Copyright 2016 Zane Rozzi. All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission from the copyright holder. Exceptions are made in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews.
The information contained in this publication is made available solely to offer general information of interest. The author and publisher assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. This publication is provided with the understanding that the author and publisher are not herein engaged in rendering medical, legal, accounting, investment, or other professional advice or services. If medical, legal, accounting, investment, or other expert advice or assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.
Your level of success in realizing results is dependent upon a number of factors including your skill, ability, knowledge, effort, persistence, and a variety of other personal attributes. Because those factors differ between individuals, neither the author nor publisher can guarantee your success or any specific result. You alone are responsible for your actions and results in life and business. Any forward-looking statements contained within this publication are simply opinion and therefore not guarantees or promises of actual performance or results. Neither the author nor publisher make any guarantee you will achieve any specific results. Individual results are not guaranteed and will vary.
Neither the author nor publisher shall be liable for any losses, liabilities, or damages, including but not limited to indirect, special, or consequential damages, resulting directly or indirectly from the use of any information contained in this publication.
Shakespir License Statement
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
I’ve chosen to make this book permanently free at all major book retailers who support free pricing. If you see it offered for a price, please ask the retailer to price match others who are offering it for free. By offering this book for free, I hope to make communication tips accessible to all people regardless of their income level. I also hope, by offering this book for free, it might be read by people who don’t buy self-help books, attend personal development seminars, or enroll in professional development courses. So if you find this book useful, please recommend it to anyone you believe could benefit from it.
This book contains communication tips from the Zane Rozzi Communication Fundamentals Course. The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
Zane Rozzi is a successful entrepreneur. He is also well known in the field of executive development. Zane Rozzi has a large and loyal following as a pickup artist who teaches others the keys to success in attracting the opposite sex. He designed and produced the popular and highly praised Communication Fundamentals course. For more information, visit:
Many communication skills books begin by discussing how communication is essential to every aspect of your life. They go on to describe how the best communicators have the best careers, the best social lives, and the spouse of their dreams. You probably already know that. You probably want those things for yourself. That’s why you’ve chosen to read a book on communication. I hope the tips that follow help you obtain those things and get what you want out of life.
People who annoy and offend others with their poor communication skills never rise up very high in life. Karma always comes around and pushes those people back down to where they belong. Their own bad behaviour keeps them down by offending the wrong people and keeping them out of important social circles. The social system is self-policing.
The people who can change your life make decisions about you very quickly. There is no lengthy trial where you can mount a defence and no process for appeals once people have made a judgment about you. Making a bad impression can be quick and permanent.
I want to make this book short and to the point. So I’ll try to avoid discussing in detail the common sense stuff most people already know. But that being said, I don’t want to leave anyone behind. Within the past week, you might have interacted with someone who could use a little more common sense. The common sense parts of this book are for those people. They are out there in the world, and they need communication skills books the most. Everyone’s communication skills are at a different level. Things that are common sense for you might be interesting new tips for other people.
So let’s get started.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 2, section 3, subsection 1. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
The key to keeping a conversation going is to always have information available for discussion. The available information can be thought of as a common pool from which all conversation participants can draw conversation topics. You want to have as much information in the common pool as possible.
Anytime the conversation slows down, any of the participants can grab a piece of information from the common pool and use it to keep the conversation going. The information in the common pool supplies ideas and inspiration to all conversation participants. The more information there is available, the easier it is for one of the participants to think of something to say next.
People vary in their ability to make sure they are always contributing information to the common pool of the conversation. People also vary in their ability to use the common information pool to expand and continue the conversation. Skilled conversationalists ensure they are always contributing information to the common pool for others to draw upon. They know the success of the conversation depends upon having a full common pool. Skilled conversationalists are also able to effectively use information from the common pool to continue the conversation or transition to other topics.
Any random piece of information contributed to the common pool is not necessarily going to benefit the pool. To be useful, a piece of information added to the pool must be familiar to the other conversation participants. People are only able to use information they understand. Information that nobody understands is going to remain in the pool unused. Consequently, it adds no value to the pool.
Information added to the common pool must also be interesting to the other conversation participants. People want to discuss issues they find interesting. For information to be useful, people must want to take that piece of information out of the pool and bring it into the discussion to be expanded upon. Boring topics make for boring conversations. No one is interested in expanding upon boring topics.
The additional information must also be something that can be used to make polite and socially acceptable conversation. Most people know better than to elaborate upon offensive topics when making small talk. Offensive topics will remain in the pool unused. Information that nobody is going to expand upon doesn’t add value to the common pool. Moreover, offensive topics can ruin the conversation.
Usable information included in the common pool allows the conversation participants to make their own statements about the information. They could express their experience with the information, their opinion of the information, their goals with respect to the information, or add an additional related fact. The conversation participants could also ask a question causing the contributor of the information to expand and provide further details. The creativity of the conversation participants is the only limit on what can be done with the information included in the common pool.
The common pool is empty at the beginning of a conversation. Anyone wishing to begin a conversation must develop an opening line to add the first piece of information to the common pool. The other conversation participants can then take that first piece of information and use it to move the conversation forward and further expand the common pool.
To provide an example of filling the common pool, someone might ask: “What is your favourite food?” That is a closed-ended question. The typical response will be short, perhaps even only one word, simply naming your favourite food. That response would provide very little in terms of conversation starters. Your response needs to be expanded by including additional details that can be used as conversation starters.
You could expand your response by including the first time you tried your favourite dish, countries you’ve travelled to that specialize in the dish, the best restaurant in the city to try the dish, some of the key ingredients in the dish, any special preparation required to make the dish, and your own special twist on the dish. Any of those expansions adds significantly more information to the common pool than simply naming your favourite food. You’ve provided other people with many opportunities to continue moving the conversation forward by discussing travelling, restaurants, cooking, or anything else your response inspires them to say.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 3, section 6, subsections 1-9. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
I recommend never lying. Lies are always uncovered. It’s best to be honest right from the start. Keep that in mind while reading the following section.
After reading the following section, you’re going to change from a person who gives abrupt answers and minimal details, to a person who goes into great detail while describing yourself. You’re also going to change into a very committed optimist—if you aren’t already.
There are many interesting things going on in your life. You need to properly describe those things using all of the details they deserve. Those things might seem routine to you, but they are not routine to everyone. Everyone has a different routine.
It’s important to be optimistic and proud of who you are. Show yourself the respect you deserve. People enjoy being around others who are positive and confident. Positive and confident people can brighten other people’s mood. Your glass is not only half-full, it’s also filled with your favourite drink.
One of the most common conversation starters is a variation of “How’s it going?” The variations range from “How are you?” to “How was your day?” The most common response is a synonym of good, such as: great, fine, or well. That is a very average and boring response. People can predict it before they even ask you the question.
Other variations of the question focus more on activities such as “What have you been up to?” Again, the most common responses can be predicted before the question is even asked. The most common responses include: not much, the usual, and same thing—different day.
Those short answers make you sound average and boring. They make you sound like a person who never has anything interesting happening in his or her life. Moreover, those short responses add no information to the common pool. They do nothing for moving the conversation forward. Those abrupt responses only bounce the conversation back to the people who asked the questions. You give them nothing to expand upon. But more critically, you give them nothing that catches their interest.
From now on, you’re going to stand out from the crowd. You’re not going to give the same predictable responses as everyone else. Now, when someone asks you “How was your day?” or “What did you get up to today?” you’re going to use that question as an opportunity to make yourself sound interesting.
When people watch a movie, they want to see characters who are more interesting than the average people they are surrounded with in everyday life. There’s nothing exciting or entertaining about a regular average life. Most people are accustomed to ordinary average lives because they live that type of life. A movie about that type of life would have absolutely no entertainment value. It would be a terrible movie.
When people watch a movie, they want to be entertained by the characters. They want to see people who are more interesting than the people who surround them in everyday life. They want to see interesting people doing interesting things. The point of watching a movie is to be entertained. People hope watching a movie will allow them to experience people and events that are more interesting than anything going on in their own lives at that moment.
So what does that have to do with saying the right thing? You want to avoid sounding boring and average. Make yourself stand out from boring and average people. Make your conversations interesting and entertaining. Think, if the way you’re about to describe your day’s events were a movie, would other people recommend that movie to their friends?
People want to be around other people who are interesting. Being around interesting people makes their own lives more interesting.
Be entertaining. People will be encouraged to keep the conversation moving forward if they are interested in the subject matter of your conversation. People will ask you questions if you’ve caught their interest. They’ll be eager to learn more about the interesting things going on in your life. Questions keep the conversation moving forward.
Realistically, your average days are probably just as average as most other people’s average days. Even so, you’ve got much more material to work with than you think. Remember, you’re not going to lie, but you are going to give detailed descriptions and be an enthusiastic optimist.
If you woke up early, say you woke up early because you have a busy day ahead of you. Unless you spent all day lying awake in bed, you probably did something throughout the day. Doing something, anything, is busy enough to say you had a busy day. You were busy doing something. As you’ll realize in the rest of this section, your average day is actually quite busy. You actually get quite a bit done, even if it all seems boring and routine to you.
If you left your house at all, it wasn’t just a boring routine trip, you were out running errands. You were taking care of things that needed to be done.
If you worked today, don’t just say you worked all day and leave it at that. Talk about what you did at work. Talk about how you met with an important client (all clients are important). Tell people about the big sale you closed. Talk about the work you put in on a very important project. Tell others about how you delivered an outstanding presentation at work. Talk about how you wowed everyone at a meeting. Tell others you had an important meeting with management. If you have the potential to be promoted if your current project is a success, tell people about it. Talk about the excellent work you did throughout the day. Talk about any compliments people gave you while you were at work. Talk about how the work you did today is building up to a bigger project you’re taking on next week.
You should never say something as plain and boring as you worked today. You didn’t just sit and stare at a wall at work. Always tell people about all of the exciting and interesting things you did while you were at work. Always give details and always be an optimist.
You might have gone for your usual lunch with your coworkers. On Wednesdays, that’s the half-priced pasta special at the café next door. Nothing about that lunch seems special to you. You’re used to it because you do it every week. But when telling others about it, go into detail and be an optimist. Tell people how you went for lunch at the place with the best fettuccine in town. Or at least, your favourite fettuccine in town. If the coworkers who joined you at the café are your friends, tell people you met up with friends for lunch at your favourite café. You’ll sound popular and outgoing.
