Loading...
Menu
Ebooks   ➡  Nonfiction  ➡  Entertainment  ➡  Humor and satire

151+ Blonde Jokes!

p<>{color:#000;}.

151+ Blonde Jokes

By LOL Funny Jokes Club

~~~

Shakespir Edition

Copyright © 2014 by Hey Sup Bye Publishing

All rights reserved. This book is a work of fiction. No part of this book or this book as a whole may be used, reproduced, or transmitted in any form or means without written permission from the publisher. Graphics used in this book are licensed and © Dollar Photo Club

Shakespir Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Blonde Jokes

[][][][][] Blonde Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?

A: Someone said that the drinks were on the house.

Q: What are a blonde’s first words after four years of college?

A: Would you like fries with that?

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 plus 7 on a calculator?

A: She couldn’t find the 10 key.

Q: Why did the blonde snort Splenda?

A: She thought it was Diet Coke.

Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?

A: They take off their makeup.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked what the last two words of the national anthem are?

A: Play ball.

Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?

A: She’s the one on a bike.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A: When he asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.

Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite color?

A: A dark shade of clear.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: Put her in front of a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say hello.

Q: Why didn’t the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?

A: They couldn’t fit a deer into the car.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who almost caused a car accident?

A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?

A: Double-dumb.

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?

A: They keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.

Q: How did the blonde kill her poodle?

A: She tried to put batteries in it.

Q: Why don’t blondes like audio-books?

A: There are no pictures.

Q: What do you say to a blonde who won’t give in?

A: Have another beer!

Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?

A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum?

A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who got pregnant for the second time?

A: She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

A: They are both empty from the neck up!

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Big Foot?

A: Big Foot has been sighted by many people.

Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?

A: She buries the worm.

Q: How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

A: They are too hard to peel.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow crushed her.

Q: How would a blonde kill a fish?

A: She would try to drown it.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a tall building.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?

A: Reservations.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A: Place a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?

A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?

A: Thanks for the refill!

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?

A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

A: She didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why did the blonde write TGIF on her shoes?

A: To remind her that “toes go in first”.

Q: What is a brunette between two blondes?

A: An interpreter.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: So you can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?

A: She kept throwing out all the W’s.

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

A: The 1998 Hide-n-Seek World Champion.

Q: Why did the blonde fail her driver’s license exam?

A: She wasn’t used to the front seat!

Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

A: They think someone is taking a picture.

Q: What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

A: Just wave at her.

Q: What is eternity?

A: When 2 blondes try to solve a puzzle!

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?

A: The blonde works fine in the dark!

Q: Why was the blonde’s belly button sore?

A: Her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?

A: Red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes stand under light bulbs?

A: It’s the closest they will come to a bright idea.

Q: Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed?

A: She wanted to see how long she slept.

Q: What happens when a blonde eats a mosquito?

A: She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head.

Q: What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?

A: An air mattress.

Q: Why don’t blondes like buttered toast?

A: They can’t figure out which side the butter goes on.

Q: Why did the blonde quit his restroom attendant job?

A: He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?

A: It finally dawned on her!

Q: Why don’t blondes like to make Kool-Aid?

A: They can’t figure out how to fit eight cups of water into that little packet.

Q: What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?

A: Doughnut seeds.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back?

A: She crawled across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved far away.

Q: Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write “please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper!

Q: What’s 2 miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A: A blonde parade!

Q: Why was the blonde in the tree?

A: She was raking up the leaves!

Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?

A: He missed the Earth completely!

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Ask her to alphabetize a handful of M&Ms.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 9 months?

A: On the box it said “from 2-4 years”.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

A: It got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs, and was still stuck.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn her blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a clothes hanger in her back seat?

A: In case she locks her keys in her car.

Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?

A: A thought.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

A: She fell out of the tree!

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

A: She was trying to keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: I’ll let you know tomorrow.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

A: Proofreading.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number ELEVEN?

A: She didn’t know which one came first.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?

A: One.

Q: Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?

A: They can’t remember the routes.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

A: A visitor.

Q: What are the worst 4 years in a blonde’s life?

A: 4th Grade.

Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?

A: She didn’t know where to buy Left Guard!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?

A: She’s still coughing up fur balls.

Q: Where do you look for blonde’s obituaries?

A: Under the “Home Improvements” section of the paper.

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?

A: It’s the one with the kickstand.

Q: How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher?

A: It’s clogged up with paper plates.

Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school?

A: They are the only ones that erase their entire notebook when the teacher erases the board.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine?

A: She demanded $500,000 and a parachute.

Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with twins?

A: She went looking for both guys.

Q: How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

A: No matter what height you drop it from, it always lands on its head.

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: Only one. The rest are all true.

Q: How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?

A: There is cheese in front of the mouse.

Q: How does a blonde high-five?

A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: What would a blonde ask the doctor in the maternity ward?

A: Is it mine?

Q: Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?

A: She thought maxi pads had wings.

Q: How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful?

A: Everyone in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus?

A: She took the 22 twice instead.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?

A: She sneezes.

Q: Why did the mirror have 5 holes?

A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!

Q: What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette?

A: A blonde doing cartwheels.

Q: Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?

A: For those who don’t drink!

Q: These two blondes walk into a building.

A: You’d think one of them would have seen it.

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

A: The loud noise gave her a headache.

Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?

A: From trying to blow out light bulbs.

Q: How do you plant dope?

A: Bury a blonde.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles.

Q: Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?

A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night!

Q: What is a blonde’s idea of natural childbirth?

A: No make-up.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?

A: She tried bobbing for French fries.

Q: What is every blonde’s ambition in life?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the entire alphabet.

Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde who had a problem with her bed?

A: She couldn’t find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.

Q: Hear about the blonde explorer?

A: She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

A: They spelled MACY’S wrong!

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

A: The branch manager.

Q: Why did the blonde run out of shampoo?

A: She kept following the instructions until it was gone: lather, rinse, repeat!

Q: Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom?

A: When the crowd was doing the wave, two blondes drowned.

Q: What did the blonde’s mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?

A: Just flush it like everyone else does!

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

A: She wanted to know how to cook the food stamps!

Q: Why did the blond lie out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?

A: She wanted to get a dark tan.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: That’s where you wash your vegetables!

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their head!

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer’s disease?

A: Her IQ goes way up!

Q: What did the blonde’s dentist find?

A: Teeth in her cavities.

Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

A: She’s trying to hold on to a thought so it won’t get away.

Q: How come blondes don’t eat bananas?

A: They don’t come with instructions on how to peel.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The zoo.

Q: What is a blonde’s definition of a naval destroyer?

A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.

Q: What do you call a blonde sky diving team?

A: A new version of the lawn darts game.

Q: What do blondes and cars have in common?

A: They can both drive you crazy.

Q: How do you electrocute a blonde?

A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.

Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?

A: Silicone chips.

Q: What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?

A: Today, children, we will learn our ABCs!

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?

A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?

A: They can understand them.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You can’t. They are born that way.

Q: Why do blonde’s love sports?

A: When the clock stops, they think they stop aging!

Q: Why was the blonde running beside her bike?

A: It was going too fast to get on.

Q: What happened when a blonde shot a gun into the air.

A: She missed!

Q: What is the difference between a pothole and a blonde?

A: You swerve to miss the pothole.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?

A: A space invader.

Q: How did the blonde dog get hurt?

A: From chasing parked cars.

Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

A: An air bag.

Q: Why can’t a blonde dial 911?

A: She can’t find the 11.

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?

A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: What is a blonde’s idea of safe sex?

A: When the car door is locked.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen.

Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?

A: You see a bunch of stamps stuck to her computer screen.

Q: Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?

A: They can never remember the recipe.

Q: What is dumber than the blonde jokes above?

A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.

