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All That You Ignore

 

All That You Ignore

By Jason Wallace Poetry

 

 

Shakespir Edition

 

******

 

Published by:

Jason Wallace Poetry and JaMa Literary Agency on Shakespir

 

All That You Ignore

Copyright © 2016 by Jason Wallace Poetry

 

 

You’ve left nothing here

But this souvenir,

This scar

That hardens my heart,

Tearing down into my soul,

So far,

I’ve been hidden behind the shadow

That rests near that heart.

 

I’ve been washed away,

Worried that I don’t

Matter so much to say

That I could be anything

Like you used to think I was.

I haven’t found the way to

Be half of half enough.

 

You’re blistered.

You’re bliss at times that I

Can no longer have for mine.

I only wish you’d

Be with me, at least, half this day

Just so I could finally get you

From all of this decay

And maybe work out my own way

To be better than you seem to think of me.

 

I wither. I slither

Through this life that looks so much like Hell.

I intended so much more than this,

So much that I could no longer tell

Where the fantasies ended and this life wasn’t blended

With all of that and was some reality, in fact.

I meant so very well,

But you’ve given me nothing but a sore spot that

Reminds me of how I failed.

If you could, just find some time to finally set me free.

 

This isn’t like anything before.

I’m alive and not so well

And have so little for me in store.

I used to have some happiness, somewhere in myself.

I used to not feel so empty and not compare me

To absolutely everyone and everything else.

I’ve already forgotten what it’s like to ever

Have something more than just this pain.

I’m ready to be forgotten

And to know that I don’t have to remain

In this, all of this, all of it, all that I can

No longer know how to endure.

I don’t grow stronger. I just look in me for a cure

To this sickness, this sentence, this emblem

Of everything so impure.

I’m everything impure, and I’m all that you ignore.

 

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To meet file size requirements, I have added additional works.

 

If I’m to Blame

 

If I’m to blame,

Do I take that fall?

If crying is the crime,

What do you have to say?

Do you now

Have it all?

Time and time again,

I’ve had to be the one

That’s had to walk away.

 

But no hurt in a while

Has made me break back down.

I’m used to it and can even smile

When you only wanna drag me into your Hell.

 

If I’m to blame,

What do I say?

Where do I stay to

Stay away?

 

If I felt a bit of what you admit

You want me to feel,

I could not be

Who I am, who you’ve made me,

And I would rather die inside all over again.

I will not submit, but I will not quit.

This one last appeal is to calm your heart,

Your bitterness a bit and still

Have some shot at all the naught

That this is coming to, that you’ve unglued, to finally end.

 

Where is it that you’ve

Taken yourself away to like so often before

When I could only hold my head in my hands

And breathe heavily to not ignore but simply implore

Some better judgment of myself, to not break out,

To do my best to deny the rest of all of this emptiness

And maybe, just maybe, understand.

If I’m to blame,

I take the shame.

I take the cold, staring circumstance.

 

I don’t know who you are

Or what you want or when I wasn’t some

Wasted days, some yesterdays that

Should’ve been but have gone and come and gone again.

Are you at all like me,

Sitting in a car, in make believe,

Wondering why the worst of it never leaves

And why it is that you can’t find relief

From a life you never intended to pretend to need?

When it was all hanging on a rope,

I found a part of you and found some hope,

But I hoped too hard, and it came apart,

And I never left, but I could never be

The mat you asked to lay on the ground to wipe your feet.

I might have a persevering heart, but it’s still a heart that bleeds.

I’m in agony. I’ve been deceived, but

If I’m to blame,

I take it all for no less but maybe more.

I take it all the same,

If I’m to blame.

 

Though I was right, and you were wrong,

I… waved goodbye because I…

Walked in on

A time when you were

Already gone, giving up, and

No longer strong,

Taking back all

That tore you up and

Tearing up all the

Paper strings of a

Not enough kind of

Do it rough sort of

Life you

Could not love,

So we never were and

Never truly could be

What you want, so you

Put me down

Because you

Put me up

Too high in the sky on a

Pedestal that no one could

Stand on in the rain that you

Poured out of your

Bitter cup.

I’m bruised enough to

Be no more used too much,

 

And… if I’m to blame,

Do you remember who I am?

Do you remember my name?

I guess I’m to blame.

If I am, If I’m to blame,

I’ll push it away again and

Into the holes in my veins

Where my blood has spilled to nearly kill me

Once and for all, for all of the same,

Because I’m the one to blame, I guess

I’m the one to blame, so,

If I’m to blame,

So be it as it may, because

If I’m to blame,

It no longer matters what I say.

 

 

Again Alone

 

I have nowhere to go

No place to be

The only home that I know

Is an empty place

Of Misery

The one that I lost

Was the best one for me

I let her leave

Because of my jealousy

I just could not compete

If that was reality

Why would she want me

If she could have

Someone who wouldn’t

Melt from the heat

So alone

I’m turning to stone

The blood in my veins

Just spilled on the ground

And no one’s around

But pain I caused

For us both

It’s a demon whose face

Has already shown

I thought being grown

Meant making mistakes

But taking the blame

And erasing the pain

And when that seed’s sown

Knowing that all that’s known

Is a lesson to learn

About how not to be

And what from yourself

Never again to condone

But a lesson that’s learned

Can come with a loss

The prize you hold onto

Slips out of your hands because the cost

Is more than you feel you can pay

But at the end of the day

The regret you let creep in your way

Is that you’ve let someone else become burned

So alone

I’m turning to stone

The blood in my veins

Just spilled on the ground

And no one’s around

But pain I caused

For us both

It’s a demon whose face

Has already shown

On the road to the unknown

This scar I’ll have on my hand

Isn’t half as hard as the one I’m bearing inside

From messing up the greatest thing

I ever tried

What maybe just could’ve been

Is going to be a thought that

Comes with the memory

Of the way this all had to end

And the lie that I will pretend

Doesn’t get me down

And make me drown in my sin

So alone, more broken and frozen,

I’m turning to stone

The blood in my veins

Just spilled on the ground

Spots and drops of red

Staining as it surrounds

And no one’s around

But pain I caused

For us both

It’s a demon whose face

Has already shown

And I know I’m at fault

For being again alone

I can’t get how

What was maybe almost love

Was at best just a loan

Recalled and repossessed and cutting

Straight to the bone

And when both wounds heal

I won’t have her hand to hold

Because I am again alone

 