You could also tell people you went to the coolest little café with the neatest decor. Or, you went to the café with the best view of downtown from the outdoor patio tables. Tell people about every positive thing that café has to offer. Act like the manager of that café trying to persuade new customers. The more interesting you make that café sound, the more interesting your lunch sounds, and the more interesting you sound by association. You can always use the power of association to make yourself sound more interesting by making the places you go and the things you do sound more interesting.
If you spent a few hours of the day at home, you probably weren’t just staring at a wall. You were probably doing something. What you were doing is probably a hobby or some other activity you find entertaining. Tell people about the exciting activity that was important enough for you to spend some of your valuable time on it. Tell people about anything you’ve accomplished with that hobby and any projects you’re currently working on. Also tell people about projects you plan to take on in the future. Tell people about your hobbies that allow you to fill your time doing something productive and developing important skills.
You might have spent your time at home doing chores. You can put a positive spin on that too. Don’t say you didn’t do anything all day. Tell people you spent time cleaning and doing chores. That makes you sound like a responsible person who understands chores need to be done. You demonstrate you have no problem taking care of what needs to be done. You didn’t waste the entire day sitting around at home doing nothing. Don’t make it sound like you did. Take advantage of the opportunity to be an optimist about doing chores and give the impression you’re a person who recognizes when something needs to be done and has no problem doing it.
Maybe you spent all day at home reading a book or watching TV. Don’t sound like the average boring person who sat on the couch bored all day. Don’t just tell people you read a book or watched TV. Instead, tell people you read a great book about such and such topic. Tell them a bit about the book. Make the book sound as interesting as possible; like the sales pitch on the back of the jacket trying to sell copies of the book. If you watched TV, tell people you were watching one of your favourite TV shows. Tell them what the TV show is about and why it’s so great.
The key is to make it sound like whatever you did was worthwhile entertainment—a valuable use of your precious time. Avoid sounding like you had absolutely nothing to do, so you were forced to do whatever you could just to kill time. Talk about the book or TV show as if it deserves a spot in your busy schedule because it is a worthwhile work of art or entertainment.
If you were involved in the arts in some way throughout the day, tell people about it. Tell people about the art you created. Describe your project in detail. Tell people about the process and how you got interested in that type of art. Tell people how you developed your skills in that art.
Also tell people about the art you’ve experienced. Tell people what you liked about it and why you’re drawn to that kind of art. You can also talk about other places you’ve experienced that kind of art.
Important people are busy. They don’t have time to be bored. So if you want to sound important, you shouldn’t have time to be bored either. As discussed above, when describing your day, it should always be action-packed. Your days should be filled to the rim. Make it sound like you are accomplishing a lot and making good use of your time on earth. You’re taking care of things that need to be done. Also make it sound like you’re experiencing all of the joys of life.
Don’t make it sound like you’re wasting your life away by doing “Not much.” or “The same old thing.” If it sounds like you’re wasting your days, other people won’t be attracted to spend their time with you. Do you think people want to waste their own days by spending time with you while you waste your days? No, they don’t. People want to spend their time with people who are interesting so their own lives will be more interesting. Think back to the type of movies people want to watch. They want to experience life with characters who are more interesting than they are. That makes their own lives more interesting. Thus, you want to be an interesting character.
Think of a few of your favourite celebrities. Now, take a moment to picture what each of your favourite celebrities is doing right now. What do you think those celebrities are doing? Chances are, you didn’t picture them sitting at home on the couch. You probably pictured them out at some exciting location doing some exciting activity. You probably pictured them experiencing the good life. You probably caught a glimpse of the lifestyles of the rich and famous.
You never know what those celebrities are really doing. They could actually be just sitting at home on the couch. But, that’s not what you picture than doing. You think of those celebrities as interesting and exciting people. Because of that, you assume those celebrities must be doing interesting and exciting things. It makes sense doesn’t it? Interesting people are likely to be doing interesting things, aren’t they?
What I’m recommending you do takes advantage of that assumption. But, you’re taking advantage of it by using it in the opposite direction. You’re making it sound like you are always doing interesting and exciting things. Other people know interesting people do interesting things. So they assume, since you’re doing interesting things, you must be an interesting person.
High-achievers are always up-to-date on current events. They need to know what’s going on around them to make the right decisions.
Being up-to-date on current events also shows you are not a self-centred person because you realize there are lots of important things going on around the world that are affecting many people. Things which you are not a part of. Thus, it shows you know you are not the centre of the universe. Some people fail to demonstrate that positive attribute by always finding some way to relate the current events back to them personally. They always find a way to make the conversation focus on themselves.
Being able to speak about current events also makes you an interesting conversationalist. It gives you a lot of timely and relevant material to work with while talking with others.
Most highly successful people take care of themselves. They understand the importance of continuous self-improvement. They know, if they want to perform better tomorrow than they did today, they have to be better tomorrow than they were today. As such, they are continually doing things to improve themselves.
Demonstrate you have the desire for continuous self-improvement—one of the most important characteristics of successful people. Wanting to improve yourself is an attractive quality. For both business and personal reasons, people want to surround themselves with others who are continually trying to improve themselves. People who continuously improve themselves tend to be high-achievers. Most interesting and exciting things are accomplished by high-achievers—not the people who sit around at home doing nothing.
You should sound like an interesting and exciting person other people want to have in their business and personal lives. Be someone who is interested in making tomorrow better than today. That’s an attractive quality, because everyone hopes their future will be better than the present. No matter how good the present is, people always want more. By demonstrating you’re continuously improving yourself, you encourage people to believe their lives will be better tomorrow than they are today by spending time with you.
Maybe you really did do absolutely nothing all day. You just relaxed around the house. You can still find a way to put a positive spin on that. Go into detail and be an optimist.
You can talk about how you had such a busy week that you needed to take time today to refresh and renew yourself. You could also say you took time today to refresh and renew yourself because you know you have an extremely busy week ahead of you.
Everyone knows you can’t be going nonstop all of the time. You’ll burn out. You need to balance times of extreme activity with times of relaxing and renewing yourself. You’ll come back refreshed and ready to perform better than ever.
The key is to make it sound like you planned time in your busy schedule specifically to relax and renew. You demonstrate that you recognize spending time relaxing is important to living a balanced life. For that reason, you made sure you prioritized time to relax. That optimistic point of view sounds a lot better than what might have really happened: You couldn’t think of a single interesting thing to do so you lounged around the house all day.
Which person would you rather get to know? Someone who couldn’t think of a single interesting thing to do all day, so they lounged around the house. Or, someone who has such a busy and exciting life they needed to plan a down day to renew and refresh. A day to revitalize so they can continue performing at the best of their abilities and succeed in the days ahead.
By following the advice given above, you’ll sound like a real mover and shaker. Like someone who always has a lot of interesting and important things on the go. All of it is true, you’re describing the events of your life using all of the details they deserve and from an optimistic point of view. Your schedule will seem completely filled with exciting stuff that makes for an interesting life.
If the person you’re talking to is important to you, and you want to make a really good impression, you’ll prioritize time in your busy schedule for him or her. Be careful you don’t sound arrogant while you do this. It’s easy to cross the line and go overboard. Use care to find the right balance. Don’t make it sound like you’re bragging about having such a busy schedule. Make it sound like you’re just being honest.
Make sure you communicate the message the other person is genuinely important to you so you’re going to make sure you have time to spend with him or her. Imply spending time with him or her is extremely important to you and will bump any less important things taking up time in your schedule. You need to send the message as busy as you are, spending time with that person is a priority in your life, so you’ll make time to spend with him or her. Highlight how important spending time with him or her is to you.
Whatever you do, be certain you avoid making it sound like spending time with the other person would inconvenience you because you’re so busy. That’s the opposite of the message you want to send. The message you want to send is: It doesn’t matter what you have planned, you’re going to make time for the other person. Demonstrate you value his or her company.
The following information is so important it bears repeating.
It’s important to be optimistic and proud of who you are. Show yourself the respect you deserve. There are many interesting things going on in your life. You need to properly describe those things using all of the details they deserve. Those things might seem routine to you, but they are not routine to everyone. Everyone has a different routine.
It’s important to remember, being an optimist, and describing your daily activities in full detail, does not mean lying about things that did not happen. You’re simply giving yourself the credit you deserve. You’re making your life sound as interesting as it really is. You’re not shortchanging yourself by skipping over important details or being a pessimist when describing your daily activities.
People enjoy being around others who are positive and confident. Positive and confident people can brighten other people’s mood.
Be confident while describing the positive things that happen in your life. Show yourself respect. Be proud of the company you work for, be proud of the people you know, be proud of the groups you’re a part of, be proud of your city, and most importantly, be proud of yourself.
Your body language should already be sending a positive message to other people from across the room. Your opening line is the first thing you say to other people. As such, your opening line has a significant impact on the first impression you make with other people. Your opening line will confirm—or go against—what other people have already assumed about you based upon your body language. Ensure your opening line continues the great impression you’ve already made from across the room by using the right body language. Body language is covered in a later section.
Your opening line can determine whether or not other people are interested in developing any sort of relationship with you. The wrong opening line creates the wrong impression and can make people write you off immediately.
Everyone knows you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, or people by the first impression they make, but people always do. Many people are very quick to judge.
Think of your opening line as the blurb on the jacket of a novel. That blurb has to grab the reader’s attention to get them to spend time reading the book. Your opening line is the same way. You need to grab other people’s attention and convince them it’s going to be worthwhile for them to stay and talk to you. Your opening line should give the impression talking with you is likely to be interesting and entertaining.
People know effective communicators know how to entertain others and hold their interest. That’s what makes them effective. Your opening line should demonstrate you’re an effective communicator. An opening line that proves you’re an effective communicator allows other people to recognize talking with you is likely to be a pleasure. That’s essential.
Think about the opposite situation. Imagine someone socially awkward approached you and opened by saying something awkward. Now you feel awkward. What are your first thoughts? Are you glad this person approached you because you anticipate having a good conversation? Or does this person who made you feel awkward cause you to begin planning your escape? Most people will be looking over his or her shoulder for an escape route. Yes, that’s rude. But most people do it. No one like feeling awkward and uncomfortable. So you want to avoid putting people into that situation where they’ll judge you as awkward and begin planning their escape.
Knowing the other person’s goals for the conversation could help you develop a good opening line. Since you haven’t spoken with the other person yet, you’ll often have to guess what their goals for a conversation with you could be.
