Anecdotes of Irregularity
Published by Cody Reynolds at Shakespir
Copyright 2017 Cody Reynolds
Shakespir Edition, License Notes
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Table of Contents
Josie, an old lady in a wheelchair with an aged grey shawl draped over her shoulders, aims a toy gun with a circuit board taped to it at a wall filled with pictures of people and strings connecting them. Three hard knocks on the front door of her apartment startle her. She hides the toy under a nearby couch cushion and wheels herself over to the door.
“Grandma Josie. It’s Mary. Let me in,” Mary, a woman with long brown hair and wearing a leather jacket, says at a closed door at the end of a rundown hallway.
“How do I know you’re not one of them?” Josie asks. Her voice is high pitched and weak.
“Grandma, did you forget to take your meds again?”
“Grandma, just let me in. I’m not one of them. I’m just Mary.”
Mary sighs and rolls her eyes. “You told me to buy oranges, toothpaste, and not to get yogurt because they use it to control your brain.”
Five heavy locks clack and slide from the top of the door to the bottom. When the last lock slides open, Josie rips open the door, pulls Mary in, and slams the door behind her. Mary steadies herself and looks around at the room. Hundreds of papers cover the floor and the smell of mothballs cloud the air.
“Did they follow you?” Josie asks as she turns each of the locks. She finishes locking the last lock, and checks them over twice. She rolls herself over to a window and looks through a telescope at a man on the sidewalk.
“Grandma, I wasn’t followed. Nobody is coming to get you,” Mary says as she unpacks her shopping bag.
Josie turns her wheelchair to face Mary. “They’re out there. I know they are. And they know I know. They have yellow eyes and slimy green hair,” Josie says. “They take people in the middle of the night. They control everything, but I have a plan. I know how to stop them.”
Mary places her hands on Josie’s shoulders. “Grandma, calm down. You are safe here. Nobody is coming after you.” She walks behind Josie and puts her hands on the handles of her wheelchair. “Now, let’s just get you something to eat,” Mary says as she wheels Josie over to a table in the kitchen. She walks over to an orange that she unpacked from her bag and peels it. “You know you’re only paranoid because you never take your medicine.”
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From a crazy grandma, to two quarreling robbers, ANECDOTES OF IRREGULARITY tells three stories of some less than normal people. In the story, Grandma Josie, Josie, a lovely old lady who might just be off her meds, thinks she is finally getting to the bottom of an evil organization that is out to get her when she gets a visit from her wonderful niece, Mary. In Escape, Helen and Troy, the star-crossed bank robbers, have slightly differing ideas of what to do with their money and their lives after their latest heist. And finally, in The Dog is Flying, David, a young child, might be just saying this to get out of doing his homework, but maybe the dog really is flying.