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Before You Step In

 
h3={color:#000;}. Before You Step In: Critical Question Ladies Must Ask Before Saying Yes

By Favour O. Adeaga

Copyright 2017 by Favour O. Adeaga

Shakespir Edition

Scripture quotations are KJV unless otherwise marked.

Shakespir Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

ISBN:

Published by Forte-Hold International

Co-Published by Shakespir Inc.

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my unmatchable loving wife, Eniola. Thank you for going through the process God is taking me through with me

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Acknowledgement

Introduction

Chapter One – What Did He See?

Chapter Two – Where is He Coming From?

Chapter Three – Where is He Going?

Chapter Four – What did You See?

Chapter Five – What is God Saying?

A Word For You

About the Author

Connect with Favour Adeaga

Acknowledgement

I appreciate the efforts of my parents in making this book a reality. Thanks for believing in your son! And to my siblings, you are simply the best.

Thanks to my friend, Feyikemi Yetunde, from whom I got the inspiration of this book during our conversation while still a single man.

And to my wife, Eniola and my son, Peter, you both have been sources of inspiration to me. Thank you for standing by me through the thick and thin of it all

INTRODUCTION

EVER WONDERED why many marriages fail today? Many ladies have been trapped in the web of sugar-coated, motivated speeches that has led to the problem they are facing in their relationship. And unfortunately, many have resigned to fate, believing that they have gotten their life time cross which they must carry all alone because they don’t know the way out.

What a disgrace to the body of Christ when Christian marriages fail. The question to ask, I think, is, “Is God’s instituted procedure for marriage not solid enough or the people who are to work with the system are not getting it right?”

Whether you believe it or not, the foundation of God stands sure (2 Tim 2:19) and nothing can shake it. The problem is not with God but men. Until we learn to do the right thing, nothing good will ever find its way into our path. Instituted principles must be followed to get the desired results.

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

John 8:32

Your marital freedom, headache free relationship is wound up in the truth. Until you discover and apply the truth, your success in marriage is not guaranteed.

Many have failed in marriage and many are still failing, only those who will go for the truth and apply it will escape the trap the devil has set for them.

Seek and ye shall find,” Matt 7:7. You must seek for the truth if you will find it. What is not sought for will never be found because it is somewhere relaxing, only those who will go in search of it are assured of finding it.

It is my utmost desire that the truth revealed in this book will also work for you as it has worked for others. It will find an expression in your life as you walk on the path towards your successful marriage.

That you have this book in your hands is an indication that God is set to do something tremendous in your relationship. More so, I believe strongly that before you finish reading it, you would have discovered the truth that will deliver you from marital ill-luck.

Where others have failed, you will succeed. At the juncture where others were defeated, you will triumph in Jesus’ name. The reason is simply because the truth in the book you are holding now will open your eyes of understanding and cause you to soar over all stumbling blocks on your way to marital success.

Lastly, if you have been set for disgrace, the truth in this book will rewrite your story, renavigate your cause and set your feet on the right path. Whatever has been a cloud of confusion to you, henceforth, will become your cloud of direction. Wherever you have been held down and cannot move, the light of God’s word will bring you out.

Get set for illumination. Sit up and let’s move on together.

Chapter One

[]WHAT DID HE SEE?

Everyone looks but sees differently. What you see determines what you think, while what you think will definitely determine what you will do and where you will go.

Every man is propelled by a motive, no one takes any action without something motivating him. A man cannot just walk up to a lady and say, “I want to marry you,” without being motivated by something. There is always something he must have seen in the lady before approaching her.

Please, get this fact very well, before a guy finally summons the courage of meeting you or asking you out as a lady, he saw something. The something he saw in you can either be on the positive or the negative.

A guy could see your beauty or your carriage. He could be attracted by your physique or inner attributes. He could see a variety of things. But one thing is common with every serious guy – ready for a relationship – as the other guys see your physical appearance or adornment, he will see your inner adornment, the virtues that make you.

The truth is any man that cannot see your special qualities aside the physical or outward appearance does not wish you a successful marriage, watch out for him!

And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Gen 2:22-23

Adam did not make that profound statement based on the physical outlook of Eve. He saw something that differentiated Eve from other creatures. Remember earlier on when God saw that he needed a help, He brought the animals to him to see what he would name them.

And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; BUT FOR ADAM THERE WAS NOT FOUND AN HELP MEET FOR HIM.

Gen 2:19-20

Having named all the animals, the Scripture says “but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” Adam could have been moved by the physical appearance of the Chimpanzees or other animals that look like humans but we are told none of them was meet for Adam.

So, when Adam saw Eve, he saw beyond the physical attractiveness, he saw himself in her and that was why he said, “She shall he called woman, because she was taken out of Man,” (Gen 2:23). There is something in you that separates and distinguishes you from other ladies and it is only your man that can see it.

I often tell ladies that any guy that walks up to them and asks them out for a relationship, the first question they should try and ask is what the guy saw before coming.

See, any guy that cannot tell you specifically those virtues he saw in you, is not really ready for a serious relationship. He may be one of the ‘chop and go’ guys. A guy that tells you he really cannot say what it is that sets you apart from others, is not likely going to place any value on you in the future.