Guessing the other person’s goals is often easier than you might think. Maybe you’ve learned a bit about the other person through the grapevine. Maybe you’re both attending an event where everyone at the event will have goals in common. Maybe you know the other person is part of a group and likely shares the goals of the group. Relevant groups could be anything from sports teams to non-profit organizations to corporations. You often have more information available to you than it first appears.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 2, section 2, subsection 4. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
The Communication Fundamentals course has a whole section giving examples of opening lines to use in a wide variety of situations. Unfortunately, I can’t copy and paste the whole section into this book. But I can give you something better. I can give you the formula for developing opening lines, so you can create as many opening lines as you need. As the famous quote goes: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
The best opening lines include anything you are currently experiencing in common with other people. Those opening lines work well because both you and the other people are sharing that experience at the same time. Both you and the other people have enough knowledge of the common topic to sustain a conversation. Moreover, an opening line based upon anything you are currently experiencing together works well because you don’t need to know anything about other people’s interests, values, or beliefs to use those opening lines. You can use those opening lines with anybody regardless of your history together—or lack thereof.
You might have more in common with other people at the event than you think. The simple fact that you’re in the same place at the same time means you have a number of things in common. Almost anything happening at the event is something you have in common as you’re both experiencing the event together.
Other opening lines that work very well include anything you know for certain other people are currently experiencing. You don’t necessarily need to share their experience or have the experience in common with them. Something other people are currently experiencing is highly likely to be relevant to them. People will be interested in discussing anything that is relevant to them. They will also have all the details of their current experience at the top of their mind and readily available to use in conversation. Discussing something other people are currently experiencing, but you are not, doesn’t allow you to bond over your common experience. It does, however, show that you understand what the other people are experiencing. Thus, it still has the potential to develop a good relationship on that basis.
Using humour in your opening line is not necessary. However, if you have a good sense of humour, feel free to use it when developing your opening line. The best way to use humour in an opening line is to keep the humour situational. Make the joke about something the other person is currently experiencing. It could be a shared experience, or something only the other person is experiencing. A good place to start is with a joke that anybody attending the event would understand.
Showing you know how to begin a conversation with the right opening line demonstrates you’re an effective communicator. As such, you give people the impression you’re likely to be interesting and entertaining to speak with because you know how to hold your own in a conversation.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 1, section 1, subsection 1. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
Talking with people we know, and are comfortable around, is a natural and enjoyable thing to do. We do it often. But something strange happens when most people see someone they don’t know. There’s an invisible barrier between them and the other person.
The other person is a source of many unknowns. People know nothing about the other person. They don’t know the other person’s values, beliefs, or opinion on any given subject. They don’t know if they are going to have anything in common with the other person. They don’t know if the other per-son will be friendly. They also don’t know how receptive the other person will be to their advance. They don’t know how the other person is going to react. All of those unknowns present uncertainty. Uncertainty presents risk.
Most people overestimate the unknowns and exaggerate the worst-case scenarios. Most people are afraid to find out what will happen if they approach another person because they fear the unknowns and worst-case scenarios. Most people imagine those unknowns or worst-case scenarios will result in something embarrassing happening to them. They are also worried about what the other person will think of them. They worry too much.
The other person is not likely to judge them harshly. Instead, the other person’s opinion of them is likely to be positive because they respect the courage it took to overcome the invisible barrier. The other person is likely burdened by the fear of breaking through the invisible barrier themselves.
The invisible barrier exists between any two people who don’t know each other. The invisible barrier, however, isn’t as strong as it first seems. Imagine yourself at a party with other people you want to begin a conversation with. Look across the room at one of those other people. You might recognize the invisible barrier is making it difficult for you to approach the other person. Take a moment to think: What is creating that barrier? You’ll recognize there’s not actually anything in the room physically creating a barrier between you and the other per-son.
You’ll also recognize the barrier between you and the other person exists entirely in your mind. The barrier is something you have created internally. Consequently, the barrier must be overcome in your mind because that is the only place it exists.
In your head, the barrier has been built up to be so much more than it really is. The fear of unknowns and the over exaggeration of worst-case scenarios are creating a barrier when there should not be one. Think for a moment: What is the worst that is really likely to happen? Not the worst thing you can imagine could happen, but the worst that is really likely to happen. Now realize, that is the worst thing that could happen; the extreme end of all the possible things that could happen. Being met with the extreme end of all possible scenarios is unlikely. You’ll likely experience something much better than the worst-case scenario.
You’ll find that most people are civilized and polite. The vast majority of people care about what other people think of them. They want to make a good impression. That’s part of the reason why the barrier is so hard to overcome. People fear overcoming the barrier because they are worried about what the other person is going to think of them. However, the person they are approaching feels the same way. The person they are approaching is also worried about what other people think of them. The person being approached is not only worried about making a good impression with the person approaching them, but also with everyone else in the room who sees both of them interacting with each other. They likely want to appear polite, friendly, and respectful to everyone around them—including you. They want other people to think well of them.
Good people aren’t rude to other people. So you encounter fewer rude people than you might expect in your exaggerated worst-case scenarios. People’s desire to appear polite, friendly, and respectful cause them to behave in a socially acceptable way. That makes any of the worst-case scenarios you’ve imagined highly unlikely. You don’t have to worry much about other people being rude.
Usually, people who don’t want to be bothered will find a polite way to tell you they don’t want to talk. That’s a more realistic worst-case scenario. If uninterested, the other person is unlikely to reject you in some embarrassing way. It would be very rude for them to do that. Doing so would make them look bad to anyone watching and they know it.
Keep in mind, a polite rejection is likely the worst-case scenario; the extreme end of the continuum of possible responses. You are likely to experience a response much better than the extreme end of the continuum.
The invisible barrier is actually very easy to break through once you realize it’s primarily your fear of an over exaggerated worst-case scenario. Knowing the real worst-case scenario, and the fact that the worst-case scenario is an unlikely extreme end of the continuum, makes the barrier seem much less daunting. The invisible barrier is entirely in your head. You control how big or small you make the barrier.
Most people fear overcoming the barrier. It’s not just you that is being affected by the barrier. The barrier is in both directions, from you to them and from them to you. So other people might be very interested in talking to you, but afraid to overcome the barrier and approach you. People will be glad you had the courage to overcome the barrier and approach them.
Saying something to the other person is all that is necessary to break through the barrier. Any kind of opening line breaks down the barrier. People who are interested in talking to you will make whatever you said work.
A communication channel is opened between you and other people after you’ve overcome the barrier. Opening that communication channel removes the barrier for other people allowing them to engage in conversation with you. Other people can now feel comfortable talking to you because there is no longer any barrier between you.
Being uncertain about what to say can also contribute to the barrier between you and another person. The tools in this module will remove that portion of the barrier for you by allowing you to always know what to say next. In the following module subsections, you will be armed with many ways to start a conversation and keep it going. You’ll always have something to say.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 1, section 1, subsection 2. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
Other people might never approach you because they are afraid to overcome the barrier. Don’t rely on other people overcoming their fears. That is completely out of your control. Other people might never build up the courage to overcome their fears. You could be waiting forever.
Don’t think if other people wanted to talk to you they would come over and begin a conversation with you. The other person might be thinking the same thing. If you are both waiting on each other to make the first move neither of you will end up approaching the other. Don’t put the onus of taking action on someone else, or rely on external circumstances that are out of your control. It’s easier to make excuses and blame external circumstances than to make the first move and overcome the barrier.
Don’t wait, hoping the other person will approach you. Waiting for the other person to approach you wastes precious time. The event you are both at-tending might be only a few hours in length. Don’t waste half an hour, an hour, or even more hoping the other person will approach you. If you wait, you’ll probably find the event has come to an end without the other person ever working up the courage to approach you. By waiting, you’ve just wasted several hours of the event, or even the entire event, when you could have been talking with the other person. In that time, you could’ve made a re-al connection and even made plans to meet up again.
Don’t waste time, or worse, miss an opportunity to meet an interesting new person by waiting and hoping the other person will work up the courage to overcome the barrier and approach you. The barrier is very tough for most people to overcome so they might never do it. Once the event is over, you might never have an opportunity to meet that per-son again. You have no way of knowing whether or not you’ll ever see that person again. This moment might be the only chance you’ll ever have to approach that person to begin a conversation and develop a relationship.
Don’t waste most—or all—of the event waiting and hoping other people will approach you. Instead, go talk to them right now. Take a moment to plan your opening line and think of a couple of topics you could use to keep the conversation going if it slows down. That’s all you need. The rest of the conversation fills in naturally once you’ve broken through the barrier and had a moment to get comfortable with your new acquaintance.
You’ll find that it’s easy to keep the conversation going once you’ve started it. Overcoming the barrier was the hard part and you’ve got that behind you now. The conversation with the new person will not be much different than one with a good friend if you’re prepared with a few topics you can bring up if the conversation slows down. Having a few conversation topics prepared in advance means you’ll always know what to say next.
Most people will respect the charisma and courage you demonstrate when you overcome the barrier. You look like a confident and capable VIP when you have the courage to approach and talk to anyone you want to.
Get what you want out of life by making things happen on your schedule. If you want to talk to someone, go do it right now. Good things don’t come to those who wait. Good things come to those who make them happen. Don’t leave the event with regrets.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 4, section 1, subsection 10. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
Focus on making other people feel comfortable when you’re feeling nervous or uncomfortable. You’ll quickly forget you were feeling uncomfortable when you focus on other people. Moreover, other people won’t notice you’re feeling uncomfortable when you focus on making them feel comfortable. Catering to other people moves the focus of their attention from you to them.
People will be grateful you’re going out of your way to make them feel comfortable. They’ll appreciate you caring about how they feel. You can make other people feel comfortable with kind gestures that make the current situation easier for them. Do things the way that works best for other people. Ask people what you can do to make the current situation more comfortable for them. People will find your conversation more enjoyable while they’re comfortable.
People who are feeling nervous and uneasy will be focused on their own problems. Their attention will also be focused on trying to hide their own discomfort. They cannot worry about others while they are concerned about themselves. Typically, people have to be very comfortable and confident to be worried about other people’s level of comfort. Therefore, this technique works exceptionally well to hide your own nervousness or discomfort. You appear comfortable and self-assured, even if you’re not, when you focus on the comfort of others.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 2, section 3, subsection 3. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
Usually, you should be able to expand upon—or ask about—something in the common pool any time the conversation is slowing down. However, sometimes you might not be able to think of anything to say using the information in the common pool. If you’re ever at a loss for words, simply ask about anything from other people’s last few sentences. That gives you a specific focus and shrinks the amount of information you have to search through when trying to develop something to say.
