997

 

These were my Middle School years and I went to Lina Milliken Middle School. I started the sixth grade and it seemed fun I was in band. I played the alto saxophone. There were lots of nice people I met in band. One was Luke and then I met his parents and aunt. His mother seemed a little strange, but then again I did not think anything of it. Then one day I saw her yell at him and he looked different.

I asked her what had happened to him and she said there was a wreck on an intersection. I said she had to be lying because I could not find any record of that. No newspaper clippings, no police report or anything. Yeah, it seems as if she brain washed him and she also divorced his father. It was the first divorce in my young life I went through. The Dad, Aunt and I got along I could never figure out why this would happen.

It seems that my friend Luke had been brain washed, and it was not easy. This was not easy to handle for me and I was lucky I had friends. All throughout my life there has been stuff that has happened. The stuff that has happened did not happen while I was young.

I had been to so many things for band and was going to be in a play. This was all in my seventh grade year and we could do two things. We had to choose and I chose choir and band. Let alone choir was show choir and band was close to it. The play was called Pirates of Penzance I was supposed to be the oldest daughter. My grades were so bad that I could and would have failed if I had stayed in the play. I dropped out of choir, and kept with band.

I still went to the production to hear her defame herself, and that was bad it was horrible. Yeah, she could sing and everything but the part did not suit her. Yet, I told her she did great and flowed with praise. I lied to her and that probably was not a good idea. Oh well, that is over and I do not have to deal with her anymore.

Then I got out of the eighth grade and went to high school. The eighth grade was kind of fun. There was lots more friends and fun. There was lots of things I did and church was awesome. Church was so much fun I was going to Garden Ridge at the time.

 

Three: Life, Pain & Memories

Since I can remember, there has been loss of life and love. In my life, there was a ton of that and many memories. Throughout my life I have seen things no person should have to see. I have been through things no person should have to go through. I had hoped for the best life possible.

The way that I can remember things about school are because I went through them. I was just in the middle of things and did not like how they went. I thought of them as the path to my future, and that was the fact that I could not change them. I could have so much more to do with my life, and be something there was ha ha that intermittently slipped from my lips. Yeah, I could have taken the third Spanish but it was not as simple as it looked or sounded. The things I have seen in my life and done are two separate things I have been through some things that just don’t make sense, and at the time were meant to teach me something. Then I look back on them and it was just the hardest times of my life. Next having to figure out how to deal with them is just so difficult. You can never actually forget them and they were just so difficult to forget when memories happen every year.

What happens when things go wrong and you don’t like them? You need to find a way to deal with them. I was dealing with them and coping just fine. Then more things were happening and they just kept coming. It was family, friends, and then next was life in general.

Four: Summers, Road Trips, & Family Time

Summer of 1987 – 1997

 

There are some things I remembered about my summers, but I was so young. I was so young that I remember visiting my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Then there was some summer visits to the lake, and to camps. I was in perfect condition and then found out in the summer of my high school yeah that I was not. I started my freshman year of high school knowing what I had, and then finding out a lot later that it was not good.

 

Summer, was so much fun and visiting with everyone while I was in the hospital. Yet, I had been to the ER several times that year. Then I was off to High School as a freshman. Marching Band had started that summer it was fun. I got to play my saxophone and it was so much fun. We learned some cool stuff.

 

We went to the Neurologist to find out what was wrong and he said, that I had childhood epilepsy and that I might grow out of it. I was also having what they called it blufpharospasms. That is where my eyes would close but I could go through a semi-normal day.

 

There was school coming up in a few months and it was summer. The doctors put me in the hospital for a week during the summer. I was devastated that I could not spend time with my friends. I was not a normal kid, and that made me sad, confused also a little angry.

 

Although never angry at God because of Him I was living.

 

Jesus was my Savior and I could not be mad at Him for this. This was a chance to have people accept their imperfections. This was a chance for me to accept mine as well. I had been through a lot that summer, and wanted to make a fresh start. I had one way I could pull that off positively in mind.