God has not created every man alike. As a matter of fact, your prototype does not exist elsewhere in the world, neither will it ever do. No one is created empty, after God created you, He deposited certain qualities, virtues, potentials in you that set you apart from other females.

Understand that the difference between you and other ladies has nothing to do with your physical makeup including your height, stature, complexion, and it has also got nothing to do with your education or family background but has a lot to do with the virtues that God deposited in you. He branded you for your assignment in the life of your husband and to the world. Therefore, it becomes the duty of your REAL MAN to identify those virtues in you. That is the first thing he must see.

One reason I think why most men beat up their wives or rough handle them is simply because they did not see anything special about them that set their wife apart from other wives.

Lady, if your guy is not fascinated about your virtues, the day he sees another one elsewhere, he will opt for that. The way your guy sees you will determine how he will treat and address you. If he sees you as valuable, he’ll treat you with value and if he sees otherwise, that’s how he will treat you.

Take for an example, if you have an iPhone that cost you about #200,000, you will agree that the way you will handle it won’t be the same way you will handle a phone you buy for as cheap as say, #5,000. This is the same thing that happens to every guy and their lady – we all respond to the value we place on our babe.

And don’t forget this point: What places a value upon you is your virtue. Until your guy sees it, he will not count or treat you valuable. This is why you don’t have to joke with the issue of what he saw.

However, that a guy sees a virtue in you does not really mean he is the right man for you, more work needs to be done by you as a lady. You must have first discovered those things God had deposited in you. So, it is not a matter of “He said I can sing,” when you as the carrier of the virtue have not discovered the potential for singing in yourself. Although, he could see some things you are not seeing in yourself but that does not mean you won’t be able to see anything special about yourself. Whatever he tells you must be a confirmation of what you have seen in yourself.

BECOMING VALUABLE

Much have been said about guys, but this chapter must not end except I make you understand that before you can become valuable to your guy, you must make yourself valuable.

One thing is sure and that is you cannot be more valuable that the value you place on yourself. In my land, there is an adage that the way you handle your stuff is the same way other will do for you. You can’t treat yourself cheaply and expect a guy to place premium on you.

There are certain things you must invest in.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

1Pt 3:3-5

Lady, your value is not measured by the huge amount of money you use in buying those expensive clothes, jewelry or shoes. Your value is not measured by the number of clothes you have in your wardrobe nor the shoes on your shoe rack but the quality of your mind. That’s what the passage above is saying, the women of old placed more emphasis on their mind, they were after grooming their minds and it is recorded it “is in the sight of God of great price.”

Real beauty has nothing to do with outward appearance. It flows from within to outside. When your mind is beautiful, it will speak for itself outside.

A future-oriented and serious guy will never be moved by your physical appearance (though it may contribute to it) but the quality of your character, alongside other things you possess.

I am so surprised that it is only one of many ladies that take cognizance of their inner being than the outer. Most ladies take a whole lot of time and money to take care and design their container irrespective of what happens to the content.

If I may ask, “What do you spend most of your time doing and your money buying?” How many books have you taken time to read on home management, capacity building or preparing yourself for marriage?

Many ladies make preparation for their wedding but only few prepare for marriage. Wedding is an event that takes place in few hours while marriage is a journey of lifetime. I define marriage to be “marrying for age (eternity),” it is ‘till death do us part.’ Only those who prepare for marriage enjoy marriage, but those who prepare for wedding encounter difficulties in their marriage.

What you prepare for determines what you get at the end. Successful marriage is not accidental and it does not respond to wishful thinking, calculated steps must be taken to get it. If you pay the price, you get the prize at the end.

Therefore, to make yourself valuable, do the following:

READ BOOKS

There are anointed books on marriage that will help you a lot. Take your time to read, at least, one book every month. Spend your money on books. When you empty your pocket on your mind development today, your mind in turn will make your pocket to overflow tomorrow.

You can only decorate your body till the day of its destruction while you can build your spirit man for a glorious living now and beyond. Remember, the future is no longer tomorrow, it is now! Those who keep waiting for tomorrow end up wasting. The day a child grows up to know what marriage is, the better for the child to start learning about how to keep one.

When you read books, it opens you up to the challenges others encountered in their marriage and how they overcame them. And by that, you are learning how to avoid their mistakes, and should they occur, you would have gained the knowledge on how to overcome them.

LISTEN TO ANOINTED TAPES

Marriage is full of mysteries and only those that are set for it get the understanding. Matthew chapter 7 verse 7 says anyone who searches will find. You have got to search for the key(s) that unlock a successful marriage and apply it to your own for you to succeed martially.

Listening to anointed tapes, CDs and DVDs of anointed men of God, will equip you on how to manage a home, how to become a better wife and mother to your husband and children respectively, depending on the subject matter you are reading about.

There are men who are specially anointed on this subject-matter, carefully locate them and explore the nuggets they share through their tapes.

ATTEND SEMINARS

Seminars are also other avenue through which you can equip yourself for your marriage. Make out time to attend seminars (both free and gate-feed). At seminars, you come in contact with those who have gone ahead and are experienced, and one important thing that it will do for you is, it will create an opportunity for you to ask questions.