You can take any noun or verb from their last few sentences and ask who, what, where, when, or why. That simple formula can save any conversation from an awkward silence. Saving the conversation that way makes it seem like the conversation is flowing naturally because you’re drawing upon anything mentioned in other people’s last few sentences. If you remember that technique, you’ll rarely be in a situation where you have nothing to say.
If you’re really struggling, and can’t even think of a way add who, what, where, when, or why to a noun or verb, you could even just repeat the noun or verb as a question. Using that response seems the smoothest with a noun or verb from other people’s very last sentence. When you ask a question, you raise the inflection of your voice at the end of the sentence. In contrast, when making a statement, the inflection of your voice turns down at the end of the sentence. If you’re at a complete loss for words, simply repeat any noun or verb from other people’s last sentence and raise the inflection of your voice to indicate you’re asking a question about that noun or verb. That response requires absolutely no creativity. Moreover, you can use that response in nearly any situation.
When using that technique with a person’s name, you could be asking who that person is, or why that person was involved instead of someone else. When using that technique with the name of a city, you could be asking people when they travelled to that city, why they travelled to that city, or where that city is located. When using that technique with a verb, you could be asking what that verb means, how you perform that action, or why someone chose that action over a different action. That technique ensures you can always keep the conversation moving forward.
That technique allows a lot of flexibility in other people’s responses to your question. The circumstances of their sentence containing the noun or verb provides some guidance on the most suitable response to your question. Your question, however, provides no guidance for their response. They could respond to your question in just about any way they choose. In contrast, if you were to add who, what, where, when, or why, you restrict their response to answering the specific question you’ve asked. Simply converting the noun or verb into a question doesn’t provide any such limitation.
For example, people might say: “We went to Los Angeles last month.” If you’re unsure of what to say, you could reply with: “Los Angeles?” They would then explain why they went there, who they went there with, how long they stayed for, what they liked about it, what they did while they were there, or something else depending upon how they interpreted your question.
To provide another example, people might say: “Our friend David recommended that new restaurant downtown.” If you’re unsure of what to say, you could reply with: “David?” They would then explain who David is, why David recommends the restaurant, why David is a good person to take a recommendation from, how they know David, when David ate at the new restaurant, or something else depending upon how they interpreted your question.
There are times when other people’s last sentence doesn’t contain an appropriate noun or verb to ask about. In those situations, you have to go back through their last few sentences to find a noun or verb to ask about. When you have to go back a few sentences, you need to add a few words in front of the noun or verb to smoothly indicate you’re going back to a topic from earlier in the conversation. Add phrases such as, you mentioned, you said, could you tell me more about,[_ please tell me about_],[_ ]or [_you were talking about] to indicate you’re bringing up information from earlier in the conversation.
You can also continue a conversation that has slowed down by asking about what happened next or what people plan to do next. That technique works well after people talk about going somewhere or doing something.
The techniques described above can not only save a conversation from an awkward silence, but also bring new information into the common pool. The new information added to the common pool can inspire a number of new ways to expand the conversation or take the conversation in a new direction. Anyone involved in the conversation can use any of the new information to move the conversation forward. Skilled conversationalists do their part to fill the common pool, use information from the common pool to move the conversation forward, and help others contribute to the common pool.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 4, section 1, subsection 3. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
People enjoy conversations that make them feel important. You can help people feel important by talking about the things they’ve accomplished.
You can also make people feel important by allowing them an opportunity to brag about anything they’ve done well. Ask questions that provide an opportunity for people to brag about their accomplishments. When people are describing their accomplishments, ask follow-up questions that allow them to continue expanding upon their accomplishments. Ask how they were able to overcome challenges and solve problems. Ask what they did to prepare. Talk about the significance of their accomplishments and what those accomplishments will allow them to do in the future. Make their accomplishments the focus of your conversation. Give the other person the opportunity to shine.
Also provide people an opportunity to talk about anything you know they’re proud of. The source of their pride doesn’t necessarily need to be anything they’ve accomplished personally. It could be some-thing people they care about have accomplished. Ask people to discuss anything that allows them to feel a sense of pride. Ask questions and make comments that encourage them to continue expanding and go into further detail.
Some people try to claim credit for things other people have done through association. They brag about the accomplishments of others as if they were their own. Make those people feel important by indulging them as if the accomplishments were their own. The fact they are bragging about the accomplishments means they want some level of recognition for them. Ask questions and make comments that allow them to go into further detail. For example, people might brag about the recent victory of their home professional sports team. Ask questions that allow them to gloat about the victory. They will feel a sense of pride discussing their team’s victory.
The following section is from the Communication Fundamentals course module 5, section 2. The entire course is available at: The Communication Fundamentals Course is highly praised and popular with both of Zane Rozzi’s fan bases: Executives looking to improve their people skills; and people interested in making a great impression with the opposite sex.
Never cross any part of your body over another part. Don’t cross your arms in front of your chest. Don’t cross your feet under your chair. Crossing body parts looks insecure. Leaders spread out.
Never fidget. Fidgeting is the most obvious sign you’re nervous. Fidgeting is definitely not alpha person behaviour. Think of the cool and calm movie heroes. They never fidget. In contrast, the lackey characters are portrayed as nervous, fidgeting, and fumbling messes. The hero character is portrayed as completely under control. Fidgeting is very noticeable because it is movement. Movement at-tracts our attention.
Always look relaxed. Confident and dominant people always look relaxed. There is no nervous tension in their body. They appear as if they don’t have to worry about anything catching them off-guard. They can handle whatever life throws at them. They have nothing to worry about. Whatever it is, they’ve got it under control.
Never let anything distract you from the person, or object, of your focus. You don’t care if someone spills a drink, an office worker drops a bundle of paper work, a homeless person starts yelling in the street, or a waitress drops a tray of dishes. Nothing will distract your attention from the task, or, more importantly, the person, your attention is currently focused on. An alpha person need not worry about trivial things going on around them. No one else controls what the alpha person’s attention is focused on. Someone causing a distraction does not control you by making you look at them. Alpha people always pick who or what gets the focus of their attention.
Never jump to attention for anything. If you get an alert on your phone, finish whatever you’re in the middle of doing before you check your phone. Don’t stop what you’re doing and jump to attention to look at your phone like a servant running to the king ringing a bell. You are the one who choses who or what gets the focus of your attention. A device beeping at you has zero control over what you do. You are in complete control of your time and attention. You will get to the device when it’s convenient for you to do so.
Always go first. Be the first person to take any action. Don’t wait for other people to nervously step out in front of the crowd and go first. Shy people try to hide in the back and avoid putting them-selves out in front of others. You’ll get right out there and volunteer to go first without saying a word about it. Act as if there were never any question as to whether or not you would go first. Alpha people don’t fear stepping out in front of the crowd, or being put in a position where they could be judged by the crowd.
You do not give up easily and you do not cave un-der pressure. In the wild, alphas are often selected as the leader of the group based on their strength. For humans, the strength need not be physical. In fact, mental strength serves you much better in to-day’s modern world and knowledge-based economy. Being known as someone who gives up easily destroys your credibility as an alpha person. People need to know, if they go up against you, you are going to finish the fight. It’s not going to be easy for a challenger to take you on. A challenger must know, if they are going to take you on, they need to be prepared to go the whole way. You won’t back down at the first sign of a challenge. That discourages many potential challengers from even trying to take you on.
The following is a bonus chapter from my bestselling book, 48 Ways to Control People: How to Leverage the Way the World Works for Your Own Gain. That book is volume 1 in the highly acclaimed two-volume series, How to Leverage the Way the World Works for Your Own Gain.
If you put someone in an awkward and indirectly intimidating—not directly intimidating—situation, they’ll be too dumbfounded to escape the situation. Accordingly, they will comply with your requests so they can be released from the awkward and indirectly intimidating interaction. The indirect intimidation allows you to deny any coercion took place. Since there were no overt threats, the extortion can easily be disguised as an innocent interaction with the other person. Despite being able to deny the extortion, the extent to which you can coerce others using this technique can be significant.
Homeless people use this technique very effectively. They know, if they just sit quietly on the sidewalk meekly holding out a hat, most people walk right past them. If they call out, “Spare change please,” they can get a few people to stop and donate money. If they can single out people from the crowd and talk to them directly, even more people will donate some money. But the real money is made when they use this technique. Not only do they get more donations, the average value of each donation goes up significantly.
Here’s how homeless people use this technique: They take advantage of someone who is separated from the crowd and stopped somewhere waiting. For instance, someone waiting at a street corner for a traffic light to change so they can walk across the street, or someone waiting at a public transit stop. The homeless people approach those people while they are waiting and ask them for spare change. When those people see a rough looking homeless person standing in front of them, and feel like they have nowhere to go because they are stuck there waiting, they will often comply with the homeless person’s request for a donation. They give him what he wants just to get rid of him so they can end the awkward and slightly intimidating interaction. Those same people, had they saw that homeless person sitting on the sidewalk, would have walked right past him without donating any money. But now, they feel forced into giving him a donation just to end the awkward and slightly intimidating interaction. They pay him so they can escape the awkward and indirectly intimidating situation.
The homeless people are not robbing those people. So those people cannot claim they have been extorted. After all, those people could have easily said no or walked away. But their mind was already set on waiting there until an event took place, such as the traffic light changing or public transit arriving. Thus, once this rough looking homeless person confronts them, they feel trapped and intimidated. So they pay him to get rid of him.
When you look at what happened from a psychological point of view, it’s easy to see these people have been intimidated and extorted into giving a donation. But when you describe what took place, a humble—but rough looking—homeless approached someone and simply asked for a donation, it’s hard to claim any sort of extortion took place. It’s easy to make the argument the people could have simply said no, as there was no threat of force. It’s also easy to make the argument the people could have simply walked away as the homeless person was not restraining them or blocking them from leaving. Yet, psychologically, the people feel trapped and intimidated. They feel intimidated even though they could’ve said no or walked away at any time.
Those two parallel realities of the situation are what makes this technique so effective. You can use this technique to coerce what you want out of people without being accused of extortion.
Many people in positions of power take advantage of this technique as well. But they do so in a slightly different way. The psychological effects, however, are the same. People in positions of power ask their staff for personal favours, for instance, asking subordinates for a ride from work to pick up their personal vehicle at the shop. The employees feel they cannot refuse their boss; even though their boss has no authority over them to ask for personal favours outside of work.
Many new employees fall victim to another version of this technique when it’s applied by their coworkers. New employees, wanting to make a good first impression, feel like they can’t say no. They don’t want to create a bad first impression by denying others help or refusing others’ requests. Many people take advantage of this and offload many of their most unpleasant chores on the new employees, and the new employees feel like they are not able to say no. This happens with requests from their peers—people who have no authority to assign the new employees new duties.