 

1987 was the year that we traveled in the summer, and we did that to learn about other states. I’ve been to lots of other states and traveling the world is fun. You learn about their imports, exports, and who they have had as mayor. Even gave us a chance to take pictures as a family.

Places we’ve been as a family: New Jersey, New Mexico, Florida, Colorado, and Washington D.C. New Jersey was quite fun and we had a blast looking at Lady Liberty from across the interstate. Yes, it was July 4th, 1987. New Mexico was the Painted Desert it was really cool. Florida was Walt Disney World and I loved it. It is a little princess favorite place. Cinderella’s Castle.

 

Five: High School, New friends, & new things to do.

1998-2001

 

HIGH SCHOOL

Then found out in the summer of my high school year that I was not. I started my freshman year of high school knowing I was not going to be in band in my sophomore year. It hadn’t occurred to me how incredibly boring it was going to be.

 

Freshman year was about finding out who I was. I was someone who wanted good things for everyone and good things for myself. I was also someone who had seen her share of heartache.

Someone tells me I sing lovely and I believe them. I really do but I don’t have time for choir and I wasn’t to be in band. Of course, I am also taking school seriously and have friends too.

Football games and travelling in band led to no accidents and deaths. But in the next two years 3 deaths from my school mates and My Grandfather.

I had a boyfriend whose name was Brian. Brian was so generous he taught me at that point to sing with my heart. To open the eyes of my heart to see the good in everyone. I did love how he was with people, and even me. I was so broken and unsure.

I had begun my sophomore year and was walking down the hallway. There was a faint tap on my shoulder, and then a yell. The yell, and tap never forgotten. Told me a best friend had passed. September 15, 1999 Bryan Turner passed, no school photo for that year. Big Eric, because of heart failure and we all missed his smile.

I had begun to get along without my friends. This wasn’t going to be easy. I was a sophomore in P.E. and not taking any real elective classes. I wanted to be in choir but wasn’t sure how to go about changing out of P.E.

The next year I asked about choir and became a part of it. I was so excited to. The next year we had another death at school and my grandfather passed. Octavian was Justin Greene’s Cousin and he was so tore up then.

Senior year and all the things I was so into that it would make your head swim. Choir, Drama, even just helping with the plays. I was always two years ahead in my reading level at least. Which teachers loved and then they loved to give me things to do. I would ask tons of questions about some assignments. I was also an office aid, and that was fun.

 

Six: Junior College, the War, & Graduation

 

The College Years: Junior College

North Central Texas College

2001-2008

There are so many skips in college I call long breaks. I had a break in 2003 for grades, and in 2005 my sister had her first child. Just in time to see the other ones and all with my college degree.

 

In 2001, my high school friend Josh, wants to do a play with another friend Wes. I tell him, “Why, aren’t you asking your girlfriend?” Later on I came to the realization he was probably asking me out. Too late though and felt badly. I had my ex come to town and want me to tour with him I still said no. They make the play, and Wes calls to ask me to go with him. But because he can’t ask me out. He says, “Your friend is dead, will go with me.” I say no, and hang up the phone.

He tries again, to call but I am not having it. His mom calls me and explains he’s off his meds. Has been to war. I explain to him that doesn’t give him the right to do what he just did to me. She also agrees with me. She tells him he should be on his meds.

Brian went back to tour, and I don’t see him. I don’t know what it would be like either, and all I know is I would not be here and have the friends I do.

2002, I was studying and headed for class, and using the elevator to the second floor. Near the elevator there was the sweetest Marine, Pilot I have ever met. Brandon was his name. Unfortunately I don’t have a last one. We talked for about a semester and he was on deployment.

Our whole Marine Group left for somewhere unknown, and I have been praying for them. Tom joined up and went left and died. Shane died as well, and Brandon told me the news. I was so shocked and saddened. His bride would be too, and Jennifer would take it hard as well.

In 2003, the fall was an interesting one and that’s when I met the cast of Boy Meets World, and The one I wanted to walk and talk with. He’s Brilliant, and funny. Rider Strong was always my favorite.