There is a grace that rubs on you when you sit under those who are anointed on the subject-matter you are hearing. Don’t miss out. These speakers with proven track record martially can impart your life for a successful marriage as well.

Having said all these so far, if you are able to follow the points shared in this chapter, you can be sure you are set for a glorious relationship and marriage, ultimately. You will end up as a lady whose price is worth more than rubies because of the value your life will carry.

SHARPEN YOUR GIFTS

Gifts and talents are God’s deposit in man for their profiting. Whatever gifts or talents God has deposited in you, they are, first of all, for helping your spouse in the fulfilment of the assignment God may have called him into and then, for affecting the world generally.

When God gives gifts, they come in their natural form waiting to be refined. For example, when golds are mined from the earth, they do not appear glittering until they are worked upon. God did not give you those gifts to keep, He expects you to work on them and manifest them to the world.

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Matt 5:15-16

You will not be fair to your generation if you lit your candle and put it under a bushel, that’s what is called underutilization of potentials. Whatever gift(s) you have discovered about yourself, while you are waiting for your spouse, God expect that you keep working on it, refining it and giving it expression in your little ways.

While David was waiting to go to the palace, for example, he was found playing his harp with the tender sheep he was watching over. He did not allow those who care to listen to him play or not to discourage him and when the appointed time came, he was sent for and his long time of practicing paid him.

WHATSOEVER THY HAND FINDETH TO DO, DO IT WITH THY MIGHT; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.

Eccl 9:10

h1={color:#000;}.

ACTION POINT

Are you into a relationship already or someone just came to ask you out? The first thing you should ask him is, “What did you see in me that prompted you to come to meet me?”

CHAPTER TWO

[]WHERE IS HE COMING FROM?

One major cause of deception in the world today is simply because people don’t take their time to investigate the past life of the person they want to marry or go out with. Many people have fallen into the traps of deceptive guys all because there was no proper investigation into the past life of the guys. The moment the so-called guy came and gave them the sweet words they need to hear, they fell in love and forgot every other thing.

I have the case of an Aunt who was about going into a relationship with a young man. This young man claimed to be a Doctor in a big hospital in Lagos State, Nigeria. He also told all manner of lies.

But as God would have His way, this Aunt woke up one day and decided to give this young man a blind visit in his office. On getting to the hospital environment, she asked after the department he claimed to belong. When she got there, she asked after him and to her utmost surprise, they all declined knowing or ever meeting a man bearing that name.

Moreover, she went to his family house. When she got there, she was made to understand by the young man’s mother that he is married with kids. Imagine what would have happened if such an investigation had not been carried out. Surely, several similar cases are all over the town.

Enough of deceptions from guys, the time has come for investigative measures to be instituted. Such measures will be able to probe into the life of intending couples before they are joined in holy matrimony.

Similarly to this is the fact that a lady must know about the past affairs of the guy she wants to marry. You should be able to ask questions like:

#
p<>{color:#000;}. How many relationships has he been into before?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Why did he quit the relationship(s)?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Is there any likelihood that any of the relationships he was into can resurface again?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Has he ever gone into any blood covenant before?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. How many ladies has he slept with?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What is the state of the marital life of other members of his family?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Do they experience marital failure or setbacks?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. What happens to children born into the family?

All these questions may sound funny or unnecessary but they are vital things a lady must probe into before she gives her consent to the guy. For example, I have the case of a lady who married into a family where the first child always die. On getting to know this, she went into prayers and fought her way through so that her own child is alive and active till date. Imagine if she is not privy to such information, she probably would have lost her child the way others did.

Now, apart from the answers provided by the guy, as a lady, you must not abuse your sense of judgment on this neither should you conclude based on what he tells you. Other places or people you must go in order to acquire vital and authentic information are:

HIS CLOSE FRIEND

Close friends always know, to a great extent, almost everything about their fellow friend. Information that members of one’s family do not have can be made available by one’s friends. This is because your friends are an extension of yourself; you drink, eat, relate and share things together including vital information.

So, whatever information the guy hides from you will most likely be revealed by his friend(s). Meeting and maintaining a cordial relationship with his friends will give you cheap access to vital information your guy may be keeping away from you.

HIS WORK PLACE

Another place you can acquire information about the guy is where he works. Major part of your day is spent where you work and so, these people can give almost a succinct description and information about you.

Really, your coworkers could be closer to you than even your family members and this is because, whether you like it or not, you see and probably relate on a daily basis.

More so, these are the people who can best explain your moves including those who pay you visits during work hours, and somehow, the kind of calls you make and pick and so on.

FAMILY MEMBERS

This, most times, takes the lead among other sources of information. The reason is just that one’s family is an extension of oneself. They maintain quite a close form of relationship with one. They know one’s background and where one is at the moment. They can give chronological information about one, right from birth.

Meeting these people, by wisdom, can give you the required information you need to feed your sense of judgment.

So, if the guy feigns a lie, at least, one or two of these sources will never lie to you. Don’t forget that the success of your marriage begins with the amount and quality of the background information you have about your spouse. Taking your time and energy to make findings about the past life of whom you want to commit the rest of your life to, I think, is worth the while and the return pays off at the end.