The new employees could easily refuse, but they don’t because they don’t want to create a bad first impression. This also happens with requests outside of work duties, such as managing a work social club or other volunteer positions. People even take advantage of the new employees for personal favours, such as asking the new employees to donate to causes they support or to join groups they are a part of. People know the new employees feel they can’t say no during their first few weeks on the job.
When someone is new to any group, and trying to make a good first impression with the rest of the group, that’s your chance to offload your worst chores. You can finally unload the chores someone stuck you with during your first week.
This technique is so effective because, if you were to look at a transcript of what was actually said, you’ll see only a polite request for a favour. However, there is a lot going on below the surface. There are significant psychological effects in play. The people feel as if they cannot refuse. They are forced into doing something they would not have volunteered to do. Find ways you can put people into these types of situations and you can get almost anything you want from them.
The following is a bonus chapter from my bestselling book, 45 More Ways to Control People: How to Leverage the Way the World Works for Your Own Gain. That book is volume 2 in the highly acclaimed two-volume series, How to Leverage the Way the World Works for Your Own Gain.
Most first world countries have a ridiculous number of laws in place which protect people from themselves. These laws are in addition to the laws which protect the rest of humanity from the few bad people. These are laws which try to protect the 80% from their own poor decisions. These laws were set up by the 1% to protect the 80% like a parent setting up rules to protect a child from dangers the child is not capable of properly evaluating.
For example, most first world countries have several laws regarding safety equipment. Not only safety equipment that protects the public from the actions of others, but safety equipment that specifically protects the individual wearing the equipment. Things like seatbelts, helmets, fall protection harnesses, and hearing protection. We also have a number of laws which attempt to protect people from very damaging and highly addictive hard drugs. We are interfering with natural selection for the greater good. These laws are necessary as a consequence of a few aspects of human psychology.
First, the 80% will enthusiastically agree to suffer very serious long-term consequences in exchange for small short-term gains or pleasures. Laws are set up not only to protect the 80% from making those poor choices, but also to protect taxpayers from the burden of saving those people once they’ve suffered the long-term consequences; consequences they’ve incurred to receive short-term gains or pleasures.
The first problem is, most people are too short-sighted. They’re not able to properly weigh future consequences. Something way off in the future seems very small and much less severe than it really is. Most people have trouble understanding the full extent of things that are far off in the future.
There’s also a second—and perhaps more important—aspect of human psychology at play here. When people take high-risk actions, there is often two separate elements of chance in play. First, the short-term gains or pleasures are 100% certain. Second, the future pain or negative consequences are not 100% certain. The 80% knows, if they take a risky action, they are guaranteed to gain the short-term benefits or pleasures, but it’s not guaranteed they’re going to have to pay the price later down the road.
This is where the 80%’s lack of rationality betrays them once again. They have the, it’s not going to happen to me attitude. The majority of the 80% believes they are going to be included in the lucky few who do not suffer the long-term consequences of their risky actions. Even if the statistics are high, such as 90% of people will face the consequences of their actions, people will focus entirely on that 10% chance they will not have to face the consequences. They are certain they will be in that 10%.
Laziness and procrastination also come into play. Especially for things like safety equipment. If people’s safety equipment is on the other side of the job site, and they just have to make one quick cut, or just climb a scaffolding for one quick minute, or just dispense 1 ounce of a chemical, they think there’s no need to walk all the way across the job site to get the proper safety equipment. They don’t want to go through all the trouble of putting on safety equipment to perform only 30 seconds of work. After all, fetching and putting on the safety equipment would take several times as long as the task they’re going to perform wearing the equipment. That laziness, combined with their, it won’t happen to me attitude is the cause of many workplace accidents.
All people focus on is the benefit they receive now, or the hassle they can avoid now. People always push problems into the future. They procrastinate any way they can. They can avoid the hassle of safety equipment now, and any problems they might incur would have to be suffered in the future. Future problems carry much less weight than current benefits. There is also, of course, the chance that no future problems will arise, which makes the risk-to-reward ratio appear even more favourable.
The facts given above are not even the most ridiculous part of this phenomenon. The most ridiculous part is, while the 80% are so inclined to risk very severe consequences to make something easier or more pleasurable for themselves in the short-term, they are not willing to take risks to make things drastically better for themselves in the long term.
Taking a risk, such as stepping out in front of the crowd to start a business, or asking a beautiful person out on a date, terrifies people who would willingly risk their lives to save 60 seconds of effort required to put on a safety device.
To understand this, you can apply all of the above facts in reverse.
First, the benefits are long-term. Long-term benefits are much less enticing than short-term benefits. Long-term benefits are harder to visualize and understand. Long-term benefits appear smaller than they are because they are far off into the future.
Second, the future benefits are uncertain. There’s a chance the business would fail or the beautiful person would reject them and there would be zero future benefits. Even if the odds of success are 90%, and the odds of failure are 10%, people have a terrible fear they’ll find themselves included in the 10% that fails. Now, when it comes to good luck, they are also of the opinion, it’s not going to happen to me. They believe they will not be one of the people who finds success.
Laziness and procrastination also come into play. To receive long-term benefits, people would have to put in hard work and effort upfront. They would have to overcome their fears and put in the work necessary to get the desired results. It’s much easier for them to keep the status quo; to simply walk right past that beautiful person or avoid all the effort and stress of starting a new business. Laziness thwarts these people once again.
Once this has been clearly laid out, it’s easy to see why the 80% seem to have the worst ‘luck.’ They make extremely poor choices. They make many choices loaded with a high probability of negative consequences in the future, but very few choices loaded with a high probability of positive benefits in the future. Once the future arrives, they have to pay for all of their poor choices. Everyone has to pay the piper. Moreover, since they were too afraid to take risks for their own gain, they don’t have any benefits coming their way to offset the consequences of their poor choices.
Remember these facts when you’re making your own decisions. Don’t take unnecessary risks and you won’t face unnecessary negative consequences. But do take risks that can make your life much better in the future.
How to use this knowledge to your advantage when controlling other people is described in detail in the section titled, “Make People Enthusiastically Accept Severe Negative Consequences.”
The following is a bonus chapter from my bestselling book, 45 More Ways to Control People: How to Leverage the Way the World Works for Your Own Gain. That book is volume 2 in the highly acclaimed two-volume series, How to Leverage the Way the World Works for Your Own Gain.
Before reading this section, be sure to read the section titled, “Take Advantage of People’s Inability to Properly Weigh Consequences.” That background information is essential to understanding this technique.
If you want to persuade someone to do something, front-load all of the benefits in the agreement. Arrange the agreement so that people will be certain to experience 100% of the benefits instantly, but won’t face any of the negative aspects of the agreement until far off into the future. People won’t be able to properly weigh future negative consequences against present benefits. If the benefits and negative consequences are equal, the current benefits will seem much larger than the future consequences. You can also use this illusion to stack up many negative consequences far off into the future, making them appear shrunken in size. Negative consequences far off into the future will easily appear to be offset by benefits experienced instantly upon agreement, which appear magnified in size.
As you can see, to convince people to take some sort of action, you should frame your request in a way that places 99% of the emphasis on the short-term gains they will experience right now. Instant gratification is king. Be sure to emphasize all of the ways people will gain instant pleasure by agreeing with you. Include the negative aspects of the agreement, incurred in the future, only in the fine print.
Instant gratification is everything. The 80% hardly care about gains they’ll receive way off into the future. They are only concerned with what they can enjoy right now. Keep this in mind when trying to persuade them. Future gains, no matter how great, have hardly any motivational value. How do we counteract this?
You must find ways to move the gains forward. If the gains can’t be moved forward, you must develop new gains that can be experienced instantly and include those instant gains in the deal. Even if you have to increase the selling price to include new short-term gains, people’s focus on the short-term gains will blind them to the price increase.
If you want people to do something unpleasant for the long-term, lock them into a commitment with a very enticing benefit they get to experience upfront. Offer bonus incentives which can be enjoyed right now in exchange for signing up for a long-term contract. Entice them with something they get to enjoy before they have to fulfil their end of the agreement. Give them instant gratification for agreeing to do what you want them to do.
You can make the agreement even more enticing by pushing their end of the agreement even farther into the future. That makes their end of the bargain seem smaller and less painful. The further you can move their obligations into the future, the larger you can make those obligations. Pushing negative consequences into the future creates the illusion the consequences are smaller than they really are. The 80% are not able to properly weigh consequences that are far off into the future.
You can make the agreement even more enticing by adding an element of chance to their obligations. You can get an even higher level of agreement by offering the possibility the 80% could partially, or entirely, escape their obligations. For instance, offering a 2% chance their obligations will be greatly reduced or completely eliminated. People severely overestimate their chance of being included in the lucky 2% who will be released from their obligations.
Remember, benefits lose their lustre as they are moved off into the future, and consequences lose their sting as they are moved off into the future; particularly when dealing with the 80%. Also remember, people severely overestimate their chance of being in the minority who win benefits and avoid consequences.
Consider the following example of these principles: A much larger portion of the world’s population than you might expect would probably accept $1 billion today in exchange for being killed a year from today so that a wealthy person in need of organ transplants could harvest their organs. You might even have caught yourself thinking, would a year be enough time to spend all of that money? People would justify their choice to take the money and be killed as sacrificing themselves for a noble cause—dying so that someone else could live. People often hide the real reason they’re doing something behind a publicly expressed reason that sounds good.
As much as people would like to sound noble, the money is the real reason they are doing it. Consider this: Would those people prefer to be killed in one year and save 50 people for $50, or to save one rich person for $1 billion?
If you extended the time to death from one year to five years, you would get an even larger proportion of the world’s population accepting the deal. The exact same consequence, further away, loses some of its sting.
You could further increase the number of people willing to accept the agreement by including an element of chance in the bargain. For example, if you change the terms of the agreement to include a miniscule chance, say 1%, that the billionaire could be cured by other medical means and not need the organs. Most people will severely overestimate the probability they will realize that 1% chance and not have to give their life. The 1% chance will be overpowering. People will drastically overvalue it. They don’t consider death is still a near certainty. Instead, they’re overly optimistic about their chance of survival.
The thing you might find most surprising is, you’re likely to get a higher proportion of young people accepting the offer than old people. Young people with significantly more than five years left in their natural lifespan. The reason for this is, young people, on average, are significantly more prone to accept long-term consequences to receive short-term gains. Young people take many more risks and are primarily focused on the present. They’re much more susceptible to the lure of instant gratification.
