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Are Women Incapable Of Telling The Truth? - A Case Study On Texting Part 2

Are Women Incapable Of Telling The Truth – A Case Study On Texting Part 2

Magnus Vågen

Shakespir edition

21. jan 2017

Hello and welcome back – assuming you’ve read the first part. This will be, as the title implies, a continuation of the first part which is creatively called “ Are Women Incapable Of Telling The Truth – A Case Study On Texting”. If I was at liberty to name this book whatever I wanted without the title being grotesquely long it would be; “How far do you really have to go before women finally decide that beating around the bush with you is really not worth it, and that spelling out that they’re not that interested is the better option. A case study on a single and possibly not representative chat I recently had.” However, I believe we all agree that this would be far too long.

So, what will we be taking a look at in this book?

Firstly; how to properly irritate a woman. (do note that you should only do this in the case that it entertains you, or if the woman does not like you. Do not do this if you want a woman to admit any romantic feelings towards you, as it will not work!)

Secondly; that if you submit yourself to this kind of emotional torture you will eventually start to enjoy it. if you remember from the last book, I mentioned that 3 signs of non-attraction were the most I could subject myself to. As a matter of fact, there was approximately 2 weeks between today’s conversation and the one we had a look at in the previous part. This is because even the thought of subjecting myself to such value-depraving nonsense repulsed me. So, I needed those 2 weeks to relax and get ready for another round. Luckily it wasn’t needed. More on that later.

With that out of the way, let’s have a look at the conversation:

Translation

As before, the conversation is written in Norwegian. We’ll be changing the format of this book, as I’ll translate the chat first, and then analyze in a separate chapter. As with the previous part, you’re welcome to control my translation, but you might have problems translating my texts, as they are written with an accent. One disclaimer before we start: this is a direct continuation from the previous texts, nothing has been skipped.

Me – "You know, Ella, it's not that hard to say that you're just not that interested. I actually tested it out last weekend with a girl I was partying with. Yes, it was a bit weird before I said it, but then I just said "I'm not that interested". And afterfter cleaning the beer from my face it was as if nothing had happened!" <- I'm jesting, of course.

Ella – “yeah, but it’s not the same situation! I’m struggling with sleep and I’m working really hard at school! The whole class is completely worn out! You can’t compare me to someone you just met at a bar.”

Me – “sounds like someone needs a massage, Saturday night? That being said, yes, I understand that it’s tough. I just wish there was some more communication, it’s just too boring waiting for stuff.”

(30 minutes) I notice a common friend posted a picture about 2 hours ago (at that point) that described several people in her class having injuries, with a picture included (which I edited out for obvious reasons).

Me – "oooh, is that you that has the ruined spine?" <- not really that bad.

(another 30 minutes)

Me – "Billy bore broad steaks over to the Bergeneese brown berg where beetles asked Ella "what do I have to do to make a woman talk over here?" in a broad Baltimore-accent." <- Wordplay does not translate well.

(another 30 minutes) at this point I remember starting to enjoy myself.

Me – “the story of the old man and Sonny:

Once upon a time, when the world was still fresh from creation. The rivers clean, and the air not yet polluted. There was an old man tending to his crops. The man never married and never had any children, but still there was one child that stood close to his heart.

The child’s name was Sonny, though I don’t really know much about him. All I know is what the old man told me. And this is one of his stories:

“you know kid, if there’s one thing I have to tell you, it’s this” said the old man while pulling potatoes out of the ground. “If she ain’t responding, she’s dead.”

I got the feeling he knew what he was talking about, so I listened more intently.

“that brat I’ve been telling you about, Sonny, got it in his head to chat up some girls. let me tell you: didn’t end up the way he wanted.”

“the little shit thought it’d be a great idea to talk to the girl over a fence, so that they couldn’t see each other.”

the old man stopped talking for a moment as he lay the potatoes in a knitted basket. he dried the sweat off his forehead and turned his attention to me once again.

“so there they were, talking, but not seeing each-other. it was a stupid solution to a non-existing problem, but that was my Sonny. anyway, they were talking away, and suddenly the girl wasn’t answering no more. Sonny didn’t pay it much heed to begin with, so he just kept yappin’ away.”

He started on a fresh patch of potatoes, and continued his story.

“so, there Sonny was, talking away, not knowing whence or why he started. He realized it had been an entire hour since he heard her voice. distraught by this he decided to look over the fence.” he paused as another potato loosened from the ground. “and there she was, dead as a bird run over by a boulder. poor girl must have suffered a heart-attack listening to that buffoon.”

the old man looked at me again. “so if she ain’t responding, she’s dead. I’m not gonna tell you what Sonny did to the body though. But you can figure that one out by yourself.”“

Me – “alright, I’m not going to expect too much humor out of an injured lady. I’m going to Stavanger around evening-time, I’ll send you a message when I’m on the number 8. You can answer whether it works for you.

Ella – "Wow. Tomorrow (<- she's referring to Saturday) I unfortunately have a café-date with Sara! Maybe sometime next week?"

Me – “This is almost comical at this point.”

Me – “no, I’m not that interested in going to a café next week. It was nice talking, and fun writing that story. But unless there is something more concrete, I’m stopping now.”