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ACTION POINT:

If you are already in a relationship, ask the guy when next you see him the questions highlighted in this chapter (if you have not done so) and other questions you think you should know about him. More so, take time to ask from the sources I explained earlier.

However, you must do it with wisdom so that once they detect, they do not give you wrong information.

ABOUT TO GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP?

Never give your consent until you have gotten the detailed information about him and everything you think you should know.

CHAPTER THREE

[]WHERE IS HE GOING?

A man without a vision is not worth following, because he is not better than a blind man. Men without vision are men without a hope of destination. A man who lacks vision can be likened to a traveler, who embarked on a journey. While on his way, he met a man who asked where he was going, and in response he said, “I don’t know.”

The reason a man is able to move around, at least, is because he either could see where he is going or has an idea of where he wants to go. Our lives are not designed to be driven by circumstances or chances but by a clarity of vision. You cannot wake up and say you are going somewhere without first settling the issue of where you are going, else, people will see you as insane.

But unfortunately, quite a lot of people are hopelessly roaming about today because they do not know where exactly they are going and what, in definite, they want to do with their life.

When you don’t know where you are going, anywhere will always look like it. No man achieves success without first settling what exactly he wants to achieve. You cannot go far in life if you don’t know where exactly you are going. And all of these are what vision help to settle.

As a lady, leaving your life in the hands of a man without a vision is signing your life for destruction. How will a man not know where he is going and you will still be eager to follow him, it sounds absurd. A man who does not know where he is going cannot lead others to their destination.

There is no future in a man without a vision because vision is the ticket that delivers the future to him. You can’t be without a vision and claim to be hopeful of a better tomorrow. The reason why a scorer can claim to have a goal is because there is a goalpost, so how can you claim to have succeeded when there was nothing you were aiming at?

You will save yourself a lot of sleeplessness and havoc, as a lady, if you first know where your guy is going before you commit yourself to following him. I remember vividly the early days of my relationship with my wife. There was a day I had to visit her and sit her down, then give her a download of my life assignment and afterwards, asked her if she was willing to follow me having heard all.

And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

8 And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.

Gen 2:7-8

The very first thing God gave the man even before the issue of a help came up was an assignment. Gen 2:15 says “And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” No guy is permitted to think about a life partner without first knowing what the partner is coming to do in his life.

Before God gives you to your man, He will first give him his assignment so that when you get into his life, you will not be a liability. Whether the man has begun the assignment or not may not be the issue, but the point is he must have discovered what God would have him accomplish in life.

IMPORTANCE OF VISION

Let’s consider some of the reasons why vision cannot be underrated before considering any guy for a relationship.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. VISION IS WHAT GIVES PRECISION TO LIFE

A man with a vision is precise in what he wants to achieve, he knows where in particular he is heading to. He has a clear and detailed understanding and information on what he wants to do for the rest of his life. He is not easily tossed like the waves of the sea. Wake him from his sleep and ask for where he is going in life, and he will tell you in detail without hesitation.

Ask Adam what his life assignment was and he would not mince words. You don’t need too much story from a guy, get to know where he is going before you can determine whether you will follow him or not.

Even Jesus, the Bridegroom of the Church, didn’t call the disciples for the fun of it. He knew why he was on earth, how to accomplish his mission so that when he met the likes of Peter, James and John, he simply told them clearly “Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men,” Mark 1:17.

You don’t need a man of too much words, but one of vision who will take you from where you are currently and bring you into the place where you are supposed to be. I think that is the man you need to follow.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. VISION GIVES DIRECTION

A man of vision has a sense of direction. He has something that is controlling and leading his life. He understands that it is not about competition. It is not in doing everything that makes for success, but knowing what exactly to do and going in that direction until he gets to this destination.

A man of vision does not just go to anywhere at any time. He does not do anything anyhow. He is a man of understanding, he is not known for distractions because he knows where he is going and that is his focal point. Something is driving his movement. Something is guiding him. His decisions are accurate because he makes his decision based on the vision that is driving him. My dear, that is a man with a future, he is man worth following.

Prov 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” A man of vision cannot die anyhow and he hardly falls into the mischiefs that others encounter. His vision delivers him from destruction. And so, if your relationship and marriage will not crash at the end, go for a man of vision.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. VISION GIVES FORESIGHT

Any man of vision you see will always be a man of foresight. They see ahead of their present, so they are rarely caught unawares by any situation around them. They build capacity to handle challenges as they come so they are rarely overcome by any situation.

But what is foresight? In a simple form, I define it as seeing with the two inner eyes what the outer eyes are incapable of seeing. Put another way, engaging your inner eyes to see first and bringing to the consciousness of your physical eyes.

Our physical eyes are limited in sight i.e. there is a limit to what it can see, but with the inner eyes, we are able to see beyond our present situation.

A man of foresight is able to see beyond impossibility and obstacles. While the inner eyes will see the big picture of that glorious future, the physical eyes will then lead there, hence the word FORESIGHT (FOUR SIGHT). Please, understand the emphasis is on the inner eyes because if a man is blind physically, nothing is spoilt but if he is blind in his mind, many things are spoilt.