Just look how late in life people start saving for retirement. You can’t use increased earning power as you age as an excuse for this behaviour. That argument is severely flawed. Most people don’t start saving for retirement until at least 10 years into their working lives.
Consider the following example: A person starts their working life working for $25,000 per year. Then, over the course of a decade, they slowly work their way up to a salary of $50,000 per year. After that decade, they might begin saving for retirement. Coincidentally, they have more earning power at that time. However, a young professional might start their working life earning $50,000 per year right out of university. They have the same earning power as the person who spent a decade working their way up to that level. The young professional, however, is unlikely to immediately start saving for retirement—even though they obviously have the earning power to do so. The young professional will also wait until they have been working for over a decade before they start saving for retirement. Earning power is irrelevant.
You might also try to argue the young professional needs to buy a house and a car and incur other start of adult life expenses. Those arguments are also invalid. The young professional could easily have chosen to live the lifestyle of the person making $25,000 per year and save the excess for retirement. But, hardly any young people are ever willing to sacrifice short-term benefits to receive benefits way off into the future. They want a nicer new car, a bigger new home, exotic vacations, fancy electronics, and other forms of pleasure right now. A more comfortable retirement is much too far off into the future to have any weight in their decision process.
If you want people to make sacrifices, or take risks to make their future better, you have to provide some sort of incentive upfront to make them take action. Future benefits hold hardly any motivational power. You have to give them instant gratification in exchange for making the sacrifice or taking the risk.
If what you want people to agree to do has no instant benefits, you could include new instant benefits by inflating the price of whatever you’re offering to include the cost of the benefits you give people upfront. Most people will enthusiastically pay more for instant gratification.
Purchasing this course in the at-home format is thousands of dollars cheaper than attending the seminar.
00 Welcome to the Communication Fundamentals Course 1
00.01 The At-Home Version of This Course 2
00.01.01 You’ll Never Again Fear Social Interaction 4
00.01.02 Your Life Could Have Been so Different Today 4
00.01.03 New Opportunities Will Become Available to You 6
00.01.04 Learn the Communication Mistakes You’ve Been Making 7
00.01.05 The Results You’ll Get 8
00.01.06 Who This Course Is for 11
00.01.07 Why You Need to Complete This Course 13
00.01.08 In Today’s World, Everyone Is Connected 14
00.01.09 What You’ll Learn 15
00.01.10 The Modules Work Together Synergistically 17
00.01.11 You’ve Decided You Are Not Going to Be Average 18
00.01.12 You’ve Decided You Are Not Going to Fail 19
00.01.13 You’ve Decided You Are Very Serious about Improving Yourself 19
00.01.14 You’ve Decided You Are Going to Change Your Life 20
00.01.15 Your Confidence Will Skyrocket 21
00.01.16 Learn How Successful People Operate 22
00.01.17 You Are Who You Hang out with – Attract the Best 23
00.01.18 Your Existing Relationships Will Be Much Stronger 24
00.01.19 The Best Communication Secrets Will Be Revealed 25
00.01.20 Why You Need to Get Started Right Now 26
01 Overcoming the Fear of Approaching New People 28
01.01 Make the First Move or Lose out 29
01.01.01 The Invisible Barrier 29
01.01.02 Approach Who You Want to Approach or Lose out 34
01.01.03 Your Reasons for Approaching Other People 36
01.02 How Fear Works in Your Mind and Body 38
01.02.01 We Have a Strong Negative Bias 40
01.02.02 What Is Fear 41
01.03 How You’re Making the Problem Worse 43
01.03.01 Imaginary Vicious Cycle 43
01.03.02 Real Vicious Cycle 44
01.03.03 We Fear Lack of Control 46
01.04 More Ways You’re Making the Problem Worse 51
01.04.01 You’re the Only One Who Knows 51
01.04.02 You’re Much Harder on Yourself than Other People Are 53
01.04.03 People Are Nice Because They Don’t Want to Embarrass Themselves 54
01.05 What’s Holding You Back 58
01.05.01 Identify Your False Beliefs 58
01.05.02 Imagine the Worst That Could Happen 59
01.06 How to Use Fear so It Works for You Instead of against You 64
01.06.01 Your Fear Response Changes Your Body 64
01.06.02 Fear Versus Excitement 67
01.07 The Most Important Secret about Approaching New People 69
01.07.01 The Middle Ground between Perfect and Failure 69
01.07.02 Before and after 72
01.07.03 Our Negativity Bias Is at It Again 75
01.08 How Successful People Are Different 79
01.08.01 Action Eliminates Fear 79
01.08.02 Fear Disappears 80
01.09 What Successful People Do 84
01.09.01 Overcoming Fear Is Not Automatic 84
01.09.02 Reverse Your Thinking 84
01.09.03 How to Completely Forget about Feeling Nervous 87
01.10 More Things You Can Do Right Now 90
01.10.01 Eliminate Unjustified Fears That Are Holding You Back 90
01.10.02 Define What You’re Really Afraid of 91
01.10.03 Realize You Can’t Predict Everything 92
01.10.04 Realize You Can’t Control Everything 94
01.10.05 See Fear As a Guide 95
01.11 If Your Fear Is Much Worse Than Normal, Do These 8 Things 97
01.11.01 Getting Started Overcoming Your Fear of Approaching New People 99
01.11.02 Step One 100
01.11.03 Step Two 100
01.11.04 Step Three 102
01.11.05 Step Four 103
01.11.06 Step Five 104
01.11.07 Step Six 105
01.11.08 Step Seven 106
01.11.09 Step Eight 111
01.11.10 You Are Now Ready to Go for It 113
02 Small Talk, Flirting, and Networking 115
02.01 The Importance of Small Talk 116
02.01.01 Small Talk Versus Serious Discussions 116
02.01.02 Hating Small Talk 118
02.01.03 Small Talk Is Essential to Starting and Building Relationships 118
02.01.04 Using Small Talk to Assess People 119
02.01.05 Examples You Can Use 120
02.02 Start a Conversation – Opening Lines 121
02.02.01 Anything Is Better Than Silence 121
02.02.02 People Will Make Whatever You Said Work 122
02.02.03 Introductions 124
02.02.04 The Formula for Opening Lines 128
02.02.05 The Event 131
02.02.06 Common Interests of People at the Event 134
02.02.07 The Venue 136
02.02.08 The Theme of the Event 137
02.02.09 The Entertainment 137
02.02.10 Other People at the Event 138
02.02.11 The Food 139
02.02.12 The Host 140
02.02.13 Travel to the Location 140
02.02.14 The Honoree or Beneficiary 141
02.02.15 Event Speakers and Their Topics 142
02.02.16 Anything You Can Both See 143
02.02.17 News Events of the Day 145
02.02.18 Other Things You Have in Common 146
02.03 Keep a Conversation Going – Part I – Skills and Techniques 148
02.03.01 The Key to Keeping a Conversation Going 148
02.03.02 Always Give Other People Expandable Topics 151
02.03.03 When You Don’t Know What to Say Next 155
02.03.04 Talk about Subjects of Interest to Other People 159
02.03.05 Learn about Other People 160
02.03.06 Accept Everything 164
02.03.07 Special Interest Websites and Magazines 166
02.03.08 When People Introduce a New Word into Your Conversation 168
02.03.09 How to Change the Subject to Your Interests Using Transitions 170
02.03.10 The Boomerang Question 172
02.03.11 Anything Happening in the Room 173
02.03.12 Things You Have in Common with People 175
02.03.13 Good Questions 176
02.03.14 Other People’s Day so Far 179
02.03.15 Make a Game of Guessing Others’ Situations 180
02.03.16 Going from Specific to General or from General to Specific 181
02.04 Keep a Conversation Going – Part II – Topics of Conversation 183
02.04.01 Read up on the News 183
02.04.02 Don’t Try to Fake Knowledge 186
02.04.03 Learn the Right Questions to Ask for Each Topic 187
02.04.04 Personal Details about Other People 188
02.04.05 Listing Their Favourites in Various Categories 191
02.04.06 Work or School 192
02.04.07 Entertainment 193
02.04.08 Sports 194
02.04.09 Vacations – Past and Future 195
02.04.10 If You Could… 196
02.04.11 The Best Way to Improve Anything 197
02.04.12 What’s Your Opinion on… 197
02.04.13 Organizations and Causes They Support 197
02.04.14 What Has Changed with People You’ve Met before 198
02.05 The Best Ways to Suggest a Follow-Up Meeting or Second Date 199
02.05.01 Finding Good Follow-Up Events on the Spot 202
02.05.02 Discussing Entertainment News and Future Events 203
02.05.03 Be As Specific As You Can 204
02.05.04 Suggest Going to One of Your Favourite Places Discussed Earlier 205
02.05.05 Suggest They Show You Their Favourite Places 206
02.05.06 Suggest They Teach You an Activity They like 206
02.05.07 Challenge Them at an Activity You Both like 207
02.05.08 Suggest You Teach Them an Activity You like 208
02.05.09 Make an Effort to Meet up at the Next Event 209
02.05.10 Suggest You Work on Something Together 209
02.05.11 Suggest You Investigate Something Together 210
02.05.12 Suggest Trying Something New Together 211
02.05.13 Suggest You Work on Improving a Skill Together 211
02.05.14 Go to a Place Neither of You Have Been before 212
02.05.15 Suggest They Help You with Something or You Help Them with Something 213
02.05.16 Staying in Contact 214
02.06 Ending a Conversation 216
02.06.01 What Not to Say 216
02.06.02 What to Say 217
03 Always Have Something to Say 220
03.01 Introduction: Rules of the Communication Game 221
03.01.01 Popular People 222
03.01.02 They’re Not Actually That Smooth 223
03.01.03 The Perfect Quotable Response 224
03.01.04 People Expect the Conversation to Flow Naturally 225
03.01.05 Everyone Can Recognize Communication Mistakes 225
03.01.06 Everyone Meets People Who Are Not Skilled Communicators 226
03.01.07 A Barrier between You 227