~~~

Hey! Can you do me a small favor? After you finish reading this book leave a review, because I love hearing your feedback, opinions, and thoughts! I read each and every review and use your suggestions to create even better books for you to enjoy in the future. Thank you so much. You are awesome!


151+ Blonde Jokes!

The Funniest Blonde Jokes in the World! Did you know that laughing can have a positive physical and mental effects on the body! Laughter can lower blood pressure, lighten tense situations, and help you bond with friends and family. Jokes, humor, and comedy come in many forms. Whether it is a few funny jokes, a silly joke book, or a funny movie, we can all benefit from the positive effects of comedy and humor! You'll love this hilarious joke book. Share a funny joke with a friend today! -151+ funny blonde jokes -Hilarious blonde insults and humor -Lots of funny jokes and entertainment -Perfect for status updates and text messages -Use them to create hilarious memes Are you looking for funny and hilarious blonde jokes? With this awesome collection of funny blonde jokes you can make everyone laugh! This ebook full of funny blonde jokes is perfect for any occasion. You and your friends will laugh for hours at this funny joke book. Uses for funny jokes... -Can aid in storytelling -Great for conversation starters -Improves conversation and social skills -Can make others laugh, smile, and be more playful -Can lighten tense moods and create rapport with others Laugh until it hurts... Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: Someone said that the drinks were on the house. --- Q: How would a blonde kill a fish? A: She would try to drown it. --- Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Put her in front of a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say hello. --- Q: Why don't blondes like audio-books? A: There are no pictures. --- Q: What is dumber than the blonde jokes above? A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things. Scroll up and click "buy" to start laughing now!

  • ISBN: 9781370752348
  • Author: Hey Sup Bye Publishing
  • Published: 2017-08-15 17:17:15
  • Words: 2948
151+ Blonde Jokes! 151+ Blonde Jokes!