The three important points about vision should never depart from your mind.

Any man you ask about his vision for life and cannot tell you in particular what it is, never consider such twice. You have no business with such. A guy like that is like a blind man heading for the ditch (Matt 15:14).

Someone once said that if you marry a man with a vision, someday he will put you on the television. You don’t marry a man because of the sophisticated television set in his living room because of what importance is a huge television without a vision, such will end in calamity, I tell you.

However, you must understand that vision is not the same thing as ambition. The dictionary meaning for ambition is “a strong desire for success, wealth or fame.” The common word attributed to ambition is “desire.” A desire without an action leads to no destination.

If a guy tells you he wants to be a millionaire, or that he wants to be a successful business person, you must ask him how he would want to achieve that. The desire to get something or become somebody and the calculated steps put in place at achieving that is what transforms ambition into vision. Don’t allow a guy to cajole you, taking ambition for his vision.

Never be deceived by the sugar-coated, non-future oriented guy’s words. Make sure his so-called vision is well spelt out and he is confident enough in what he is saying.

Related to that is the fact that you must know whether what he is doing at the moment commensurate with what he professes to be aiming at. A man cannot claim to be pursuing “A” and be moving along part “B” when there is no relationship whatsoever between the two. Predict his destination by the direction he is currently moving if they are congruent.

Don’t allow any guy to deceive you that tomorrow or at a later date, he will start working on what he said. There is no future in tomorrow, those who wait for tomorrow never end waiting and sad enough, the tomorrow never comes. A serious guy with a vision understands that the future is no longer tomorrow, it is now! So, if he is not starting today, he may never start.

Lastly, one thing you must understand about a good vision is that it is not recited, it is read out. A serious minded guy will always have his vision documented. Even God has His plans documented for record purpose. The Old Testament, for example, gives us pictures of what God intended to do and in the New Testament, we see the fulfilment of them all. Jesus’ coming to the world was to fuldill what had been documented about him (Luke 4:16-20)

So, a guy must have his vision book from which he can make reference any time. The moment he starts to recite his vision offhand without a blueprint, he probably could be one of those unscrupulous guys out there.

And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

Hab 2:2

God instructed prophet Habakkuk to document the vision because He understood the importance of documentation. Visions are written documents containing detailed information about what will become of a man at a time yet to come or what is to be carried out at a later time. The difference between a vision and a poem is the written format.

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ACTION POINT

Ask the guy to give you the written document containing his vision for life.

CHAPTER FOUR

[]WHAT DID YOU SEE?

Moreover the word of the Lord came unto me, saying, Jeremiah, what seest thou?

Jere 1:11

Having dealt with the issues of guys in the preceding chapters, it is note-worthy to also deal with your own aspects in the process.

A vital and perhaps the most important question, I think, you must ask yourself as a lady is, “what can I see?” Shortly after God engaged Jeremiah in a discussion, God needed to ask what he saw. And the reason is simple, every man responds to pictures. What we see determines how we act, among other things.

As I have said earlier in Chapter One that when a guy walks up to you, you must be able to ask what he saw before coming to you, and now, on your own part, you should also ask yourself if you can see yourself in the guy. Do you see yourself as an extension of the supposed young man?

What you see about any guy determines how you will relate with him. You can see a guy as just a friend, a close friend and as well as a spouse. And the level with which you will relate with him based on who you see him as will determine your reactions to him.

WHY CONSIDER HIM?

There are so many reasons why a lady could consider a guy for a relationship, some of which are discussed below:

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Educational background. A lady could be thrilled by the education background of the young man asking for her hand in marriage and consider him. Especially if the guy is someone she has always admired academically or probably he meets us with the education qualification of the man she has always dreamt of having as a husband, among other things.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Physique. I have met ladies who have the specific description of the kind of man they want to marry. Although, this is good but care must be taken so it does not become the determining factor of who to consider and who not to as God, most time, does not go by our choice but His best for us. There are ladies who would tell you they want a guy who is 6ft tall, masculine with 6 packs and so on. Ladies in this category can be easily influenced to opt for a guy that meets this condition without seeking to know if that is God’s will for them or not.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Money. I have an experience of a lady I felt God was leading me to ask her hand in marriage. After I spoke to her, although, initially shocked because she wasn’t expecting it, she accepted and we began. But along the line, within the space of weeks, she started acting unfriendly and after much questions, she opened up to me that the kind of person she had always asked God for is someone who has financially arrived because of the poverty she had tasted and not a beginner like me, and after all had been said, she called it quit. If such a lady gets someone who is financially ok to propose to her, her decision to accept, most likely, will be influenced by the wealth of the young man.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Sympathy. Let me sound this note of warning, never use yourself as a compensation for the trauma or negative situations a guy has passed through and consider such for marriage, the best you can do is identify with them in their challenging time but never use yourself as a substitute and then go on to marry the guy. God knows how to compensate people, if you stand in the way of God or put yourself in His position, you are only preparing to crash. So, don’t marry out of sympathy.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. Family Background. That a guy is from a well to do background is not license to marry such. The knowledge of what God is saying is very important so you don’t get carried away by affluence. The guy’s parents may be notable in town and you may even have been promised heaven and earth, but don’t see that as an excuse not to seek God’s face. Those who wait on God are never disgraced.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Fame. Fame is good, virtually everyone wants to be known but fame, if not handled well can lead to shame. A guy you consider because of his social status without knowing God’s mind will end you in calamity at the long run. Considering a man for who he is at the moment can be dangerous because you don’t know the future of the man.