03.02 Make the Right Impression 228
03.02.01 The Desire to Look Good Can Make You Nervous 228
03.02.02 To Be Confident, You Need a System You Can Trust 232
03.03 The Secret to Speaking to New People 234
03.03.01 Think Back to the Last Time You Heard Someone Speak 234
03.03.02 The Way You Felt 236
03.03.03 Different Expectation Levels 237
03.03.04 How Different Forms of Communication Rank 239
03.03.05 The Expectation of Quality for You when Approaching New People 241
03.03.06 Meeting Expectations Is Good, Exceeding Them Is Exceptional 244
03.04 Speaking to New People Effortlessly 246
03.04.01 Lessons from Improv Theatre 246
03.04.02 The Amateur 247
03.04.03 You Don’t Need to Apologize 249
03.04.04 Your Current Impromptu Speaking Skill Level 252
03.05 Confidence Boosting Cheats 254
03.05.01 Impromptu Speaking Doesn’t Have To Be Impromptu 254
03.05.02 Know Your Audience and What They Want to Learn Ahead of Time 256
03.05.03 Preparing Stock Bits of Information 258
03.05.04 Prepare, but Don’t Memorize 258
03.06 How to Always Be an Interesting Conversationalist 260
03.06.01 Be an Optimist 260
03.06.02 Don’t Be the Average Boring Person 261
03.06.03 Being a VIP 263
03.06.04 Important People 268
03.06.05 Talk about Current Events 270
03.06.06 Successful People Take Care of Themselves 270
03.06.07 VIPs Know It’s Important to Refresh 272
03.06.08 Take Time Out Of Your Busy Schedule for Other People 273
03.06.09 An Important Reminder 274
03.07 Accomplishing Your Relationship Goals 276
03.08 The Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule) Applies to Relationships 279
03.08.01 Trying to Please Everyone 282
03.09 How to Respond to… 287
03.09.01 People Who Brag 287
03.09.02 Deception 289
03.09.03 The Politician’s Answer 291
03.09.04 Topics You Don’t Want to Talk about 294
03.10 How to Approach Others to Start a Conversation 297
03.10.01 Who to Approach 297
03.10.02 Groups to Approach 299
03.10.03 How to Join a Group 301
03.10.04 Join the Conversation When You Join the Group 303
03.11 How to Practice Without Other People 305
03.11.01 All Skills Require Practice 305
03.11.02 Three Weeks Is Often Enough 306
03.11.03 Your Improvements Will Be Obvious and Encouraging 307
04 Building Rapport and Using Proper Manners 310
04.01 Good Conversation Habits That Make a Great Impression 311
04.01.01 Be Positive 311
04.01.02 Give Compliments 312
04.01.03 Make Other People Feel Important 313
04.01.04 Always Assume the Best of Other People 314
04.01.05 Own Blame and Share Credit 316
04.01.06 Dressing for the Event 318
04.01.07 A Friend Can Say Good Things about You to Others 319
04.01.08 Get into the Right State of Mind 321
04.01.09 Remember One Detail about People the Next Time You See Them 322
04.01.10 Making People Comfortable Helps You Forget You’re Nervous 324
04.01.11 Soften Your Opinion 325
04.01.12 Remembering Names 326
04.01.13 Communicating Using Technology Versus in Person 328
04.01.14 Where to Practice Your Communication Skills 330
04.01.15 Have Good Responses Prepared for the Obvious Questions 331
04.01.16 Be Excited to Meet People 333
04.01.17 Involve Everyone 335
04.01.18 Focus on the People You’re with 337
04.01.19 Think: “What If the President Said That?” 339
04.01.20 Let Other People Save Face 342
04.02 Bad Habits That Kill Conversations and Push People Away 346
04.02.01 One-Upping 346
04.02.02 Talking about Yourself 348
04.02.03 Bragging 350
04.02.04 Overusing Clichés 351
04.02.05 Complaining 352
04.02.06 Blaming 355
04.02.07 Interrupting 356
04.02.08 Being a Know-It-All 357
04.02.09 Offering Unsolicited Advice 360
04.02.10 Working the Room at a Social Event 361
04.02.11 Asking for Free Professional Advice 363
04.02.12 Gossiping 365
04.02.13 Using a Cell Phone 366
04.02.14 Making Jokes at the Expense of Others 369
04.02.15 Telling Inappropriate Jokes 372
04.02.16 Trying to Teach People a Lesson 374
04.02.17 Talking about Your Interests That No One Else Cares about 375
04.02.18 Sharing Too Much Personal Information 376
04.02.19 Asking Others to Share Too Much Personal Information 379
04.02.20 Arguing 380
04.02.21 Having to Be Right or Get the Last Word 382
04.03 Building Rapport and Developing a Relationship 384
04.03.01 Mirror Their Emotion 384
04.03.02 Use Quotes to Bond 386
04.03.03 Make Yourselves into a Group 387
04.03.04 Give Insider Information to Make Yourselves into a Group 389
04.03.05 Accept Other People’s Point of View 390
04.03.06 Assume the Best of Other People 391
04.03.07 Use the Same Vocabulary as Other People 393
04.03.08 Make People Feel Comfortable 396
04.04 A Quick and Easy Way to Be Popular 398
04.04.01 What Was Your First Interaction with Them like? 399
04.04.02 What Is Every Interaction with Them like? 400
04.04.03 What Do They Do That Makes You like Them? 400
05 Alpha Person Behaviours and Body Language 403
05.01 The Importance of Nonverbal Communication 404
05.01.01 Your First Impression Is Made from across the Room 404
05.01.02 Your Body Language Tells People How to Treat You 407
05.01.03 You Can Be Anyone You Want to Be 409
05.01.04 The Alpha Person Is Attractive to Everyone 410
05.01.05 Alpha People Are Very Important to Our Society 411
05.02 The 61 Alpha Person Characteristics and Behaviours 415
05.02.01 Keep Your Head up 415
05.02.02 Never Cross Your Body Parts 415
05.02.03 Claim More Space 416
05.02.04 Don’t Use Shields 416
05.02.05 Never Fidget 417
05.02.06 Always Look Relaxed 417
05.02.07 Ignore Distractions 418
05.02.08 Never Jump to Attention 418
05.02.09 Move Slowly, Calmly, and Deliberately 419
05.02.10 Be Rock Solid and Composed at All Times 419
05.02.11 Always Go First 420
05.02.12 Always Be in Front 420
05.02.13 Lead by Example 421
05.02.14 Always Take the High Road 421
05.02.15 Don’t Fear Judgment 422
05.02.16 Have a Firm and Confident Handshake 422
05.02.17 Don’t Fear Touching Other People to Express Yourself 422
05.02.18 Don’t Cringe When Others Touch You 423
05.02.19 Be Dependable 423
05.02.20 Stand up for Your Friends While They’re under Fire 423
05.02.21 Never Stab Anyone in the Back 424
05.02.22 Always Tell the Truth 424
05.02.23 Be Direct 425
05.02.24 Take a Stand and Make Your Opinions Known 425
05.02.25 Defend Your Ideas and Beliefs 426
05.02.26 Be Humble 426
05.02.27 Don’t Seek the Approval of Others 427
05.02.28 Make Sure Others Know You Always Finish the Fight 427
05.02.29 Be Comfortable Holding Eye Contact 428
05.02.30 Walk Tall 428
05.02.31 Walk like a Healthy Warrior 429
05.02.32 Always Keep Your Hands Out Of Your Pockets 429
05.02.33 Be Well-Groomed 430
05.02.34 Be Optimistic 430
05.02.35 Never Fear Failure 430
05.02.36 Never Get Embarrassed 431
05.02.37 Disclose Your Own Mistakes 432
05.02.38 Accept Responsibility for Your Actions 432
05.02.39 Be Upfront about Your Faults 433
05.02.40 Don’t Complain about Trivial Things or Things That Can’t Be Changed 433
05.02.41 Talk about Solutions — Not Shortcomings 434
05.02.42 Don’t Criticize Others 434
05.02.43 Never Make Fun of Others 434
05.02.44 Never Intentionally Embarrass Others 435
05.02.45 Treat Everyone with Respect 435
05.02.46 Help Others When You Can 435
05.02.47 Be Generous with Your Time, Skills, and Resources 436
05.02.48 Do Nice Things for Others 436
05.02.49 Always Be Comfortable 436
05.02.50 Have Exceptional Social Skills 437
05.02.51 Be Decisive 437
05.02.52 Take Action 438
05.02.53 Don’t Fear Responsibility 438
05.02.54 Don’t Be Afraid to Say No 438
05.02.55 Don’t Let Other Alpha People Intimidate You 439
05.02.56 Take Risks 439
05.02.57 Ask for What You Want 439
05.02.58 Approach Anyone You Want 440
05.02.59 Be Responsible for Your Own Life 440
05.02.60 Be Confident — Not Cocky 440
05.02.61 Speak on Your Own Terms 441
05.03 Nonverbal Communication Can Make or Break You 442
05.03.01 Eye Contact 443
05.03.02 Smile 444
05.03.03 Posture 445
05.03.04 Open Posture 447
05.03.05 Fidgeting 450
05.03.06 Their Body Language 451
05.03.07 Adapt to Other People 453
05.04 Traditional Body Language Books 455
05.04.01 What Most Body Language Books Teach You 455
05.04.02 Don’t Waste Time Learning Individual Gestures 456
05.05 Trying to Use Traditional Body Language Books Backwards 458
05.05.01 The Intended Users of Traditional Body Language Books 458
05.05.02 Interviews and Interrogations 460
05.05.03 Out of Sync Gestures 461
05.05.04 False Expectations about Using Traditional Body Language Books Backwards 462
05.05.05 Why Body Language Books Work without Everyone Reading Them 463
05.06 The Significance of Body Language 465
05.06.01 An Example of the Significance of Body Language 465
05.06.02 Your Body Language Speaks First 467
05.06.03 People Use Mental Shortcuts to Make Life Easier 468
05.06.04 Mental Shortcuts Used with Body Language 470
05.07 Body Language Can Make You a Leader 473
05.07.01 They Might Not Even Realize They’re Doing It 473
05.07.02 Body Language Identifies the Real Leaders—Not Who Has the Title 475
05.07.03 Subconscious Assessments Affect Conscious Opinions 476
05.08 How to Instantly Demonstrate You’re a Leader 478
05.08.01 How to Tap into Your Subconscious 479
05.08.02 Your Subconscious Mind Is Accurate and Perfectly Timed 483
05.08.03 Examples of the Power of Your Own Belief 484
05.08.04 When It Counts 487
05.09 Exercises to Demonstrate You’re a Leader 489
05.09.01 Unleashing Your Subconscious Mind 489
05.09.02 Imagine You’ve Already Accomplished What You Want to Accomplish 491
05.09.03 Imagine You’re Onstage Winning an Award 492
05.09.04 Imagine Everyone Knows You for What You Want to Be Known for 493
05.09.05 Imagine You’re a Celebrity 494
05.09.06 Imagining What Other People Have Felt 495
05.09.07 Making It Work 496
05.09.08 Imagining As If Determines Your Body Language 497
05.10 Conclusion 499
Purchasing this course in the at-home format is thousands of dollars cheaper than attending the seminar.