Lost It All

 

I know that you’ve been waitin

Hopin for someone to come

Sweep you off your feet

Dreaming of the day

When you could finally

Start to feel some kind of complete

 

All the ones that came along

Did everything all wrong

Treated you like

You were never anything

To take seriously

 

If you give me the chance

I’ll be more than just some circumstance

And try to give you just what you need

 

I could be the one to cherish you

To always let you know I’m there for you

To be the rock to hold you up

When you feel like you’ll fall

If you’re not afraid you’ll fail

You might find Heaven in your Hell

In these arms that’d carry you

If you think you’ve lost it all

 

I’m not tryin to make you think

I’m movin fast

Just to help you make a future

That lets you forget your past

Knowing that the worst parts

Of your life are gone

If you let me be the one to hold you

It could be just like I told you

A fairytale come to life before too long

 

I could be the one to cherish you

To always let you know I’m there for you

To be the rock to hold you up

When you feel like you’ll fall

If you’re not afraid you’ll fail

You might find Heaven in your Hell

In these arms that’d carry you

If you think you’ve lost it all

 

If you get yourself down

And start to thinkin

That there are no good guys around

Maybe you should

Look to me then

Maybe I’m not the kinda guy

You’re used to

The ones that used you

Maybe with me, you’d never wonder why

I didn’t abuse you

And you’ll not need new

Ones to let throw you around

Never let you be you

 

It could be that my mama raised me better

To at least try to respect a woman

And never let her

Have to feel I’m some unreal

Loser that can’t keep it together

 

I could be the one to cherish you

To always let you know I’m there for you

To be the rock to hold you up

When you feel like you’ll fall

If you’re not afraid you’ll fail

You might find Heaven in your Hell

In these arms that’d carry you

If you think you’ve lost it all

 

Or at least lost a lot

Lost so much that everything is not

Anything like you needed

If it’s me that makes it seem more

Than just a little, maybe that’s

Just the middle

And if you believe in me

You’ll see, in the end,

That I really treated

You the way a real woman like you

Needs to be treated

 

Not Wanting You, I Just Cannot Pretend

 

Forgive me

For ever caring

But there is no one else

So good

Comparing

Anything they are to you

You are so perfect it scares me

You make me breathe just barely

And now you’re leavin

Treatin me unfairly

I thought we knew

That sometimes forever just can’t be forever

When two people can’t be together

Without tellin each other the truth

You hoped that you found real love

So you could really feel loved

But I was holdin back my fears

And lyin, sayin I shed no tears for you

So, now I can only ask

Why did we get caught up

In somethin so good it could not be thought of

And then let it slip away so fast

You want to still be friends

But I don’t think I can take it

My heart, I didn’t tell you yet is breakin

So everything with you must end

I only wanted your friendship

No matter how much you meant, and

You took it beyond, so shocking

But then we almost altogether just stopped talking

Not wanting you, I just cannot pretend

Maybe after we give some time

It might be alright to find

Each other once more and begin

Back where we started

Forgetting that we parted

Back when I liked you as more than a friend

But I couldn’t speak it

You left me so very weak, it

Felt like I stretched the truth

So much, it bent

Love crept in

But it only lasted

So little and went so fast, it

Got used up and spent

You want to still be friends

But I don’t think I can take it

My heart, I didn’t tell you yet is breakin

So everything with you must end

I only wanted your friendship

No matter how much you meant, and

You took it beyond, so shocking

But then we almost altogether just stopped talking

Not wanting you, I just cannot pretend

Every second since then

Feels like a brand new sentence

Sentencing me to a life of bein lonely without you

I don’t think that I can serve it

But maybe I deserve it

What did I do

If I wasn’t perfect

I’m sorry I didn’t make it worth it

And you’re probably better off

Now that we’re through

But if I dream

I hope that it will seem

Like the reality I thought I had with you

You want to still be friends

But I don’t think I can take it

My heart, I didn’t tell you yet is breakin

So everything with you must end

I only wanted your friendship

No matter how much you meant, and

You took it beyond, so shocking

But then we almost altogether just stopped talking

Not wanting you, I just cannot pretend

If you ever pass by me

Please do not deny me

The chance to finally try to be your friend

But I can only be hoping

That I’m finally coping

And that not wanting you, I can pretend

 

 

If you liked this, make sure to check out my author page for great deals on my books, funny pics, and more.

 

https://www.facebook.com/thepageofauthorjasonwallace

 

Or, follow me on Twitter: @authorjwallace

 

 


All That You Ignore

I’ve already forgotten what it’s like to ever Have something more than just this pain. I’m ready to be forgotten And to know that I don’t have to remain In this, all of this, all of it, all that I can No longer know how to endure. I don’t grow stronger. I just look in me for a cure To this sickness, this sentence, this emblem Of everything so impure. I’m everything impure, and I’m all that you ignore.

  • ISBN: 9781311200884
  • Author: JaMa Literary Agency
  • Published: 2016-02-03 01:40:07
  • Words: 2415
All That You Ignore All That You Ignore