Ella – “so you don’t want to go to a café?”

Me – “oh yeah, I do, just not “maybe sometime next week”. By the way, do you understand why I find this absolutely comical?”

Ella – “OK – screw this! I can’t be bothered!”

Me – “that’s ok, I’ll just tell you: if you want to stay in touch you’re not very good at communicating that, and if you want to get me the hell out of your life you’re not very good at communicating that either. And on top of that I’m horrendous at communicating when I’m being serious and when I’m kidding around. It’s comical because we have the greatest communication-problem ever!”

I noticed that she started writing.

Me – “no, wait, I’m not done!”

Ella – “seriously, I have a busy life! And I’ve got a lot to do these weeks! So, I’m sorry I can’t give you a specific date, though I can’t understand why you’re so hung up on this.”

I had been writing for some time when she wrote that, so I just kept going. In retrospect, it would be a lot more interesting (and perhaps more efficient) if I’d just answered “because I have feelings for you”, or something similar. Oh well, you’re always wiser in retrospect.

Me – “in addition to all that, I’ve been trying for so long to understand you, specifically. In my inner circle of buddies and girl-friends you’re known (not by name) as the girl I never understood. For example: “maybe sometime next week” is a strong hint to “I don’t really want anything to do with you”, while “screw this! I can’t be bothered” is an indication that you place some value on what I say.

And I think you’re overestimating how much I care about this, for the most part this whole thing has been hilarious to me.”

Ella – “ok. I’m sorry for me being difficult to understand, but you must read what I write and not place any secondary judgment on that. I write what I mean. It’s good that it’s been fun for you, but I’m a bit pissed. I’m a bit busy right now.”

Me – "at least I understood that (<- referring to her being pissed). But you writing exactly what you mean isn't entirely true either? And if you are, you're very forgetful.

This is from 2 weeks ago: “it’s going to be a bit much this week! But maybe in the weekend or the next?” which I read as “not really that interested”. I said “cool, let me know”, and you said “will do”.

That week we talked about there is this week, and it doesn’t seem as though you’ve been available, nor have any plans to be available. I mean, a 24-hr date with Sara tomorrow. Did I read that wrong or what?”

Ella – “I can’t be bothered with this, sorry!”

Me – "happy drinking!" <- it was Friday night, I assumed she was drinking.

Let’s Analyze

Alright, this chat is quite a bit longer than the last one, so I'll try my best to explain my thought process during the chat. My end goal for this chat was to make her spell out that she just wasn't that interested, but as you might see, I might not have been 100% correct in my assessment in the last book. What do I mean by this? Well, you just have to keep reading.

So, I start off the conversation by clearly stating what I really want: “it’s not that hard to say that you’re just not that interested”. I then joke around the subject matter saying that I tried rejecting a girl last weekend, this was to (I hoped) make her think that spelling it out might not be harmful to her, simply because I didn’t see it as a negative. This did not work, as she responded with: “ yes, but it’s not the same situation!” and “ You can’t compare me to someone you just met at a bar!”. That response was another delaying tactic that we saw a lot of in the previous part, and which I was thoroughly sick of.

My thoughts at this point was that I needed some way of incentivizing her to respond with anything else than a delaying tactic, and at the same time not take her mind off the subject matter (which was us meeting up). So, I offered her a massage the next day, and tried to be sentimental about her hardship at university. The key to my text, and what makes it humorous, is that I included an encouragement to more communication, which she responded to with absolute silence.

At this point I thought I had to make her respond in some way, there would be nothing to base this book off if there weren’t any responses, so I tried sympathizing a bit more. That didn’t work either, though she may have been unavailable (though somehow, I doubt it).

After I waited another 30 minutes and no response came, I decided I had to pick another strategy – passive aggressiveness. I first tried with the wordplay, which included the phrase “what do I have to do to make a woman talk over here?” which did not work either. At this point I was absolutely certain I had lost my source material, and that continuing on this book project was a lost effort, so I decided to have a bit of fun (strange how things become enjoyable when you are detached), and wrote that long story I’m sure none of you finished. Certainly; for her, making up this story was perceived as a gross over-investment from my part given her response later. It was also most likely perceived as a hugely validation-seeking text, as there was no real basis to write that much.

After she doesn’t respond to this great over-investment, I decide to leave an offer, so that if she wanted to respond the day after she would have an excuse to do that. Ironically, she responded right away. “wow.” She started the text off with, which makes me believe she only saw a wall of text and didn’t really bother to read most of it. The reason I believe this is that I included “I won’t expect much humor from an injured lady” in my text, which (at least I believe) clearly states that it was an attempt at humor, but it’s easily overlooked. Regardless, it’s what she says next which is worthy of note: “I unfortunately have a café-date with Sara Tomorrow! Maybe sometime next week?” this message is, yet again, a stalling message. Luckily for me she’s quite responsive from here on out.