Module 1 – Overcoming the Fear of Approaching New People
Module 2 – Small Talk, Flirting, and Networking
Module 3 – Always Have Something to Say
Module 4 – Building Rapport and Using Proper Manners
Module 5 – Alpha Person Behaviours and Body Language
Module 6 – Dressing to Reduce Your Flaws and Enhance Your Strengths
Module 7 – Developing Confidence that Shows
Module 8 – Persuading People
Module 9 – Reading the Opposite Sex’s Interest Signals
Module 10 – Conducting Interviews to Extract Important Information
Purchasing this course in the at-home format is thousands of dollars cheaper than attending the seminar.
Someone has to make the first move to start a conversation. Most people fear making the first move; so the onus is on you. People who hesitate are stuck with whoever is willing to approach them—if anyone has the courage to do so.
You’ll learn not only how to conquer the fear of approaching new people, but also how to conquer any other fear holding you back in other areas of your life. You’ll learn how to confidently take risks so you can enjoy future gains in your business, social, and romantic lives.
Fear is responsible for more crushed dreams than any other problem people might encounter. People who don’t take action because they were too afraid never live a life where they’ve accomplished all of their dreams.
Skilled communicators always seem to know exactly what to say next. The skilled communicators’ comments go over well not because they are genius, but because they follow the rules of conversation. That gives people what they are expecting and seems like exactly the right thing to say.
You’ll go through opening lines, entertaining others, building a relationship, arranging a second meeting, then saying goodbye. You’ll know how to respond to any comment or question sent your way.
You’ll find many examples of opening lines you can use to start a conversation and discussion questions you can use to keep a conversation going. But, most importantly, you’ll learn the skills to develop your own opening lines and conversation topics.
Many people struggle with finding the right thing to say. This module helps you eliminate that problem. You’ll learn how to keep new ideas flowing so you can speak easily without awkward silences. Doing so allows you to confidently start and continue a conversation with anyone you chose.
These skills will not only make you an excellent conversationalist, but also make you a great impromptu speaker. Any time someone asks you a question, or asks you to speak about a topic, you’ll be ready to exceed everyone’s expectations. You’ll be armed with everything you need to deliver outstanding presentations with no preparation. You’ll have the tools and strategies necessary to speak impromptu on any topic.
You’ll learn the good communication habits that make others see you as an excellent communicator. Everyone expects others to have these traits. You’ll recognize them as positive character traits possessed by people you admire.
You’ll also learn the bad communication habits that annoy, offend, and bore people. Reviewing the bad habits will help you pinpoint why you dislike many of the people who annoy you. They probably don’t even know they have those bad habits. Their bad communication habits can make it impossible for many people to like them.
Building rapport is essential to moving any business or personal relationship to the next level. You’ll learn several techniques you can use to quickly increase the level of rapport between you and others.
Your nonverbal communication is making your first impression with other people long before your first words to them. When you walk into a room, everyone sees you and receives your nonverbal communication. They use that first impression of you to size you up, decide where you fit into the social hierarchy, and to decide whether or not you might be someone interesting to them for business, personal, or romantic reasons.
If you don’t immediately transmit nonverbal communication that interests other people, they’ll quickly overlook you as just another random person in the room.
The opposite is also true. If you’re communicating nonverbal information that appeals to other people, you will be attracting people from all sides of the room.
Zane Rozzi is a successful entrepreneur. He is also well known in the field of executive development. Zane Rozzi has a large and loyal following as a pickup artist who teaches others the keys to success in attracting the opposite sex. He designed and produced the popular and highly praised Communication Fundamentals course.
Bosworth, M. T. (1995). Solution selling: Creating buyers in difficult markets. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Bosworth, M., & Zoldan, B. (2012). What great salespeople do: The power of selling through emotional connection and the power of story. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Bowden, M. (2010). Wining body language: Control the conversation, command attention, and convey the right message—Without saying a word. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Carnegie, D. (1936/1964/1981). How to win friends & influence people. USA: Gallery.
Cialdini, R. B. (2001/2009). Influence: Science and practice (5th ed.). USA: Pearson.
Cohen, H. (1980/1982). You can negotiate anything. USA: Stuart.
Collin, C., Benson, N., Ginsburg, J., Grand, V., Lazyan, M., & Weeks, M. (2012). The psychology book: Big ideas simply explained. USA: Dorling Kindersley.
Dimitrius, J., & Mazzarella, W. P. (1998/1999/2008). Reading people: How to understand people and predict their behaviour—Anytime, anyplace (2nd ed.).USA: Ballantine.
Dixon, M., & Adamson, B. (2011). The challenger sale: Taking control of the customer conversation. USA: Penguin.
Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (2003). Unmasking the face: A guide to recognizing emotions from facial expressions. USA: Malor.
Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (1991). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in (2nd ed.). USA: Penguin.
Gladwell, M. (2005/2007). Blink: The power of thinking without thinking. USA: Back Bay.
Goleman, D. (1995/1997/2005/2006). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ (2nd ed.). USA: Bantam.
Goulston, M. (2010). Just listen: Discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone. USA: AMACOM.
Goulston, M., & Ullmen, J. (2013). Real influence: Persuade without pushing and gain without giving in. USA: AMACOM.
Hadnagy, C. (2011). Social engineering: The art of human hacking. USA: Wiley.
Hamper, R. J., & Baugh, L. S. (1995/2011). Handbook for writing proposals (2nd ed.). USA: McGraw-Hill.
Harding, F. (2008). Rain making (2nd ed.). USA: Adams.
Houston, P., Floyd, M., Carnicero, S., & Tennant, D. (2012). Spy the lie: Former CIA officers teach you how to detect deception. USA: St. Martin.
Lowndes, L. (2003). How to talk to anyone: 92 little tricks for big success in relationships. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Lowndes, L. (2009). How to instantly connect with anyone: 96 all-new little tricks for big success in relationships. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Maister, D. H. (1993/1997). Managing the professional service firm. USA: Free.
Maister, D. H. (1997/2000). True professionalism: The courage to care about your people, your clients, and your career. USA: Touchstone.
Maister, D. H., Green, C. H., & Galford, R. M. (2000/2004). The trusted advisor. USA: Free.
Malhotra, D., & Bazerman, M. (2007/2008). Negotiation genius: How to overcome obstacles and achieve brilliant results at the bargaining table and beyond. USA: Bantam.
Meyer, P. (2010). Liespotting: Proven techniques to detect deception. USA: St. Martin.
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). USA: Guilford.
Mills, H. (2004). The rainmaker’s toolkit: Power strategies for finding, keeping, and growing profitable clients. USA: AMACOM.
Morgan, N. (2014). Power cues: The subtle science of leading groups, persuading others, and maximizing your personal impact. USA: Harvard Business Review.
Muir, A. (2011). Persuade anyone with NLP. UK: Hachette.
Navarro, J., & Karlins, M. (2008). What every body is saying: An ex-FBI agent’s guide to speed reading people. USA: HarperCollins.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (2nd ed.). USA: McGraw-Hill.
Pease, A., & Pease, B. (2004). The definitive book of body language. USA: Bantam.
Pentland, A. (2008/2010). Honest signals: How they shape our world. USA: MIT.
Peterson, E., & Riesterer, T. (2011). Conversations that win the complex sale: Using power messaging to create more opportunities, differentiate your solutions, and close more deals. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Pink, D. H. (2012). To sell is human: The surprising truth about moving others. USA: Riverhead.
Pink, D. H. (2005/2006). A whole new mind: Why right-brainers will rule the future (ed.). USA: Riverhead.
Rackham, N. (1988). Spin selling. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Rackham, N. (1989). Major account sales strategy. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Read, N. A.C., & Bistritz, S. J. (2010). Selling to the c-suite: What every executive wants you to know about successfully selling to the top. USA: McGraw-Hill.
Richter, S. (2008/2009/2010/2011/2012/2013). Take the cold out of cold calling: Web search secrets know more than you ever thought you could (or should) about your prospects, clients, and competition (10th ed.). USA: Adams.
Roane, S. (1988/2014). How to work a room: The ultimate guide to making lasting connections—In person and online (2nd ed.). USA: HarperCollins.
Rosen, K. (2004). The complete idiot’s guide to cold calling: Expert advice for overcoming fear, building confidence, and finding your sales voice. USA: Alpha.
Schultz, M., Doerr, J. E., & Frederiksen, L. W. (2009/2013). Professional services marketing: How the best firms build premier brands, thriving lead generation engines, and cultures of business development success (2nd ed.). USA: Wiley.
Schwartz, S. J. (1997/2001/2006). How to make hot cold calls (3rd ed.). Canada: Fitzhenry & Whiteside.
Siegel, D. J. (2010). Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. USA: Bantam.
Sobczak, A. (2010). Smart calling: Eliminate the fear, failure, and rejection from cold calling. USA: Wiley.
Ury, W. (1991/1993/2007). Getting past no: Negotiating in difficult situations. USA: Bantam.
Weinschenk, S. M. (2011). 100 things every designer needs to know about people. USA: New Riders.
Weinschenk, S. M. (2013). How to get people to do stuff: Master the art and science of persuasion. USA: New Riders.
Wheeler, M. (2013). The art of negotiation: How to improvise agreement in a chaotic world. USA: Simon & Schuster.
Zane Rozzi is a successful entrepreneur. He is also well known in the field of executive development. Zane Rozzi has a large and loyal following as a pickup artist who teaches others the keys to success in attracting the opposite sex. He designed and produced the popular and highly praised Communication Fundamentals course. Many people struggle with finding the right thing to say. This book helps you avoid that problem. You’ll always know what to say to make a great impression and accomplish your business and personal relationship goals. You’ll learn the formula for developing great opening lines in any situation, how to always be an interesting conversationalist, how to save a conversation from an awkward silence, how to overcome the fear of approaching new people, a trick to prevent yourself from feeling nervous while talking to others, and 7 important alpha person characteristics and behaviours. You’ll be confident talking to anyone about anything by applying the straightforward tips in this book. This book also contains three bonus chapters from Zane Rozzi’s bestselling How to Leverage the Way the World Works for Your Own Gain series. The first from 48 Ways to Control People and the second two from 45 More Ways to Control People. This book is an introduction to Zane Rozzi’s popular and highly praised Communication Fundamentals course. Course details are included at the end of this book.