All of these and much more are some reasons why some ladies consider guys for marriage. If you leverage on any of the above mentioned, you will be doing your marriage a great harm because all of them are like sandy foundation that do not guarantee durability of your marriage.

THE COMPATIBILITY TEST

That a guy saw some good qualities or virtues in you does not make him the right man for you and more so, being a man of vision does not mean you should jump at him. The fact that he has all it takes to make a good father and husband with a promising future do not mean he is the right man. One question you must not fail to ask yourself after the guy has passed the other three questions is, “Are we compatible?”

Among other things, marriages fail and homes break at an alarming rate today because the parties involved are not compatible. One of the things I know God will not do is give you someone who is incompatible with you or even if incompatible, without a hope of adjustment for the good of your relationship.

I often tell ladies when counselling them that, how a marriage will look like is often determined during courtship. A courtship that is filled with arguments, fights, and quarrels and all sorts, all the time should ring a bell that the marriage is not likely going to work out.

Never attach conditions to the choice of who to marry, it can be dangerous. If you marry a guy because he has money or for the fact that he is handsome, the day those things disappear, your marriage will begin to suffer setback.

One thing is certain and cannot change, and that is ATTITUDE. Attitude seldom changes, even when it is put to a long time test. The attitude of a guy will give an indication as to who he will most likely become when he marries.

The law of compatibility states that like poles attract while unlike poles suffers. If the guy is really for you, he will always portray characters that are pleasing to you. And if not, to change or adjust will not be a burden.

I need to sound this notice of warning to you: never marry a man whose character you cannot bear with; you may be doing yourself the greatest harm. When other things fade away, a man’s character will always be with him.

And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.

Gen 24:64

When you look up, who do you see? The Scripture says when Rebekah looked up, she saw Isaac, her husband, from afar. Can you see your husband in that man even now that you are not married yet? The success of your marriage, to a great extent, is tied up to what you can see in your husband. Remember that there are men and among those men is your husband.

Who do you see? A man or a husband? Do you see yourself as an extension of your husband in that man? Do you see that guy asking for your hand in marriage as a man worth spending the rest of your life with? Never say yes to any man until you see the cord of compatibility tying the two of you together.

COMPATIBILITY IN BELIEF

What you believe in shapes how you behave. One area you must look out for is whether your beliefs are compatible. Does he believe in what you do? Does he believe in your God and your doctrine? The reason is because many people keep having a great challenge in their relationship and others in marriage because of this simple unnoticed area.

You will never go far in your relationship with your guy if there is conflict in your beliefs because there will be ceaseless days of conflicting issues ensuing between the two of you. It is when you believe in the same thing, and have the same doctrine that you can both get along.

For instance, not everybody believes that having sex before marriage is a sin. Heb 13:4 says “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled,” and 1 Cor 6:15 says “Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. This means, until you are both joined in holy matrimony, you and your supposed spouse must not commit immorality – the bed must remain undefiled.

Do you both believe that sex before marriage is a sin? My dear lady, if you don’t settle this aspect, the young man has the tendency of continually demanding for sex from you claiming you will both be married soon.

How about your beliefs in tithing, evangelism, Trinity and other important Christian teachings, are your beliefs similar or conflicting? A guy who does not believe in tithing will never encourage you to pay tithe.

But then, if there is a conflict in your beliefs, what are you both willing to do? Please understand that sometimes, it is risky when a guy tells you that he will allow you to practice your religion or continue in your doctrine when you both don’t believe in the same doctrine. Research revealed that some guys fall back on their wives after marriage compelling them to follow and practice what they believe in.

You have to consider that well before going into any relationship with a guy whom you don’t share the same belief. You can only go ahead if you are ready to compromise your own belief or doctrine for his own, but it may not be to your best interest. Remember that if you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything.

Therefore, it is of importance that the both of you agree on this subject-matter of belief before you launch out in your relationship. If not, expect the worst as the both of you journey together.

h1={color:#000;}.

ACTION POINT

Get a sheet of paper and tabulate. On each sides of the tabulated sheet, write similarities and differences. Never rush yourself, take time to watch out for those qualities that are pleasing to you and the things that piss you off.

NB: When doing this, make sure you keep an open mind so as to make recording factual and truthful

CHAPTER FIVE

[]WHAT IS GOD SAYING?

How much success you will have in making the right choice, is dependent on how committed you are to prayer. Prayer is a force that unlocks all doors. What you try doing but not working out as expected, most times, could be because you have not applied the force of prayer.

Prayer is the foundation upon which all things are built and you know that how solid the foundation of a structure is will determine how durable it will be. If the foundation of prayer of your marital life is not solid enough, your building, your choice of a life partner, may not stand well.