I got the idea that I had to resort to another strategy to stop her sending stalling messages, I decided to try and put her on the defensive by stating: “This is almost comical at this point.” Which she did not respond to, so I changed my tone: “no, I’m not that interested in going to a café next week. It was nice talking, and fun writing that story. But unless there is something more concrete, I’m stopping now.” My reasoning behind this was that maybe after giving her a clear indication that I’m tired of talking with her, she would find it easier to just say that she was not interested either. Some sort of empathetical agreement to not meet up. This plan didn’t work either.

The next message she sends caught me off guard, however:

*
p<>{color:#000;}. “so you don’t want to go to a café?” she said. The reason this message caught me off guard was that up until this point, I was convinced that she was utterly uninterested in not only any form of physical interaction, but were also apathetic to me personally, yet she’s being inquisitive about what I wanted. There are two possible explanations that both makes sense considering the next exchange, but I just want to line them out now so they are in the back of your mind when you read said exchange.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. She’s being inquisitive about what I want because it has some sort of emotional value to her. Do note that this does not have to be a romantic inclination, as a matter fact I’m certain it wasn’t.

#
p<>{color:#000;}. She’s very proud and is hurt that her offer (even though it was disingenuous) was rejected.

I answer that I would be interested in going to a café, just not on a maybe basis. If I had sent only this, I think her response would not have been emotionally charged, but I also included something that could be interpreted as a personal attack: “By the way, do you understand why I find this absolutely comical?”. First of all; asking someone whether they understand something is derogatory language (believe it or not, it was not my intention to use that word, nor offend her. I was trying to be humorous), and secondly; I unintentionally either insulted her pride, or her temporary emotional openness by considering her question “comical”.

She follows this up with: “OK – screw this! I can’t be bothered!” which made me realize that I triggered her emotionally in some way, and that if I wanted any continued conversation I would have to backpedal on that triggering. Remember, the goal was still to make her spell out that she just wasn’t that interested (though at this point I was starting to question whether it was possible, given that she was responding outside of my expectations).

My backpedaling took form in a text that was designed to not make it look as though I was backpedaling, as I kept with the comical narrative. I explained to her what I found comical about her, and how I contributed to that. Luckily, she bought it, and responded with a hugely interesting text. (I’m skipping one of her texts, since it really didn’t affect the conversation all that much)

“ok. I’m sorry for me being difficult to understand, but you must read what I write and not place any secondary judgment on that. I write what I mean. It’s good that it’s been fun for you, but I’m a bit pissed. I’m a bit busy right now.”

This caught me off guard, as she flipped from inquisitive to aggressive in two texts, and then in this one she changed from apologetic (though I’m unsure of whether or not she was being sarcastic, but I’m leaning against not), to explaining her position, to being dismissive. I had no idea what to do with this message. After thinking for a couple of minutes I decided to simply state my own experience with the chat. At this point I was enjoying the chat so much that I had forgotten my objective of making her spell it out, which is why this is the only text in the chat not designed to do so. My reasoning behind this was that it was simply the most interesting thing I could do at the moment, conversation-wise.

“This is from 2 weeks ago: “it’s going to be a bit much this week! But maybe in the weekend or the next?” which I read as “not really that interested”. I said “cool, let me know”, and you said “will do”.

That week we talked about there is this week, and it doesn’t seem as though you’ve been available, nor have any plans to be available. I mean, a 24-hr date with Sara tomorrow. Did I read that wrong or what?”

After I stated my experience, which may have been interpreted as a personal attack (which may have been a bit more intentional this time around), she responded with aggression again. This didn’t help with deciding which of the two theories I had up until now was the correct one, but at least it’s consistent: insult her or let her know of her inconsistencies, and she gets aggressive.

So, what to do with all this information?

Conclusion

As no social science, from psychology to demographical predictions, is an exact science, it is very hard to come to hard conclusions. That being said; I’ll try my best.

Firstly, I found myself thoroughly enjoying this conversation. I believe that through my own lack of care of how the conversation ended, I could really enjoy whatever was thrown at me, expected or not. I think that this piece of knowledge has transferrable value, meaning that it can apply in other situations (specifically to texting, as most who have read my book “understanding gender dynamics” will know that it’s important in physically-present interactions), but I would have to do more testing on that.

Secondly, I am no wiser as to what her feelings towards me are. What I am certain of though is that, through her actions, meeting up is not on her “to do” list. The reasons include; 1. Not communicating unless being communicated to, 2. Not offering concrete alternatives to rejected suggestions and 3. Abundant use of stalling texts.

I guess you could say that I failed my objective, as she did not end up spelling out that she just wasn’t interested. That being said, you should always treat people based on their actions, not their words. And this one’s actions speak loudly: “I’m not that interested”.

My one worry is that I enjoyed this chat without having any results to point to. This might be a single case development, or something else. I have to do more studying on this subject, but that will be for another book. I hope you enjoyed this, I will have more content (though not anymore on this, I think she’s reached her limit) coming up soon.


Are Women Incapable Of Telling The Truth? - A Case Study On Texting Part 2

  • Author: Magnus Vågen
  • Published: 2017-01-21 11:05:09
  • Words: 3430
Are Women Incapable Of Telling The Truth? - A Case Study On Texting Part 2 Are Women Incapable Of Telling The Truth? - A Case Study On Texting Part 2