In that same year they sent more troops to Afghanistan, and other areas of the world. I would never forget it. I was sitting watching Channel One news, and listening to one of my friends that was incredibly informative. He had come back to tell me of a friend’s death, and how it affected us, and our friend Jennifer. We lost Shane, and soon after would lose another dear friend.

I was losing ground, and hope all I had to do was remember God was with me. He would be with me whether friends made it out of this world or not. I had to remember who I was, who’s I was, and whom I was. In an instant I was thrown, and my world was torn. But having God there was the best thing ever.

Even though I may have been somewhat depressed and ate through the pain, and didn’t feel I could talk to anyone. I eventually did, and about God too. I know through the pain it sounds weird I would talk about my God.

In 2004, the promises due to so many years in office for the President had finally told me he had hung himself. The fiscal budget, and the war had spent the budget, and it was well over 7 trillion dollars. We were out of money, and out weapons. Some people had PTSD severely and come back knowing it. They wish to get help, but then don’t take the medicine provided.

Help to me sometimes that can be helpful, but sometimes just doesn’t look, listen, and pay attention. They are just there for a paycheck. I have been to psychiatrists that were this way. They take a look at you judge you and want you to take a placebo. I told them, “Look, I want a doctor that will look, listen and build on my creative aspects. Not just come for a paycheck.” I walked out with no more medicine than when I came.

 

Mini part Six: Nephews being born

 

In 2005, my first nephew was born Malachi Breyden Butler. He was the most special thing in my life at that moment. Unconditional love and responsibility are taught through children, even others children. My nephew is now 11 years old.

 

Between then and now he’s had two brothers and many struggles. But also been baptized and that should be the greatest thing in his life. His first little brother Devin Angelo Williams was born in May 04, 2009. I helped them all learn to read and write. Especially Malachi & the last one Terrell.

 

In 2011, Terrell Max Williams was born, and July 08, 2011. Bright eyed and kicking, because since he’s grown he’s been a real fighter. And so has Devin. Malachi is a real sweetie.

 

Seven: Accepted at UNT & Graduation along with working

 

In August of 2009 I was accepted to the University of North Texas. There I finished a bachelors in Sociology with a Minors in Criminal Justice. I walked with my class in the summer of 2011, but retook my math class. And graduated in the fall of 2011. I really enjoyed being in school and learning about our socioeconomic statuses, and they work.

 

Also in 2009 I started working at TGI Friday’s. I worked as silverware roller. I also helped with many different aspects of the job. Working and going to school knowing I could make my own money and not ask for a $20 every time something came up.

 

In September of 2013 I also found a job at Wal-Mart. I worked 2 jobs and the second landed more hours and was closer to home. After my probationary period at Wal-Mart was over in November I permanently moved to Walmart. I had worked for TGI Friday’s for four and half years. I eventually left TGI Friday’s on November 31, 2013. Never looking

In 2013, September 17, 2013, I walked into Wal-Mart for my orientation and am still there to this day. Met some close friends, and have encouraged them, and most of my friends are special people. Since August of 2016 I am currently overnight and am enjoying it. I am a stocker and cashier at Wal-Mart. It is a great job but sometimes very stressful and just not rewarding.

 

Left TGI Friday’s on November 31, 2013. Never looking back at that job, and wanting to go back to school. Eventually, someday pursuing singing or acting possibly become a writer.

In 2016, I am a well-rounded person and wish to become a better person, and non-judgmental. I know being human that is not always completely possible but may be somewhat possible.

I have been trying promote being healthy and wellness just for me. I am also trying to get in shape. I have someone backing me, and he is special and knows it.


Choen to Lead

This is part One of my biography. You will learn so much about me I will keep adding things. This book is meant encourage and inspire people. through my trials and dedication to things I have overcome a lot.

  • ISBN: 9781370284344
  • Author: Cordia St Clair
  • Published: 2017-04-24 21:20:09
  • Words: 3934
Choen to Lead Choen to Lead