God has been speaking in the past and one way through which He still speaks today is by prayer. Those who neglect or abscond from the place of prayer are only trying to block an avenue through which God could speak to them.

This last step is the most effective and important through which you know whether to consider a man for marriage or not. The validity of your consideration and conviction of the right man is determined through prayer.

A guy may have passed the other stages discussed in the preceding chapters, but I tell you, if he is not approved of God, he is never to be considered. Those who take decisions on their own find themselves at the beckon of unfavourable situations.

Some years ago while I was still single, I was about entering into a relationship but I have always had this determination in my heart right from my early days in life that if God was not leading me into a relationship with a lady, I would not go ahead.

I had this very good lady friend whom I love so much. In areas like a lady of purpose, vision, positive mindset and the likes, she fitted in. To be sincere, she was a wife material. So I decided to take the issue to God in prayer since the thought was becoming an obsession.

On a particular day, while on my bed alone in the room, I fell into a trance. In that trance, I saw someone telling me to hold on and never to rush. Sincerely speaking, up till now, I cannot say why God said I should hold on, but the point is, the word came that I should hold on and I had to. Imagine if I had not prayed about it, I might have gone into something God would not want for me, and who knows, I probably would have missed my precious wife.

The place of prayer is the place of direction, never joke with it.

THE PROMISE OF DIRECTION

I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress.

Ps 32:8 (TLB)

God has promised you that He will instruct and guide you along the best pathway. Please take note of the statement, “the best pathway.” Other ways may seem good, after all, Pro 14:12 says there is a way with seemeth right unto a man but the end is destruction.

Other guys may look like it but there is a best pathway for your life. There is a best pathway you will take to get to your destination in life, a way God Himself had mapped out for you before you were created which will guarantee a lasting joy for you.

Another statement you must also note is “I will advise you and watch your progress.” There is an advice that leads to destruction. Men may advise you and leave you to your fate (those things that go along heeding the advice), but God says He will not only advise you as the people of the world will do, He will also watch your progress.

The implications of God watching your progress are that He will make sure you are not stagnant or hindered by any force or form of obstruction and He will make sure that you get to your destination without any undue opposition.

God is set to advise you on whom to marry and He is saying He will also monitor the progression of your relationship. Whatever wants to hinder you must first hinder the One leading you. Whatever wants to delay you must first delay God the Director of the process. But the good news is that God can neither be delayed nor hindered. And because He cannot be hindered, nothing can hinder your relationship from developing into marriage and the joy that comes with it.

However, the promise has a condition and that is if you will ask Him to step in.

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

Jere 33:3

The truth is nobody, irrespective of the amount of knowledge or experience they have gathered on marriage can know everything therein. Go to the most experienced marriage counsellor in the world and he will tell you he does not know everything. But God said He will show you great and mighty things – those things that are mysterious to human beings and unexplainable by the natural mind; He will show you those things that you don’t know.

Lady, you don’t have to travel around before you get the information you need. You don’t have to consult a prophet for a special prayer session before you know God’s will for you in marriage. The only thing God wants you to do is “call unto me.” If you will call on Him, He said, “And I will answer thee.”

How much of God you will see in your relationship, to a great extent, is determined by how much of yourself you will give to Him.

HOW TO HEAR FROM GOD

Many have fallen into the pit of deception because they heard the wrong voice which they claimed to be God’s. Hearing from God is every child of God’s right. Just as you don’t need anyone to tell you whatever your earthly father is saying to you when he speaks, the same applies to your heavenly Father.

God speaks and He loves talking to His children. He appreciates fellowshipping with them. Just as Abraham, Moses, Jesus and others enjoyed intimacy with Him, He wants the same to happen to you and me, but not until we create the room for this, it cannot happen.

Therefore, in order not to fall victim of wrong direction or choice, there are certain things you must watch out for. Some of which are:

#
p<>{color:#000;}. AVOID TOO MUCH CLOSENESS WITH THE GUY

There is a natural law of affection that plays its way into people’s heart, especially when they are not engaged with someone, the moment they become attracted to each other. What happens when you become too close with the guy is that his thoughts and picture naturally begin to play in your mind and this can stand as an impediment to seeing correctly or hearing rightly from God, especially when the guy has certain qualities you so much desire from a husband.

One thing I needed to do in the area when my wife and I needed to pray to know whether would have us be together or not was that we decided not to communicate with each other for a period of time. We had to shut the door of our heart we could tune to heaven for clarity of direction and it worked.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. BEWARE OF IDOL IN YOUR HEART

Many people think that until they begin to worship strange objects, they have no idols. Whatever occupies your heart can become an idol to you. Whatever you think on or meditate over too often can end up becoming an idol in your heart.

There are times when, after we have concluded on certain issues in our heart, that is when we take them to God in prayer. And many of us don’t know that it takes mercy for God to alter such conclusions, especially if they are not His will. After all, He said in His word that He will answer us according to the idol in our hearts (Eze 14:4).

I have a personal experience, there was a time I went into a relationship. I noticed that each time I prayed about this lady, I was always getting a positive response, of which I did not involve God before I entered into it initially. But somewhere in my heart, I kept having the restriction in me that I was on the wrong track.

Later, I decided that I was going to break off the relationship and go through the right channel of praying before choosing. Then, I remembered telling God that if it was not His will, He should break the relationship by Himself and He did.

The bottom line is this, because of my affection for the lady and for the fact that I had entered into the relationship already, the response I was getting was based on the decision I had made, but thank God for His mercy.

Therefore, before you go to God in prayer, check your heart and make sure you have not concluded on the issue you are taking to Him.

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Jere 29:13

There is no point wasting your time in prayer when you have conditioned your mind for a “Yes” answer from God. Only when you have ridden off your mind of all forms of preconceived answers and get to God with an open mind willing to do whatever He tells you to do can you get things clear with Him.

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p<>{color:#000;}. DELETE SIN

Sin is like blocks of partition you raise between yourself and God each time you go into it.

Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear:

2 But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.

Isa 59:1-2

A man cannot indulge in sin and expect to hear God speak to him. The moment God refuses to speak to a man, the next thing the devil does is to take over. If the devil does not speak directly, he does, sometimes, through the flesh.

If you want to hear accurately, then you must do away with every form of sin. The prayer of a sinner is an abomination unto God, so, each time offers the sacrifice of prayer to God, instead of smelling a sweet aroma, He smells foul odour because the sacrifice is abominable.

Delete sin and embrace righteousness. By this, God is surely going to answer you when you call.

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p<>{color:#000;}. EXPECT AN ANSWER

Often times, when we pray, we don’t hear what God has to say to us and it is not as though He does not speak. Many either do not know that God does speaks or that prayer is a two-way communication between themselves and Him. This is why when some people pray, they don’t expect an answer to come and as a result, God refuses to speak to them.

The mentality some people carry is that they do not have the capacity to hear the voice of God because they are not prophets, pastors etc. But the truth is that everyone that is born of God has the capacity to hear God when He speaks.

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

John 1:12

The power that qualifies you to become God’s daughter is the same power that qualifies you hear His voice. As long as your earthly father can speak to you and you hear, so when your heavenly Father speaks, you should be able to hear. This is the reason why you don’t need any prophet to tell you whether someone is God’s will or not.

For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.

For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.

1 Cor 2:11,16

The Spirit of God in you gives you access unto the things of God. He unveils the mind of the Lord to you as touching those things God wants for you, even to the choice of the man to marry.

Many have fallen victims of the deception of the so-called prophets all in the name of “Thus saith the Lord.” The fact that no man will help you run your marital affair gives no man any license to choose your partner for you.

Take your time to hear from God directly. Let Him put you through. Let Him guide you through the best pathway. He has mapped out how your life will be when He created you and also made provisions for whom your husband will be. He knows who is best for you and the only way through which you can get that is by talking to Him and allowing a response from Him.

h1={color:#000;}.

ACTION POINT

Make it a point of duty henceforth to wait in the presence of God after prayer to hear from Him. Prayer is a two-way process, you talk to God and He talks to you. Wait in silence for at least 10 minutes every day.

A WORD FOR YOU

HAVE YOU GOT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM?

Let me end this book by asking you this profound question, do you have a relationship with your Maker – God?

For instance, there are some people whom you don’t need to hear their names or see them before you know they are the one talking. The moment you hear their voice, you already know they are the ones. But how did you know? You are familiar with their voice already. I guess, you will say, that is relationship.

The same thing applies to God. If you don’t have a relationship with Him, you are not likely to know when He is speaking. It becomes difficult for you to differentiate His voice from other voices. Jesus said in John 10:3 that “the sheep hear his voice. This is because of their relationship with the shepherd.

Until you become one of His sheep, you are not guaranteed to hearing His voice when He speaks.

The good news is that it is not yet late, the dispensation of grace is not yet over. You can also make a fresh decision today if you are yet to make one, or you made one and broke it.

Many hear these words and throw them away. Some hear it and keep it while few others hear it and do it. What will you do with yours? Will you keep it, throw it away or do it? The decision is yours to make. But if you are one out of few that will do it, simply say this prayer:

“Dear God, thank you for your love towards me. I confess my sins today and accept you as my father in Jesus’ name (amen).”

Welcome to the family of the believers!

About the Author

Favour O. Adeaga is the President of Hope for Living Gospel Ministries and Discovery Ladder International. A Teacher of the words of Christ, Writer and Speaker at conferences, he is the author of several books including Before You Step In, a book that addresses critical questions a lady must answer before she enters into a relationship, Our Daily Reflection Devotional and A Graduate With A Difference.

Favour hold a degree in Mass Communication and a Post-Graduate Degree in Theology from The Redeemed Christian Bible College at its Main Campus, RCCG, Redemption Camp, Nigeria.

A
s full time Pastor, he is happily married to Eniola and they are blessed with Peter Mojolaoluwa. Together with his family, Favour makes his home in Benin City, Edo State Nigeria.

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Before You Step In

  • ISBN: 9781370518517
  • Author: Favour O. Adeaga
  • Published: 2017-02-14 10:35:12
  • Words: 10558
Before You Step In Before You Step In